Is this love or what?!

[mightbeinlove]

So we parted ways on Wednesday morning, I spoke to him briefly before he left for the airport.

I didn't text or call him on Thursday but he called me in the afternoon. We were on the phone for like 15 or so minutes.

I texted him Friday morning reminding not to be too upset with his family (he had issues with them).

Today (Saturday), I called him but he didn't answer. I left a voice message. He didn't return my call nor did he text me.

I'm starting to feel a little concerned. My mind is full of crazy mental images - him being in a fight with his family, him having second thoughts about me and bla bla bla.

This whole waiting thingy is killing me. I want to hear his voice and I don't know what to do. He doesn't even know when he will be back yet - it all depends on his parents. He is saying that he doesn't think his parents will stay there past Friday but that is still a very very long time for me!

I'm hoping he will call or text me.......

Is it a bad sign that he is not doing so yesterday and today???

 

[954dude]

What he needs right now is to be with his family and figure out the solutions on his own. A death in the family is always a touchy situation. People deal with mourning in different ways. Seems like he's going internal.

 

[mightbeinlove]

Thinking back, this death has indeed been a very touchy situation. We were happily chatting away that fine Tuesday afternoon when news broke and he suddenly went through waves of different emotions - which is understandable.

He had told me how close he was to this elderly relative but was like me, disappointed at the fact that we would have had to call off our time together planned for last Thursday and Friday. I was very happy though when he suggested that we see each other that night which we did, and we spent the night together.

While we were together that night, I got to know his family a little better. He had cried and told me that he had issues with parents and was mad at the fact that he had to go to the funeral and spend so much time in such close proximity with them. We went through the issues together and I tried to calm him down.

When he called on Thursday afternoon, he was very angry at his parents and his extended family. He even blurted out "I am so ready to disown my family". I am concerned for him....

I guess what drives me nuts is the fact that I have told him that I want to be able to share his problems AND he has told me repetitively that he really does care for me - but yet he has yet to call or text for over 2 days now.

He did call me away from the family on Thursday on his way to the store to get things. Maybe he had not a chance to get away from his parents for the past 2 days......

I guess I am just trying to make sense of what is going on in my head right now by sharing it here.

I would appreciate any comments you may have and what you would do if you were in my shoes.

 

[Providence]

I dont think you're in love. But I do believe you've gotten attached to PJ. Dont worry though, it seems he's interested in you.

Dont sound too obsessed though, so dont constantly keep calling him. Try to be a little more understanding, he's going through a rough time. His relative just passed away. Just reassure him that you're there for him if need be and give him some time while he's with family. If he gets the chance, I'm sure he'll call.

 

[Lube]

At a time like this, he's literally surrounded by family. He probably has no chance to get any privacy to talk to you. If he leaves for any reason, I'm sure there'd be lots of questions from relatives--because even if he's closeted, I'm sure his relatives suspect he's gay.

That's the problem with being closeted. Get used to it, if that's where you want to stay.

 

[ejbonk]

Thinking back, this death has indeed been a very touchy situation. We were happily chatting away that fine Tuesday afternoon when news broke and he suddenly went through waves of different emotions - which is understandable.

He had told me how close he was to this elderly relative but was like me, disappointed at the fact that we would have had to call off our time together planned for last Thursday and Friday. I was very happy though when he suggested that we see each other that night which we did, and we spent the night together.

While we were together that night, I got to know his family a little better. He had cried and told me that he had issues with parents and was mad at the fact that he had to go to the funeral and spend so much time in such close proximity with them. We went through the issues together and I tried to calm him down.

When he called on Thursday afternoon, he was very angry at his parents and his extended family. He even blurted out "I am so ready to disown my family". I am concerned for him....

I guess what drives me nuts is the fact that I have told him that I want to be able to share his problems AND he has told me repetitively that he really does care for me - but yet he has yet to call or text for over 2 days now.

He did call me away from the family on Thursday on his way to the store to get things. Maybe he had not a chance to get away from his parents for the past 2 days......

I guess I am just trying to make sense of what is going on in my head right now by sharing it here.

I would appreciate any comments you may have and what you would do if you were in my shoes.

While He is away. Send only 1 supportive Text message a Day. He's with family,and funerals and the other stuff that goes with it is very time consuming.Him and his Family are on an Emotional Roller Coaster ride right Now,That does not help.

