“Ja-aa-ck, hurry up – you’ll make us late!” It was his father shouting up the stairs.
“OK! – I’m coming – give me a chance!” Jack replied angrily. He had spent the afternoon scoring for the school cricket team and missed his bus home. That meant he had to rush to shower and get dressed ready to go with his parents and sister to his Aunt May’s birthday party. He was not at all keen on going, as he hated these family occasions where the people of his parent’s generation sat round and reminisced over the days when they were young and all was right with the world. What was worse was the fact that he would be expected to play the piano for the assembled crowd. He didn’t mind playing the piano, in fact, he was so good at it that it was second nature to him. It was the patronising comments that followed his performance that made him cringe.
“At last!” his father exclaimed as he ran down the stairs to where the other’s stood waiting for him. “Everyone in the car now and off we go, with luck we’ve missed the worst of the homeward commuter traffic, and we shall be at May’s house on time.” Jack liked his Aunt May. She was much older than Dad, who had always been referred to as a ‘mistake’ by his aunt. She insisted that Jack’s grandmother had been taken by surprise long after she thought her childbearing days were over. May had been married but a series of strokes had taken Uncle George in his prime, leaving her as a rather wealthy, if a little eccentric widow. Jack was her only nephew and she doted on him – the son I never had, she would remark. Jack’s father would tell him that he should make a point of keeping in the old girl’s good books as he stood every chance of inheriting her money when the time came.
Father was right as usual, the traffic was not quite so bad, and they did arrive within a cat’s whisker of the appointed time. May greeted them at the door, “Come in, come in – so good to see you!” She was a plump lady, her round face painted and powdered, her lips a glossy red and her blond hair piled high on her hear. She wore a black dress that was decorated with prints of large white flowers that gave her the appearance of moving wallpaper. As ever, she exuded a powerful aroma of a perfume that always reminded Jack of an air-freshener. His mother insisted that it was an expensive perfume but ‘a little overplayed’. To Jack’s way of thinking, it had been applied with a fire hose. For all that, he liked her – she was lively and full of fun, and not averse to telling rather blue jokes. She also liked a little tipple and in her cups, her jokes just got bluer.
“Hello, darlings!” May effused, kissing each one of Jack’s family firmly on the cheek leaving a smudge of bright red lipstick as a mark of acceptance into her circle on each unsuspecting visitor. “Come in and meet everybody once you have put your coats in the closet,” she said and led the way into the large room she liked to refer to as the drawing room – “Lounge always seems so common don’t you think?” she would say. May had worked as secretary to a peer of the realm prior to her marriage and lived in quarters in a stately home that went with the job. She thus acquired her delusions of grandeur. Jack once heard his father remark to his mother that, “the worst snobs are those that work for the upper classes,” after a visit to Aunt May when she had gone on a bit about the people she had met during the course of her days as a secretary.
The drawing room was large. Four floor-to-ceiling windows overlooked the neatly trimmed lawn in the imposing garden and the large upholstered sofas and armchairs contained a variety of people who were unknown in the main to Jack. These were friends of May’s, from her card club that she attended weekly. “We only play whist but it helps to pass the time and it does get me out of the house,” May would explain. Jack quickly ran his eyes over the assembled people and spotted a young man of about his own age, someone he had never seen before. Everyone was introduced and the young man was named Peter. His father turned out to be an august looking gentleman who sat in one of the armchairs whom Aunt May had introduced as the Reverend Charles Roper, the new vicar from St Giles parish church. Peter looked relieved to see someone of his own age appear and he gave Jack a shy but friendly smile. There was no immediate opportunity for the two youngsters to talk to one another as Aunt May ‘the birthday girl’ was the centre of attention.
She was celebrating her sixtieth birthday and while she had been coy about her age for many years, on this occasion she had no doubt that everyone was aware of the true number of decades she had survived. No longer would she be able to deduct a year or three unless all her guests signed a pact of secrecy. She consoled herself that being the centre of so much attention was compensation in itself. After all the assembled guests had been supplied with and consumed an aperitif of their choice they made their way through to the dining room where a celebratory meal was served by caterers specially hired in for the evening. May did herself proud and Jack’s father called upon to make a congratulatory speech followed by a toast to his esteemed sister. The excellent wine served with the meal ensured that everyone was in a mellow mood by the time May had thanked everyone for coming, the marvellous birthday gifts, and the kind words of her dear, dear brother. Before leading her guests back to the drawing room, she announced that her darling nephew jack was going to play the piano for them.
