Is there a glimmer of hope for me?

[northstar135]

hey,

have read threads on here for ages, and so much advice you guys give is so good, and now i'm kinda in need of some myself!

early last year while i was still in a long term relationship, i met a guy through work (i work in airlines). we chatted for a while, and i remember thinking at the time that this guy was quite cute and very easy to talk to. we went our separate ways at the end of the flight, and i thought nothing of it, although for some reason he stuck in my mind, not in a thinking-about-him-every-moment kind of way, but just every now and then he'd pop into my head.

my relationship finished a few months later (through entirely different circumstances) and i changed jobs, new groups of friends etc which really helped get over the relationship and i settled down into the being single thing and basically enjoying life again.

anyway, a few weeks ago, i was on a flight and this same guy got on the aeroplane! i didn't quite recognise him to begin with, but i definitely had a click of recognition. anyway, during the flight i ended up chatting to a couple of the passengers including him, and he all of a sudden asked "do you remember me being on your flight from last year?" and i realised where i knew him from...
i was totally blown away by the one in a billion chance that we would be on the same flight when i've changed jobs, on the other side of the country and on a special charter flight, and it blew me away even more that both of us could remember what the conversation we'd had was! i figured that was just too coincidental, so (yes i know its really cliched) i wrote my number down and a note saying if he wanted to catch up for a coffee or whatever to let me know, and if not and i'd misjudged it, then all good, thanks for a good trip, and i gave him the bit of paper as he got off the aeroplane. he took it with a half smile and walked off. i thought ok, done, if i hear, great, if not well so be it.

the next day i got a text from him. we caught up for coffee later that week, and then again the next week - we're both stupidly busy with work, and him more so. it was really easy and really comfortable and occasionally flirty , and there was one of those awkward pauses towards the end of the second night...which i kicked myself for not taking advantage of, but i was really really aware of not pushing things too fast and seeing how it all went. anyway, as i was driving home, i figured i had nothing really to lose, and texted him to say that i really wanted to kiss him before i left that night but piked out, and that i really liked him and hoped we could catch up again. i just thought it was better to have it in the open than dance around the subject. and hey, its how i was feeling at the time.

i heard nothing until later, when he said he needed to think about the text i sent him. i explained that i didn't mean to seem over the top or to freak him out, but i really felt like i needed to say it. he said that was all good, and i left it at that and waited to hear from him.

work is just really stupid for him at the moment, he's being worked really hard and is basically doing the job of six people on his own, so i didn't push to catch up or anything, and when i did hear from him he was obviously under the pump. the messages/phone calls were 'friendly' but that was about it.

last night i went around to his place to visit (i was in the area and it was his suggestion to go around) and we just hung out for a while, and he brought up the text i'd sent him...he said that with work and a couple of other things going on in his life, that he couldn't get involved in anything, but he was happy to keep hanging out etc. i was pretty cool with it, but after i left and i was driving home i suddenly realised just how attached i'd gotten to him really quickly, and how i'd kinda hoped it would go the other way. and the other thing i can't shake is, if work etc wasn't in the way, would he be interested in seeing how a relationship goes?

basically i really wanted to tell him that i've been through exactly the same stuff he's dealing with (which we talked about last night), and i understand how it works with work taking over everything (i also run a business as well) and i'm happy with taking that stuff on, cause i really think that we could work, and i'm not saying jump into a full on relationship instantly, but just let it go and grow and see how everything goes. but i can't tell him this, because he's already said he can't get into anything, and i'd seem like the desperate rejected kind of person that i'm trying not to be...

plus i'm still not convinced that he doesn't want a relationship, and its just a timing thing, but then i counter that with it could just be me over reading into everything.

and, whether its superstitious or not - that one in a billion chance on him being on that flight - i can't help but read into that a little bit!!

so am i sitting here hoping that maybe a relationship can come out of this, if i just sit back, wait and give it time? or would the door be totally closed off and i should just get over it and move on? how do i tell him that i'm there for him, without seeming like the clingy and overbearing wannabe boyfriend? i could handle the friends thing i guess, given time, but i just think it could be so much better...

and i've just reread and realised how much i've ranted, but it does feel a lot better getting it all out! if anyone has any thoughts, i'd appreciate it - even if it isn't necessarily what i want to hear!

thanks guys

 

[KaraBulut]

When someone has the respect and decency to sit you down and be honest, then you should take them at their word.

If he said that he's happy being friends and that he doesn't want to take it any further, then that is your answer.

If you cannot accept that, then you may not be able to continue this friendship.

Either way, accept it and move on.

 

[seanystarr]

fight for him - he sounds perfect!

 

[northstar135]

i should have said in there that when he did tell me he said "with work and everything, i couldn't get involved in something right now..." which i guess is where i got confused - does that mean right now with me, like there's a chance later down the track, or is it a nice way of saying that he's not interested in me?

 

[seanystarr]

i think its a he might be interested in time, but doesnt want to get into anything now

 

[KaraBulut]

i should have said in there that when he did tell me he said "with work and everything, i couldn't get involved in something right now..." which i guess is where i got confused - does that mean right now with me, like there's a chance later down the track, or is it a nice way of saying that he's not interested in me?

Do you really want an answer to that question? It might not be the one you're looking for.

 

[mascbiguy]

if he said he's too busy, then he is too busy.

just hang out with him, have fun. but dont lead your self on and stop dating/meeting other people waiting for him to come around.

 

[landers]

You should ask him if he'd be interested in a relationship with you if he wasn't bogged down with work. If he says yes then you have to decide whether or not you want to wait for him and if the answer is no then you can move on and start looking for someone else.

 

[G-Lexington]

You hinted that you'd like to take the relationship to the next level. He rebuffed you - very nicely, I might add. I'd simply accept that, and not try to push him in that direction. If he wants to revisit that territory later, that's up to him. But until then, you've got yourself a cool friend.

Lex

 

[Eagle653]

Being inordinately busy with work can be a blessing and a curse--a blessing in that it is a great excuse/cover; a curse in that it prevents you from doing fun-stuff.

Which is it with him?

Put yourself in his shoes for a minute: If you were over-the-top busy in work, and Mr. Right came along, would you say what he did to you? Or, would you say what he did to someone you needed a cover for?

Right now, he wants to be friends, so take that at face value and go along with it, if you can--without being too frustrating. Is he going to be overly busy forever, or is it a seasonal or temporary thing?

Over time, things can change and people can go from friends to lovers. Sometimes not. Perhaps you could just go with the flow for a while and, if you're still attracted to him, check his pulse at some point in the future again--especially if his circumstances change.

I wouldn't jump ahead in this too far, though. You two aren't at the same place, and perhaps may never be. But, if I was interested in someone, I think I'd play it out a bit longer and see how it goes. Otherwise, you'll always wonder.

Good luck!

 

[northstar135]

thanks for all the replies guys.

the busy thing isn't going to last forever, its only meant to be another 5 or 6 weeks, so in the meantime i'll keep on with the hanging out with him. even if it doesn't lead to anything, he's a really cool guy and he's gotta like me at some level if he is still happy to hang out as mates, even if that's all it ends up being. and then if he decides when he has more time that he wants to try the relationship thing, then i'll count myself lucky! just play it by ear and wait and see i guess!

 

[northstar135]

oh, and to reply to the question of being in his shoes - i'd probably say exactly what he said, cause if there was someone that i was interested in but the timing was wrong, i'd much rather waiting and seeing rather than trying to start a relationship in the middle of everything and taking a fairly big chance that it wouldn't work as a result of not having enough time to put into it.

 

[954dude]

Sounds like you have the answers. Definitely wait it out and see what happens.