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I've Searched High and Low

  • Thread starter Thread starter Kadratis
  • Start date Start date
K

Kadratis

Guest
Okay, I'm going to apologize for the pathetic post I'm about to make, but here goes...

How does somebody actually find a gay man who is actually interested in committing to a long term relationship? Before you say I'm too young for a LTR, I'm more mature for my age than probably most people my age.

Personal websites: the biggest joke. Most gay personal websites just want your credit card number before you can even talk to anybody. Hell, my first gay relationship started through MySpace, and what Hell it turned into being. First, the guy was nine years older than me, and was a snob. He verbally abused me quite a bit, and I eventually got sick of it. I broke up with him pretty easily. I've never looked back. Then I met a guy on xtube (don't ask how he found me o_O), and we hit it off quite well, but it turned out to be another one to go down the shitter. He just used me for a ride (Springfield, IL to Cleavland, OH) and money. I then met another guy a couple months ago on MySpace, but we only went on about 4 dates in the span of 5 months, and I let him go because he obviously was more interested in his job, which I perfectly understand.

Clubs: Just a meeting place for twinks who want their weekly sex-fix. Not a single person talked to me, and when I tried, they seemingly just walked off. Hell, the two I visited were just way too much for me.

Interest Groups: Nobody seemingly in my area likes to form groups, because I can't find a single one... I have no idea where to look!

Where the Hell am I supposed to look when almost all options are exhausted? I don't mean to sound desperate, but I even tried piercing my right ear twice to possibly raise some eyebrows. Nothing.

Peeved,
Tonè
 
I hear you. I think it's healthy to just live it up and have some non-committed fun (and not just sex) but I've always looked for serious relationships too and to no avail. It's quite frustrating, especially because I'm involved in groups and none of the people in them are my type. ::shrug::

I guess very few gaymer groups exist IRL.

And NEVER date anyone you meet at a club.

But I'll hang in there if you hang in there, haha.
 
First thing, don't give up.

Second, get a very focused image in your brain of your perfect partner. What is his age? Physical features? Education? Job? Maturity? Humor? What are his interests? What does he like to do for fun? Is he a top or a bottom?

Then, prioritize those things--what's sacred, and what can be compromised?

Then, figure out where Mr. Right hangs out and where you're likely to find him. A bar? A park? A sporting event? A reading circle? A photography class? A poetry reading?

Lastly, do some self-reflection. Would your Mr. Rght be attracted to you? Would the man you envision be attracted to someone who looks like you, has the piercings you do, dresses like you do, acts like you do? If so, then you're good to go. If not, then you need to make some adjustments so that you're more of a magnet.

Unfortunately, there's no shop where you can go find him on the shelf. It takes persistence, patience, and being interested in the type of man who attracts you, and making yourself interesting to him.

Good luck! It isn't easy, but I bet he's out there!
 
Hey Kadratis,

Mate... theres no need to apologise for anything... your post... or looking for your perfect guy. Neither one is pathetic!

You might feel like the only guy in the world your age who feels like this... but trust me you're not as evidenced by the two guys who have posted above me - both guys who post and contribute JUb regularly in a way that makes me think that they like you are pretty quality guys.

So right there is proof that you are not alone.

The key to this is to open your level of exposure and to stop looking at everyone as a potential partner. First impressions often rule out guys who could well be perfect bf's because of something simple like a bad hair day or bad fashion sense or them having a bad day with the world generally. Is this how they might be all the time...I doubt it and yet all of us have judged way to quickly on these things in the past.

Put yourself out there by going places and doing things that interest you, not by going to meat markets. Live your life to the full, socialise, go to the concerts, movies, theater and sporting events that you want to go to - not the ones you think you might find a partner at... enjoy yourself, be you. Because thats what will attract people to you. When you smile, laugh and exude happiness you are irresistible.

Relax mate... it will happen. You will find the right guy. He does exist. But while you sit in the corner scouring the dance floor he's missing you because he staring at the guy dancing his heart out... Have a great time doing whatever you love... and it will find its way to you.
 
First off, you're 19. Generally speaking, folks your age are more interested in "sampling the merchandise" than in "choosing a purchase". Just like most 19-year-olds don't have their careers picked out yet. It's early yet.

Secondly, I'd suggest not specifically looking for guys with LTR on their mind. The problem there is that the second you meet each other, your thoughts will immediately turn to "can I spend the rest of my life with this person?" And I don't think that's how these things work.

Long-term relationships aren't found. They're built. Brick by brick. It takes a ton of work, and even once built, it takes "upkeep" to keep the thing alive. That's one reason most folks in LTRs are so proud of them - there's a sense of accomplishment there. :)

So don't rush these things. Just meet people. All kinds of people. Men, women, gay, straight, single, coupled. Get to know them. Find people you share interests with. Because that's where you're most likely to find somebody willing to start building with you. :)

Lex
 
Some really awesome advice given here!!

I agree with most of the guys - if you want some "attractive" (not just in terms of looks), BE someone attractive.
 
waynemm said:
Some really awesome advice given here!!

I agree with most of the guys - if you want some "attractive" (not just in terms of looks), BE someone attractive.
Click to expand...
Agreed. You guys are as great as always! *hugs all* :D
 
I'm in pretty much the same position as you mate...except I'm finding it impossible to find anyone at all - even people into random fucks.

It pretty much sucks - but thanks to the other comments here I feel a little more optimistic than I did before...for now anyway.

Thanks all
 
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