Like his father, Jack cringed a little at the way in which he had been mentioned, he would gladly dispense with words like ‘darling’ being attached to his name but that went with Aunt May, a woman who was inclined to be larger than life in more than just the physical sense. The people took up their various seats on sofas and armchairs again and Jack made his way to the boudoir grand piano that was the pride and joy of his quite untalented aunt, “Can’t play a note,” she would say as though expecting sympathy for this shortfall in her ability to be the most perfect of hosts.
Jack was able to play by ear and ran through a repertoire of tunes from musicals as well as a number of light classical pieces. He played these quietly so that people could converse with one another in much the way that they would in a piano bar. It suited him as he felt he was playing as much for his own amusements as that of the others and his love of music meant that mentally at least he had escaped from the boredom of listening to the trite conversation of his elders. It was after he had finished his little recital and had been duly applauded that Peter came over to him and said, “God, I don’t know how you did that. I should hate to have to play in public.”
“Do you play piano?” Jack asked. Peter nodded in reply. “After a fashion,” he said. “My father insisted that I learned but I shall never be that good. I can follow a sheet of music but I lack any style and could never do what you have just done.”
The two young men continued to talk and learn something about each other, where they were studying and their interests. They found they had some common ground and each agreed that they would keep in touch when the time came for everyone to say their goodbyes and leave for their respective homes.
“I think you should take up the offer of organ lessons,” Michael said. Michael was a close friend of Jack’s and they both were in the same music study group. Michael was the first to admit that Jack was in a league of his own when it came to playing the piano. He had mastered it so well and was able to learn many a piece after playing it only once much to the amazement of Harvey, his tutor. Organ lessons had come out of the blue, as Harvey had made an approach to the management of the city hall and obtained permission for the use of the organ in the municipal concert hall. The Victorians spared no effort in ensuring that their municipal seats of power demonstrated their wealth, benevolence and business acumen and the newly restored organ was considered to be a gem.
Jack was sitting in the college refractory talking with Michael over a coffee between lectures. Jack had his doubts about taking on more tuition, as he was finding his workload onerous as it was. He was tempted. The organ was the acknowledged king of all the instruments and Jack had always enjoyed listening to organ music. Perhaps in the circumstances he would take up the offer, should schedule prove to be too much, he could always pull out. That evening, Michael and he were going to a concert with their tutor and he would be able to tell Harvey of his decision then. The tutor was in his forties, so quite a bit older than his students were, but he liked to see that his group got to as many concerts and recitals as possible. He was not averse to seeing they got tickets for some of the leading rock and roll and jazz players when they came by on tours. Harvey insisted that the development of music is an ongoing thing and did not stop when the classical composers went off to play to the Great Conductor in the sky.
Harvey was taking his group to a concert where the main part of the performance would be Ravel’s Bolero and Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue, a recognized bringing together of the classics and jazz. This evening, the group was quite small as in addition to Jack and Michael, Bob and Fiona were coming. Bob and Fiona both played the violin and had become a couple not long after the course had begun. Michael had a girl friend in another faculty but no one seemed to see any problem with the fact that Jack did not have a girl friend. He would go round with various groups of friends and the fact that as he was such a skilled piano player and could strike up a tune wherever there was a piano made him popular.
The concert went well and after it was over Harvey said that as he lived nearby he would be pleased to offer any one a coffee. Fiona spoke up on her behalf and that of Bob and quickly said ‘thanks but no thanks,’ as she had other plans in mind. Michael exchanged knowing smiles with Jack both thinking that two people would be late for lectures the next day if Fiona’s plans were of the sleep deprivation variety. Michael and Jack accepted the invite and the three walked the short distance to the ramshackle Edwardian house in which Harvey lived. They made their way through to a large sitting room extended by joining two rooms together. This meant the room was large enough to accommodate a grand piano as well as a variety of other instruments, vast piles of books that had overflowed from the numerous bookshelves around the walls. Harvey grabbed up sheet music and books to allow his guests to sit down while he made his way to the kitchen to make the coffee.
