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Is this guy gay?

V

VanHiscers

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I have had a crush on this guy for a long time. I didn't give up because I just feel that there must be something gay about him. His deskmate, also one of my best friend at college, and to whom I've outed myself, told me that he's straight. But I still have a hope.
Here are some fact I know about this guy:
1. He never has a girlfriend, and he's now 20.
2. There're a lot of girl who tries to persue him but he rejected all.
3. But he has a lot of female friends.
4. His best friend is also one of my best friends---his deskmate, a boy, who's also very cute.
5. His deskmate told me he has a dreamgirl in his heart, but didn't tell me who she is. And the guy I have a crush on seems to have never made any efforts about his dreamgirl.
6. He usually have meals with us(some boys), but I saw, only for one time, him having dinner with a girl.
7. I often hear him talking about beautiful boys, and seldom beautiful girls.
8. I behave pretty homosexually when with him, and he react coolly. And he never ever resist when I'm touching his hair or his really beautiful hands.
9. He loves basketball, in my opinion, that's a straight guy's stuff in China.
10. I once asked him about some Chinese gay terms, but he didn't know any of them.
11. He never masturbate. Really, and he never say a word when other boys are talking about sex.

That's all I think. There may be diffrences between Chinese gay guys and western ones, but there shouldn't be too many I think.

So what's your ideas about this guy? Is he gay?
 
Not necesarily gay. He may be very reserved. He could have very defined ideas of how he wants to be till he is married. He may be very confident in his masculinity and or he likes male companionship but not sexually.
 
VanHiscers said:
I have had a crush on this guy for a long time. I didn't give up because I just feel that there must be something gay about him. His deskmate, also one of my best friend at college, and to whom I've outed myself, told me that he's straight. But I still have a hope.
Here are some fact I know about this guy:
1. He never has a girlfriend, and he's now 20.
2. There're a lot of girl who tries to persue him but he rejected all.
3. But he has a lot of female friends.
4. His best friend is also one of my best friends---his deskmate, a boy, who's also very cute.
5. His deskmate told me he has a dreamgirl in his heart, but didn't tell me who she is. And the guy I have a crush on seems to have never made any efforts about his dreamgirl.
6. He usually have meals with us(some boys), but I saw, only for one time, him having dinner with a girl.
7. I often hear him talking about beautiful boys, and seldom beautiful girls.
8. I behave pretty homosexually when with him, and he react coolly. And he never ever resist when I'm touching his hair or his really beautiful hands.
9. He loves basketball, in my opinion, that's a straight guy's stuff in China.
10. I once asked him about some Chinese gay terms, but he didn't know any of them.
11. He never masturbate. Really, and he never say a word when other boys are talking about sex.

That's all I think. There may be diffrences between Chinese gay guys and western ones, but there shouldn't be too many I think.

So what's your ideas about this guy? Is he gay?
Click to expand...


So, tell us, please, what exactly do you do.

I mean, how does a guy behave homosexually?

SC
 
Oh he just means that he has the certain gay look that some guys have. The limp wrist. the waspy girly walk. The rainbow coloured t-shirts. etc. I hope i got that right.
Anyway, heres advice from a gay chinese guy. I tend to be really conservative when im around people. Its just how we are, particularly with chinese who are from china, and who didnt grow up in a foreign land. We dont talk about sex in public, and we keep to ourselves. The best advice for you might be to invite him out to a bar/party, get him sloshed, and see if he spill the beans. He will never tell you anything if he is lucid, get him drunk and relax, then maybe he will tell you the truth.
 
To silverRRcloud, for example, I touch his hair a lot, I hold his shoulders a lot and when he rarely talks about any girls, I'll say "not interested".

To shahmask, in China, we usually have 30 people in one class, so students always sit in pairs, by which I mean there desks are next to each other, and that's what deskmate mean.

To Nurlan, no it's pretty warm here right now. about 10-13 degrees above zero. and you can feel a little spring heat at noon.
If you happen to have the chance to come here during summer or wintert holidays, I'll be glad to show you around. But now, I'm in Changchun, my college is here.

To Cellular, Yes, Chinese people are more conservative than westurners, but talking about sex among same sex, we do it a lot nowadays, especially among boys. Sometimes I just thought he might be frigid.
 
