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Isolated guy, introverted, no friends, and his path to coming out

Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

ChickenGuy said:
Also I have no job, never had a premanent one, and see virtually no-one. There is nothing to do. I have spent the last 15 years of my adult life stuck in this rut, lonely, lonely, lonely :(
Click to expand...
First step- you need employment. You will probably continue to feel dependent and isolated until you're working. Go from there. Perhaps you'll establish one or two friendships from the work environment, and it's onward and upward from there.
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

hey chicken,in order to build ur self confidence, why not do a picture diary of ur gym, before and after, post them and i am pretty sure ur get plenty of compliments and therefore build ur confidence :) i know ur shy so just post neck to waist pix:)
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

In reply to comments...

On my state of mind, I think it's just that I'm very introverted and unused to talking to people

On helplines, yes, it was just that sort of information that I was wanting to find and I know that it would only be available in the larger cities - actually I could find out online about it, stupid me, I'll start with that

On employment, there are VERY few jobs going round here, and most that are available require certificates or qualifications that I don't have. It also doesn't help if I am asked 'What have you being doing for the last 10 years?' errrr..... ummmm....

On the gym, well I'll speak to my cousin about it when I see him on Sunday - a few of us are meeting up for my dad's birthday
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

>>>On employment, there are VERY few jobs going round here, and most that are available require certificates or qualifications that I don't have. It also doesn't help if I am asked 'What have you being doing for the last 10 years?' errrr..... ummmm....

You tell the truth. You've been living on a farm. And now you're ready to join the working force. You may be joining ten or fifteen years later than most, but better later than never. So start at the bottom. Make sandwiches or whatever.

Lex
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

Well, the first small step has been taken. I went to the sports centre for a swim!

LOL It so reminded me of my school days all that cubicles and lockers stuff!

Well it went OK there were mostly kids in there but not crowded, not really much to do except try out all the methods, front crawl mostly for me and a bit of breast stroke and doggie style - er, paddle :##:

And I was interested to see if I could do any more than 2 lengths straight without getting exhausted like I used to all those years ago... no, still the same then I start puffing out

But since I was in there a long while I did the 2-length thing 4 times and also a few other singles, so maybe 12 of 14 lengths in total - so so, not bad

Michael Phelps here I come :lol:

I was a bit done out and slightly achy after coming home but that passed quickly

TODAY THE SWIMMING POOL, TOMORROW THE WORLD!!!!

(hmmm, this is going to be a long, long journey......)
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

Yes, it's a long long journey. But you're on the road now. Now you just have to keep at it. Go back tomorrow. And once you feel up to it, start jogging over there. :)

Lex
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

Hahahaha woww you see? you advance and learn quickly!! Just keep on doing things and smiling at the world. You don't have to be an extrovert to do that. And don't hesitate about telling us everything you may have the urge to express!
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

You've taken 2 steps now.

1. Posting and seeking advice here.
2. Going out of your house to your gym.

Good job! and keep it up! :=D:

Start going to the gym 2-3 times a week just to get yourself out of the house. If the gym has any free classes you can take, try them all and see which ones you like. It's a good chance to talk and meet people.

Also, keep posting here. This place is good practice for your social skills and getting comfortable being you in front of other people. Once you're more comfortable here, you'll be more comfortable in your own life. It'll help build your self esteem. Don't just stay on the internet 24/7 though, use it to help you. You can't meet people if you don't get out of your house. Maybe you can post an add looking for friends on sites like Craigslist. Post that you're not looking for sex, tell a little bit about yourself and that you're really shy just so they understand. Even if you don't end up liking some of the guys, it's good practice. You don't have to befriend them if it doesn't work out but give them a chance.

If anything goes wrong, get back up and try again and sooner or later if you keep putting in effort, you'll see progress. It may be little by little and take a long time, even years to get where you want to be but you're making progress and taking the first steps. Also whatever you don't like about your physical appearance, work little by little at changing that. It'll boost your self esteem and self confidence. If you're overweight, eat healthier and start excercising regularly. Excercising is also a good stress reducer and makes you feel better.

Good job on those first steps and I hope to hear more updates. Bad or good, you can find help here on this site. :=D: ..| (*8*)
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

Take your time. Tread lightly and take baby steps. You will do fine and I wish you well. Too bad we have the ocean between us, otherwise, I'd be happy to come over and meet you.
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

You've wasted the best decade of your life, it doesn't matter what you do now. Try to convince your dad to let you suck his cawk, he sounds hot! Also post pics.
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

I think the advice that has been given so far is great. I want to throw this out there just because it hasn't been said: Do you think you might be clinically depressed? It might be useful to speak to a counselor who could help you work on these things. When is the last time you went to the doctor and got checked out? There may be something easily correctable that is affecting your mood/motivation. There is no harm in covering all your bases.
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

I read your post, and it must be hard living that life. But Good Luck on you to ur journey of rejoining the world!
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

ChickenGuy said:
Well, the first small step has been taken. I went to the sports centre for a swim!

