It's Offical........I am part of the gay world

[jamie_01930]

Results of "Coming Out" and getting a divorce
My str8 friends have all disappeared
My relatives must think it's contiguous, as I never hear from them anymore
My son is even more distant to me than he was before
My best friend has basically said that we can't be friends anymore
My other close friend says nothing has changed but he no longer calls, drops in or have any spare time

Gay land is everything I was warned about before I came out

 

[BrandonSBCA]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time.

 

[ahotjock71]

Results of "Coming Out" and getting a divorce
My str8 friends have all disappeared
My relatives must think it's contiguous, as I never hear from them anymore
My son is even more distant to me than he was before
My best friend has basically said that we can't be friends anymore
My other close friend says nothing has changed but he no longer calls, drops in or have any spare time

Gay land is everything I was warned about before I came out

Wow. I too am sorry that you are having such a tough time. But are you blowing things out of proportion just a bit?

Why cry over people who obviously didn't love you to begin with? You need to quit crying like a baby & get out in the REAL gay world, make some friends, and find someone to date. If loneliness is a prison, you've given yourself a life sentence.

Instead of internalizing, and blaming others for turning their backs on you, grab life by the horns and LIVE man!

Reading something like this only makes it harder for others to come out. Why try to discourage them?

Sorry to sound so "tough love" but you need a good kick in the pants to get you started!




edit: Oh, yeah, Living well is the best revenge.

 

[numerobis]

I am sorry to hear that, especially the part about your son, have you talked about this, what are his views?

Does the divorce is part of the coming out process or you were divorcing before you came out?

And don’t take me wrong but why did you choose at this point in your life to start this “new you” with the possible sacrifice of friend and family? Was it worth it? Or did you found love somewhere else?

I hope everything turns out well, and that friends and family could look in the past and all the good times you gave them, for them to form an opinion about you.

Num.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Sad, as all of this may sound, you have done a most important step in years.

People, who base their love and respect for you upon the intimate practices taking place in your bedroom are really neither dependable nor good friends to start with. Thank yourself for helping them part their ways with you.

Your son should remember that he has but one father. If he chooses to end your relationship on the account of your sexual orientation, tell him that he is simply wrong. He is a growing adult and you'll have to respect his decisions as much as he does yours.

After everything is said and done, you are always left to yourself and your own resources. Gather all your strength and move on.

Good Luck,

SC

 

[RationalLunacy]

Noun: friend (frend)

1. A person you know well and regard with affection and trust.

Sounds to me like your so-called "friends" don't fit that definition. Look in your dictionary under the word "shallow", and you may find them lurking there.

 

[halubtsi]

Jamie_01930, there's obviously a generational difference which has to be taken into consideration. I'm guessing that your friends are about the same age as you? You're about the same age as my parents and I know that they had a difficult time when I told them that I was gay. Everything they had learnt about gays was being turned upside down. I wasn't effeminate, I didn't wear women's clothes or high heeled shoes, nor was I particularly drawn to feather boas. They realize that I didn't choose to be gay, but they figured that since I wasn't flaming, I could live a st8 life and be happy. So, unfortunately your generation has YEARS of erroneous conditioning to overcome.

In contrast to your experience, when I came out:
My parents continue to love and support me.
My older sisters still love me and are waiting for me to start dating.
My older brother and I are even closer than we had been before.
My best friends love me and continue to be my pillars of strength.
My str8 friends have gone to gay bars and clubs with me.
I have more friends, both str8 and gay.

Lastly, I'm happy and content. I'm not living a lie, I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud of who I am.

I realize that coming out is not easy for everyone. And there may be a lot at stake, as was the case in your situation. I wish I could say that your "friends" will come around, but I really can't say. My parents' generation can be pretty stubborn, and they don't like younger people telling them that they're wrong.

Did you try to find support groups in your area? I wish I could offer more encouraging words or better advice, but all I can do is wish you good luck.

 

[FullMonty]

I really hope that things improve quickly for you, You have made a landmark decsion in you life and from reading what you say things can only improve from where you are right now. Having said that you must realize you have made the best choice because you are now being true to yourself.

