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Is the time right to come out to my sister?

lamiejamie

lamiejamie

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Hi all, just wanted to see what some of you thought.

This coming New Year's, my sister and I will most likely be taking a week long trip to New York. It will be just me and her, no parents or anyone else. I am thinking about coming out to her, but I'm not sure if I will be ready, or if it's a good idea.

For some reason, I think me coming out is sort of a selfish act... I just don't want to cause any more stress or drama in my family's lives, with my dad's off and on depressive spells and my mom's crazy menopause and work stress. My sister is only a junior in high school, and I just don't know if me coming out to her will damage her pure little christian head... But it might be kind of nice. We haven't connected in a long time, and maybe I could take her to an lgbt center up there or a museum or something.

She's young.. and still trying to find herself really. But I would love to have someone in my family to be able to come out to, and that way I could talk about it with her, and maybe work my way up to the parents...
 
Two things to point out based on your post.

First off, there's never a "right time" to come out to somebody. There are a few WRONG times to come out (don't yell it out during Uncle Charlie's funeral, for instance), but there is no right time. If you believe there is, you'll second-guess yourself. You'll think you might be at a "right time", but then think maybe when she's not so stressed, or when you're somewhere more private, or when it's not raining so hard. And you'll wait for a better time. And wait. And wait...

Secondly, coming out IS a selfish act in a way. It isn't about her - it's about you. You want the ability to talk about your sexuality as simply and openly as straight people. (Not the "I'm a power bottom" aspects, but the "I'm dating a new guy" aspects.) But it's rarely the burden you think. You're simply alerting her to where you're at. If you think your sister wouldn't really have a problem with it, as you appear to, then go for it. Don't bother waiting for New Year's if you don't want to - just let her know. :)

Lex
 
Take care of yourself. Your issue is normal. You happen to be gay. Your mom, dad and sister are the ones with pathologies. I have a good friend who moved half way around the world so he could avoid telling his parents. To me that is just plain nuts.

Have you thought about telling you sister ahead of time. She will be fine. I imagine is is thrilled to have a big brother who dotes on her.

Remember that in your quest to take care of everyone else you are mistreating yourself.
 
soreknees said:
Take care of yourself. Your issue is normal. You happen to be gay. Your mom, dad and sister are the ones with pathologies. I have a good friend who moved half way around the world so he could avoid telling his parents. To me that is just plain nuts.

Have you thought about telling you sister ahead of time. She will be fine. I imagine is is thrilled to have a big brother who dotes on her.

Remember that in your quest to take care of everyone else you are mistreating yourself.
Click to expand...

Why is that nuts? Im considering doing the same thing, leaving all my friends and family behind to start a new life in which I can be myself, that way neither my family wont be hurt, and I wont be hurt by their rejection, so its a win-win isnt it?
 
It'll depend on how far you think you need to move, I think. For some, moving out of the parent's house - even next door - is sufficient. For others, halfway around the world isn't anywhere near far enough.

Lex
 
Txgoodoldboy said:
Don't drop "the coming out bomb" on a week long trip. If she doesn't take it well, that would be a long week.
Click to expand...

Yeah, if I do feel like coming out to her, I was going to save it for the last day or 2.

Thank you everyone for your comments, they all make sense and were very helpful... There really is no right time to do this kind of thing.
 
I'd argue against telling her during the trip, even the last day or two. Because that'll make the first part of the trip hellish for YOU. You'll keep looking for an opening, and wondering if it's too early to say yet. Tell her beforehand. Preferably a month or two beforehand.

Lex
 
I also agree.

Either tell her well before the trip or wait until after.

Make the trip about her. Not you.
 
soreknees said:
Remember that in your quest to take care of everyone else you are mistreating yourself.
Click to expand...

Quoted for truth.

Stop worrying about creating drama. Any drama that gets created is not your doing; it's someone else's.

Start worrying about YOU for a change.
 
Wow I can't believe how kind and helpful you all are...

One thing I would note is that holding it in for the first part of the trip wouldn't bother me really, I guess because I've just gotten so used to hiding it all my life around my family.

But now I am sort of leaning towards not telling her then and waiting until after... I was leaning that way in the beginning anyway because it seemed selfish to use a fun trip like that. Maybe I just wanted a small excuse to come out to her. It just seemed like NY would be a good place to do it because it is such a polar opposite to our texas towns we grew up in.

Plus she's still in high school... I don't think I want to stress her out about it just yet. She doesn't even know what really happens in sex or how it works or what a penis looks like.... Haha not sure what that has to do with it.

And I JUST watched a film called "It's Still Elementary" on Logo last night. How hypocritical! Oh well
 
It's 2010. I'd be surprised if she knew as little about life as you think she does. If she's that naive, wouldn't NYC be too intense for her?

I think you should get to know her before the trip.
 
Lube said:
I think you should get to know her before the trip.
Click to expand...

Thanks Lube, but I promise you that's how she is. We were raised sooooooooooooo conservative (well she still is being raised kinda). We're only 5 years apart and are very close. She's had one "and a half" boyfriends I like to say - she broke up with the first one, the half, because he wanted to have sex with her. and the second one broke up with her because he wanted to go to the army or something, and he was failing his classes....

We were raised to believe that Sex = Bad. I don't know why. I really wish my parents (well my southern baptist mom) hadn't been like that. Maybe I'm such a sexual deviant because all the repression forced me in the opposite direction :-<
 
How she acts and what she really knows are two completely different things. Ask any closeted gay man.

P.S.--I totally get your deviant thing! Brought up Catholic, I think I'm making up for lost time! ;)
 
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