Is there hope for ugly guys?

[cocksucker4use]

People, gay or straight want to be approached and talked to. If you are shy and don't feel that somebody you want to talk to will respond to you, how will you ever know.

Yeah, gay culture idolizes the fit, handsome and hung. It is a false ideal. On a bell shaped curve, about 7% of the population is very goodlooking, and there is a bottom 7% that is very unattractive. There is an 86% probability that you are somewhere in between.

I have never been objectively speaking good looking. However, I have been in long term relationships, dated in and out of them and can always get laid. I work out, keep fit, talk to strangers, am educated, professional, work hard, manage conversation toward others and away from ME, and am real honest about what workd sexually for me and the other man.

If you have an interest, either intellectually, socially, spiritually, sexually (like a fetish or kink?) hanging with guys with similar interests filters away a lot of what otherwise would be obstacles.

Love or liking or lust is a two way street. It flows not only from us to the other guy, but also reflects and feeds off of what that person brings to us.

Now, there are shallow pricks who only want to deal with guys who are in the top 7 or even 2% on the looks scale. That is a problem all its own, and best to leave them to it.

You need to stop looking in the mirror but get out there and see your beauty reflected in the eyes of those who want appreciate you.

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I become when I am with you."

 

[Red Storm]

One of the best posts I've read here. Thanks for sharing.

I wasn't going to reply to this thread but changed my mind. Hope what I have to say helps.

I am an average guy. 43 5' 7" 150. Mostly bald, bit of a tummy, bit of a big nose and glasses. To be honest I don't think I'm all that attractive. Will admit that at times I've thought I was ugly. I couldn't tell you how many times I've heard "not my type." It really does wonders for ones self esteem. Having said all of those "bad" things about myself I've dated an A/F model and my current bf. is SMOKING HOT. The model was 22 6' 2" 165'ish He was gorgeous. We dated for about 6 months and just kind of drifted apart. He modeled for A/F and Paris Hilton. My current bf is 19 5' 11" 145 and is as beautiful a man as I've ever seen. He's from Brazil and has amazing skin. He's the sweetest person I have ever met.

I'm not saying this to brag. My point is if someone like me can date a model and a super hot Brazilian ANYONE can find someone. They didn't date me for my money. I don't have any. I'm broke. I'm not a powerful person. I'm not an actor or a politician. I'm the most average guy in the world. If I walk into a room nobody turns their head to notice me. I drive a Honda Fit. Get it. I'm average. Nothing special.

My "secret": I'm one of the nicest guys in the world. I love to laugh and be silly. I like to talk and ask questions. I find something to talk about and am not afraid to talk to anyone. I can be a bit shy in the beginning but I try not to let it get in the way. I don't let the fact that someone is better looking than me intimidate me. They are a person.....just like me. They get up in the morning and go about their lives the same as everyone else. Of course I've ran into jerks that think they are God's gift to mankind. Big deal. I walk away from them and actually feel sorry for them. Some day they will realize they aren't any better than anyone else. I treat everyone the same. I don't care who you are. Nobody is better than anyone else.

My advice to you. Stop looking in the mirror. It's not going to change anything. You are who you are. Keep yourself groomed and presentable. Practice meeting people and finding something in common to talk about. Compliment them on their shirt. Ask where they bought it. Anything to break the ice. Smile. Most people love to see someone smile at them. Give a firm handshake and introduce yourself. Meet friends of friends. Don't get discouraged if you run into a jerk. Give em a smile and walk away. They don't deserve to be your friend. Don't be afraid to talk to anyone. You never know where it will lead.

Hope that helps.

Steven.

 

[JFarm89]

I wasn't going to reply to this thread but changed my mind. Hope what I have to say helps.

I am an average guy. 43 5' 7" 150. Mostly bald, bit of a tummy, bit of a big nose and glasses. To be honest I don't think I'm all that attractive. Will admit that at times I've thought I was ugly. I couldn't tell you how many times I've heard "not my type." It really does wonders for ones self esteem. Having said all of those "bad" things about myself I've dated an A/F model and my current bf. is SMOKING HOT. The model was 22 6' 2" 165'ish He was gorgeous. We dated for about 6 months and just kind of drifted apart. He modeled for A/F and Paris Hilton. My current bf is 19 5' 11" 145 and is as beautiful a man as I've ever seen. He's from Brazil and has amazing skin. He's the sweetest person I have ever met.

I'm not saying this to brag. My point is if someone like me can date a model and a super hot Brazilian ANYONE can find someone. They didn't date me for my money. I don't have any. I'm broke. I'm not a powerful person. I'm not an actor or a politician. I'm the most average guy in the world. If I walk into a room nobody turns their head to notice me. I drive a Honda Fit. Get it. I'm average. Nothing special.

