Is this being shallow?

[JSB_01]

Well, it's late and I can't sleep, so I'm gonna post something that's been bugging me. I know this gay guy at school and we've hung out a couple of times, and I think he likes me. He's a nice guy and we have things in common, but I'm not physically attracted to him at all. I feel like I'm being shallow, but I'm not sure. I know that people can grow on you in time and that personality is more important than looks, but I am not attracted to him physically in any way and I know I never will be. I know my statements kind of contradict each other, so that's why I'm confused. What do ya'll think?

 

[luminum]

I had this exact same thing my freshman year with a friend of mine who liked me. As well, his personality was a bit meek whereas I was looking for someone who was more dominant or fierce. But physical attractionw as part of it.

I'll say two things.

First, it's not shallow. Shallow is when someone fits someof your physical or other requirements but because they're not absolutely everything, you don't want them. That;s shallow. If this guy is absolutely not anything physically that you're attracted to, you're not going to be attracted to him. Physical attraction is just as important in a relationship as emotional/intellectual attraction. Why do you think it's considered sad whens omeone is with another person just for their looks?

Second, I'd say give it a shot. I turned my friend down, but two years later, I realize that I probably just shoudl have at least given it a chance. He wasn't completely impossible and he didn't completely not fit my standards. He's a great guy and I wish I had just taken him up on it so I would know for certain whether or not he would have grown on me romantically. So why not just try. If it doesn't work out, you're where you left off, assuming that it doesn;t work out for both of you.

It's a can of worms. But I say now that you shouldn't let an experience go by if he fits other things you like. But if there's hardly anythign about him that makes you think a relationship could work, then don't waste both of your time.

 

[JSB_01]

Yeah, that makes sense. As for giving him a chance, I don't even know if he really is coming on to me. If he is, then he's coming on pretty strong (i.e. calling me 4 times in 5 days when I told him I'd call him when I got back to town) and that is a big turn off. And if he isn't coming on to me, he's really trying to get my attention or something! I've never been in a relationship, but someone that clingy makes me uncomfortable, especially since I didn't like him like that in the first place. We haven't even known each other for that long, and we're not like best friends. Ugh, I just don't like the feeling of him liking me like that, because I feel like I've led him on. This situation sucks.

 

[luminum]

Then distance yourself. If you have no real evidence that he likes you, it makes it difficult to confront the issue directly. So just keep up appearances, but be aware not to give him anything to be lead on by. ::shrug::

I'm sure someone else has better advice.

 

[VICTORIADON]

Don't think of him in a sexual way, just think of him as a friend.
Many people, I am using the word "people" to cover a whole spectrum, think that because someone is gay, they must find every male attractive, and they all sleep with every guy they can.
I isn't true, no matter what you have heard. Everyone has different things that they find attractive.
If you are not physically attracted to a guy, don't have sex with him. There are guys that may not find you attractive, they won't be having sex with you either. That is just the way it is.
You are not being shallow at all and you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Keep your standards. Be picky who you have sex with. When you have sex have safe sex. You will live a lot longer and be happier in the long run.
Now go to bed and dream of your knight in shining armour, well, maybe Tarzan, or, you know, your guy!

 

[randyreese]

May i just add a personal note here - my partner had this image of the right man for him - tall, dark hair, moustache,slim waisted and a space between his front teeth ( I kid you not). All the the guys who he hooked up with looked like that. (I have seen his photo album!) Along comes me - blonde, blue eyed and under 6 deet with a barrel chest. He tried - he liked - and we've been together ever since. In other words appearance don't always count - the quality of the person is what matters.

 

[luminum]

^ Well said.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Dude,

Be fair. Do not play with other people's feelings.

So, this other guy is kinda clingy and is calling you 4-5 times a days, whereas you were saying, you were going to call him and all.

Sort him out. Tell him you like him as a friend.

IMHE, if the dude does not meet the minimum of your expectations, you are doing yourself in. Your level of tolerance vs. him will be below zero. Any tension, small as it may be, will turn into an outright drama...

So, get going and meet the guy, who is nice to hang out with AND looks good in your eyes.

Be reasonable.

Set reasonable standards and go and meet them.

SC

 

[xyzguy]

If you don't like him, then you don't like him.

Don't TRY to like him.

 

[HighParkLover]

Be true to yourself. Yeah personality is more important than looks as we all age and our looks do change but there has to be somewhat of a physical attraction too especially when it comes to sex ( for me anyways)

Who knows maybe you will see this persons beauty with time but dont lead anyone on or get thier hopes up if you truley feel its not there.

Good Luck Mate!

 

[Ehalahepl]

It's good to give people a chance, but if nothing sparks just let it go.

I don't care what anyone says, its impossible to be in a relationship with someone you have zero attraction to. (unless of course, they are wealthy, zing)