The two students cast their eyes round the room. It was very much the intellectual’s pad and a room that was seldom if ever given a clean as dust lay everywhere and the high corners had the odd cobweb as festoons on the cornices. In spite of this, the room was cozy and welcoming. Harvey returned with a tray on which there was a cafetière of dark coffee, three cups and a jug of cream. “I hope you don’t take sugar – I’m completely out, I’m afraid but there are some sweeteners,” Harvey said as he placed the tray on a small table that miraculously was devoid of clutter. The young men opted for sweeteners and they all settled down with their drinks, and a discussion about the concert.
After a while, Jack asked if he might use the bathroom and Harvey directed him to a room at the top of the stairs. As he stood over lavatory pan, Jack admired the surroundings. The bathroom was spotless and modernized in the not too distant past. It was quite an art gallery and the artwork intrigued Jack, as he relieved himself. The framed pictures were classical but homoerotic and there was a small replica of Michelangelo’s David in an alcove. Harvey had never come across as being gay although everyone assumed that he was a confirmed bachelor, some even suggested that he was a widower. As he flushed the toilet and then turned to wash his hands, an idea came to Jack and he wondered what Harvey’s reaction might be.
He returned to the sitting room and Michael looked at his watch and said that it was time that he was going if he was to catch his bus. Jack was in walking distance of his residence and said that there was something he wanted t discuss with Harvey before he left. They said their goodbyes to Michael and Harvey turned to Jack to ask what he wanted to know.
“I was interested to see your bathroom. I hope that I am not going to offend you in any way but the pictures they are a little – how shall I put it? Suggestive.” Harvey smiled. “I sent you up to the bathroom as opposed to the downstairs toilet for a purpose,” he said. “I think you are trying to ask me whether I am gay. The same question has been running through my mind regarding you. What if I say, yes I am gay but I do not make a show of it.”
Jack considered what Harvey had just said before replying, “I am sure that I am gay but have never admitted as much to anyone. I have feelings – feelings for men. I am attracted to men but have never had any sexual contact with a man or a woman for that matter. I don’t know anything about being gay apart from the crude comments people make about queers, faggots and such. What people say make me afraid of being gay.”
Harvey smiled sympathetically at Jack. “I fully understand what you feel. I guess every gay man must go through what you are experiencing just now. Uncertainty, apprehension, and fear even. Fear of losing family and friends, fear of abuse both verbal and physical. It is a very difficult time.”
“How did you deal with coming out?” Jack asked.
“I was lucky I suppose, my sister had her suspicions and actually asked me outright if I was homosexual. I admitted as much to her and somehow between us we told my parents. My father was a professional musician and said that he had nothing against gay men, he worked with enough of them, he said. My mother was quiet for a few days and then said that it really didn’t matter, I was still her Harvey and that had not changed. From then on, we just seemed to carry on much as before. However, I did experience some reactions among my friends. A couple of the guys just cut me – would avoid me but others were OK. In fact most were OK about it.”
Jack became bolder in his questioning and asked whether Harvey had a boyfriend or partner. Harvey was quiet for a time before saying, “No longer. I did have a very dear partner. We were together for several years. He was my tutor and so a few years older than I. We became close and one day he told me that he was HIV positive. Until then we had had no sexual contact; that came after we moved in together. We practiced safe sex and had a wonderful relationship; in fact, we bought this house together. In time, he developed AIDs and I cared for him until the end. Bill’s illness was a result of his carelessness before we met, he was promiscuous and paid the price but he was a great guy and I shall miss him always. Since he passed away, I have kept myself to myself and have found that I can cope with celibacy – perhaps I should have been a priest!”
“I am truly sorry to hear about your partner. Thanks anyway for being so open with me. You have given me a great deal of food for thought,” Jack said.
“It’s getting late – time for you to go, Jack,” Harvey said as he stood and led the way to the door. “I am sure you will find someone, I just hope that you have rather more luck than I did. I shall never regret my time with Bill but it would have been so much better if he was still here with me.”
“Good night, and thank you again,” Jack said as he left and headed for home.