My "secret": I'm one of the nicest guys in the world. I love to laugh and be silly. I like to talk and ask questions. I find something to talk about and am not afraid to talk to anyone. I can be a bit shy in the beginning but I try not to let it get in the way. I don't let the fact that someone is better looking than me intimidate me. They are a person.....just like me. They get up in the morning and go about their lives the same as everyone else. Of course I've ran into jerks that think they are God's gift to mankind. Big deal. I walk away from them and actually feel sorry for them. Some day they will realize they aren't any better than anyone else. I treat everyone the same. I don't care who you are. Nobody is better than anyone else.

My advice to you. Stop looking in the mirror. It's not going to change anything. You are who you are. Keep yourself groomed and presentable. Practice meeting people and finding something in common to talk about. Compliment them on their shirt. Ask where they bought it. Anything to break the ice. Smile. Most people love to see someone smile at them. Give a firm handshake and introduce yourself. Meet friends of friends. Don't get discouraged if you run into a jerk. Give em a smile and walk away. They don't deserve to be your friend. Don't be afraid to talk to anyone. You never know where it will lead.

Hope that helps.

Steven.

Very well put, I agree to this as well. Confidence in general is a very big thing to have in everybody's life. I need to work on confidence big time! Or else things would never change.

 

[GamerBear]

To bangjones, I agree with you about how being the nice guy never works. I've had a good share of people tell me before "Nice guys finish last" I'm beginning to think that's true because those were the same people who have like over 1,000 friends, have loving supportive friends and attract a ton of guys.

Its like I'm always seeing the assholes who treat others like shit having nothing but good things happen to them and have hundreds of friends behind their back, yet nice guys always have bad shit happening to them and are told that they're not attractive enough.

I haven't been to a gay bar in almost a year now, my last gay event was in May I'm just seeing too many rude and fucked up people here in the gay community who get what they want while the nice guys are being put aside with the rest of the garbage.

 

[TX-Beau]

I'm just not overtly sexual. I don't flirt with every guy I find attractive and I don't tell all my friends, "Oh, so and so is so hot!!! I would definitely do him!"

I don't really know, I just feel like having a type makes me feel shallow.

Well, why aren't you overtly sexual, if you want hope, you have to let other guys know you're sexually interested. Otherwise, you get nothing.

OK, some observations. Now I've always found that you get back what you put out there, and you have to be careful about the assumptions you're making.

Two examples. When I was newly out, I didn't get hit on. At all - and I know I'm not ugly. Why, well I was uncomfortable with the public gay thing and I telegraphed that. Finally I just started doing the hitting on, and relaxed, and that made a world of difference.

I think it's probably true that there are as few truly (and I mean debilitatingly) ugly guys are there are truly attractive guys. The rest of us are somewhere in the middle. I know you don't like people telling you to be confident, but that's what I'm going to tell you. No I'm not going to say that means just be yourself.

If yourself isn't confident than there's no point in that is there. Being confident for me means doing everything I can to make myself feel attractive, I keep in shape, I'm not a pig, I don't get sloppy drunk (anymore anyway (grin,)) You get the picture, the better I feel about myself the more confident I am.

Honestly so many gay guys want the hot guy but aren't interested in putting in the effort to be the hot guy - and a lot of attractiveness is kinda illusion. Feel you are attractive, do your best to make yourself attractive, and you will project attractive. I guarantee it.

Plus beauty and attractive aren't necessarily the same thing, I'll give you one guess which gets you laid, and which gets you dates.

If you are projecting indifference, even if you don't know it, you're sabotaging yourself. Went I came out, guys avoided me because I was projecting a pretty hard edge, someone had to point this out to me, because all I was seeing was that no one was interested. Which wasn't the case at all, I just gave off this fuck off kinda vibe. Be mindful of how you are presenting yourself, and that goes beyond how you look.


Second example. Back when I lived in WEHO, there was this bartender guy we knew who was fucking hot. I mean one of those few guys genetically designed to give you perpetual erections. He always dated ugly guys, not because he had this fetish or type, but because the only guys who generally asked him out were arrogant beautiful assholes, or guys who didn't think they had a chance so why the fuck not.

He could have had any guy he wanted, but he never initiated anything, he was lazy, and let the other guys come to him. That limited his choices.

Be fucking pro-active. You may not get all the guys you go after, but you will get some of them, and isn't it better to be the one doing the choosing? Work on that, it takes practice, but it's worth it to try.

Last thing, back then when I was newly out, I wouldn't date anything but other SA/SA white guys. I had your most stereotypical "type." Which was all about bigotries and insecurities, and self image. The more comfortable I got with myself and being a gay man, the less that mattered. Now, it's slightly embarrassing, and completely history. If your "type," is as narrow as mine was, you might want to think about whether there's something else going on.

 

[cinnamontea]

Donald trump is ugly.
Dick chenny is ugly and ... etc.

Just think of other famous ugly guys ... how do they live ?

they got money and power. even when you're ugly, if you got money and power, you'll get dozens of hot guys who are willing ot get on their knees....

 

[innocentbychoice]

Well, is there?