Best Wishes and here's to a happy future for you.

You know what ...If it was easy....they'd all do it!

Much Love and Hugs

Chris
xcx


.

 

[antdak]

I agree with everthing everyone has said! I am sorry things have not gone well for you. It is hard to loose freinds, but like was said, they are not really your friends. Find a support group to help with the lonliness, and hopefully make a new frieind or two. Posting here can help also. You have support, and might make a friend or two.

 

[justsimon]

Here's hoping that at least some of your "friends" and family will come to their senses and realize you're the same person you always were.

 

[Soilwork]

meh... it will always blow over.

Your son needs time to adjust, so do your friends and family.

this DOES require a bit of work from you. you need to get on the phone, visit and make time.

You also might wanna point out that since you came out people have been distant... tell them that you haven't changed and you still need them in your life.

Sometimes you need to slap them in the face just to get their attention.

 

[Swellegant]

It's so sad, my dear, that you've been surrounded by assholes all this time and didn't even know it! I mean, I can understand families being assholes, but how can you have so many friends who are assholes?

No, turning your back on someone because of his sexuality is not something a friend does. It just isn't, no matter how stringent your beliefs. If a friend is going through something you don't understand, it is your duty as a friend to try to understand.

The reality is that these people were not your friends to begin with. They were friends with the guy they thought you were; they never were friends with you. And honestly, you were never their friends, either, because you never trusted them with the truth. It would have been a lot better and a lot less painless if you'd come out and ditched these no-goodniks before you got attached to them.

Jamie, please don't spend this second part of your life bemoaning the choices you made in the first part. Instead, take a proactive stance and get yourself some new friends and build with them a new family. Your life is what you make it, not what happens to you.

 

[screwnutty]

Results of "Coming Out" and getting a divorce
My str8 friends have all disappeared
My relatives must think it's contiguous, as I never hear from them anymore
My son is even more distant to me than he was before
My best friend has basically said that we can't be friends anymore
My other close friend says nothing has changed but he no longer calls, drops in or have any spare time

Gay land is everything I was warned about before I came out

Hey Jamie. Sorry to hear this.

Don't worry too much about it...course look at me saying that when I have had the same problems as you have! (my str8 friends disappearing and best friend no longer being my friend.)

If it helps, you'll make new friends who will accept you for you. I lost all of my old friends and it took about a month of me feeling sad and depressed and slowly I made new friends again. There all straight but I won't hold that against them. As for your Son. Give him time....If he doesn't come around then there's not much you can do, now is there. I think he should be grateful because you were there for him, you gave him food, put a roof over his head right? Alot of other sons I know (like myself) never had a father who was there. He should know how lucky he is and hopefully one day he will figure it out. If not, It's his lost. Besides it's better this way right! you don't have to live the lie anymore.

here's a and good luck to you. Keep us posted!

 

[luminum]

Make new friends, man.

It may suck now, but find yourself a man, and find yourself some friends and be social and things will be better. The gay world isn't the loss of everything you had, it's the realization that you never had what you thought was yours. Obviously their love needs time or it wasn't real. You're now able to start forging real relationships new or old.

Go out there and grab what should be yours. Roll with the hurt for a while and throw it aside.

 

[Theyoungman]

Life sucks doesn't it?

Start looking for new friends who will accept you for who you are and you might want to move to a more comfortable area.

 

[ahotjock71]

 

[cocktales]

Jamie,

I guess it takes times like this to tell you who your real friends in the world are!

Man, just because someone told them they are Gay, they suddenly disappear into the sunset!

I would think of it like this........would I have deserted my friends in a time when they needed friends the most?

I'm sure your answer is NO!

So, if they decide to stay away............pal, you don't need them!

I am truly sorry about your son, perhaps he will come around; but for the others fuck 'em!

I would associate with Gay people and hopefully you will find that we/they are much better at taking care of their friends!

I would try and get involved in the local gay associations if at all possible and try and make friends there!

Good luck and keep that gay head held high my friend!