Is your sexuality a large part of your life?

[Rali_hates_Mondays]

I was having this conversation with my friend and he said that after coming out there are people who make their lives revolve round their sexuality, making continuous references to it. He found this annoying and understandably I understand his point. This calls to my mind Graham Norton, who is a great comic but he ends up his sexuality as the main channel for his jokes.

I think homosexuality has been a large part of our lives mainly beause it has made us face experiences that a lot of straight people would not have faced- the claustrophobic feeling of being in the closet, not being yourself, fear of being ostracised, living a lie. But I'm still partially in the closet and I'm only out to a few a friends. I can sense that when I'm fully out it's likely to become an even smaller issue. Or it could happen an even bigger issue for me having kept it secret for so long.

Do you talk about your sexuality most of the time?

 

[GoodbyeSobriety]

Yeah because it's new and on my mind. I came out 3 years ago, im 23, and I feel like I am just now learning about myself.

 

[porter]

Not any more than heterosexuals talk about theirs.

im with you...
but lots of time, for some odd reason, people take that as being ashamed of my sexuality
but i can be proud, without shouting 'im gay' to everyone..its like bringing up the fact that i have green eyes for no reason in random conversations.
if it comes up, of course its discussed, but i dont think its a big part of my everyday life, so i dont pay special attention to it

 

[slobone]

I have one straight friend in particular who keeps making me talk about it. I think he had a very conservative upbringing and has led a sheltered life. He doesn't seem to have known any other gay people.

He asks me questions like, Do you think a lot of gay men were abused as children? Do you hate women? What percentage of men do you think are gay? I think he's kind of stuck in an earlier era.

And I know what you're all thinking -- but no, I honestly don't think he's secretly gay. If he were, that would be very disturbing, because he's kind of repulsive.

Anyway, there are lots of things I'd rather talk about. I only really enjoy talking about gay sex with other gay people.

 

[z-zver]

I think homosexuality has been a large part of our lives mainly beause it has made us face experiences that a lot of straight people would not have faced- the claustrophobic feeling of being in the closet, not being yourself, fear of being ostracised, living a lie.

Exactly! Just descded to leave this qoute because we discussed the same topic with my friend last week.

As to the sexuality - yes, it's a large part of my life but I'm still in a closet for the most of people, so I don't show it out. But when I see that anybody and I are becoming good friends I usually make coming out because it is difficult to lie to your friend. Not telling that you are gay is lie because gayness influences much on your behavior.

 

[luminum]

It depends on how you mean. I talk about guys I like or which guys I like. I'm naturally a raunchy-talking guy because I love bawdy humor, so gay content is always there because it's sexual and it happens to be mine. If I was straight, it'd probably be all straight bawdy humor, too.

I enjoy relating my coming out experiences to people and my chievements with certain things based on it because they're triumphant and liberating moments in my life.

But I don't think of it as a huge part of my life, but I feel it's also a big part because it always gives me a perspective on life (especially now in these heated times) that others don't and it will inevitably have to be a part of what I say when I'm giving my experience. (Assuming that the topic involves homosexuality in any way. If it doesn't, then it's not going to be in there.)

 

[orem244]

Sexuality is really only one small aspect of my overall identity. For that reason, I typically don't reveal to people that I am gay unless I have an actual reason to; I like people to form their impressions of me long before they know that I am gay, so that hopefully they will get to know me as a normal person, rather than as a homosexual.

Unfortunately, once most people discover that someone they don't know very well is gay they automatically begin to stereotype the person, and often ignore that person's other positive qualities. And personally, i would much rather people want to get to know me because of my actual personality than because of some desire to acquire a "token gay friend."

...but that's just me.

 

[Soilwork]

Yes and no.

It's not like my life revolves around cock sucking, but yes, I go to gay bars.. gay street fairs, have gay sex with gay men and I have a boyfriend.

 

[texyboi]

Yes and no.

It's not like my life revolves around cock sucking, but yes, I go to gay bars.. gay street fairs, have gay sex with gay men and I have a boyfriend.

soil I gotta say u give me WOOD

 

[aberfitch0206]

ask me and Ill tell you. Dont ask me, then its not a concern. I dont think my sexuality needs to be a sign that I wear around my neck. I'll be honest but im not going to introduce myself as gay. Call me crazy

 

[pausanias_usa]

Just an incidental part, especially now that I don't have a boyfriend and haven't had one in a while. My life is in transition, so it doesn't bother me; in fact, it almost feels like a "vacation" from the life before. . . .

