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Ive done the ridiculous and fallen for someone in already in a relationship..

tommyharley said:
. ive been an idiot to think he would choose me. I just wanted to hold a little hope i suppose.
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No Tommy, you're not an idiot, thats the last thing anyone here would accuse you of mate trust me. (*8*)

What you are is a guy looking for someone to equal him, to value him and appreciate him and for you to be able to do that it in return. You're looking for a partner, someone who can add to you and you to him.

Thats what makes these situations hard mate... your heart wants what it wants. But soon enough you would have realised that it wasnt getting back what you were giving... the most incredible value and personal thing you can... love.

You are worth more Tommy, its that simple, and yet like a lot of guys I'm not sure you know that deep inside you. It might be hard to accept sometimes, but you are anyones equal. Its not selfish to want back what you give - its human and you deserve it.

Be strong mate... in a way its one of the incredible oddities that a guy like you struggles to find the right guy but like I said earlier it says more about you than anyone else.

It says that your morals, your values, your beliefs and your truths are real valuable and important to you. And Tommy, thats something to be incredibly proud of, to feel good about and to never walk away from - no matter how good something might feel. (*8*)
 
I had/ have this problem. Met a guy and became really great friends. Led to other things and we messed around but at the same time he had a girlfriend. He is still seeing her while he claims to love me. Now that he says that I tell him that his str8 card aint working on him and he gets really defensive. I'm kinda over this because he is lost and well I dont want to deal with it anymore.

I still talk to him because I dont want to be mean to him but I do see that he has change since Ive met him. He takes small steps to get to a higher platform. Yet, him having a gf while he is with me is simply wrong. However, I dont see myself as the bad guy here because its not my fault.
 
Tommy, I'm sorry that's going on for you. It sounds like you got into it before you really knew what was up.

I'm pretty impressed with the comments in this thread. I think it helps that so many people "know" you. It makes it easier to say, "the chances of this working out in your favor are small."

I would concentrate on the "I won't play second string," chord. Strum that one enough, and things will probably become helpfully, progressively more clear for both of you.

Take care of yourself!
 
It is actually not up to you to decide if this is right or wrong. There are fairly objective standards here.

It was wrong for him to hide it from you. It was wrong for you to carry on once you knew. If she actually knew and was okay with it, then it would be a different story. But he has no business hiding his sexual excursions from her (or you for that matter) and she has every right to know your sexual history because like it or not, she is part of your sex life, via this shared sex-toy she thinks is her boyfriend.

It won't end happily because it is wrong, and you have helped make it wrong, and you have to get that through your head that you are not the victim or that you are "not doing anything wrong." Of course you are.
 
Tommy do yourself a favor and move on and find someone that wants to commit to you all the way. I understand that you like this guy and your developing feelings for him but it can only end badly and you will be the one that is hurt in the end. Not being with him at all is mentally and emotionally better for you than being his second choice or his consolation prize.
 
^ Uh.

I think you're all a little late.

I think by May 21, 2009, there was a resolution.
 
But Tommy never came back and told us what the resolution was! Argh! ](*,)
 
tommyharley said:
Its exactly like you guys said, i asked him to choose, he chose her.

live and learn.
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Emphasis on the "learn". And an added "never again".


Thanks for the update.
 
awwwww, Tommy.

I have to say. It was for the best.

Now how are you doing finding the ultimate guy?
 
tommyharley said:
i think i need to re-think the guys im attracted to and that i date.
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That's never a bad think to do.

Dating in your early twenties can make one very cynical. Everyone is running around with this concept of "their type" and they're sorely disappointed when the people they meet don't match their dream lover.

It gets better in your mid-20s and thereafter. People begin to get a little more serious about settling down. The nesting urge takes over. And hopefully, they get a little more realistic about seeing people more as individuals and less as a "type" or something to have fun with and discard.

It does get better. It does get easier.
 
>>>But not everyone finds that 'special' guy do they.

No, not everyone does. But one thing I've found that happens more often with younger guys is the "cart before horse" syndrome. They (mentally) sit down and compile a list of what their ideal guy will be like. "23, tall, muscular, longish hair, chiseled face, great income". Then they take that list with them, and start comparing guys to it. If they see a guy in his thirties, or who's overweight, or has a big nose, pass and move on.

The thing is - that list stuff is fine for compiling a fantasy guy to jerk off to. But it tends not to work like that in real life.

Instead, stick with a really basic list. And I mean REALLY basic. He should be gay. He probably shouldn't be married or in an LTR. And ideally, he should be out, not in prison, and without some majorly heavy duty baggage. (We all have some - you just don't want the guy with fifty restraining orders.) Then, go out and meet people. Interact with them. Wait for something to click. Eventually, it will. And then, pursue it. Maybe it's a dead end - he's not interested in you, or you're not compatible. So be it. Keep at it. Eventually, the interest will be returned. And then - and only then - you can start building. :)

Lex
 
^lex, I think it's right on that the people one might find really enjoyable to be around, and who are loving are ready to be loved, are not necessarily the guys we imagine might be like that.
 
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