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Is this love?

Kulindahr

Kulindahr

Knox's Papa
JUB Supporter
50K Posts
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on the foggy, damp, redneck Oregon coast
When he disappears, I stress and feel lousy.
When he has to be gone, I go to flop down where he last slept, to feel closer to him.
When I think of the plans we made that had to be put on hold, I cry.
I feel lost without him.

Is this love?
 
Definitely it is love my friend
 
It could be love, or it could be obsessive need/addiction. The key might be in why you only described the negative.

Do you also get all giddy and beam when you see him after he's been gone?
Does making plans with him feel like the future is a wonderful place just around the corner?
Do you also feel like crying sometimes because when you look at him you just can't imagine being happier?

If you can answer yes to those questions, then yeah, you probably got a love thing going on. :)
 
Dear Kulindahr,
I think it's love, my friend. I felt like this 30 years ago when I fell for my guy.
We are still together and very much in love. I hope it is that way for you, too. It is the best feeling in the world, don't you think? Best wishes to both of you!..|(*8*)
 
bootyboi said:
Dear Kulindahr,
I think it's love, my friend. I felt like this 30 years ago when I fell for my guy.
We are still together and very much in love. I hope it is that way for you, too. It is the best feeling in the world, don't you think? Best wishes to both of you!..|(*8*)
Click to expand...

Thanks.

Unfortunately, the way his life is going he'll likely be dead or in prison within three years -- and a guy who has known him longer thinks that assessment of mine is optimistic. :cry: ](*,) :help:
 
Kulindahr said:
Thanks.

Unfortunately, the way his life is going he'll likely be dead or in prison within three years -- and a guy who has known him longer thinks that assessment of mine is optimistic. :cry: ](*,) :help:
Click to expand...


Oh, dear. i now amend my congratulations, and attach reservations. :(
 
Kulindahr said:
So What Do I Do Now????? :confused:

I've never felt this way.
It scares me, but I like it.
He could destroy my life.... :(
Click to expand...

Only with your permission. Do you love him because of how wonderful he is, or because of what a fucked up mess he is? Is it because he's good for you, or because you so desperately want to be good for him?
 
Kulindahr said:
So What Do I Do Now????? :confused:

I've never felt this way.
It scares me, but I like it.
He could destroy my life.... :(
Click to expand...

I don't know how old either of you are, and I don't know how much it matters, but if he is young enough maybe you could help change the direction of his life. It wouldn't be the first time that has happened. But,at the same time, you have to take care of your self first. You haven't really said how you think he feels about you, but if he feels the same about you maybe you can influence him to turn his life around in a positive direction. I hope so! Because I think you are a remarkable guy who deserves true love.
But please don't forget to take care of yourself.(*8*)
 
Maybe you do love him, Kul. Does he love you? At all? Can you use that love to help possibly change his life around?

>>>Love is a waste of time.

That's funny. These grapes taste awfully sweet to me.

Lex
 
Killjoke said:
It could be love, or it could be obsessive need/addiction. The key might be in why you only described the negative.

Do you also get all giddy and beam when you see him after he's been gone?
Does making plans with him feel like the future is a wonderful place just around the corner?
Do you also feel like crying sometimes because when you look at him you just can't imagine being happier?

If you can answer yes to those questions, then yeah, you probably got a love thing going on. :)
Click to expand...

Excellent questions.

I find that when I'm with him, I don't think about other things. When we're at dinner I'm not thinking about work the next day or what I'm doing over the weekend. I'm only in the moment

I also find myself willing to do things I don't really like doing. Willing to skip things I normally enjoy in order to be with him. He likes to go to art shows, I never did until we started going and now I love going
 
Killjoke said:
Only with your permission. Do you love him because of how wonderful he is, or because of what a fucked up mess he is? Is it because he's good for you, or because you so desperately want to be good for him?
Click to expand...

First, because he was fun to be with, made life more alive, and he was good for me (even my doc said so). Then because I saw he needed help, and I wanted to help. Wanting to be good for him... is making me back off, but it hurts like hell.
 
No - it's obsession and insecurity. It has all the hallmarks of someone who feels incomplete without the beloved. True love is letting go. Yours isnt love, it's neediness.
 
spreadeagle said:
No - it's obsession and insecurity. It has all the hallmarks of someone who feels incomplete without the beloved. True love is letting go. Yours isnt love, it's neediness.
Click to expand...

You remind me of Simon and Gardunkel's "I am a Rock" -- get close to no one, let no one be important to you, feel nothing for anyone, get involved with no one.

You should ask all the guys here (like Robertac) if they "feel incomplete without the beloved".

Or maybe I will.
 
I have been asked. So I'll answer.

Do I feel more complete with Pubert? Without question. But it's a mutual thing. He and I feel more complete with each other. We complement each other, and I think we help make each other better people somehow.

I don't know enough about your situation to say whether or not you're in the same ballpark, Kul. But love by itself doesn't involve "destroying your life". It involves bettering it.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
I have been asked. So I'll answer.

Do I feel more complete with Pubert? Without question. But it's a mutual thing. He and I feel more complete with each other. We complement each other, and I think we help make each other better people somehow.

I don't know enough about your situation to say whether or not you're in the same ballpark, Kul. But love by itself doesn't involve "destroying your life". It involves bettering it.

Lex
Click to expand...

Lex, as usual, speaks the truth. My partner and I function as a couple in that we support and nurture each other. And yes, I would feel incomplete without him. But if my feelings for him were not reciprocated, or if the relationship was not good for me, I would have to find the strength to say goodbye, as hard as that would be. Fortunately I'm not in that situation. My partner is fully committed to me and to our life together. I hope yours is too, Kulindahr. Best wishes to both of you...|(*8*) bb
 
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