To be continued
“OK! – I’m coming – give me a chance!” Jack replied angrily. He had spent the afternoon scoring for the school cricket team and missed his bus home. That meant he had to rush to shower and get dressed ready to go with his parents and sister to his Aunt May’s birthday party. He was not at all keen on going, as he hated these family occasions where the people of his parent’s generation sat round and reminisced over the days when they were young and all was right with the world. What was worse was the fact that he would be expected to play the piano for the assembled crowd. He didn’t mind playing the piano, in fact, he was so good at it that it was second nature to him. It was the patronising comments that followed his performance that made him cringe.
“At last!” his father exclaimed as he ran down the stairs to where the other’s stood waiting for him. “Everyone in the car now and off we go, with luck we’ve missed the worst of the homeward commuter traffic, and we shall be at May’s house on time.” Jack liked his Aunt May. She was much older than Dad, who had always been referred to as a ‘mistake’ by his aunt. She insisted that Jack’s grandmother had been taken by surprise long after she thought her childbearing days were over. May had been married but a series of strokes had taken Uncle George in his prime, leaving her as a rather wealthy, if a little eccentric widow. Jack was her only nephew and she doted on him – the son I never had, she would remark. Jack’s father would tell him that he should make a point of keeping in the old girl’s good books as he stood every chance of inheriting her money when the time came.
Father was right as usual, the traffic was not quite so bad, and they did arrive within a cat’s whisker of the appointed time. May greeted them at the door, “Come in, come in – so good to see you!” She was a plump lady, her round face painted and powdered, her lips a glossy red and her blond hair piled high on her hear. She wore a black dress that was decorated with prints of large white flowers that gave her the appearance of moving wallpaper. As ever, she exuded a powerful aroma of a perfume that always reminded Jack of an air-freshener. His mother insisted that it was an expensive perfume but ‘a little overplayed’. To Jack’s way of thinking, it had been applied with a fire hose. For all that, he liked her – she was lively and full of fun, and not averse to telling rather blue jokes. She also liked a little tipple and in her cups, her jokes just got bluer.
“Hello, darlings!” May effused, kissing each one of Jack’s family firmly on the cheek leaving a smudge of bright red lipstick as a mark of acceptance into her circle on each unsuspecting visitor. “Come in and meet everybody once you have put your coats in the closet,” she said and led the way into the large room she liked to refer to as the drawing room – “Lounge always seems so common don’t you think?” she would say. May had worked as secretary to a peer of the realm prior to her marriage and lived in quarters in a stately home that went with the job. She thus acquired her delusions of grandeur. Jack once heard his father remark to his mother that, “the worst snobs are those that work for the upper classes,” after a visit to Aunt May when she had gone on a bit about the people she had met during the course of her days as a secretary.
The drawing room was large. Four floor-to-ceiling windows overlooked the neatly trimmed lawn in the imposing garden and the large upholstered sofas and armchairs contained a variety of people who were unknown in the main to Jack. These were friends of May’s, from her card club that she attended weekly. “We only play whist but it helps to pass the time and it does get me out of the house,” May would explain. Jack quickly ran his eyes over the assembled people and spotted a young man of about his own age, someone he had never seen before. Everyone was introduced and the young man was named Peter. His father turned out to be an august looking gentleman who sat in one of the armchairs whom Aunt May had introduced as the Reverend Charles Roper, the new vicar from St Giles parish church. Peter looked relieved to see someone of his own age appear and he gave Jack a shy but friendly smile. There was no immediate opportunity for the two youngsters to talk to one another as Aunt May ‘the birthday girl’ was the centre of attention.
She was celebrating her sixtieth birthday and while she had been coy about her age for many years, on this occasion she had no doubt that everyone was aware of the true number of decades she had survived. No longer would she be able to deduct a year or three unless all her guests signed a pact of secrecy. She consoled herself that being the centre of so much attention was compensation in itself. After all the assembled guests had been supplied with and consumed an aperitif of their choice they made their way through to the dining room where a celebratory meal was served by caterers specially hired in for the evening. May did herself proud and Jack’s father called upon to make a congratulatory speech followed by a toast to his esteemed sister. The excellent wine served with the meal ensured that everyone was in a mellow mood by the time May had thanked everyone for coming, the marvellous birthday gifts, and the kind words of her dear, dear brother. Before leading her guests back to the drawing room, she announced that her darling nephew jack was going to play the piano for them.
