Is there something wrong?

[chace1617]

Well i'm 19 years old, i'll be 20 soon... i'm trying to find someone to love and have sex with* and my sex life is more dead than Michael Jackson... the truth is i was in love twice but they both were str8 and i got hurt... i had a couple of chances to have just sex but i didn't want to, just didn't feel right to do it with someone i don't really like just cause i wanted sex...

the other problem is that i can't meet any gay guys. All the guys i meet and like are str8, too str8 probably to do anything with a guy and i know that the solution is to go to gay bars but im in closet and anyway i don't like gay bars..

plus i don't like the type of gay guy who is too feminine, who wares make-up and is an angry queen... i like a guy to be a guy if i wanted something feminine i'd choose a woman!

in the internet i always chat with guys who are crazy old men, or 30 something losers etc... i never meet the right one, someone who is about my age, till 25, very str8 looking, hot nice and kind... why does this happens to me? is it my Karma? am i gonna stay forever a virgin? why do other guys can find sex so easily and for me it's like a mountain!!!!

That's why i started having pretend boyfriends and started jerkin of by thing of having sex with them... and for a couple o yeart Zac Efron is my pretend boyfriend until i find a real one... or him

 

[gsdx]

Please don't take this the wrong way. I offer it with heartfelt sincerity.

Your 'obsession' with Zac may be part of the problem.

It's obvious that he is your ideal and I get the feeling that you might be searching for someone who fits that ideal.

I'm almost 60. In my whole life, I have found many that I liked, but I never found anyone who fit my 'ideal'.

Use Zac for your private moments, but don't make him (or someone like him) your life's goal.

 

[natedogg323]

There's a lot going on in what you posted.

Typically you can't go to a straight bar and expect to find love from another dude. Not saying it's impossible but you making the road a LOT harder than it needs to be. You may not like the gay bars/clubs but your fishing from a much bigger pool!!

I don't know what the club scene is where you live. But I'm in shitty ass Detroit and I have over 20 clubs in and around Detroit to choose from. There is something for every type of gay guy here. If you look hard enough maybe you'll find a club that works for you??

Secondly, when it comes to your preference on less flamie guys and looking for straight guys that suck dick. Sometimes when one thing isn't working you need to switch it up and give something else a try. Don't put so many restrictions on love. Remember...you should be falling in love with a human being and not so much if they sizzle when they walk or not??

We like what we like but maybe your being a little to over particular?? Just a thought...

Good luck man..I'm a 29 year old single guy and wondering when or if I'm going to find true love...

 

[LiveForLove]

There's a lot wrong with you, looking at your post.

What's with the comment about 30+ year old guys being losers? And your total attraction to straight guys (cause they're REAL guys, right?!) is one reason why you're still single.

 

[chace1617]

There's a lot wrong with you, looking at your post.

What's with the comment about 30+ year old guys being losers? And your total attraction to straight guys (cause they're REAL guys, right?!) is one reason why you're still single.

i'm sorry i didn't say 30+ guys are loosers, i meant that 30+ year old loosers are the guys who i chat with online when i try to meet someone...

and yes i know the reason i am still single is cause i like str8 guys but that's how i am i can't change it... that's what i like

 

[Ryuukie]

Of course there's something wrong. And you already know what it is, don't cha?

 

[gsdx]

and yes i know the reason i am still single is cause i like str8 guys but that's how i am i can't change it... that's what i like

Then like it, but never, ever expect him to fall in love with you no matter how much you fall in love with him. It won't happen. Trust me.

 

[954dude]

Sex is not mandatory. A relationship is not mandatory.

Loving yourself and enjoying life = the best advice I can give to you. Make great decisions, learn from your mistakes, and keep moving forward.

 

[chace1617]

Is a sex change operation out of the question?

!!! a little too drastic!!!

 

[chace1617]

wow. story of my life. minus the zac efron part.

and zac efron wears a lot of makeup. like A LOT of makeup.

yes i know he did but now he doesn't... anyway that's not the point... i didn't say he's the ideal and he's the only one i'm looking for.. i frrl like no one can understand me...

guys if i wanted to make fan of myself i could do it alone i'm pretty good at that... that's not the reason why i posted this thread, this is th problem of my life here and some of you treat me like i'm Janine Lindemulder....

 

[chace1617]

B/c you're not making much sense.

Just chill out, do away with some of those silly standards and get to know whatever gay guy you happen to come across. Even if he may not be you're exact type, at least you can say you do know one. And you never know, he could have a friend that's the doppleganger of your beloved Zacquisha. He can introduce the two of you and pave your way into smoldering gay bliss.

But until then, open yourself up to every possibility.

thank you that's a useful advise and useful reply

 

[Shepherd 2]

Yes, there is certainly something wrong.

