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It's sucks when you want to tell someone

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foolish082

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that you're gay, but they're never around and when they finally get back to you....too late. :( I tried my friend for a week so I could tell her in person and when I wanted to hang out she had plans. I tried to tell another friend last night and she didn't answer her phone and when she called me back I wasn't in the mood. It's not even that I don't want those two to know, it's just I want to do it when I'm at my most comfortable and they're never around when I'm ready.
 
I know exactly what you're talking about, and it sucks big time. I keep thinking 'I'll come out today, I'm feeling brave, I can do this... Ok, now pick up the phone and ring them... yeah, that's it. Come on, I can do this... as soon as they answer, just say "It's James, I just decided to finally tell you I'm gay..."... as soon as they answer... they'll pick it up any second... WTF?! Answerphone!'

I think you're just gonna have to one day just do it. Just blurt it out, it doesn't have to be all planned... once it's out in the open, I know I'll feel better. But I'm not pushing you; would be hypocritical, since I'm procrastinating about it myself.
 
You're never ready, but you can be prepared. The only times he can tell them, he doesn't feel prepared. I'm constantly in this situation. Every time I get the courage up to talk about it, nobody else wants to hear, and when there's a good moment I'm never prepared for it.
 
I'm in the same boat, foolish. I've been trying to tell a friend of mine for a week, and we finally met yesterday for lunch, but I just couldn't blurt it out. Then we met again for dinner, but all our other friends were there. It'll happen soon. I'm getting a little more confident every day, and I'm sure you'll get over this soon too.
 
I don't remember saying or implying that timing was CRITICAL. It's more that I want to do it when I'm the most comfortable as with most things that I do.
 
I'm not sure of your gender, foolish, but I'm assuming you're a guy. Are you sure you're ready, or need, to come out?

Telling girlfriends is one thing, telling your straight mates is quite another. Your sexuality is not dependent on 'mood'; when you can feel comfortable discussing your sexuality regardless of your mood then you're ready to come out.
 
I wouldn't mind having a conversation about it all it's just that I always do things when I feel it's the right time. That's not even a sexuality thing. I'm a pretty upfront person and I'm honest with myself. If I didn't think I was ready I wouldn't pressure myself to tell anyone. Hell, 2 months ago I wouldn't have ever thought about telling anyone.

My girl friends are both straight, but they're extremely open-minded. The one friend who I'd been trying to reach for a week considers herself a "fag hag" or says her myspace. I think it was more frustration than anything with her. I tried to reach her for a solid week before she got back to me. The other friend just happened to call me when someone else was around that I DIDN'T feel comfortable telling right away.

I would just rather tell the one friend in person, but I'd tell them on the phone if that was the only way I could talk to them. I'm pretty particular when I go about "breaking" any type of information to anyone I care about. I don't know what the average method is for the majority on here, but I have to do whatever makes me the most comfortable. If I didn't feel it was time for them to know I just wouldn't tell them. I would just rather be honest with them now because I'm a lot more comfortable all around and I know with these two I don't have to worry about how they may react.
 
i came out to my straight mate the other day, we were on a long drive and i just blerted it out about halfway down the A64, he was a little shoked (he started to drift into the other carrageway) but he was understanding. i dont yet know if he already knew about me beeing bi or not. i think my other mates will be a lot harder but i hope they act in a similar way.
 
foolish082 said:
I would just rather tell the one friend in person, but I'd tell them on the phone if that was the only way I could talk to them. I'm pretty particular when I go about "breaking" any type of information to anyone I care about. I don't know what the average method is for the majority on here, but I have to do whatever makes me the most comfortable. If I didn't feel it was time for them to know I just wouldn't tell them. I would just rather be honest with them now because I'm a lot more comfortable all around and I know with these two I don't have to worry about how they may react.
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I know what you mean. At this point, I'm getting even more comfortable with the fact that other people will soon know, and it's even a little exciting since I'll be able to live "honestly".

A lot of people here have said that coming out is a bigger deal to us than it is to our friends, and I agree that in many cases, the friends have already accepted that fact before you even come out.

The fact that my friends might already be accepting isnt why I'm taking so long. Coming out is an important time for me, I guess symbolically, and I wanna make sure that when I do it, I'm with the person and there's nothing else on their minds or mine. I know, symbolism, cheesy stuff, but that's my life.
 
I think I'd rather build a support unit around myself of people I know will understand so when the time comes that I have to tell my family I have outside support. In all honesty I don't even see my immediate family being too big an issue. It's the extended family that might be annoying. I have a lesbian cousin and it's not even a big deal, but certain relatives thump the bible even though they are the biggest sinners around. It's whatever though. My parents taught my siblings and I to respect all people and they have no problem with people of other lifestyles. I'm sure it'll be different when it's their own kid, but I'm pretty confident in them that it's not going to be that big of an issue. I'll probably worry about it more than them.
 
yeah, for sure. it's cool that your parents are so accepting already. good luck!
 
You guys all need to be congratulated! Your attitudes are fantastic and you are handling what will be an important part of your life in exactly the right way - the way you feel most comfortable with. Yes this is most likely more important to you than those you tell...but you can never be certain. You need to be ready and confident. Treat the people you tell with respect and you'll get it in return...especially with those important and close to you. Do it when it feels right for you. You're over the hardest part...that was making the decision to tell people in the first place - you should be proud guys of your desire to live honestly and openly.

Congrats again on your strength and determination!
 
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