I've finally excepted my sexuality, now what??

[FULLTHROTTLE]

So I have after a long time of personal reflection come to accept and become confident in myself about my sexuality, which is Homosexual. I haven't gone and came out to anyone yet but I will eventually when I find it right to, but my question is now what? I mean in terms of getting comfortable with the gay community and maybe even find someone. What is it that you guys did after you finally came to terms with yourself??

 

[Chardius]

I started coming out when I did that. You however, you get hugs.

*hugs*

 

[FULLTHROTTLE]

Well thank you :3 that made me smile xD

 

[Echoes]

Welcome to JUB!

Firs of all congrats! and what I did is quite simple. I finished the lie, came out which eventually made me move out and then I dated the first guy in my life. However, it doesn't mean this is what you have to do next, everybody at their own pace, coming out usually makes things easier though.

 

[FULLTHROTTLE]

I would say coming out is probably your next step also, but I guess it depends on your situation . It will be easier to have a relationship if you're out.

Good luck and congratulations ...

That's what I'm thinking, but of course the worry I have is my family. And this is probably what will take me the longest to finally get done. But for now I think that maybe my friends would be the better ones to know about my situation.

 

[FULLTHROTTLE]

Start dating and have a good time. Don't worry about some grand "coming out" process. I think that is ridiculously overblown. And the pressure to come out is ridiculous. If someone asks you if you are gay, just say, "Yes" and leave it at that. No other explanation is required. If someone asks you, "Do you have a girlfriend?" just say no. If they ask "When are you going to get a girlfriend?" just say "Never. I'm gay." That's all you need to say, ever. When someone asks you if you are gay, they want to know the truth, and they are ready for the answer whatever it is. So tell them the truth. If someone does not ask you, they either don't care or they are not ready for the truth. So don't "spring it" on anyone, no matter how close you are to them. Only tell people who ask you. It's as simple as that. There is no pressure to "come out" so just forget all that and have a good time.

Ya know I like that, I'm still a little wary of just telling people I'm gay but eventually I will being to that point. But also what did you guys do to get more into the community??

 

[Seasoned]

Getting into the community is a process as unique to the individual as it is to the individual community. If you live in a city grab a gay rag at a bar or even a health food store, etc. and look for organizations that are of interest to you. Some people just use gay clubs and bars. If it's a small community I'd look for stereotypes like florists or hairdressers and just ask if they happen to know of any gay scene in town.

You have come out to the most important person-yourself. Welcome to JUB and all the best to you.

 

[gingentleman]

If you live in a city, perhaps you could consider doing some volunteer work for a gay organization. It would introduce you to some people and also give you some perspective on gay life in your area.

 

[texan_slant]

Come out, be yourself, and meet people.

 

[FULLTHROTTLE]

If you live in a city, perhaps you could consider doing some volunteer work for a gay organization. It would introduce you to some people and also give you some perspective on gay life in your area.

Not a bad idea, I'm not too sure about my cities actual gay population but I don't think it's very high. It's worth a looking into though, thanks :3

 

[gameboy 11]

So I have after a long time of personal reflection come to accept and become confident in myself about my sexuality, which is Homosexual. I haven't gone and came out to anyone yet but I will eventually when I find it right to, but my question is now what? I mean in terms of getting comfortable with the gay community and maybe even find someone. What is it that you guys did after you finally came to terms with yourself??

I was in the process of going to GLBT meetings at the college with my cousin and a few friends and I just felt it was the right time to admit that I was bi (then eventually, gay).

After I told them, I indirectly told my mom. She ended up blaming herself for a little and then came around and now we are just good.

This was WAY back in 2003/2004 when I was still 18.

I say you come out to some friends before you find a boyfriend because at least some will understand where you are coming from and you don't have to be sneaky about it. If you wanna do it the other way around, I guess that's OK too. But I would tell a few people first.

I'm thankful that just about everybody I've told has been understanding (or already knew!).

 

[gameboy 11]

BTW, what I meant by indirectly telling my mother is that I actually told her directly but I wasn't planning on it just yet. We just got to talking about the GLBT meetings at the college that I was attending and why one of my straight friends didn't feel that he needed to attend.

And then she asked me if I was straight.

And I said, "No."

That's when she blamed herself for a second. Maybe a day or two. But then she got over it and I'm happy about that.

