Is this guy looking for something?

[swarley]

No more hinting because what you think is a hint might go right over his head. He's your friend so you should be able to be open with him.

 

[Jerry]

No more hinting because what you think is a hint might go right over his head. He's your friend so you should be able to be open with him.

Yeah, I just don't think he'd be comfortable actually talking about it.
I don't know, maybe I'm worrying about it too much.
I'll just get him alone and see what happens.
Maybe I'm just being greedy. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but now I don't want to lose the other thing either. I mean, hot 20yo guys don't just fall in my lap everyday.

 

[KaraBulut]

I mean, hot 20yo guys don't just fall in my lap everyday.

This "hot 20yo guy" is also your friend. At least that's what you have said he is.

This is in dangerous territory. The territory of fantasy, plotting, scheming and "what if".

Adult relationships are between equals. Equals is not when one person is trying to seduce another. Equals is not when there is one person who calls the shots and determines when he gets serviced without returning the favor. Equals is not when one person has a girlfriend and you're the backup person for a blowjob.

There are a lot of threads in these forums about "I just want to blow my straight friend". To which we often respond, "And then what?". Well, here we are in the the "And then what" phase. Ok, you blew him. It's still not enough, is it?

You're older- you're not a confused 20 year old. You should be in a relationship with someone who has an equal interest in you. Time to let go of the fantasy. The chances are that you will never get the relationship that you want here. Otherwise, you're on your way to a broken heart.

 

[Jerry]

This "hot 20yo guy" is also your friend. At least that's what you have said he is.

This is in dangerous territory. The territory of fantasy, plotting, scheming and "what if".

Adult relationships are between equals. Equals is not when one person is trying to seduce another. Equals is not when there is one person who calls the shots and determines when he gets serviced without returning the favor. Equals is not when one person has a girlfriend and you're the backup person for a blowjob.

There are a lot of threads in these forums about "I just want to blow my straight friend". To which we often respond, "And then what?". Well, here we are in the the "And then what" phase. Ok, you blew him. It's still not enough, is it?

You're older- you're not a confused 20 year old. You should be in a relationship with someone who has an equal interest in you. Time to let go of the fantasy. The chances are that you will never get the relationship that you want here. Otherwise, you're on your way to a broken heart.

Wow, you're so right. I feel like a dick now.
But that's good I guess, 'cause I should.

Thanks for being honest with me. You're right. I'm just going to try to remain friends and leave all this other stuff behind us.
I hate to have to admit it, but I just got caught up in something that'll never be what I want it to be. I need to occupy myself and stop thinking about him.

Man I feel like a dick. I feel like I betrayed my friend now.
Well atleast I didn't try to take it further before someone woke me up and pulled my head out of my arse.

Thank you

 

[swarley]

If you feel like you've wronged him in some way just apologize to him for "going there" with him. I'm sure you'd feel better if you did and then you wouldn't feel like such a dick.

 

[Moogle86]

Wow, you're so right. I feel like a dick now.
But that's good I guess, 'cause I should.

Thanks for being honest with me. You're right. I'm just going to try to remain friends and leave all this other stuff behind us.
I hate to have to admit it, but I just got caught up in something that'll never be what I want it to be. I need to occupy myself and stop thinking about him.

Man I feel like a dick. I feel like I betrayed my friend now.
Well atleast I didn't try to take it further before someone woke me up and pulled my head out of my arse.

Thank you

Don't feel like a dick. If you're a dick than I'm an unlovable chimp. But seriously, you seem like a great person, and I'm certain there were no ill intentions on your part, just a desire for companionship, which you obviously still have. So cheer up!

 

[Twistedup]

man i had an awesome experience with a good friend...and we may still be friends had i not brought it up later...

 

[dukemike]

The chances are that you will never get the relationship that you want here. Otherwise, you're on your way to a broken heart.

I have recently read this entire thread. Unfortunately, I have been thinking the same thing that KaraBulut just stated. I am an older guy who has been obsessing, and falling in love with hot straight guys my whole life. And while I have sucked off a few, and those remain my most precious masturbatory fantasies, it has never evolved into a "satisfactory relationship" for me. I have always wanted more than the guy could give. But I suppose you need to let it play out, as I have always been reluctant to let go, once one of them "fell into my lap". Good luck.

 

[Jerry]

Thanks again you guys. I'm so glad this resource is here to help me. You guys really are the best!


I've made my decision now and I'm sticking with it. We're friends. I want to remain friends, so that's what I'm going to be to him. No hinting, no flirting, no bullshit. Just friends.

If HE decides he wants something sexual sometime in the future, I'll talk to him about it and see where we both stand before I do anything more.

