It's killing me :(

[socal21]

Hey guys,

Some of you might have read my previous thread entitled "My feelings for my friend" and I guess you could say this is chapter 2.

...I got a call from my friend the other night, and asked me if I'd like to join him for coffee and keep him company as he studied for his finals week. I said sure. I pick him up and he says "oh do you mind if our friend joins us?" "our friend" whom I'll just keep unnamed here is best friends with the guy my fried wanted to hook me up with. I said I didn't mind, cause well I thought I had made it clear to my friend how I felt about him, and that I just wasn't interested in dating anyone else right now. So "our friend" arrives and we chit chat, and he says "Oh! My Best friend is on his way also!" and my friend says to me "Oh! yay!" and laughs...This was basically a set up, and I didn't wanna make a scene, so I just kept my cool.

We end up leaving to meet the other guy at another coffee place, and as my friend and I are driving he asks me if I'm mad. I calmly, yet in a sarcastic tone say No. He changes his mood, and says If I don't wanna go he could just call it off. I then say, then why did you set this up for? he stayed quiet and then answered, "well you said he was cute, and he thought you were cute" I then told him, just cause I said he was cute, didn't mean I wanted to date him. When you see someone out in the street or at a party, and you don't know them, you admire there persona, looks, etc. but somehow you don't get that, but I'm gonna go ahead and go to this meet right now, cause I do need to forget about you ( I was hurt and upset) and he caught that, and he asked for me to just turn around and go home, and I was like, you're crazy! he's waiting for me! and he just stayed quiet till we arrived.

When we get there, the guy says hello and we give each other a hug. He's a very nice guy, and yea, he's cute, but just not what I'd go for. But I wasn't going to be rude either, cause that's not me. So we get to talking and I get this guy to open up and I keep the conversation going and going, and I can see my friend and "our friend" from the side of my eye just staring at us and smiling at each other. At the end I do get this other guys number, and we tell each other we'd see each other soon. Out of anger and also cause I tell myself I need to forget about my friend, I text this guy when I get home and ask him out. Of course he says yes, and he's now waiting for me to tell him when. I feel bad, cause I did what I didn't want to do, and my friend keeps asking me how this guy is doing as if we're a couple or something, and I'm just like UGH!

He's my best friend, and I hate that I love him, cause I can't have him, yet the guy I don't want is interested in me? why? I'm soo angry, sad and I don't know what to do. Please Help, anyone.

 

[Petalswilt]

Go on the date, tell him you're not ready for a relationship but you'd love a new friend to hang with. I know how you are feeling but you should do this. You need to do stuff that takes you away from thinking about your friend.

It doesn't have to be anything more than it is. Be upfront with him and no-one gets hurt. And be kind to yourself.

 

[Seasoned]

The only thing I'd advise is to not lead on this new guy unless you'd really want to get to know him. Doing anything out of revenge is not cool. Your friend has been behaving poorly. What are you going to do about that?

 

[greyhorse]

Well that is life I'm afraid ! It seems to go that the one we want does not want us. All I can say is enjoy what you can get. Good luck and be open to possibilities. Cheers. Love, G
And Merry Christmas

 

[HunterM]

I then told him, just cause I said he was cute, didn't mean I wanted to date him. When you see someone out in the street or at a party, and you don't know them, you admire there persona, looks, etc.

Uh...if I see someone is cute, yeah...I'd date him if there's an opportunity.


Dating is supposed to be FUN! Dating is getting to know a person. Dating does NOT mean you have to have sex. Dating does NOT mean you'll be in a relationship with this person for life. You can return him for a store credit if things don't hit if off romantically for you two.

The other person is interested in you. GO out with him and have fun like a buddy. Go out and have fun with another buddy. Meeting other people will help you get over him.

BTW, you posted your feelings for your friend. There's a thread on "Help! My best friend is in love with me." Is that him? You should read his thread...and find out what advice we gave him.

 

[KaraBulut]

The story reminds me a bit of when you get a gift that is kind of like the gift you're looking for but not exactly the gift you wanted.

