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Is this healthy?

Z

zombiekiller

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My boyfriend went to university about 3 hours away 4 weeks ago. And since, he's taken a train back up here once and I have driven down there twice.

This weekend, I have to stick around to pick up my folks at the airport on Saturday evening. The plan is I will drive down there Sunday morning and come back Sunday evening.

And actually, he originally was going to take the train back up here on Friday but I told him to stay put to study.

I'm thinking this can't be healthy. Should we try to stay away from each other for like a month?
 
Only the two of you can decide what is healthy for your relationship.

I think though, that you are the one who should make more of a sacrifice to take some time to go and see him if you feel that one month is too long to spend apart.
 
Do you have someone else lined up while he's off at Uni ?
 
I'm not sure I understand the question. Do you mean it is unhealthy to be spending so much time apart?
 
Good luck with long separations---is it healthy? well you'll find out if the separation is long enough.
 
sixthson said:
I'm not sure I understand the question. Do you mean it is unhealthy to be spending so much time apart?
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Is it healthy to see each other every weekend like we do? My friend suggested we refrain from seeing each other every weekend and stay away for a month. She suggested that traveling the distance every weekend to see each other is unhealthy.
 
I presumed that you were both in a long term relationship and living together full time. If this in fact the case why wouldn't you be going to see him every single moment you could?
 
Can long distance exist?

Can I make long term exist?...
 
zombiekiller said:
Is it healthy to see each other every weekend like we do? My friend suggested we refrain from seeing each other every weekend and stay away for a month. She suggested that traveling the distance every weekend to see each other is unhealthy.
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Your friend is an idiot.

Unless you were complaining about it, she should keep her nose out of this.

The only reason that I can see it being annoying would be to have you turn up on a weekend when there's an assignment to be completed or studying to be done. Or if he's at home, to have you pestering the living shit out of him while he's trying to work.

But this isn't for us to have opinions on.

This is only for you to discuss with your partner.
 
dpnice said:
I presumed that you were both in a long term relationship and living together full time. If this in fact the case why wouldn't you be going to see him every single moment you could?
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Ya, 3 years dating and 2 years living together.
 
If you can afford it both financially and time wise, keep the connection. It is draining and stressing so with time things may change but play it out. You never know if tomorrow will come.
 
zombiekiller said:
Is it healthy to see each other every weekend like we do? My friend suggested we refrain from seeing each other every weekend and stay away for a month. She suggested that traveling the distance every weekend to see each other is unhealthy.
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That makes no sense. What could possibly be unhealthy about seeing the person you love, even if it costs you something?
I just don't get it.
 
sixthson said:
That makes no sense. What could possibly be unhealthy about seeing the person you love, even if it costs you something?
I just don't get it.
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I don't get it either.

But I do worry about someone who is so insecure and aimless in their own relationship that they even listen to the idle advice of a 'friend' about something like this....or run to a group of strangers on a porn forum to weigh in.

This is what I think really happened:

Scenario One We know that the OP is one of the cheapest and most self-centred people on the plane and he was whining to his fag hag about how expensive it is to drive to see his Partner and she suggested that once a month was enough in order to see aht mischief it would do with their relationship.

Scenario Two The OP realizes that he enjoys not having a student hanging around the house because the world wouldn't be revolving around just him and is just looking for validation to justify not bothering to support his BF.

Scenario Three The Op really is so bereft of any kind of real feeling for his BF that he is looking for any excuse to not have to spend time with him.

Full disclosure. I went to study in Europe when I was 22 and by the time I came home, I realized that I wanted to break up with my older partner.
 
Just got off the phone with him.

I can't go down there this weekend at all. Vietnamese new year which I totally forgot about. Originally, I was going to pick up my folks tomorrow and then go down there. Totally forgot that we have a family thing this Sunday.

As soon as I told him that, he was ready to jump on the train that leaves there in 20 minutes to come home. I told him I will have to drive him back there tomorrow night because I'll be busy all Sunday. We decided it's best for me to go down there next weekend.

I really really miss him, and he really really misses me.

Personally, I don't know how the hell people who are in long distance relationships do it. I know a guy that went to work in another state for a year leaving behind his wife and daughter. He was away for a year.

But anyway, I guess I've been confused because I keep having the urge to go down and visit him. Can't say I've missed someone this much before.
 
I don't get the question. He's moved away and makes the effort to come home on weekends, or you make the effort to go there instead. Sounds like you're a good couple willing to work on a relationship. Why would you take a month long break?
 
ravenstar said:
I don't get the question. He's moved away and makes the effort to come home on weekends, or you make the effort to go there instead. Sounds like you're a good couple willing to work on a relationship. Why would you take a month long break?
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I don't know.

My friend said seeing each other this often is a sign of insecurity.
 
zombiekiller said:
I don't know.

My friend said seeing each other this often is a sign of insecurity.
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I disagree with your friend. Discuss this ONLY with your BF because what is "healthy" depends on the understanding both of you make..together.
 
I don't understand why people look for outside advice when it comes to things that would be most important to be talking to your boyfriend/husband about.
 
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