I'm sure everything will be fine,when he gets back. He's with family and they are poss. going though the personal effects of the deceased Family Member trying to figure out what goes where and to whom. It's a very hard process I know personally,several time in fact. It does not get easier with each one either.
Everybody is upset and not thinking properly. He's going to get though this.

Just be patience. I'm sure everything will be fine,Just be Cool and keep your witts about you. And You'll be fine too.

 

[mightbeinlove]

While He is away. Send only 1 supportive Text message a Day. He's with family,and funerals and the other stuff that goes with it is very time consuming.Him and his Family are on an Emotional Roller Coaster ride right Now,That does not help.

I'm sure everything will be fine,when he gets back. He's with family and they are poss. going though the personal effects of the deceased Family Member trying to figure out what goes where and to whom. It's a very hard process I know personally,several time in fact. It does not get easier with each one either.
Everybody is upset and not thinking properly. He's going to get though this.

Just be patience. I'm sure everything will be fine,Just be Cool and keep your witts about you. And You'll be fine too.

"....not thinking properly" - that's exactly what he told me before he left. He had never liked his extended family members and he had always thought they were crazy in one way or another and deaths just bring the worst out of them.

At one point on Tuesday night, the night before he left, he was even contemplating not going to this funeral at all because he wasn't looking forward to seeing his relatives and dealing with their craziness.

 

[mightbeinlove]

It seems like you are both interested in each other. ….. You guys do enjoy each others company very much. That is just wonderful.

It sounds like you may have a very succesful relationship with this guy. I wish you the best of luck.

Sounds promising.

Otherwise it sounds like you guys hit it off pretty well.

Its not love yet, but there's an emotional attachment developing here.

Dont worry though, it seems he's interested in you. ….. If he gets the chance, I'm sure he'll call.

I'm sure everything will be fine,when he gets back. ….. Just be patience. I'm sure everything will be fine,Just be Cool and keep your witts about you. And You'll be fine too.

Here's another big THANK YOU to all you wonderful guys out there for all your thoughts, advice and wishes.

I went through this thread again, and took moments to think about what I have written and what I have been through as well as what YOU have written. I picked out several quotes that I am sure will help me to stay positive as I await his return.

I definitely feel a lot better today. Whilst I have been thinking of him a lot at work which has been the case since I met him, I feel a lot more confident that he will call and we will see each other again by the end of this week.

I guess I can't be that wrong if so many of you think the same too hence I will just keep in mind these quotes.

I'm hoping that he is doing OK but I did took a break from sending him a message or calling him today. I guess I shall wait until tomorrow before taking ejbonk's advice and send him another (but just one a day ) supportive message!!!

 

[confusedboy23]

Good job mightbeinlove! I'm sure those quotes will inspire you to remain positive and I hope the week goes by quickly enough for you - it sucks when time drags on! Take care.

 

[texan_slant]

Let time tell, and don't go too fast either. It sounds like he is in a sensitive state right now - esp with grieving. Be cautious because grieving can do funny things to people. Not only that, if he is ready to "disown" his family, he might come running into your arms for the wrong reasons.

I don't think that he would lead you on intentionally, however, all of these different emotions can mask (or can seem like) other emotions. Love has got to come from a happy state.

It really sounds like he needs a great friend right now, and if love or a llong-term relationship comes out of it, that is an added bonus.

 

[mightbeinlove]

Let time tell, and don't go too fast either. It sounds like he is in a sensitive state right now - esp with grieving. Be cautious because grieving can do funny things to people. Not only that, if he is ready to "disown" his family, he might come running into your arms for the wrong reasons.

I don't think that he would lead you on intentionally, however, all of these different emotions can mask (or can seem like) other emotions. Love has got to come from a happy state.

It really sounds like he needs a great friend right now, and if love or a llong-term relationship comes out of it, that is an added bonus.

That is what I fear the most. I am a very fragile person and being lead on is the one thing that scares me the most.

I can understand how grieving can affect a person's emotions but I really hope that he really meant what he had told me (how much he was attracted to me, and how much he cared for me). He had told me all those things before this death.

This is Day 4 that I have not heard from him. I am trying to stay positive but it seems like it is getting harder by the minute. I am worried about him and his wellbeing but I am also scared for my own sake that I would end up being hurt (again).

I just picked up the phone to call him but he didn't answer. I left a voice message with nothing lovey-dovey, I just said that I was thinking of him, that I was here for him, and that I was looking forward to seeing him when he gets back later this week.

