Is this guy looking for something?

[Jerry]

Yeah, we hung out last night and had some beers. It was good. He got some girl so he went with her which is cool.

But everything was normal when we were hanging out so that's what really matters. I was just worried he'd be weird but he wasn't at all.

When we all went to our rooms I started texting him (I was kinda drunk) and he texted me back, but he was with that girl so he didn't come over. Had she not been there, who knows.

So I felt stupid for bugging him but I even said in the text that I didn't know he took her back to his room so whatever. I'll just tell him I wanted a drinking partner. Hopefully I'll talk to him again tonight and make sure things are good, but I think we're fine.

I was a bit jealous of the girl, but oh well. That's how it goes and I knew it going in.

 

[backpacker]

When you say "he got some girl", I assume you mean he had a date (hookup, whatever). Did he tend to do this with girls before last week? I'm wondering if this is a sign that he's struggling with his sexuality. Many guys have to prove that they are straight after having their first homosexual contact.

The good news is that he is still cool with you. He may not be as touchy as before. If he's not, I would take that as a sign that he's struggling with his sexuality. He may need some time to deal with his feelings before you do anything else sexual. Take your clues from him. You may even what to ask him how he feels about what you guys did last week.

I think it would be a bad idea for you two to be roommates at this time. Imagine how hard it would be if he brought a girl home and you had to hang out with them all night. What if you walked in the room and he was having sex with a girl? I think it would be better to sort out your relationship before moving in together.

I know this message is a bit of downer, but it's really not all that bad. I just suspect that he will need a little time. Just be his friend and see what develops.

 

[Jerry]

When you say "he got some girl", I assume you mean he had a date (hookup, whatever). Did he tend to do this with girls before last week? I'm wondering if this is a sign that he's struggling with his sexuality. Many guys have to prove that they are straight after having their first homosexual contact.

The good news is that he is still cool with you. He may not be as touchy as before. If he's not, I would take that as a sign that he's struggling with his sexuality. He may need some time to deal with his feelings before you do anything else sexual. Take your clues from him. You may even what to ask him how he feels about what you guys did last week.

I think it would be a bad idea for you two to be roommates at this time. Imagine how hard it would be if he brought a girl home and you had to hang out with them all night. What if you walked in the room and he was having sex with a girl? I think it would be better to sort out your relationship before moving in together.

I know this message is a bit of downer, but it's really not all that bad. I just suspect that he will need a little time. Just be his friend and see what develops.

I think she's some new girl at his job or something like that. No biggie.

And yeah, he's not at all touchy-feely anymore. No joking around about being gay or any of that. So I think you're right.

I was thinking about it today and I figured I'd kinda leave him alone for the rest of the week and see what's going on next week. Give him some time, maybe see if he contacts me.

 

[backpacker]

I was thinking about it today and I figured I'd kinda leave him alone for the rest of the week and see what's going on next week. Give him some time, maybe see if he contacts me.

If you don't contact him the rest of the week, what do you think he will think about that? He could think you are giving him some space? He could think that you are trying to deal with what happened? He could think you are rejecting him? There are a lot of things he could think about it.

I would try to act as much like you did before as possible. Invite him to hang out. Don't expect anything sexual and I wouldn't try to initiate anything. If he starts, then so be it.

He is probably wondering what you are thinking just as much as you are about his thoughts. The best thing you could do is have a talk with him. Tell him that you value his friendship and that is the most important thing to you. Ask him how he feels about what you guys did last week. He may say he was just curious and doesn't want to do it anymore. I doubt that is his true feelings, but people in denial say things like that all the time. He may say it was awesome and he wants more. The worst thing you can do is keep guessing what he is thinking or wants. You are reading tea leaves, he's reading tea leaves and the chances of you both getting it right are almost nil. Good luck!

 

[Jerry]

Thanks for the advice.

We used to only see each other once in a while, but started hanging out daily while the roommates were gone. Maybe I'll just give him a day or two.

I think he knows I like him and want to be friends and stuff, so I'm not too worried there. It's not uncommon for us to be busy/tired for a day or two, so I'll give it that and send him a text.

I guess we're at out next "hurdle" here. I hope we can get over it

 

[bwbw86]

he will disappoint you

 

[Jerry]

he will disappoint you

I know it's possible.

I wish you would explain why you think that though.

 

[swarley]

You are way too paranoid about this. Just act like everything is normal and try not to think about him so much. Treat him just like a friend and normal friends don't think about each other as much as you're thinking and worrying about him. And quit asking him if everything is okay between you two, otherwise you're going to create a problem. He already told you things are fine but if you keep asking him that question things aren't going to be fine. Just relax and let things happen as they come. Don't force anything between you two. And get out and do something to take your mind off of him.

 

[Moogle86]

I think that's sound advice. I've kinda been in a similar situation before, where it feels like feelings are one-sided, but sometimes it's just paranoia (unless I was wrong ).

 

[Jerry]

Talked to him again today. My buddies and I decided we were going to have some beers after work so someone got ahold of him. He called and asked if I was buying the beer (he bought last time). And then he asked if it was cool if that girl came over again. I was like, why are you asking me? He said because I bought the beer.

So he's definitely trying to "prove" that he's not gay. Whatever. I'm cool with that. We're still friends and that's all I was really worried about anyway. So I think I'm just gonna try to forget that ever happened and just enjoy my friendship with him. If something happens later, I'll figure it out from there.