Amen!

Shep+

 

[gingentleman]

Try some professional therapy, take a chill pill and call back in the morning.

 

[BostonPirate]

If you don't know who you are how can you share yourself with someone else? If you are looking for "a Boyfriend" then you will fail. when you just get out there and have fun,, go places meet people and happen across someone then it will work.

but when you go to bed and feel an emptiness inside?

It's not about love. I spent years looking for someone on the outside to fill my emptiness on the inside. It's jut not posible.

Fill your life, make yourself happy.... the man of your dreams will see you for what you are and want you.

 

[saymyname]

- Internalized homophobia
- Straight worship
- Closeted
- Issues with preconceived fixed notions of masculinity and femininity
- Judgmental

Yes, definitely something wrong.

 

[Under-taken]

B/c you're not making much sense.

Just chill out, do away with some of those silly standards and get to know whatever gay guy you happen to come across. Even if he may not be your exact type, at least you can say you do know one. And you never know, he could have a friend that's the doppleganger of your beloved Zacquisha. He can introduce the two of you and pave your way into smoldering gay bliss.

But until then, open yourself up to every possibility.

This as well being in the closet, you have to ask how long are you going to wait. If you're sending the vibes that you're not gay, then you're putting yourself on a one way street of only you knowing and no one else is going to approach you. Gay bars might not be your niche (but if you've never been, maybe going once just to find out would help aswell), but you'd be suprised how many gay guys are out there - a lot closeted as well.

There really is never going to be a perfect moment to 'come out' or if there is, you can never know how long you're going to wait. So basically, if you don't put yourself out there, no one will ever know.

 

[Kyanimal]

Dude! You're only hitting 20 and thinking you're out of Luck??

You're just getting started!!

I've been fascinated with Sex, and Love, since I was Sentient! And, the two do not always arrive together! One, without the other, can be most enjoyable, even FUN!, if you can cope with the slight angst that goes with! However, on those Very Rare occasions, when they both hit at the same time, it's Pure Bliss, and definitely worth waiting for!

In the mean time, though, take the opportunity to experience everything that Life has to offer!!

"My" Kev, and I, have been together for nearly 28yr. And, I didn't meet him until I was 32!!

I'd had lots of FUN, with guys and girls, before that. Even fell in Love with several of each! However, "IT" didn't all come together, quite "right", until a time when I wasn't "Looking" for it!

Relax! Enjoy LIFE! By Yourself! Do whatever it is You like to do! And take advantage of those experiences that may come Your way! You'll likely be quite surprised at what you'll find!

Of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[freefall]

You're putting too much criteria for yourself. No wonder you're often disappointed.

Like gsdx said, stop using Zac as a role model for your lover.

 

[gsdx]

Like gsdx said, stop using Zac as a role model for your lover.

Thanks for that, but I think he might have me on 'Ignore' for the very reason that's behind this thread.

 

[erobert]

You can't expect to find a lover/partner while you're still in the closet mate. Coming out is the first step. As Jasun said in another thread the other day, Prince Charming isn't going to come knock on the closet door and ask for your hand.

Once you're out, make the effort to join a few groups in the real world. The internet is all well and good, but ultimately you need to find people to get to know and mix with who are real, not just words on a screen.

So you don't like fem guys, and you prefer more macho men. That's great, what do you do that fits that ideal? Do you ride motorcycles, do you play football or something. Join a Gay sports team, it's not all mincing about in lavender velvet hotpants.

Be open about who you will meet. Don't go into it expecting to meet a partner in 3.5 seconds, just go and have fun, meet some guys and make friends. God only knows who you'll meet, or who'll they'll introduce you to.

As for Zac Efron being the fantasy boyfriend, all power too you, for me he is a bit too reminiscent of a 16 year old girl, but if that's what tickles your pickle, there's nothing wrong with having him as a jerk off fantasy. What you need to avoid is actually building that fantasy into your only reality. Keep him for those nights when you want to jerk off to your dream guy, but keep in mind he's in your head, and if you get out there and come out, and join some social groups, you could have someone just as good but real in your arms.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well. But as someone wrote on my facebook this morning, You gotta do what you haven't done, in order to find a new way of life.

If you stay in the closet, at home, in the fantasy space of the perfect relationship with a sexually androgenous actor, you'll stay exactly where you are.

This should be framed in every closeted gay guys wall. Couldn't have said it better myself.

In addition to what everything ravenstar wrote above you need to start moving out of your parents home. Get some money saved up, find some roommates and move into your own place in the city. Dorm at your college. Do something to meet other people and make friends first.

Your twenties are ahead of you and you don't want to waste them fantasizing about Zac Effron or sitting behind a computer chatting online. You need to step out of your comfort zone in order for things to happen.

Get out there and live.