 

[Soilwork]

Of course it's all relative.

to some people living in the Midwest who are still half closeted, my whole life is about being gay.

I'm in a gay motorcycle club, I have mostly gay friends, I don't miss things like the Folsom Street fair, I have a blog and podcast that's all about my experiences on gay motorcycle rides and I belong to a gay book club.

I don't feel like my life revolves about being gay, but to someone who lives in a small town in Montana, I'm practically that gay whore of Babylon.

OH, and i DO often introduce myself as "Soilwork... Admitted Homosexual".


(that last part in a joke)

 

[MidnightPrism]

My life doesn't revolve around it. I don't think I should have to wear a name tag that says HI, I'M QUEER.

..but I do gawk at hot men with the ladies at work

 

[Lube]

Currently, my sexuality is an enormous part of my daily life. But that's only because I've been in denial for so long.

It's sorta like being a teenager all over again. (this is both good and bad!) You have to rediscover how to meet gay people, connect with them, flirt with them, what to do on the first date, think about things you've never done before, etc.

That takes a huge toll on your psyche, so it's always on your mind.

But this, too, shall pass. A year from now, I'll have had a few experiences under my belt (pun intended), I'll have come out for a while by then, and I just think it won't be the overriding concern in my life the way it is today.

I don't know what I'd do without JUB or "you people" here.

 

[fuzzy64]

I would have to say no, it's not a large part of my life.. yeah I have my 2 partners, we hardly ever go out, we do go to pridefest every year, but thats about it.. I used to check out a lot of porn on the internet, but that was some years ago, and the amount that I watch has dropped a bunch. however I do check out the guys every weekend at Six Flags in the water park! woo hoo

 

[treanir]

Well, there's one (female) friend in particular where we constantly quip and joke about homosexuality in general and mine in particular. But we joke about heterosexuality too. Ah heck, it's all just sex with the two of us. Except the actual physical deed, of course.

For the rest? Meh, only if the topic's anything sexual. I mean, I can't be expected to give a serious reply to 'what's your favourite kind of tits' (yes, an actual topic a couple of days ago), can I?

 

[Rali_hates_Mondays]

I get what you guys feel just after coming out of the closet- having previously lived the life of a closeted monk, I'm beginning to experience new things- going out, seeing gay people, learning how to connect with them- you're right it's like growing up again which makes it really exciting!

I also think the way that society sees homosexuality makes it an even bigger issue than it should be- so big that concealing it is psychologically and emotionally damaging. In reality there is nothing biologically wrong with it and it's certainly something that doesn't require medical attention. If society were to end this negative opinion towards us then homosexuality wouldn't be such a big deal- we would be able to talk about it casually in schools, the workplace even in churches.

 

[frankfrank]

By what measure? This applies to waking hours only (except the one about dreams); it can be perceived as a major part of my life, or entirely trivial. For the sake of simplicity, "gay" will mean any of GLBT, though the "B" part applies only if the person is half-or-more gay.

Chance that somebody I find to be SEXUALLY attractive, will be a man: 100%
This is a big number, but big numbers are otherwise uncommon in this anaylysis.

ALL THE REST OF THE BELOW WILL BE ESTIMATES:
percentage of my waking life that I think about "gay stuff" of some sort: 15%

percentage of the time that I have a full erection (EXCLUDING times directly leading up to sex or masturbation): 0.1%

percentage of my friends that are (Known By Me To Be) gay: 20%

percentage of my time spent with my friends, where a MAJORITY are (KBMTB) gay: 10% to 13% (a "MAJORITY" can also mean I'm with only one person, who is gay.)

percentage of time spent interacting with women, AND percentage of my friends who are women: 10% (both are about the same)

percentage of my dreams that are "gay" or have important gay content: less than 10% (Hard to be more specific, as I don't remember dreams well. I do not count it as "gay" if I dream about a friend KBMTB gay, but the interaction is nongay.)

percentage of time involving "gay content or activity" when I am interacting with (KBMTB) gay people: 15-25%

percentage of my time while on JUB that involves reading, posting, looking or chatting that is explicitly or predominately gay in nature: 40-50%

how often I'll, entirely on my own, go to an obviously gay publicvenue of some kind (gay clubs/bars, Pride parades, towns or resorts like Provincetown or Palm Springs, concerts or gigs, cruises, bath-houses, gay parties, etc.): about once every other year - and some of these I've never done

percentage of time I wish I wasn't gay: NEGLIGIBLE TRACE (barely detectable above 0%, and usually skipping over entire years...)

