I've never thought of it before...

[Pyscean]

A few of you here know that I'm pretty fresh out of a long term relationship (15 years) and am back into dating. To make a long story short, here's what I've never thought of before until now.

I've always realized that I've tended to date guys that had a common physical presence but I just realized that I also tend to enjoy being with guys that are a little socially inept and/or a little lowbrow. My ex. is not lowbrow but he definitely stayed away from social interactions with my friends.

On the flip side of this, I've been hanging out with/dating a pretty cool guy. He's got a fun personality, he's physically absolutely beautiful and he's pretty social which I like but....he falls into the somewhat lowbrow category. He's 39 and only has his HS diploma. Nothing wrong with that and he's currently in college looking to get a bachelor's degree which I think is great. There are few issues though.

We met for dinner one night and I could see something was bothering him. He admitted that he had a blow up with a "friend" and the redneck came out of him. Well...I knew he had a bit of temper because I'd got a little taste of firsthand. The good thing is that I'm pretty good at calming storms like that. The big thing is that when he said that the "redneck came out of him" it made me realize just how different he and I are. I really like this guy and want to continuing dating him with the possibility of it being something greater (don't worry..I'm still testing the dating waters. He and I aren't exclusive by any means) but I really don't know if I should pursue something that may be fruitless in the capacity I hope it would be.

He and I are compatible in so many ways. He's ALL man in every way...LOL. But his lack of awareness about how society perceives him and his resistance to adapt is a worrisome to me.

Oh yeah...and then there's the "we're two different races" issue which is not that big an issue right now to be honest since we're not committed to one another yet.

Any thoughts/viewpoints?

 

[Lube]

But his lack of awareness about how society perceives him and his resistance to adapt is a worrisome to me.

I'm not sure I understand how what you described about him displays anything from the sentence above.

 

[Pyscean]

I'm not sure I understand how what you described about him displays anything from the sentence above.

Sure. I'll clarify as the my choice of words may not have been the best.

For example, the only shoes he owns are black athletic shoes. He sees no reason to verge from this trend even though there are a number of occasions where he's definitely going to need something other than athletic shoes. He doesn't own a pair of pants...all jeans. No shirts other than t-shirts. And so on and so forth. Granted, I don't believe in setting out to change someone. Still, I'd like to help him prepare for the world he's about to enter once he's done with school.

That's the immediate issue but it kind of bleeds over into him being willfully stubborn. So much so that his resistance to adapt could be something that will hold him back.

 

[seven2go]

"My Fair Lady" was a play........not a proving ground for a 39 year old kid.......

Just for the record........I haven't owned a pair of jeans since I was a kid.......and a young kid at that.

 

[nautiboyjeff]

If it bothers you now, it will make you crazy later.....

 

[CtBoyWonder]

Sure. I'll clarify as the my choice of words may not have been the best.

For example, the only shoes he owns are black athletic shoes. He sees no reason to verge from this trend even though there are a number of occasions where he's definitely going to need something other than athletic shoes. He doesn't own a pair of pants...all jeans. No shirts other than t-shirts. And so on and so forth. Granted, I don't believe in setting out to change someone. Still, I'd like to help him prepare for the world he's about to enter once he's done with school.

That's the immediate issue but it kind of bleeds over into him being willfully stubborn. So much so that his resistance to adapt could be something that will hold him back.

I have a friends like that. That's the reason why we are only friends. I like to
travel, he will not leave the state, except for a weekend in New York City. And
if it doesn't have anything "gay" about it, he refuses to go. He also refuses to
dress up if the occasion calls. Also he refuses to get to know my family, even
though we've know each other for 13 years, and I am very involved in his family.
So we remain friends, I know that if anything more comes of it, I was not be
happy in the relationship.

 

[Audio Tech]

For example, the only shoes he owns are black athletic shoes. He sees no reason to verge from this trend even though there are a number of occasions where he's definitely going to need something other than athletic shoes. He doesn't own a pair of pants...all jeans. No shirts other than t-shirts. And so on and so forth. Granted, I don't believe in setting out to change someone. Still, I'd like to help him prepare for the world he's about to enter once he's done with school.