It baffles me why he wouldn't even bother to at least text me - I'm sorry if I sound selfish but it's really worrying me sick.....and I wish time could just fly by a lot faster.

 

[ejbonk]

That is what I fear the most. I am a very fragile person and being lead on is the one thing that scares me the most.

I can understand how grieving can affect a person's emotions but I really hope that he really meant what he had told me (how much he was attracted to me, and how much he cared for me). He had told me all those things before this death.

This is Day 4 that I have not heard from him. I am trying to stay positive but it seems like it is getting harder by the minute. I am worried about him and his wellbeing but I am also scared for my own sake that I would end up being hurt (again).

I just picked up the phone to call him but he didn't answer. I left a voice message with nothing lovey-dovey, I just said that I was thinking of him, that I was here for him, and that I was looking forward to seeing him when he gets back later this week.

It baffles me why he wouldn't even bother to at least text me - I'm sorry if I sound selfish but it's really worrying me sick.....and I wish time could just fly by a lot faster.

Remain Calm.He will Call when He calls. He will text when He texts. Your letting your Fears make you paranoid. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself and not him. You sound like your on the borderline of obsession. He's fine,I'm sure,just dealing with a lot of grief and needs time to himself. A loss of any loved one is hard. He'll be back by the end of the week,Re-lax. Take 3 deep breaths and let them out slowly and try to think of other things to get you though this period of separation.
Just try to remain cool.

 

[mightbeinlove]

Remain Calm.He will Call when He calls. He will text when He texts. Your letting your Fears make you paranoid. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself and not him. You sound like your on the borderline of obsession. He's fine,I'm sure,just dealing with a lot of grief and needs time to himself. A loss of any loved one is hard. He'll be back by the end of the week,Re-lax. Take 3 deep breaths and let them out slowly and try to think of other things to get you though this period of separation.
Just try to remain cool.

Thanks ejbonk.

At the very least, I will try and make it my "Goal of the day" today to focus on myself and not him. I guess you are absolutely right - I am being paranoid and somewhat obsessive.

I'm just hoping that this will turn out alright at the end of the week.

 

[EvilForce]

That is what I fear the most. I am a very fragile person and being lead on is the one thing that scares me the most.

I can understand how grieving can affect a person's emotions but I really hope that he really meant what he had told me (how much he was attracted to me, and how much he cared for me). He had told me all those things before this death.

This is Day 4 that I have not heard from him. I am trying to stay positive but it seems like it is getting harder by the minute. I am worried about him and his wellbeing but I am also scared for my own sake that I would end up being hurt (again).

I just picked up the phone to call him but he didn't answer. I left a voice message with nothing lovey-dovey, I just said that I was thinking of him, that I was here for him, and that I was looking forward to seeing him when he gets back later this week.

It baffles me why he wouldn't even bother to at least text me - I'm sorry if I sound selfish but it's really worrying me sick.....and I wish time could just fly by a lot faster.

Lawd child you are a mess.

Loving someone means you are setting yourself for the potential to be hurt. That's just the way it works. You can't have the upsides of the feelings of love, without the downside of getting hurt. Yin - Yang. You cannot have one without the other.

Now, you have to realize that "you don't want to be hurt" is YOUR issue, not his. You've known the boy for 4 days, and want him to share all of his emotional baggage with you? He's dealing with a lot right now. What you need to do, is stop calling him, and stop texting him. What you want to be is nothing but supportive and understanding that he has lost someone very close, and having to go back home to deal with god knows what kind of crap that our families make us endure.

You say to him, "you'll pick him up at the airport when he lands, and to call you when he's on his way home, and that if he needs someone to talk to you are there 24/7, but you want to let him grieve in his own way". That way you aren't on pins and needles waiting for him to call every minute. If you just set it up to talk to him in a week, then you can go on about your business and stop obsessing. If he calls before then, great. If not, no big deal, you were being a supportive boyfriend.

Don't smother a flame.

 

[mightbeinlove]

EvilForce, the problem is I don't know when is he coming back. The last time we spoke he told me his parents said "Friday 21st" but when I told him that Friday was the 25th, he was like "Ooops".

I'm hoping that he meant "Friday 25th" that is if his parents don't suddenly decide to stay longer.

He was absolutely certain that the funeral will be held this coming Thursday.