When with an attractive man (in a nongay situation), percentage of time I'll be at least negligibly aware of his beauty in a gay way: 3% to 80% (usually 5-10%)

...and percentage of time I'll be aware at a level that can be called lust: 0% to 2%

overall importance of "gay" when considering all aspects of my life: 3%-5%

percentage of friends who I'm "out of the closet" with: 75%

In other words I'd have to say that it's part of me, but it's certainly not the dominant factor in my life - and its influence and relevance over me has shrunk all the more in recent years as other things (especially MEDIA of all kinds, as well as the ongoing political meltdown in the USA) have grown.

 

[Swellegant]

I've always found this topic troublesome, I'm not sure why. For some reason, whenever someone says that his sexuality is only one tiny trivial facet of his being, I get irritated. Perhaps I don't understand what you mean and must continue to seek an explanation, or perhaps it's just that this idea is so far from my own experience that I am incapable of understanding.

I never have to go around saying "Hi, I'm Gay!" because I pretty much just act gay. I've got the gay "accent," I speak fairly freely about my personal life and never use gender-neutral pronouns when doing so, and my hands fly about a bit when I'm talking. I'm too old and fat to be really truly outrageously nelly (girlishness just isn't age-appropriate after thirty), but one would have to have lived under a rock all of one's life, or be in a state of severe denial, to not register that I am gay.

And I am happy to do this, in fact I will accentuate my nelliness sometimes to avoid confusion, because I want people to know who and what I am, right off the bat. If they want to go and make negative generalizations about my sexuality, that is their problem, not mine... I will not allow other people's ignorance and/or assholeism to influence my actions.

I cannot control what other people think of me; I can only control how I behave myself. I prefer to present myself honestly, and let the viewer make up his or her own mind what to think.

So, to return to the topic, though I don't talk about being gay all the time, my sexuality is a HUGE portion of my life. I mean, it has influenced some of the most important structural experiences of growing up and my adult life; it influences whom I love and whom I wish to love me; it influences what I think about all day; it influences whom I hang out with, what kinds of AA meetings I go to, what books I read and what magazines I enjoy; sex and attraction occurs in some form or another in my brain, off and on, twenty-four/seven! How can this not be a huge portion of my life?

My sexuality is what brings me to this board, where I spend so much of my free time. It's the one thing we all have in common, aside from internet access (though not all of us are gay, if not, we are either exploring the gay end of our sexualities or are "honorary" gays).

So anyway, my two cents on the topic.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Sexuality is a very large part of my life. I happen to be a very sexual person and I also know a number of other dudes who enjoy the same predicament. Equally so, I know a number of other guys, who do not happen to be highly sexual. Just the way people are.

Nope, I do not go around telling sex or gay or any other dumb jokes while at work or at home. I view sexuality as part of my personal life and I do not welcome anyone to making reference to it, unless he is a friend, partner or buddy. I respect the very same rules, when it comes to other people.

I have worked hard to create a very gay-friendly environment at my work place. My fellow workers love it and we have all been reaping significant benefits as a result of our increased productivity and next-to-perfect networking. IMHE, gay dudes simply understand the notion of 'reciprocal support' for general benefits a bit better than other dudes. More power to them.

Both of my homes have been built/designed in a manner to serve two gay men best. You do not want to look into those bathrooms, closets, etc. Nope, we do not have guest rooms, kid rooms, but we have all two or more guys living together can possibly wish to have.

I am not saving to send any kid to any college, pay anyone's dental bills, save for my own. So, yeah, it is only very fair to say, that being gay, significantly influences the way I invest and the way I spend my money, too.

When you give it a second thought, my sexuality largely determines my life.

SC