Jackin off to best friend's pictures... and more

[jamesshady]

i feel really stupid for posting this, but i figured someone would know what to do...
like every other guy here (it seems) i feel like i'm in love (or lust) with my best friend. we dont live near each other (we met in college but we've graduated now) but we still talk nearly everyday, even if only online. he's funny, cute, sexy, and our personalities are so compatible we finish each other's sentences and complete each other's thoughts. but he's also totally straight and has a gf, which sucks.

i really dont want to see him as more than a friend cus i know nothing would ever happen (im not out and he has no clue about me), but i can't stop thinking about him. he talks to me all the time online (nearly every spare moment when he's at work) and sometimes it feels like we're already in a relationship bcus of how much we talk lol... just without the physical aspect.

whats weird is i am turned on even just lookin at his pictures... most of the time regular porn doesnt even turn me on, i have to watch porn and keep a picture of him open to jack off. when i watch porn or look at pics of guys, i imagine its his cock i'm looking at, his ass that's getting fucked, his cock that's fucking my ass, his mouth my cock is in, his mouth i'm kissing... you get the picture, lol. i even moan his name when im jacking off and looking at his pics as i cum is the hottest thing ever for me.

just typing this out now is making me hard already lol... it doesnt even have to be him naked or shirtless, just a clear face pic of him is enough to send my cock throbbing! i hate it... and after i jack off to his picture i cant help but feel guilty

its even worse when i do visit him (i only get to see him every couple months since we live far away) because i always stay at his place, and ill find myself sneaking around his room, looking for old boxers or briefs. i cant help but sniff them and jack off to them, realizing that its about as close to his cock as ill ever get hes kind of a light sleeper otherwise im sure i would have done something while he was asleep... even the sight of his bare feet are enough to make my cock hard. one time i jacked off in his room while he was sleeping just slightly petting and feeling his feet

i think the worst was when i actually dug through his trash to find a used condom after he fucked his college gf (he's in a LDR now)... it would be so gross if it was anyone else's condom but knowing that it was my buddy's wasnt at all and was a huge turn on for me... it only happened once and i dont think i'd do it again

i guess my question is... does anyone else do this? i know a lot of guys here are falling for their best friend but does anyone go so far as jacking off to their friends' pictures, sniffing their underwear/socks, and being turned on by their feet? im pretty sure i sound really really creepy right now and i guess thats why i want to stop doing this. fantasizing is one thing but jacking off to his pictures and sniffing his underwear is something else, i think.

its as if everything about him turns me on. its even worse when we're in person and joking around, because like most guy friends we have our inside jokes and some of them involve pretending to be gay (typical str8 guy stuff)... the mere thought of him being gay and doing anything with me gives me like an instant hardon, which is kind of hard to hide when i'm actually hanging out with him!

i'd never want to lose him has a friend but knowing i cant ever have him is killing me, especially when i cant stop looking at his pictures and jacking off to them. what do you guys think i should do?

sorry if this is a huge long rant, but i just wanted to let this all out

 

[GL]

don't feel stupid, you're only owning up to your feelings.

you're in a rough patch though. i think at one point or another we've all been in that same rough patch. we have these 'needs' that can only be met by another man and when we don't have the means or the avenue to get them addressed (i.e. being in the closet, living in a small town w/ no other gay folk, etc.) we find ourselves attracted to those who we already have a strong emotional connection with and 9 times out of 10 its our straight friends.

honestly, the only real way you can work around this is to find someone else who will feel as you do and possibly reciprocate what you feel. in other words, you need to meet another gay man. i wish i could give you something better to work with, but as long as you're gay and he's straight? regardless... best of luck to you!

 

[Eagle653]

When I was in my early 20's, I developed my one and only crush on a straight guy--my best friend. It never went anywhere, of course, but I did jo to the thought of him on more than one occasion. I didn't need a photo, per se, because all I had to do was conjure up a mental image to get all turned on.

You have a crush on this guy, and may even be in love with him. At least you're not clueless and you're not kidding yourself. You're very much in touch with what's going on.

There's two ways to look at this, and they're pretty opposite. Both are legit--you just need to decide how you want to play it. One would be to cherish the warm sexy feelings and almost snicker with yourself about your little secret. It's harmless and fun and gives you warm and good feelings. Lastly, it's contained in that you're not becoming a stalker or weird or anything, nor are you willing to push it so far, or become so bold, as to ruin your friendship. The only downside is that ultimately it's frustrating that you can't share it and will never have him.

The other way is to put a stop to it and spin him off as a distraction. He's a distraction because you'll never have him (except in your fantasies), and this distraction is probably preventing you from forging forward with finding a relationship that IS possible and would work for you. Thus, you would need to get rid of the pictures and probably severely curtail contact to wash him out of your hair and move on. The downside of this, obviously, is an abrupt end to a friendship (which could be sad and upsetting for him as well even though he's clueless as to what's going on) and some pain.

Good luck. You aren't alone. I'm just glad you are so perceptive about your feelings and what's (really) going on. That's a great piece of information for you to take advantage of.

 

[HartfordGuy]

Totally normal. As you said, alot of us fall for our best friends. Jacking off while thinking of them is common.