But I can't thank everyone here enough for all the help. This would most likely be a very different story, had it not been for the great advice I got from you guys. Thanks so much

 

[Lightsage]

Talked to him again today. My buddies and I decided we were going to have some beers after work so someone got ahold of him. He called and asked if I was buying the beer (he bought last time). And then he asked if it was cool if that girl came over again. I was like, why are you asking me? He said because I bought the beer.

So he's definitely trying to "prove" that he's not gay. Whatever. I'm cool with that. We're still friends and that's all I was really worried about anyway. So I think I'm just gonna try to forget that ever happened and just enjoy my friendship with him. If something happens later, I'll figure it out from there.

But I can't thank everyone here enough for all the help. This would most likely be a very different story, had it not been for the great advice I got from you guys. Thanks so much

Aww...

Sorry to hear that. It's great that you still have his friendship though.

From what you said there's obviously some tension on his part. More than likely he's worried as much as you about the situation. Seems like he might be trying to "prove" that he's straight out of several previously stated reasons/fears.

It is probably a good thing to try and go back to the way things were as much as possible (given his change in attitude towards you) and his little "phase" should pass.

I wish you luck in your friendship with him and hope that nothing rash happens for both of your sakes.



Remember, We're always here and happy to be of service.

 

[backpacker]

I'm sorry things haven't worked out as you hoped. I agree that he's trying to "prove" something. He definitely was sending you a message by asking if he can bring the girl. From your post, I can see that it was received.

You are best to just make him a friend and move on to a guy that is available emotionally for a relationship. Chasing after the confused boys almost always leads to frustration and hurt feelings. When you first began posting, I really thought that he was just shy and afraid to make a move. I didn't pick up a confused signal until he told you not to expect him to reciprocate. I was hoping I was wrong, but apparently not.

For your own sanity, I would suggest staying away from a friends with benefits arrangement. I think your feelings are too strong for that type of arrangement to work. It could never be just sex for you. If he starts flirting with you again, it's time for a heart to heart talk.

Don't sit around waiting for anything else to happen with him. Go find yourself a guy to date. You deserve it.

 

[KaraBulut]

For your own sanity, I would suggest staying away from a friends with benefits arrangement. I think your feelings are too strong for that type of arrangement to work. It could never be just sex for you. If he starts flirting with you again, it's time for a heart to heart talk.

Don't sit around waiting for anything else to happen with him. Go find yourself a guy to date. You deserve it.

*nods in agreement*

 

[Providence]

Keep us updated though!!!

 

[Jerry]

Wow, you guys are awesome.

Really, I'm expecting something horrible to happen soon, because things have been just too good.

(For the record, I moved recently to a new area of the state)

I have a best friend here and I love that guy to death. We are always together and always help each other. The other guys we hang with are cool as hell, and I'm glad they're there man. Really good friends.

And then there's this guy. He is leaving again this weekend, and he asked me to come with him. He said he knows some clubs we can both get laid (remember, I'm bi, not gay). So that's badass. I'm gonna go for sure if I can, and hopefully we'll have some fun.

BTW, this isn't new, we were talking about going to the clubs by his family's house for a while now. So I think things are good.

I walked him back to his room tonight and he was kinda giving me some hints like he wanted something. When we got there he saw his roommate was there and so we parted ways. Maybe he just thought he could get head, maybe he wanted to cuddle, who knows (though he probably wanted head). But he's never really aggrassive about it, just subtle hints.

But regardless, he's still my friend and he's not freaked out. So I'm happy


Thanks again guys!

 

[Moogle86]

Glad to hear it's working out nicely

 

[Lightsage]

That's great to hear.

I guess we'll have to wait to see how the weekend turns out. We'll live though.

Have fun.

 

[backpacker]

Great to hear that he still wants to maintain the friendship and do things like before. Maybe he wasn't struggling with his emotions as much as we thought. I think he may be working through some issues with his sexuality, but at least he's not freaking out about it. As long as you are both happy with whatever relationship you work out, I'm happy for you. I still fear that you may be in too deep to watch him go off and have sex with someone else and not be hurt. If your feelings are getting hurt over and over again when he shows interest in someone else, then you will know the relationship is not healthy for you. I would still wait a while before pursuing the roommate situation. I guess you could say I'm cautiously optimistic. I sure hope everything works out just like you want.

 

[954dude]

This is a hot and heavy situation...but make rational and long run decisions. I'm glad the both of you can and will remain friends. Just work it out. All the best!

 

[Jerry]

Guys, he's been gone all weekend and I couldn't help but think about him. Not all the time, but he does keep popping back into my head.

I wish we were roommates so atleast we would have a private place to talk about this. I really want to suck his dick again but I'm not real sure how he feels about it. I think he wants it too, and may do more, but the problem is the roommate situation. We can't get any privacy. I mean, he was hinting the other night until he saw his roommate was there.

I think when he gets back I'm going to ask him to come with me to do something (go to the store, some shit like that), and see what happens when we're alone in the car. We've hung out since it happened the first time, but always with other friends.

And I don't care if he gets a girl or even a girlfriend. Hey, if I find a girl I'm not going to pass her up for him either. I don't want an exclusive relationship here, just a regular or semi-regular fuckbuddy. Friends with benifits as they say.

I'm thinking that when I get him alone, like in my car, I'll just come right out and ask him if he wants to do anything sexual anymore or just leave it as-is and be friends. I just don't know if I should be so blatant or if I should kinda (obviously) hint at it and see how he responds.
What do you guys think?