The reality is that you're not getting to date the friend that you want. The same friend that wants you for a friend and not a boyfriend. The same friend that picks terrible boyfriends and complains about how terrible the boyfriends he picks are.

So, you're upset because you got a date. A date with a cute guy. A date with a cute guy who is nice. A date with a cute guy who is nice and who thinks you're cute.

Remind me- what exactly are you mad about again?

 

[CHUCK905]

^^^ I agree. Also just as you should not date this new guy out of revenge.

You should also NOT not date him because in your mind it's what your ""friend"" wants. If he's cute, nice, and interested maybe you should give him a try. At least you may get a better friend out of it.

 

[texan_slant]

LOL, we reap what we sow.

I'd say at least go out a coupla times, and have some fun. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You never know - perhaps there's some small chance that it "happened for a reason". Then, if you still don't feel a connection, be honest about it.

I re-read you other thread about your best friend. Maybe he had good intentions, though I'd be pissed also if I was placed in a situation like that.

 

[socal21]

Thanks guys. I do agree with what everyone is saying, and I should just go out with this guy, and make a new friend. It just sucks that it sorta feels like it's what my friend wants, but maybe that's just me. I also hate that my friend has become more affectionate, despite him saying he wants nothing more than a friendship. when we're lying in bed watching TV together, his hands will wonder and poke at me, he'll play with my face, reach for my hand, but than take it back...little things like that. And I don't respond, cause I'm scared to.

We're supposed to go out tonight with all our gay buddies tonights, and I told him I wasn't going, simply cause I do have work early in the morning, and he got upset.

 

[Kisuke]

I'm so sorry to hear that socal21. [BTW I added you on MSN, however you weren't ever on, so we couldn't talk lol]

But you know personally, if I were you, I'd go out with this new "friend". Get to know him, make new friends, try to forget about the [one guy I still dream, and love, it's going to be hard! but at least try].

You know I really would sit down with this guy [The one your dieing inside for] and tell him how you "TRULY" feel, and not "I like you too" like get it out of your system. lol, I did it, and afterward it felt GREAT! to get that out there and make him aware of how I felt. Apparently he felt the same way about me, but my situation is a tad bit more complicated.

Anyway, I would do that, if he reacts like he really don't want to go there, and just want to value your friendship, then you'll really have to accept that, and find Mr.Right again. And in a way you still win, you may not get the great fantasies you're having about your best friend, or living together for the rest of your life part, but you'll still be friends, you'll respect each other just as friends.

But I'd totally go out with this new guy, and get to know him better. And other guys out there as well!

I'm so sorry, but the way love works, it's horrible to think it's even love. Sometimes it just ends up that way, the one person you really feel is the right person, ends up being the one you can't get. :/

 

[texan_slant]

Seriously, it sounds like your best friend is teasing you, but to the point of having it not be cool. It seriously just sounds like the drama of being able to reel you in, but only to a certain point.

...kind of like Pavlov's dawg! Tread with caution, cuz from your other thread it just sounds like a mini-drama.

 

[KaraBulut]

I also hate that my friend has become more affectionate, despite him saying he wants nothing more than a friendship. when we're lying in bed watching TV together, his hands will wonder and poke at me, he'll play with my face, reach for my hand, but than take it back...little things like that. And I don't respond, cause I'm scared to.

Well, you're both sending mixed signals.

He's sending mixed signals by getting in your bed and being touchy-feely. And then telling you that he just wants to be friends. He's toying with you and he likes the attention. As long as he strings you on, the attention will continue,

You're sending mixed signals by having him in your bed and not putting an end to his behavior.

The more that you give details about this friend, the less it sounds like he's someone that you want to have in your life.

 

[Kisuke]

Well, you're both sending mixed signals.

He's sending mixed signals by getting in your bed and being touchy-feely. And then telling you that he just wants to be friends. He's toying with you and he likes the attention. As long as he strings you on, the attention will continue,

You're sending mixed signals by having him in your bed and not putting an end to his behavior.

The more that you give details about this friend, the less it sounds like he's someone that you want to have in your life.

I couldn't agree anymore. : ) Well said KaraBulut!