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I've come out to my parents, but they don't accept me.
- Thread starter Andreus
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CagedBird
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Re: I came out to my parents and they don't want me out.
Keep a stiff upper lip meheartdicks.
Parents are the tough nut to crack in this coming out thing.
I appreciate your situation, suck it up for as long as you can: That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If you survive your parents, you'll likely survive dealing with anyone else about coming out.
Love & hate understandable, indifference bad. You're going to be fine
Caged
Keep a stiff upper lip meheartdicks.
Parents are the tough nut to crack in this coming out thing.
I appreciate your situation, suck it up for as long as you can: That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If you survive your parents, you'll likely survive dealing with anyone else about coming out.
Love & hate understandable, indifference bad. You're going to be fine
Caged
Jeimuzu
The Ire Brigade
only advice i can offer is to direct them to pflag. my heart really goes out to you, though *hug*
Re: I came out to my parents and they don't want me out.
It takes time for that to all sink in, being a dad I know. Give them time, be patient and love them. They will come around.
It takes time for that to all sink in, being a dad I know. Give them time, be patient and love them. They will come around.
Jory
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Re: I came out to my parents and they don't want me out.
If they are all so paying for school most likely you might have to kiss that goodbye also. you need to get a job and get out. But as long as you are there I would not lift a finger to help them in anyway.
they are cutting off my allowance, which makes it really difficult for me
to survive life.
If they are all so paying for school most likely you might have to kiss that goodbye also. you need to get a job and get out. But as long as you are there I would not lift a finger to help them in anyway.
1
1st love ron
Guest
Re: I came out to my parents and they don't want me out.
Can you move out and find a place with a couple of roommates? It just makes me sick to hear these stories. I hope they come to their senses and realize they are rejecting their flesh-and-blood.
Can you move out and find a place with a couple of roommates? It just makes me sick to hear these stories. I hope they come to their senses and realize they are rejecting their flesh-and-blood.
RacerX111
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Re: I came out to my parents and they don't want me out.
Don't hate them for their ignorance. Keep talking to them as much as you can. Make it clear that you did not "choose" to be gay, you ARE. Do you have any siblings? If you get some one else in the family to understand it will help. Hang in there!!
Don't hate them for their ignorance. Keep talking to them as much as you can. Make it clear that you did not "choose" to be gay, you ARE. Do you have any siblings? If you get some one else in the family to understand it will help. Hang in there!!
Re: I came out to my parents and they don't want me out.
I still and will never understand a parent, when they raise you and love you, and then when they find out your gay your not loved or disowned..allowance taken away, kicked out of the house and so on.....really pisses me off.
I am so sorry you have been so disrespected just because you prefer to be with or love a man. We are here to love and I do not think it matters what gender that other person is!
I still and will never understand a parent, when they raise you and love you, and then when they find out your gay your not loved or disowned..allowance taken away, kicked out of the house and so on.....really pisses me off.
I am so sorry you have been so disrespected just because you prefer to be with or love a man. We are here to love and I do not think it matters what gender that other person is!
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Re: I came out to my parents and they don't want me out.
Oh for heaven's sakes...You are an adult now, at least in most jurisdictions. I agree, if your parents are so fucked up, move out...get an apartment with some others. Don't let yourself be imprisoned by dependence on them. Yoiu are already so angry and frustrated that to stay in that environment would only destroy your soul. I somehow managed being on my own from 18 onwards. If you need help, look for one of the Gay counselling services in your area.
Good luck.
Oh for heaven's sakes...You are an adult now, at least in most jurisdictions. I agree, if your parents are so fucked up, move out...get an apartment with some others. Don't let yourself be imprisoned by dependence on them. Yoiu are already so angry and frustrated that to stay in that environment would only destroy your soul. I somehow managed being on my own from 18 onwards. If you need help, look for one of the Gay counselling services in your area.
Good luck.
F
FlyingGoats
Guest
Re: I came out to my parents and they don't want me out.
You're 19. Time to get a job. Going to college does not prevent someone from getting a job. Bring home a pay check and then say fuck you mom.
You're 19. Time to get a job. Going to college does not prevent someone from getting a job. Bring home a pay check and then say fuck you mom.
inverhouse
Virgin
Re: I came out to my parents and they don't want me out.
i feel 4 u, but dont ever hate. it detracts from u. it may sound trite, but luv them anyways. i cant tell u how to live, but i would recommend that u search out others who share your inclination on your campus. u r not alone!! be strong & realize that even though life is short, there is plenty of time after you leave home to be the person u want to be.
i feel 4 u, but dont ever hate. it detracts from u. it may sound trite, but luv them anyways. i cant tell u how to live, but i would recommend that u search out others who share your inclination on your campus. u r not alone!! be strong & realize that even though life is short, there is plenty of time after you leave home to be the person u want to be.