I'm tired of people saying "just be confident in yourself." You can have all the confidence in the world but that won't change the way your face/body looks.

What's your input?

There's a lot of things an ugly guy can do to look better.

First of all, you CAN change your body. You just have to go to the gym.

Second, buy nice clothes, granted most "ugly" guys don't have a clue about fashion, or are too shy to even try something that might actually look great. So grab a friend who does know and be willing to try. Oh and get a cool haircut.

After you've done all of this, you might feel better about yourself, which might give you...CONFIDENCE. Yes you need it, someone confident is attractive; and if you really don't have it, then fake it, within time it'll develop.

I know this seems easier said than done, but everyone can do it. After you have the guts to step out of your shell, you'll realize what a fool you were for not even trying to look good.

 

[traveler1111]

nice guy does not equal pushover.

took me a while to realize this, other guys need to learn the same.

 

[c750dt]

Of course there's hope for an ugly guy. Myself, I'm pretty superficial but even for the most shallow of men, if you're cool enough, it'll outweigh appearance. But even with that aside, looking good isn't a matter of being skinny and ripped. It's a matter of finding the right hair style, the right clothing (if all else fails, wear a necktie and nice shirt) and most importantly, a personality that matches the way you look. Also, don't feel bad when you're rejected. If the person to reject you means that much to you, well, you can find a way to accommodate.

 

[Georgiadude]

Thank you guys for the kind words.

I firmly believe that nobody is better than anyone else and you shouldn't let anyone intimidate you. For any reason. Much less looks.

I used to not believe that. Shortly after I started seeing the model I started a thread asking if guys felt there were people "out of their league". At the time I was struggling with the issue. I didn't want to feel that way but at the same time I couldn't believe I was capable of dating a model. I came to the conclusion that anyone (short, tall, fat, skinny, ugly or beautiful) is capable and worthy of anyone else. There truly are guys out there that do not care about looks and see someone for the beautiful person they really are. A persons inner beauty means so much more than an outward appearance.

Just wish more people felt that way. Some people can be so shallow and hurtful to others. They don't even try to get to know the other person. All they see is the outward shell and not the inner beauty. Must be a sad, pathetic existence.

Steven.

 

[youngnihilist]

^Congrats on your relationship, but to be realistic your story is highly unusual. Usually older not in great shape guys who get young models have money or status. Nonetheless it goes to show that anything is possible.

 

[c750dt]

^ Yeh, if you re older and out of shape, you need money for the young cute guys but even with that, everything, in a good relationship, will ultimately trade off and work out.

 

[vulgar_newcomer]

Hate is the most powerful thing on this planet. I embrace HATE.

Did I meet you at the Destroyer666/Enthroned concert last Sunday at the Brass Mug? Aren't you the roadie for Cannibal Corpse?
Well if you are not I swear you sound just like that dude.

 

[GamerBear]

I think that you're probably right. This rejection thing also involves the fact of me hiding I was gay for such a long time. So if a guy does seem interested I might shoot him down as an automatic response, and by shoot him down I mean just act like I don't notice he's flirting or whatever and move on. I'm just shooting myself in the foot here.

Yeah I think that needs to change cause the more you shoot guys down or ignore them the more you like JohannBessler says become unapproachable.

I had this issue but then later found out that it was completely different and that people just didn't find me at all attractive.

 

[altlover85]

Gamer, guys flirted with you and then you found out they didn't think you were all that attractive?

I'm not sure what you meant when you said "I had that issue" unless the issue you are talking about is fear of rejection?

 

[GamerBear]

Gamer, guys flirted with you and then you found out they didn't think you were all that attractive?

I'm not sure what you meant when you said "I had that issue" unless the issue you are talking about is fear of rejection?

I mean the issue about not being approachable. At first I thought people didn't want to talk to me because I was unapproachable but then I found out from someone else that they didn't think I was attractive.

 

[altlover85]

Oh okay. When I reread the post it made sense. Thanks for clarifying. But on the bright side your partnered now.

 

[GamerBear]

I don't think that's true in this case, GarnerBear, though. His picture is in his profile, and while you can't see his face very well, you certainly can see the contours of his body, which is lean, suave, and catlike. How much do you want to bet that he has a six-pack?

Oh the previous post I made was about me, not him. I'm sure if guys saw him they would go nuts over him and he would be totally approachable but it all boils down to if he wants to continue to flirting with them due to the fear of being rejected. Guys can be harsh when it comes to looks but I am sure he has a six-pack which is everyone's cup of tea.

 

[joeycb]

Wait I'm confused...I don't think your ugly lol

 

[altlover85]

Oh the previous post I made was about me, not him. I'm sure if guys saw him they would go nuts over him and he would be totally approachable but it all boils down to if he wants to continue to flirting with them due to the fear of being rejected. Guys can be harsh when it comes to looks but I am sure he has a six-pack which is everyone's cup of tea.

It's actually not everyone's cup of tea.