That's the immediate issue but it kind of bleeds over into him being willfully stubborn. So much so that his resistance to adapt could be something that will hold him back.

OK, but isn't that HIS business? Besides, he can buy new clothes later.

I'm the same way. I own nothing but jeans and T-shirts. Ok, I do own a few sweaters. I also love running around in 5.10's. That's just me and what I feel comfortable with. It has by no means hindered my professional life. In fact, I INSIST to be buried in Levis and a T-shirt.

So what? Why does that bother you so much?

 

[disturbtheworld]

OK, but isn't that HIS business? Besides, he can buy new clothes later.

I'm the same way. I own nothing but jeans and T-shirts. Ok, I do own a few sweaters. I also love running around in 5.10's. That's just me and what I feel comfortable with. It has by no means hindered my professional life. In fact, I INSIST to be buried in Levis and a T-shirt.

So what? Why does that bother you so much?

I agree, I'm the same way. I don't see anything wrong with wearing what's comfortable. I understand if there's a social event or a job that requires something more formal, I can adapt. But when I am home or just going about my day, I'm going to wear what I want. If someone doesn't like it, oh well. I'm not out to impress strangers.

 

[Pyscean]

Ok. I'll make this my last post on the subject as I see the context of my first (drifting into my second) was lost. As I said, I don't care about the fact that he only has jeans, black athletic shoes, blah...blah...blah. But he's in school looking to pursue a career path that's going to require him to dress a certain way (at least for the interview). His "redneck" comment paired with my perceptions kind of triggered a switch in me and made me really think.

 

[thisisinteresting]

A few of you here know that I'm pretty fresh out of a long term relationship (15 years) and am back into dating. To make a long story short, here's what I've never thought of before until now.

I've always realized that I've tended to date guys that had a common physical presence but I just realized that I also tend to enjoy being with guys that are a little socially inept and/or a little lowbrow. My ex. is not lowbrow but he definitely stayed away from social interactions with my friends.

On the flip side of this, I've been hanging out with/dating a pretty cool guy. He's got a fun personality, he's physically absolutely beautiful and he's pretty social which I like but....he falls into the somewhat lowbrow category.

The problem being? Is he too lowbrow?

He's 39 and only has his HS diploma. Nothing wrong with that and he's currently in college looking to get a bachelor's degree which I think is great. There are few issues though.

One of the issues being you DO think there's something wrong with only having his diploma at his age. Admit it to yourself.

We met for dinner one night and I could see something was bothering him. He admitted that he had a blow up with a "friend" and the redneck came out of him.

What does this mean? We need more context for having the redneck come out of you. Was he racist/bigoted? I don't quite understand. Did he just have a southern drawl and say y'all? What exactly did he do? Either way it sounds like it morally bothers you.

Oh yeah...and then there's the "we're two different races" issue which is not that big an issue right now to be honest since we're not committed to one another yet.

Any thoughts/viewpoints?

You don't sound ready for a relationship. The things you are bringing up seem kinda frivolous - he only has jeans and t-shirts? Boy, that's not a fixable problem.

Two different races is an issue to you? I have no idea why that's even worth mentioning, if that even pops up as the slightest issue in your head, I don't think you guys should date. That's... awkward.

You sound sexually attracted to him, and I would just leave it at that. Get to know him better. Your vocalized issues make it sound like you're really incompatible relationship-wise. Your complaints sound elitist and condescending, and you sound like you're both from two different worlds. Not trying to offend you but that's how it comes across to my perspective. Your being critical of things like his clothing choice, skin color, the redneck in him - if you're digging this hard to find things you don't like, you might just wanna admit you're not compatible? Sounds like you guys should just be friends/fuckbuddies. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[G-Lexington]

When your friend gets his degree, and if he decides at that point to get a "real job" (quotes mine), then assumedly he'll be astute enough to realize he'll need a change of wardrobe. If he decides he'd rather keep his wardrobe and take a lesser job, that'll be his choice, as well.

Lex