Nurlan said:
Also, on the basketball thing -- yeah, we have that stereotype here, too, that gay guys don't play sports, but that's probably just because the gay guys who stand out most tend not to be that into sports. I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions (though there are pressures in pro- and college basketball to stay in the closet, as we all know.) I'm sure things aren't that different in your country. I hope China soon joins Poland, the Baltic republics, and the other Eastern European countries in producing lots of really good players for the NBA. I know basketball is a relatively new sport there, but have heard that it's really taking off among school-aged kids. Not to get on a tangent . . .
Click to expand...

Then should I make a movement or not? If he IS gay, I'll probably have a chance, but if he's not, I'll probably ruin our friendship.
 
First, like soil says you can't really rely on stereotypes. Sure, they're circumstantial evidence but nothing conclusive at all.

I have a good (gay) friend who's from China and he describes being gay there as very different than in the States. There's generally a larger social obligation to have children and continue the family name in China than in the States, which creates some different attitudes about homosexuality there. At least where he lived (some largish city near Hong Kong), talking about being gay was very taboo still. Hence, perhaps this guy is putting out signals that by American standards would be subtle, but that by Chinese standards are fairly straightforward.

The best you can do is to keep developing the friendship and see where it goes. There are plenty of little things you can do that won't totally scare him off if he's not gay like just touching him more frequently and observing how he reacts.
 
I'm not sure how you know he "never masterbates." If that's the case, then I seriously doubt you can label him as "gay." I'd say he is very reserved, sexually. He may have an incredibly low sex drive, possibly A-sexual. Even if he was remotely gay, I'm not sure if you'd be interested in him because he probably isn't very interested in sex or intimacy.

Leave this one alone. He sounds like a good friend.
 
Interesting stuff Nurlan. I was really only trying to make the point that it's not realistic to assume gay and coming out related issues in China are comparable to those in North America.
 
If he's one of your best friends, and you're rather tight, and he says he's straight...why don't you believe him? I'd take my friend's word over circumstantial "evidence" any day.

Lex
 
Nurlan said:
drhladnjak, I don't think you can really generalize about places as different as Hongkong and Harbin. Sure, they're both in China, but that's like saying Sweden and Portugal are both in Europe.

Based on my experience, people in north are generally a LOT more laid back and have a much "cooler" attitude toward life, friends, and strangers than the Hongkong, Cantonese types (who comprise the majority of Chinese people that we're acquainted with here in the west, which is unfortunate from the standpoint of having a more complete picture of what Chinese people are like). The culture in the north is also a lot more "macho" -- with great value placed on being a "nanzihan" (man's man) -- and platonic friendships there among men and among women can run really deep. So physical intimacy among platonic friends is very common without it necessarily implying homosexual attraction -- it's sort of a corollary to the machoness of the culture (because the men aren't afraid to be men, in a sense), kind of like in Latin or Turkic countries, say.

There are others out there who are much better acquainted with Chinese v. western culture than I, but for what it's worth my street cred. comes from having spent several months travelling around China, and from being of Chinese descent.

GOING ON A TANGENT HERE: Van Hiscers may also agree with me that the region of China spanning from Heilongjiang, where he lives, down to the Loess plateau and Gansu, is the "hottie" belt of China. I was amazed by the number or ridiculously hot men and women there, and it's unfortunate that we don't have more immigrants from those provinces here in America. I'm sure his "friend" is a total hottie. What the mayor of Berlin said about Berlin could easily be applied to this part of the country: "arm aber sexy"
Click to expand...

That is very interested, you really know pretty much about China. I agree with most of what you've said.
Chinese men from the southern parts of China are usually shorter, and usually very mean and selfish, it's really hard for us northerners to get along with them very well. All my best friends at college are northerners, including that guy.
 
Carful bud.

Common sense around here makes people think you're mean.
 
by "mean" I refers to money.
Northern guys like to buy everthing they need or everything their girlfriends need, but southern guys, no.

e.g. We don't care too much about small amount of money spent for friends, such as bus tickets, easy breakfast, those stuff usually cost less than 5 RMB (7 RMB=1 Dollar), but I was SHOCKED when I found that one of my southern roomate asked my another roomate for money he had spent for him during breakfast, only 3 RMB.
Don't know about you, if someone only owes me 3 RMB, I won't do that.
 
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