Like his father, Jack cringed a little at the way in which he had been mentioned, he would gladly dispense with words like ‘darling’ being attached to his name but that went with Aunt May, a woman who was inclined to be larger than life in more than just the physical sense. The people took up their various seats on sofas and armchairs again and Jack made his way to the boudoir grand piano that was the pride and joy of his quite untalented aunt, “Can’t play a note,” she would say as though expecting sympathy for this shortfall in her ability to be the most perfect of hosts.
Jack was able to play by ear and ran through a repertoire of tunes from musicals as well as a number of light classical pieces. He played these quietly so that people could converse with one another in much the way that they would in a piano bar. It suited him as he felt he was playing as much for his own amusements as that of the others and his love of music meant that mentally at least he had escaped from the boredom of listening to the trite conversation of his elders. It was after he had finished his little recital and had been duly applauded that Peter came over to him and said, “God, I don’t know how you did that. I should hate to have to play in public.”
“Do you play piano?” Jack asked. Peter nodded in reply. “After a fashion,” he said. “My father insisted that I learned but I shall never be that good. I can follow a sheet of music but I lack any style and could never do what you have just done.”
The two young men continued to talk and learn something about each other, where they were studying and their interests. They found they had some common ground and each agreed that they would keep in touch when the time came for everyone to say their goodbyes and leave for their respective homes.
***
“I think you should take up the offer of organ lessons,” Michael said. Michael was a close friend of Jack’s and they both were in the same music study group. Michael was the first to admit that Jack was in a league of his own when it came to playing the piano. He had mastered it so well and was able to learn many a piece after playing it only once much to the amazement of Harvey, his tutor. Organ lessons had come out of the blue, as Harvey had made an approach to the management of the city hall and obtained permission for the use of the organ in the municipal concert hall. The Victorians spared no effort in ensuring that their municipal seats of power demonstrated their wealth, benevolence and business acumen and the newly restored organ was considered to be a gem.
Jack was sitting in the college refractory talking with Michael over a coffee between lectures. Jack had his doubts about taking on more tuition, as he was finding his workload onerous as it was. He was tempted. The organ was the acknowledged king of all the instruments and Jack had always enjoyed listening to organ music. Perhaps in the circumstances he would take up the offer, should schedule prove to be too much, he could always pull out. That evening, Michael and he were going to a concert with their tutor and he would be able to tell Harvey of his decision then. The tutor was in his forties, so quite a bit older than his students were, but he liked to see that his group got to as many concerts and recitals as possible. He was not averse to seeing they got tickets for some of the leading rock and roll and jazz players when they came by on tours. Harvey insisted that the development of music is an ongoing thing and did not stop when the classical composers went off to play to the Great Conductor in the sky.
Harvey was taking his group to a concert where the main part of the performance would be Ravel’s Bolero and Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue, a recognized bringing together of the classics and jazz. This evening, the group was quite small as in addition to Jack and Michael, Bob and Fiona were coming. Bob and Fiona both played the violin and had become a couple not long after the course had begun. Michael had a girl friend in another faculty but no one seemed to see any problem with the fact that Jack did not have a girl friend. He would go round with various groups of friends and the fact that as he was such a skilled piano player and could strike up a tune wherever there was a piano made him popular.
The concert went well and after it was over Harvey said that as he lived nearby he would be pleased to offer any one a coffee. Fiona spoke up on her behalf and that of Bob and quickly said ‘thanks but no thanks,’ as she had other plans in mind. Michael exchanged knowing smiles with Jack both thinking that two people would be late for lectures the next day if Fiona’s plans were of the sleep deprivation variety. Michael and Jack accepted the invite and the three walked the short distance to the ramshackle Edwardian house in which Harvey lived. They made their way through to a large sitting room extended by joining two rooms together. This meant the room was large enough to accommodate a grand piano as well as a variety of other instruments, vast piles of books that had overflowed from the numerous bookshelves around the walls. Harvey grabbed up sheet music and books to allow his guests to sit down while he made his way to the kitchen to make the coffee.
