SuperCanadiandude
Slut
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2009
- Posts
- 237
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Growing up I found out early on that I was attracted to other boys and just to confuse things up girls as well, some would call this a phase and I was told I would grow out of it. And to be honest it was by other men on this vary website, I came for the porn to be honest but every young man needs some advice so I came for the forums to meet other people who I assumes were just like me.
I sought advice and got some, what stuck with me was when I chatted with some people, the ask me and I tell them I was bi, and well things changed and I was told by the vary people I thought would understand that I’m just going through a phase. That was something like 2005-2006 it’s almost 10 years now. I left for a good while to try and reconcile who I was with what I was told, to be honest I spent nights telling myself “You are Gay!” forced myself to look at of men.
I struggled with this for a bit, but not matter how much I tried and how much I said it I found myself thinking of women and wanting a relationship with women or even men. Well after much suffering a lot of it my own self-inflicted torment mostly psychological which along with and injury years earlier that ultimately shattered my dreams of well serving my country. I could not reconcile my attraction to women and my attraction to men as just being a phase that I will grow out of it.
So I accepted who I really am, I stopped telling myself I was gay and started telling myself that, I am a Bi-man and I can’t change that and it’s not a phase. I went on to college and I survived half a semester and moved back home. I stayed with a friend who was well a childhood friend, he had a brother who it turns out was gay, I don’t know if he knew I liked men but well.
He spent a lot of time hanging out with us so I can just speculate here. But time went on I’m comfortable with who I am and eventually moved home I hang out with my friend, his brother shows up every now and then, lets speed this up I find a job I go through everything and its nice and everything’s going fine.
My friend is older so is his brother again I don’t know here, I’m just speculating he is attracted to me but me being me I don’t quite notice well about several years ago he comes out to his mom I think, well he’s like 22 or something now I’m 28. I pick him up one night because well he’s in college now and I’ve got nothing better to do, he ask me some questions tells me he’s gay and well he tells me he kinda figured that I was into men, I tell him yes, the conversation inevitably leads to me coming out, I tell him I’m Bi.
Well… things change here, I now know I’m well not along and that he’s gay I’m bi that maybe I can I don’t know have some sort of relationship and well we sorta do. And it’s okay we get along fine and things are okay well at least I assume they are.
I assume that he has the same feelings, but he doesn’t an a series of post’s he makes state somethings about relationships an such I’m oblivious it’s about me the whole time I was buying him stuff and giving him money he was I guess in a relationship with another guy, I find this out when he tells me he’s not ready for a relationship an he’s just getting over a guy. I’m shocked I don’t text him for a while I give him his space and I think maybe we’ll talk later (should tell you he’s was 23 by this point)
Not too long after we start texting again I tell him I’m sorry for asking about well our status and I assume things are okay and that well I’m a me I think to myself maybe he deserves a second chance from me, He knows I like him and I have feelings for him, well he exploits those feelings and the cycle begins again I’m thinking he’s changed he’s learned his lesson about those other guys. I start to notice a pattern, he only text’s me when he wants money or needs something, and never for anything other than that reason.
Well I confront him about this, I text him and ask him “are you just using me?” 36 hours no reply I know he has data and well I tell him “I guess that’s a yes, good luck”
Now we get to the present I know it was my own fault for even giving him a second chance, he post some stuff on twitter about ‘never date “bi” people’. And I see it I have an overwhelming feeling of sadness and shame. Shame because I allowed this to happen to me twice, sadness that with in the LGBT community of an already marginalized some people feel they must marginalize another group of people.
I’m not going to wake up and absolutely, exclusively love men, If I could change that fact then homosexuality is a choice just the same as bi-sexuality, but you and I know that it isn’t and if you won’t let people tell you any different, don’t tell me that my bi-sexuality is a choice, to tell me that I’m going through a phase, don’t tell me that I am wrong about who I know I am.
It’s not a phase, I am not a “bi” person, I am a Bi-sexual man and I have feelings just the same as you and that doesn’t give you a right to treat me as though I am not worthy of a same-sex relationship because I am Bi, And I love you just the same even though you think, I’m greedy, I’m in the “closet” because I am not.