inverhouse
Virgin
i agree w/dutchguy. i came out to my mom, but she didn't want to tell my dad 4 fear it would kill him(bad heart, but shes a little overly dramatic). well anyways, we show up every christmas at their house, and my dad has taken a liking to my husband, in fact he talks w/him more than he does w/me. im sure my dad knows we r lovers, in fact i think he may be envious(mom being so controlling & such) but anyhoo, no need to state the obvious, sometimes they know & just move on.
gotdimples77
JUB Addict
yeah...just get a job...from what you said at first i think you just need to not ever let them see you in bed with another guy...and why would you want to really? nothing kills a mood with a guy like having your parents watching. But seriously, you are 19, you wont live with them forever, I know it probably seems like you already have. I would say in about two years you will be on your own completely. What are you going to school for? as long as it isnt art or philosophy you probably wont have trouble finding a job way the fuck away from your bigotted little parents. And don't worry they will come around eventually the trick is to make sure they have an opportunity, which means after you leave home you need to stay in contact. Make sure you live your life well, safe and responsibly...thats all that parents can ask , and want really. well grandkids too i suppose but really they just want their children safe and happy. Takes time...
we luv ya anyway!!
we luv ya anyway!!
unclaimedblessing
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I'll probably be stoned for this, but not knowing your parents, they might just be overprotective.
My Sis worked for an interior design firm in NYC. She interacted with gay guys all day long and had gay friends she socialized with. Her concern was that gays live "on the edge" because many of our activities are illegal, she knew guys who were beaten or killed for picking up the wrong numbers, or just plain gay bashed, sometimes beaten or jailed by bigotted cops, there is a large drug subculture and then the risk of AIDS.
No one wants anyone else they love to be a member of a despised minority and as much as we hate it, there are uneducated cretins worldwide who do in fact hate us.
Then there is the religious right who for the most part think their meddling is on our behalf, but actually do us almost as much harm as the riff raff.
Your parents probably do love you but are misguided in their efforts to change you.
PFLAG is probably your best chance at getting them better informed.
Best wishes for whatever the future holds, but try to complete your education.
My Sis worked for an interior design firm in NYC. She interacted with gay guys all day long and had gay friends she socialized with. Her concern was that gays live "on the edge" because many of our activities are illegal, she knew guys who were beaten or killed for picking up the wrong numbers, or just plain gay bashed, sometimes beaten or jailed by bigotted cops, there is a large drug subculture and then the risk of AIDS.
No one wants anyone else they love to be a member of a despised minority and as much as we hate it, there are uneducated cretins worldwide who do in fact hate us.
Then there is the religious right who for the most part think their meddling is on our behalf, but actually do us almost as much harm as the riff raff.
Your parents probably do love you but are misguided in their efforts to change you.
PFLAG is probably your best chance at getting them better informed.
Best wishes for whatever the future holds, but try to complete your education.
T
teh_nathan
Guest
Well in my opinion..it's your life, not theirs. What they want for you is irrelevent. They're your parents, yes, but parents often have their own ideas of what they want for their kids which may or may not mesh with reality.
You are who you are, you can't change that, whether or not they realise this..who knows...maybe with a little education sometime down the road, they will be more understanding.
I told my mother. She didn't care. If she's fine with only a 50/50 chance of being a grandmother, who am I to argue? My grandmother, however, keeps asking me when I'll find a nice girl to settle down with. I'm not going to tell her =)
You are who you are, you can't change that, whether or not they realise this..who knows...maybe with a little education sometime down the road, they will be more understanding.
I told my mother. She didn't care. If she's fine with only a 50/50 chance of being a grandmother, who am I to argue? My grandmother, however, keeps asking me when I'll find a nice girl to settle down with. I'm not going to tell her =)
M
Marvels
Guest
Huh, check his profile, the dude lives in PH. We don't go by the same "18 and we're on our own" rule like they do in the States. I'm about to start my MA and I'm still with my folks - - we're all pretty traditional (close-knit) here, and most of us don't even leave the 'house' even when we already have our own jobs.
'Sides, most you can afford rent by working McDonalds. We can't. The only people over here who can afford a place that doesn't look like it'd crumble any minute are people with college degrees, and even then it takes way too long to climb up the economic ladder.
Back on topic, I myself haven't come out yet (though my dad hates it when I 'look' gay - - which by his definition is sporting hair that exceeds two inches up from my brow), so I've got to give MeHeart some credit on that department.
Of course, MeHeart, you can always just find some dude to live-in with if stuff at home go to hell in a handbasket.
Or you can talk to your folks about it cuz you're already this far gone.
'Sides, most you can afford rent by working McDonalds. We can't. The only people over here who can afford a place that doesn't look like it'd crumble any minute are people with college degrees, and even then it takes way too long to climb up the economic ladder.
Back on topic, I myself haven't come out yet (though my dad hates it when I 'look' gay - - which by his definition is sporting hair that exceeds two inches up from my brow), so I've got to give MeHeart some credit on that department.