I'm still hopeful that he will call when he gets a chance and today has been a much better day for me. I have kept myself thinking positively and have reduced my obsession to an extent. So, thank you guys!

 

[mightbeinlove]

Well, I have not texted him nor have I called him for 2 days. The last time I left a voice message for him was Monday.

It hasn't been an easy couple of days for me but I knew that I had to remain calm because the last thing I would want to do is to scare him away!

It's Thursday morning and I have just sent him a text message to convey my condolences to him and his family on the occasion of the funeral today.

There was nothing about "me" in that message - nothing like "I miss you" or "Please call me" or "Can't wait to see you". I wanted it to be plain and simple on this sombre day.

I hope that he's coming back tomorrow and I am keeping my fingers crossed that he will call then.

Wish me luck!

 

[ejbonk]

Well, I have not texted him nor have I called him for 2 days. The last time I left a voice message for him was Monday.

It hasn't been an easy couple of days for me but I knew that I had to remain calm because the last thing I would want to do is to scare him away!

It's Thursday morning and I have just sent him a text message to convey my condolences to him and his family on the occasion of the funeral today.

There was nothing about "me" in that message - nothing like "I miss you" or "Please call me" or "Can't wait to see you". I wanted it to be plain and simple on this sombre day.

I hope that he's coming back tomorrow and I am keeping my fingers crossed that he will call then.

Wish me luck!

I just had a though, What,If he forgot to take his Cell Phone Charger. The Battery is Dead. I also Know that some Cell Phones will Not Charge without their Manufacture's Charger. My LG Phone is One of them. I bought a Universal once on a trip and it would not charge. When I got home,I took the Phone in to be serviced and They charged it with the proper Charger.It worked fine. I was told some higher end Phone will not charge with the Universal Chargers

 

[mightbeinlove]

Thanks guys for all the helpful advice and for keeping me sane for the past couple of days.

Ejbonk, it did cross my mind that he might have forgotten his cell phone charger but I guess that's not the case.

I called today and it's Friday. His phone rang and after a while, it went to his voicemail. I guess that obviously means that his phone is not dead but he is not answering my calls.

I left a short message "Hey XXX, it's me ZZZ. Just wondering if you're back in town. Give me a call. TTYL."

To be honest, I doubt he will call and right now, I am feeling really angry. I'm angry at myself for being lead on, and for him being so selfish.

I don't know if I am selfish too by being angry at a person who might still be in grief, but he should not have said the things he said if he did not mean a word.

Why would he tell me was attracted to me? Why would he say he really cared for me? Why would he tell me he wants to book his tickets so that he could come with me when I go out of town? Why? Why? Why?

I feel foolish to have even believed him. I felt like my tears were in vain. I guess I was just a silly boy and still am one.

 

[ejbonk]

Thanks guys for all the helpful advice and for keeping me sane for the past couple of days.

Ejbonk, it did cross my mind that he might have forgotten his cell phone charger but I guess that's not the case.

I called today and it's Friday. His phone rang and after a while, it went to his voicemail. I guess that obviously means that his phone is not dead but he is not answering my calls.

I left a short message "Hey XXX, it's me ZZZ. Just wondering if you're back in town. Give me a call. TTYL."

To be honest, I doubt he will call and right now, I am feeling really angry. I'm angry at myself for being lead on, and for him being so selfish.

I don't know if I am selfish too by being angry at a person who might still be in grief, but he should not have said the things he said if he did not mean a word.

Why would he tell me was attracted to me? Why would he say he really cared for me? Why would he tell me he wants to book his tickets so that he could come with me when I go out of town? Why? Why? Why?

I feel foolish to have even believed him. I felt like my tears were in vain. I guess I was just a silly boy and still am one.

My cell goes to voice mail,whenI turn it off or the battery dies. His mailbox is not full yet. Just keep a good thought. He has to come back sometime,If just to get his stuff.

 

[mightbeinlove]

My cell goes to voice mail,whenI turn it off or the battery dies. His mailbox is not full yet. Just keep a good thought. He has to come back sometime,If just to get his stuff.

Thanks ejbonk. I switched off my phone and tried it. It went straight to my voicemail.

So I guess he really doesn't want to answer my calls. Because it rang like 5 or 6 times before it went through to the voicemail.

I am trying to stay positive and remain hopeful, but I guess I am also trying to be realistic too.

Damn, this whole thing really sucks! If only I didn't meet him, if only he didn't say those things he said..............