But for now, I just consider this an isolated incident of two people who both wanted something. We really both helped each other out, 'cause I wanted to suck his dick and he obviously wanted to get off. So I sucked his dick. So what?
I'm not going to let that define our friendship.

 

[Jerry]

If you feel like you've wronged him in some way just apologize to him for "going there" with him. I'm sure you'd feel better if you did and then you wouldn't feel like such a dick.

It's not what happened so much that I feel bad about. What we did was mutually consentual so I don't feel bad for that.

It's what I was thinking afterward. Like I was preying on him or trying to somehow coerce him into doing or being what I wanted. Like our friendship, and he as a person, took a backseat to my sexual interest in him. That's what I feel like a dick about, and I should. Nobody deserves that crap, especially from someone who's supposed to be a friend.

Luckily I was set straight here before I had an opportunity to act on my messed-up thoughts, and ruin everything to include my own integrity.

I do like his body and I like his dick, but I like HIM alot more.

 

[KaraBulut]

Wow, you're so right. I feel like a dick now.
But that's good I guess, 'cause I should.

Let me be clear about something.

You do not need to apologize for how you feel. However, how you feel doesn't always excuse how you act in a situation like this.

You're correct- both parties in this situation are adults who made a choice. None of us know the motivation of your friend- he's not talking about it and for all we know, he may not be ready to talk about it for a while.

If the situation were that your friend met you halfway and expressed an interest in you in the same way that you're interested in him, then that would be perfectly fine.

But that's not where this is going- at lesat not in the short term.

The message for you is that you should have enough self-respect not to allow yourself to be used by someone who is not ready for an equal relationship.

The other message for you is that you are ready for that kind of relationship. And you deserve it. It's time for you to start looking for that relationship- with the understanding that this confused 20 year old is not that person that you're looking for.

 

[Jerry]

Let me be clear about something.

You do not need to apologize for how you feel. However, how you feel doesn't always excuse how you act in a situation like this.

You're correct- both parties in this situation are adults who made a choice. None of us know the motivation of your friend- he's not talking about it and for all we know, he may not be ready to talk about it for a while.

If the situation were that your friend met you halfway and expressed an interest in you in the same way that you're interested in him, then that would be perfectly fine.

But that's not where this is going- at lesat not in the short term.

The message for you is that you should have enough self-respect not to allow yourself to be used by someone who is not ready for an equal relationship.

The other message for you is that you are ready for that kind of relationship. And you deserve it. It's time for you to start looking for that relationship- with the understanding that this confused 20 year old is not that person that you're looking for.

I have to agree with you again.

You know, he really did show an interest in me before this happened. All the cuddling and stuff. And even when people were around he would sneak me looks and whisper things to me and stuff. When we were alone he was so nice and really acted like he wanted to be with me. He even started telling me he loved me.

But after it happened that all kind of stopped. I don't know but I think he was just curious and wanted to try it. Now that something happened he's unsure about it and probably a little afraid that people might find out or his manhood will be questioned or something.

But whatever it is, I guess it really doesn't matter. I'm going to be his friend and if he wants to talk about it I'll be here. If not, we can just forget the whole thing. No problem.


But this has less to do with his age than it does his intent. Just because he's 20 doesn't mean he can't be in a relationship and be serious. He just doesn't intend (apparently) to pursue that right now, atleast not with me. So I'm over it. Begrudgingly over it, but over it nonetheless.


Thanks again, I really do appreciate it.

 

[backpacker]

As you noted, he was giving you all the signals that he wanted it before you did anything. You should not feel any guilt about doing what you both wanted.

At this point his signals seem to be that he just wants to be friends. Go with those signals and be his friend. If he starts sending off different signals later, feel free to go with them.

 

[Jerry]

As you noted, he was giving you all the signals that he wanted it before you did anything. You should not feel any guilt about doing what you both wanted.

At this point his signals seem to be that he just wants to be friends. Go with those signals and be his friend. If he starts sending off different signals later, feel free to go with them.

I agree. Like I said , it wasn't what happened that I felt guilty about, but what I was thinking afterward. I was basically plotting a way to get him to do or be what I wanted, and that's not fair to him at all. I feel bad about that. But thankfully I never acted on any of that garbage.

Anyway, I saw him again tonight with some friends. He didn't talk to anybody much really, he was on the phone most of the time. Maybe family stuff again, who knows. I wish I knew more about what's going on with him. It seems like our friendship has lagged some here lately and I miss talking to him about stuff.

But everyone needs their own space, so no big deal. He still shook my hand before he headed in and I don't see why we can't get back to being as close or closer than we were before (as friends I mean). I still can't stop myself from "checking him out" when I get a chance, but I'm used to that anyway. My best friend here (a different guy) is hot and I do the same to him, but I'd never consider anything sexual with him. That's just the way it works for bi guys I guess.