Of course, MeHeart, you can always just find some dude to live-in with if stuff at home go to hell in a handbasket.
Or you can talk to your folks about it cuz you're already this far gone.
Give them time. It's a hard thing to accept when they say to your face that they'd rather see you dead.
But maybe they were speaking out of stupidity, fear, love for you, convern for your safety (or your immortal soul), and hate. Unclaimedblessing has a point. My parents were mostly motivated out of fear for my future, how others would treat me, and possible risks I might be exposed to, and also their own ignorance and prejudices. That means,t hat possibly, if you continue to educate them, or help them get educated, and if you can stay the course through possibly painful arguments and relationship rifts, they may come around and finally understand.
But it doesn't change the fact that you're hurt and I understand. I'd wade through it and just get what you need out of them and slowly maintain your identity yourself. You can hate them all you want when it becomes clear that they'll never change.
Also, try engaging them in discussions. They amy continue to brign it up and use that as opportunities to adress their concernes rationally and honestly. Each time you do this, you're giving them opportunities to become informed. Give them information on PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays) where they can talk to someone. Yous houdl really give it yoru best shot to help them through it before you resign yourself to hating them.
But I understand that you're probably hurt, because I was too when my parents said those things to me, so the way I rationalized sucking from their monetary teat was that they're giving me the money, I don't like them (at the time), so I'll spend it and use them for their money without guilt or appreciation.
But really, give them time, sweetie. Maybe they'll come over it. My friend came otu to his parents. His dad was a former preacher, current psychologist, and his mom was a stay at home. They both didn't accept it and he was pretty sad, but apparently he kept bringing it up and cofnronting them. Now they're the chairpeople for the PFLAG council. They work hard to be the model family that other parents can go to to seek understanding and how to accept and love their gay children.
It can happen.
But maybe they were speaking out of stupidity, fear, love for you, convern for your safety (or your immortal soul), and hate. Unclaimedblessing has a point. My parents were mostly motivated out of fear for my future, how others would treat me, and possible risks I might be exposed to, and also their own ignorance and prejudices. That means,t hat possibly, if you continue to educate them, or help them get educated, and if you can stay the course through possibly painful arguments and relationship rifts, they may come around and finally understand.
But it doesn't change the fact that you're hurt and I understand. I'd wade through it and just get what you need out of them and slowly maintain your identity yourself. You can hate them all you want when it becomes clear that they'll never change.
Also, try engaging them in discussions. They amy continue to brign it up and use that as opportunities to adress their concernes rationally and honestly. Each time you do this, you're giving them opportunities to become informed. Give them information on PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays) where they can talk to someone. Yous houdl really give it yoru best shot to help them through it before you resign yourself to hating them.
But I understand that you're probably hurt, because I was too when my parents said those things to me, so the way I rationalized sucking from their monetary teat was that they're giving me the money, I don't like them (at the time), so I'll spend it and use them for their money without guilt or appreciation.
But really, give them time, sweetie. Maybe they'll come over it. My friend came otu to his parents. His dad was a former preacher, current psychologist, and his mom was a stay at home. They both didn't accept it and he was pretty sad, but apparently he kept bringing it up and cofnronting them. Now they're the chairpeople for the PFLAG council. They work hard to be the model family that other parents can go to to seek understanding and how to accept and love their gay children.
It can happen.
Alberto_15
Slut
Where in the Philipines do you live? If you live in Manila send me a pm, I'd like to know about your job experience (if any, lol) and education. I work for a multinational company with operations in Manila and **IF** I can help I most certainly will.
Hang in there.
Hang in there.
Wait, I remember this. I thought you already came out. Didn't you leave home and crash at a bunch of your friends' places?
I really think you should try to at least take some initiative and find ways to make yourself more independent from your parents. Get a job. Apply for scholarships. Lots of students work while they're in college and even fi the first job doesn't pay much, it gives you experience to work jobs that pay a little more. Spend wisely, save money, and build up some money to support yourself. Apply for any and all scholarships that you fit the description for.
Your parents may not accept you, but if you are serious about doing something about your problem, you're going to have to do it largely on your own. If you'd rather grit your teeth and still be under your parents' subjugation, then you dont' have to worry much about college.
I really think you should try to at least take some initiative and find ways to make yourself more independent from your parents. Get a job. Apply for scholarships. Lots of students work while they're in college and even fi the first job doesn't pay much, it gives you experience to work jobs that pay a little more. Spend wisely, save money, and build up some money to support yourself. Apply for any and all scholarships that you fit the description for.
Your parents may not accept you, but if you are serious about doing something about your problem, you're going to have to do it largely on your own. If you'd rather grit your teeth and still be under your parents' subjugation, then you dont' have to worry much about college.
S
Soilwork
Guest
Meh.. my parents taught at a liberal university and THEY didn't accept me at first either.
they'll come around so long as you stand your ground.
they'll come around so long as you stand your ground.