Most of my family now knows but take your time.

I just think it'd be helpful to you if some of your friends knew.

 

[FULLTHROTTLE]

BTW, what I meant by indirectly telling my mother is that I actually told her directly but I wasn't planning on it just yet. We just got to talking about the GLBT meetings at the college that I was attending and why one of my straight friends didn't feel that he needed to attend.

And then she asked me if I was straight.

And I said, "No."

That's when she blamed herself for a second. Maybe a day or two. But then she got over it and I'm happy about that.

Most of my family now knows but take your time.

I just think it'd be helpful to you if some of your friends knew.

Thanks and I think that's what my plan is, want to tell my friends first because since they would be the most understanding and most open minded. My biggest worry is my mom. Who the other day said she can't wait till she is a grandmother again(my brother has kids) an my dad is a large homophobic /.\. I almost wonder though if my dad suspects me because on our computer the history showed that someone had google searched "signs your son might be gay" so...

 

[Charmander]

I almost wonder though if my dad suspects me because on our computer the history showed that someone had google searched "signs your son might be gay" so...

lol... Well sounds like he's ready.

 

[HunterM]

Now go have man to man sex at FULLTHROTTLE without guilt or shame

 

[badgerfan]

My best advice would be go and find a gay social group/oganization in your community or nearbye that is hopefully something you enjoy doing. If you are fortunate enough to live near a larger, gay-friendly city, then put yourself out there and make friends and meet new people. Chances are if you join a gay social group, everyone there will be gay themselves and you will not have to worry about coming out to them.

As far as friends go, I would say do whatever you truly feel comfortable doing. I know a fellow poster said to wait for others to ask otherwise do not say anything, I actually disagree. I would say if you truly feel your friends are comfortable with knowing this, then go ahead and tell them. And truth be told, you do not have to make a big deal out of it. Just a simple " I want you to know I am gay" is enough.

With me, by the time I came out to most of my friends, they already assumed and knew I was gay and did not care in the least bit. And actually, I wish I would have come out to them years ago, as I kept wating for the perfect moment or situation and it turns out there is not one.

While I do not know how your friends will react to your coming out, but no matter how they do you will feel so much better for doing so. And it will make your life easier as you you will not have to lie, hide, or pretend to be someone you are not when you are around them.

Good luck to you in your coming out process and keep us up to date on how things go.

 

[crowboy]

For me, after finally deciding to come out, I then was unsure what to do next. I wanted to meet some gay people and hopefully make some friends who could relate to what I was going through.

I ended up joining an online site and from there started to meet guys to try and meet people. Long story short I ended up meeting a number of guys from a few online sites. I made a few friends, ended up having sex with a few guys I liked and eventually met a special guy and we now are 8 months together.

It's hard coming to terms with who we are and admitting to others, but it is the best thing I ever did.

I wish you well mate.

 

[badgerfan]

Start dating and have a good time. Don't worry about some grand "coming out" process. I think that is ridiculously overblown. And the pressure to come out is ridiculous. If someone asks you if you are gay, just say, "Yes" and leave it at that. No other explanation is required. If someone asks you, "Do you have a girlfriend?" just say no. If they ask "When are you going to get a girlfriend?" just say "Never. I'm gay." That's all you need to say, ever. When someone asks you if you are gay, they want to know the truth, and they are ready for the answer whatever it is. So tell them the truth. If someone does not ask you, they either don't care or they are not ready for the truth. So don't "spring it" on anyone, no matter how close you are to them. Only tell people who ask you. It's as simple as that. There is no pressure to "come out" so just forget all that and have a good time.

Again I have to disagree with the following advice. To me this ignores one of, if not, the most important parts of coming out.

"If someone does not ask you, they either don't care or they are not ready for the truth." While they may not care, I personally think that is irrelevant. Please remember and know that when and if you come out to anyone, you should do it for yourself. Ultimately, coming out is something you do for yourself, and should not be done just to please, satisfy, or meet the expectations of family, friends, or society.

Because in the end, the person who ends up living with and dealing with the aftermath of coming out is you yourself. So please do not be afraid to come out to someone just because they may not be ready to hear it or because you think they may not care about it. There is someone who cares alot, and that is you. So please, if and when you are ready to come out to whomever, go ahead and make that leap knowing in the end YOU will be better for doing so.