TODAY THE SWIMMING POOL, TOMORROW THE WORLD!!!!

(hmmm, this is going to be a long, long journey......)
Click to expand...

Good on you mate. I congratulate you on taking that first step. I hope you enjoy the journey.

I can relate to some of your situation and reading your post, and others like it gives inspiration to those in similar situations and for that I thank you.

(*8*)
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

I think you should talk to a therapist to help you sort out your feelings and problems.

You should start by changing your name. It's not healthy to call yourself something with bad connotation. It's like a self fulfilling prophesy.

Good start on getting out there. Now while you're out there, go talk to people too!
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

crowboy...

thankyou for your kind words of support they're very thoughtful - also G-Lexington and Alex00 and others :D

spencer...

I did not choose my name to describe myself, I chose it to describe my favourite animal, after which I found a picture and thought it would all be quirky and funny and taken, as is should be, light-heartedly

As for counselling, I regularly speak with, and in fact I've been over to their house three times of late, my auntie and female cousin

My auntie was a health professional, now retired, with 40+ years of experience
My cousin works at the local hospital's psychiatric unit

I think that if these two have advised work and lifestyle changes then it's sound advice (she also recommended a book on life coaching which I duly ordered by post and have begun reading)
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

Hi ChickenGuy.

Friendships are developed over time, but it's difficult to develop them when you live in an isolated area and have little contact with people like you. However, joining social networking sites, like JUB or even dating sites like Gaydar will help you make that initial contact.

Can I advise/suggest that you don't restrict people from "private messaging" you when you join these sites, otherwise you may restrict those who would be willing to contact you.

Welcome to JUB by the way.

Andrew.
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

ANDORYUU said:
Hi ChickenGuy.

Can I advise/suggest that you don't restrict people from "private messaging" you when you join these sites, otherwise you may restrict those who would be willing to contact you.

Welcome to JUB by the way.

Andrew.
Click to expand...

I second that. I posted in the thread after being unable to do a private to you. I have received the odd private message that has made me smile and lifted my spirits for the day. :-)
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

Why are you calling the help lines?

Because you are growing up. You're become an adult, and you're standing up for yourself. Congratulations!

You sound like you're on the beginning of a great journey. You're making all the right moves.

P.S.--The way your father adores you, you should probably come out to him. He's probably fine with it; he probably knows already. (No mention of your mom; what happened to her?)

P.P.S.--Surely you've seen Little Britain, and the recurring sketch of Daffyd, the "only gay" in the little Welsh village. You are him right now: you think you're the only one. But you're not.
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

I just posted this on another thread in reply to someone, and thought that it would be good here as well... thanks


The trouble is that you DON'T think positively or optimistically, it's all just negative thoughts, pessimism, and constant self-criticism.

I don't know if you've heard the term 'padded cell' but it's quite appropriate - yes you're not getting your heart's desires, but you maintain a monotonous daily routine, which in my case is:

Television
Movies
Computer Games
DVD Box Sets
Occasional book/magazine

Nothing much else happens, and the days, months, years, pass you by :(

And it's not that you don't realise that there's more to life, but that any solution seems to be completely impossible :confused:

Meanwhile, the mind, lacking stimulation, is usually filled with strange scenarios of pretty much every subject, real of fantasy, and wanders off constantly

And I'm saying all this while still living this lifestyle :rolleyes:

However...

If my actions over the past 3 months are anything to go by, things can change:

I've talked about a lot of my problems (not all) to two close relatives
I've gone to the sports centre (last week) for the first time in over 10 years
I've tried to call a helpline for information and someone to talk to
I've been going out on a slightly more frequent level
I've planned a shopping break before Christmas to a nearby city
I've noticed that my usual deep self-criticism of myself has started to fade
I've joined up here with JUB!!!!!!!! (found the place by accident 3 weeks ago)
I've been seriously thinking and considering admitting that I'm gay

IF YOU TOLD ME IN JULY THAT I WOULD DO ONE OF THESE THINGS, I'D HAVE SAID YOU WERE DAFT

IF YOU TOLD ME IN JULY THAT I WOULD DO ALL OF THESE THINGS, I'D HAVE SAID YOU WERE C-R-A-Z-Y

And yet there it is - it started around mid-August. For no reason. Out of the blue.

A shame that I couldn't have activated this mood earlier in my life, but better late than never.

I hope that my words have proved to anyone in a similar situation that your life can at least begin to turn around, EVEN WITHOUT YOU PLANNING IT

All you need to do is try your best in the meantime, and have patience ..|
 
Re: Isolated virgin in his 30s, stay-at-home, no friends - coming out!?!?

So you're finding that not all things are impossible. And you're finding that out the way you're supposed to find that out - by trying them. So keep it up. :)

Lex
 
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