I am, who I am and I can’t change that, just as much as you can’t change who you are. And I'll love you, for you, Bi, Gay, Transgender or otherwise, You're beautiful, beautiful like a rainbow.
I sought advice and got some, what stuck with me was when I chatted with some people, the ask me and I tell them I was bi, and well things changed and I was told by the vary people I thought would understand that I’m just going through a phase. That was something like 2005-2006 it’s almost 10 years now. I left for a good while to try and reconcile who I was with what I was told, to be honest I spent nights telling myself “You are Gay!” forced myself to look at of men.
I struggled with this for a bit, but not matter how much I tried and how much I said it I found myself thinking of women and wanting a relationship with women or even men. Well after much suffering a lot of it my own self-inflicted torment mostly psychological which along with and injury years earlier that ultimately shattered my dreams of well serving my country. I could not reconcile my attraction to women and my attraction to men as just being a phase that I will grow out of it.
So I accepted who I really am, I stopped telling myself I was gay and started telling myself that, I am a Bi-man and I can’t change that and it’s not a phase. I went on to college and I survived half a semester and moved back home. I stayed with a friend who was well a childhood friend, he had a brother who it turns out was gay, I don’t know if he knew I liked men but well.
He spent a lot of time hanging out with us so I can just speculate here. But time went on I’m comfortable with who I am and eventually moved home I hang out with my friend, his brother shows up every now and then, lets speed this up I find a job I go through everything and its nice and everything’s going fine.
My friend is older so is his brother again I don’t know here, I’m just speculating he is attracted to me but me being me I don’t quite notice well about several years ago he comes out to his mom I think, well he’s like 22 or something now I’m 28. I pick him up one night because well he’s in college now and I’ve got nothing better to do, he ask me some questions tells me he’s gay and well he tells me he kinda figured that I was into men, I tell him yes, the conversation inevitably leads to me coming out, I tell him I’m Bi.
Well… things change here, I now know I’m well not along and that he’s gay I’m bi that maybe I can I don’t know have some sort of relationship and well we sorta do. And it’s okay we get along fine and things are okay well at least I assume they are.
I assume that he has the same feelings, but he doesn’t an a series of post’s he makes state somethings about relationships an such I’m oblivious it’s about me the whole time I was buying him stuff and giving him money he was I guess in a relationship with another guy, I find this out when he tells me he’s not ready for a relationship an he’s just getting over a guy. I’m shocked I don’t text him for a while I give him his space and I think maybe we’ll talk later (should tell you he’s was 23 by this point)
Not too long after we start texting again I tell him I’m sorry for asking about well our status and I assume things are okay and that well I’m a me I think to myself maybe he deserves a second chance from me, He knows I like him and I have feelings for him, well he exploits those feelings and the cycle begins again I’m thinking he’s changed he’s learned his lesson about those other guys. I start to notice a pattern, he only text’s me when he wants money or needs something, and never for anything other than that reason.
Well I confront him about this, I text him and ask him “are you just using me?” 36 hours no reply I know he has data and well I tell him “I guess that’s a yes, good luck”
Now we get to the present I know it was my own fault for even giving him a second chance, he post some stuff on twitter about ‘never date “bi” people’. And I see it I have an overwhelming feeling of sadness and shame. Shame because I allowed this to happen to me twice, sadness that with in the LGBT community of an already marginalized some people feel they must marginalize another group of people.
I’m not going to wake up and absolutely, exclusively love men, If I could change that fact then homosexuality is a choice just the same as bi-sexuality, but you and I know that it isn’t and if you won’t let people tell you any different, don’t tell me that my bi-sexuality is a choice, to tell me that I’m going through a phase, don’t tell me that I am wrong about who I know I am.
It’s not a phase, I am not a “bi” person, I am a Bi-sexual man and I have feelings just the same as you and that doesn’t give you a right to treat me as though I am not worthy of a same-sex relationship because I am Bi, And I love you just the same even though you think, I’m greedy, I’m in the “closet” because I am not.
I am, who I am and I can’t change that, just as much as you can’t change who you are. And I'll love you, for you, Bi, Gay, Transgender or otherwise, You're beautiful, beautiful like a rainbow.