I'm still learning. I guess this was a learning experience that could have ended up much worse. This whole thing is weird for me because I've never had such a good looking group of friends before. I don't know, it's late and I've been drinking. Ha

I still can't thank you all enough. Goodnight guys

 

[Kyanimal]

Ah ... Enjoy your young, good looking, friends while you can! I had quite a few of those, and, didn't realize just how good I had it, even through my forties! But, then, all my friends seemed to Age with me!

Yes, there have been many changes, but we're all, basically, still the same about "Who" we are! It's the "What" we are/were that has changed the most!

Don't get me wrong. The aging is not all that bad, since we couldn't avoid it anyway. And though we all Think we're still 25, or so, we tend to not skip stairs, or look in mirrors as often as we used to!

Through this little "adventure" of Yours, You seemed to have been obsessing on the "What" He is more than the "Who" He is. But, You've also discovered the error of Your ways, and it sounds like You've got a great shot at a fantastic friendship! If only more Guys were as insightful as You!!

Wishing You ALL the Very Best!!

And, of course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Jerry]

Through this little "adventure" of Yours, You seemed to have been obsessing on the "What" He is more than the "Who" He is. But, You've also discovered the error of Your ways, and it sounds like You've got a great shot at a fantastic friendship! If only more Guys were as insightful as You!!

And that's exactly what I feel bad about. Like I said, I feel fine about what happened but bad about how I objectified him.
I'm SO glad I figured it out before I acted on anything. And I have the "Jubbers" to thank for that.

I hung out with him again tonight, and some other friends. But we actually talked some and had some fun tonight. It was just like it was before this all went down. Actually, I had a great time, and I'm pretty sure everyone else did too.

Everything seemed to be back to normal and I really like that. Shit, I even grabbed his ass on the way back (in a playful manner) and he was cool about it. So we're good. And he's still talking about being my roommate so I guess he still trusts me and wants to be my friend.

I'm SO glad things are turning out the way they are, and I really do have you guys to thank for helping me through it. Thanks to you guys, I had an awesome experience and still kept my friend. Of course the friendship is more important to me, but the experience was good too. Who knows, maybe it'll just make us better friends in the long run. But for now, I'm happy just being friends and being able to have fun together.

I'm a happy guy.

 

[backpacker]

I'm a happy guy.

That's the most important thing!!!

Don't beat yourself up too much about the objectify thing. Being interested in him sexually does not equate to objectifying him. Sure you were trying to figure out how to get him alone and make another move, but that's only natural. It's not like you just wanted to get in his pants then kick him to the curb. You were always worried about what he was thinking and feeling. You just hadn't looked at it from his prospective until somebody pointed it out. You really don't have anything to feel bad about.

 

[Providence]

I agree with backpacker. It seems you have a really good friend and what's even better is that he seems to have an amazing friend in you so don't you dare beat yourself over anything.

 

[Jerry]

Alright guys well here's the deal. I've talked to him a few times and I hung out with him tonight with some other friends.
Problem is that I can't stop thinking about getting with him again.

Don't get me wrong, I can hang out with the guy and we did get some "alone time" in which we just acted normal, but when we hang out and drink I REALLY want him.

I want to confront him and see what's going on, but it never seems appropriate. I'm glad that we're still friends and not much has changed that way, but something is missing here.

I guess I just can't get over what happened, atleast not without some closure from him. It seems weird to me, but I really have some strong feelings for this guy and I need to know where we stand.

So now I need to know how to confront him and get some real info into what he's thinking without freaking him out.

Like I said, we're still friends and we're still good that way. He's even started playing around more, acting like he's my "boyfriend" and offering me his ass to grab when people don't see. We joke around a bit more now and things really are going back to waht they were.

So I'm thinking maybe this guy wants something, much like the title of this thread, and maybe we can work something out, or maybe he was just curious and still wants to be friends, or maybe he is bi like me and just wants some fun on the side while remaining our friendship (which would work GREAT for me).

Problem is that I don't know how to actually TALK to him about it without freaking him out. I'd love a friends with benifits.

But lke I said from the start, his friendship is the most important thing. I'm good now because we're cool and we act like we did. We're friends and I like that. But I want more. And I think he might too. I'm confused.

 

[stripes]

careful man, sounds to me like your trying to convince yourself that this thing is more casual than what it really is.

i've noticed it a lot on these boards. someone posts about how they just wanna be friends with benefits and by the end of it they are head over heels for the "fuckbuddy" and they're stressing out over what the other guy is thinking. if it really was that casual, you wouldn't really give a shit