I've been depressed for a while because of something ...

[Mirrorclaw]

I had this guy who I'd been trying to meet for months. He finally came over and I have him a blowjob and he is really sexy and I was happy. I'd hoped he'd come over again and that maybe we could be boyfriends.
He texts me a week ago saying I'd lied about being clean and that he got something. He was swearing at me and I was shocked. I get tested as regularly as I can and winter has prevented me from recent testing but I haven't been all that active. He hurt me accusing me of lying, and I asked what he got and he didn't answer me. He told me to never contact him again and I'm in a lot of pain, I know I haven't done anything wrong deliberately and someone I'd liked now hates me and it kicked off very bad depression for me. I haven't had many guys interested in me for a while and now I have nothing and I'm worried I have something that I didn't know I had.

 

[SeaCore]

I am so sorry to hear that you were treated so poorly. You didn't deserve that. You deserved to be treated with compassion. This guy was a douchebag for assuming the worst about your character and using that as a licence to foist all their baggage on to you.

Just in case you haven't thought about it in these terms, it is okay and healthy for you to grieve. This guy was a presence in your life and now they're not. Figuring out those feelings matters.

Can you talk a little about the interactions leading to this blow up? How you met, what you talked about, insecurities you may have had before this? It might shed some light on the specifics of your depression so we can help you move on to a better future!

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but this probably saved you from wasting your time on someone who didn't deserve it. This guy sounds terribly irresponsible and bad at dealing with their feelings. If it wasn't this, they'd probably be putting all the blame on you for something else.
This guy should know what your practices are for keeping up your sexual health. They should know that you wouldn't intentionally put them at risk for an infection. And if they felt you weren't being safe in some regard they should've piped up and done something about it! And if they didn't know any of that, they were completely immature sexually and obviously didn't care about their sexual health enough to take care of their business; they just wanted to live an illusion about caring without putting in the effort.

 

[KaraBulut]

...saying I'd lied about being clean and that he got something. He was swearing at me and I was shocked. I get tested as regularly as I can and winter has prevented me from recent testing...

First things first: take care of yourself. Go get tested because it's apparent that this guy has something and he may have given it to you.

...He hurt me accusing me of lying, and I asked what he got and he didn't answer me. He told me to never contact him again and I'm in a lot of pain, I know I haven't done anything wrong deliberately and someone I'd liked now hates me and it kicked off very bad depression for me. I haven't had many guys interested in me for a while and now I have nothing and I'm worried I have something that I didn't know I had.

Why should you care what he said? He's not worth your time and you'll probably never see him again.

If you're looking for your self-esteem in someone else, you're always going to be disappointed. You need to work on taking care of you and feeling better about you. When feel better about yourself, the words of inconsequential people won't matter.

 

[Mirrorclaw]

Yes I plan to get tested when I get paid. And SeaCore, he'd try coming over but if my roommate was home he wouldn't. He wanted me to be alone the first time he came over and it took a long time for things to line up to be able to.

 

[joesman]

I'd also try to up the level on my taste in men.

If you only gave him a bj, what could you have possibly given him. Have your doctor check for anything in the throat mucus. There is not a lot of viruses that stay in the throat.

 

[texan_slant]

Theoretically, he could have scared that he was the one who passed it to you, and wanted to deflect blame, if you ever ended up with anything.
The most important thing is to get tested, then everything else is beyond your control; you don't need this douchebag!

 

[luckynumbah7]

I'd also try to up the level on my taste in men.

If you only gave him a bj, what could you have possibly given him. Have your doctor check for anything in the throat mucus. There is not a lot of viruses that stay in the throat.

He definitely needs to up his taste in men. Aim for the guys who can have a frank discussion about sti's/sexual health without the language of 'clean' vs 'unclean', which I've noticed usually translates to 'I didn't notice (or probably even check) before, so I'll blame you for my issue' - the language preferred often reflects the bearer's beliefs.

Also, uh, some strains of hpv comes to mind, due to the tissue involved. As does hsv and syphilis to name a couple. It's soft tissue of the head meeting soft tissue of the mouth; you can catch anything that appreciates such tissue.

However, sti's are rarely immediate. They tend toward being dormant for a while beforehand in individuals with healthy immune systems, so he's probably blaming the wrong individual. And the op's childish previous partner should certainly be blaming himself if he didn't insist on a condom.

 

[sshears]

Interesting. The OP's story is VERY familar to me...because I went through a similar situation.

To make a long story short, the person, who I was seeing chose to ghost me for months, apologized for the false accusation, which "supposedly" caused the ghosting. We began conversing again, but the reunion was short lived.

I recall the hurt and anxiety (which took a toll on me) that I experienced. So, I totally understand how you feel. Getting tested is a definitely good idea (at least for piece of mind).

What really helped me was...
1. "Taking it a day at a time". Like the days, this will pass.
2. Venting (as you are doing) to people who have more experiences than myself.
2. Meeting other people (even if meant having to travel). Yeah, it gives me an excuse to travel. Lol
3. Realizing that what occurred was not a waste of time, but a learning experience. I do not regret befriending the person, only my poor choice to entertain the bs...for as long as I did.
Learn and put it (knowledge) in rotation (your thoughts).
5. Live!

 

[Mirrorclaw]

I got tested, I plan to call my doctor today to double-check the results personally.
I tried messaging the guy again to ask him again what he got and he told me again to not message him. So I'm writing him off as a jerk.

 

[mcbrion]

I got tested, I plan to call my doctor today to double-check the results personally.
I tried messaging the guy again to ask him again what he got and he told me again to not message him. So I'm writing him off as a jerk.

If someone wouldn't even tell me what they got from me, I'd be suspicious. Period.

You're working thru heartbreak, so allow yourself to feel the sadness, but when you're feeling more "balanced," consider what some of the other posters wrote, including me.