The two students cast their eyes round the room. It was very much the intellectual’s pad and a room that was seldom if ever given a clean as dust lay everywhere and the high corners had the odd cobweb as festoons on the cornices. In spite of this, the room was cozy and welcoming. Harvey returned with a tray on which there was a cafetière of dark coffee, three cups and a jug of cream. “I hope you don’t take sugar – I’m completely out, I’m afraid but there are some sweeteners,” Harvey said as he placed the tray on a small table that miraculously was devoid of clutter. The young men opted for sweeteners and they all settled down with their drinks, and a discussion about the concert.
After a while, Jack asked if he might use the bathroom and Harvey directed him to a room at the top of the stairs. As he stood over lavatory pan, Jack admired the surroundings. The bathroom was spotless and modernized in the not too distant past. It was quite an art gallery and the artwork intrigued Jack, as he relieved himself. The framed pictures were classical but homoerotic and there was a small replica of Michelangelo’s David in an alcove. Harvey had never come across as being gay although everyone assumed that he was a confirmed bachelor, some even suggested that he was a widower. As he flushed the toilet and then turned to wash his hands, an idea came to Jack and he wondered what Harvey’s reaction might be.
He returned to the sitting room and Michael looked at his watch and said that it was time that he was going if he was to catch his bus. Jack was in walking distance of his residence and said that there was something he wanted t discuss with Harvey before he left. They said their goodbyes to Michael and Harvey turned to Jack to ask what he wanted to know.
“I was interested to see your bathroom. I hope that I am not going to offend you in any way but the pictures they are a little – how shall I put it? Suggestive.” Harvey smiled. “I sent you up to the bathroom as opposed to the downstairs toilet for a purpose,” he said. “I think you are trying to ask me whether I am gay. The same question has been running through my mind regarding you. What if I say, yes I am gay but I do not make a show of it.”
Jack considered what Harvey had just said before replying, “I am sure that I am gay but have never admitted as much to anyone. I have feelings – feelings for men. I am attracted to men but have never had any sexual contact with a man or a woman for that matter. I don’t know anything about being gay apart from the crude comments people make about queers, faggots and such. What people say make me afraid of being gay.”
Harvey smiled sympathetically at Jack. “I fully understand what you feel. I guess every gay man must go through what you are experiencing just now. Uncertainty, apprehension, and fear even. Fear of losing family and friends, fear of abuse both verbal and physical. It is a very difficult time.”
“How did you deal with coming out?” Jack asked.
“I was lucky I suppose, my sister had her suspicions and actually asked me outright if I was homosexual. I admitted as much to her and somehow between us we told my parents. My father was a professional musician and said that he had nothing against gay men, he worked with enough of them, he said. My mother was quiet for a few days and then said that it really didn’t matter, I was still her Harvey and that had not changed. From then on, we just seemed to carry on much as before. However, I did experience some reactions among my friends. A couple of the guys just cut me – would avoid me but others were OK. In fact most were OK about it.”
Jack became bolder in his questioning and asked whether Harvey had a boyfriend or partner. Harvey was quiet for a time before saying, “No longer. I did have a very dear partner. We were together for several years. He was my tutor and so a few years older than I. We became close and one day he told me that he was HIV positive. Until then we had had no sexual contact; that came after we moved in together. We practiced safe sex and had a wonderful relationship; in fact, we bought this house together. In time, he developed AIDs and I cared for him until the end. Bill’s illness was a result of his carelessness before we met, he was promiscuous and paid the price but he was a great guy and I shall miss him always. Since he passed away, I have kept myself to myself and have found that I can cope with celibacy – perhaps I should have been a priest!”
“I am truly sorry to hear about your partner. Thanks anyway for being so open with me. You have given me a great deal of food for thought,” Jack said.
“It’s getting late – time for you to go, Jack,” Harvey said as he stood and led the way to the door. “I am sure you will find someone, I just hope that you have rather more luck than I did. I shall never regret my time with Bill but it would have been so much better if he was still here with me.”
“Good night, and thank you again,” Jack said as he left and headed for home.
To be continued