The sad part is he could end up gay, but that doesn't mean he will be attracted to you in the same way.

Or worse, he is straight and get freaked out that you are stalking him or something.

Whack off to his undies all you want. But until he expresses interest, you are helpless. Just don't let this prevent you from meeting other guys.

 

[bluedragon4]

Totally normal?^^^^^ I don't agree. He's doing some very odd stalker like stuff. You need to break off ties with him and seek help.

 

[briankd]

i was with u till the jacking off while petting his feet and looking for the condom. that is just wrong on every level. you need to tell him about yourself and if he
reciprocates, great, if not then you maybe can move on. it took me a long time
to get over being in love with my best friend and we are still friends.

 

[jamesshady]

When I was in my early 20's, I developed my one and only crush on a straight guy--my best friend. It never went anywhere, of course, but I did jo to the thought of him on more than one occasion. I didn't need a photo, per se, because all I had to do was conjure up a mental image to get all turned on.

You have a crush on this guy, and may even be in love with him. At least you're not clueless and you're not kidding yourself. You're very much in touch with what's going on.

There's two ways to look at this, and they're pretty opposite. Both are legit--you just need to decide how you want to play it. One would be to cherish the warm sexy feelings and almost snicker with yourself about your little secret. It's harmless and fun and gives you warm and good feelings. Lastly, it's contained in that you're not becoming a stalker or weird or anything, nor are you willing to push it so far, or become so bold, as to ruin your friendship. The only downside is that ultimately it's frustrating that you can't share it and will never have him.

The other way is to put a stop to it and spin him off as a distraction. He's a distraction because you'll never have him (except in your fantasies), and this distraction is probably preventing you from forging forward with finding a relationship that IS possible and would work for you. Thus, you would need to get rid of the pictures and probably severely curtail contact to wash him out of your hair and move on. The downside of this, obviously, is an abrupt end to a friendship (which could be sad and upsetting for him as well even though he's clueless as to what's going on) and some pain.

Good luck. You aren't alone. I'm just glad you are so perceptive about your feelings and what's (really) going on. That's a great piece of information for you to take advantage of.

thanks for the suggestions... i dont think i could ever end the friendship though. he's the one person i can talk to about almost anything, and i dont think ive had a friend as close as him. i know i cant have him but i never want to lose the friendship... i just wish i could keep the friendship but not the attraction

 

[jamesshady]

Totally normal?^^^^^ I don't agree. He's doing some very odd stalker like stuff. You need to break off ties with him and seek help.

i really dont think i could break off ties with him though. he's a great bud and the one guy i know who would have my back for anything. i want to break off the attraction to him, but just not the friendship.

as for the stalker stuff... i guess those were isolated incidents. the condom thing was a one time thing and to this day i think it was gross. the feet thing... its not that gross if you have a foot fetish right? i dont think im a stalker (i dont go around following him) but i think i just spend too much time thinking about him

 

[bluedragon4]

i really dont think i could break off ties with him though. he's a great bud and the one guy i know who would have my back for anything. i want to break off the attraction to him, but just not the friendship.

as for the stalker stuff... i guess those were isolated incidents. the condom thing was a one time thing and to this day i think it was gross. the feet thing... its not that gross if you have a foot fetish right? i dont think im a stalker (i dont go around following him) but i think i just spend too much time thinking about him

It's not gross to have a foot fetish but it's freaky to pet someone's feet while they are a sleep and you are jacking off. You are in the middle of your obsession so you don't see all the lines you have already crossed. You say you can talk to him about anything but this is consuming you and you can't talk to him about it. DON"T TELL HIM! You'll just end up hating yourself. You'll become a joke and an oddity to him and his friends. Try to meet someone who is gay. Plenty of hot cool gay guys out there. I have a thing as it is about gay guys falling for straight friends. you just set yourself up for heartache. I would never fall for a straight man because there is no point. I don't hate myself so why would i hurt myself that way? I think you should talk to someone. it isn't that bad yet cause no one knows so you still have your dignity in people's eyes. but if they heard all this? than your life would be hell.

 

[Just_Believe18]

This is not normal. You are having an unhealthy infatuation towards a best friend who is straight. Merging your porn with regular pictures of him is a bad sign towards a creepy obsession. You are snooping around in his room for items that have been close to his penis. You know all this is futile but continue to do so anyway.

If you do not stop this, you will continue to sink further in your sexual obsession with your best friend. Your friend will eventually notice your behavior and begin to distance himself from you. As a result, you will become more emotionally unstable, jealous, and miserable if he denies you social contact, only aggrevating the situation further. Ultimately, you destroy your friendship, become a social recluse, and unable to move on from the past and your ruined fantasies of "what could have been."

Talk to him less. Develop new friendships and get yourself a boyfriend. STOP jerking off to his pictures/porn. Stop jerking off to anything that belongs to him. Stop snooping. AND RESPECT his relationship with his girlfriend.


This is very serious. I know what it's like to have a crush on a straight friend but it is never suppose to come to this.

 

[Aflute04]

This is not normal. You are having an unhealthy infatuation towards a best friend who is straight. Merging your porn with regular pictures of him is a bad sign towards a creepy obsession. You are snooping around in his room for items that have been close to his penis. You know all this is futile but continue to do so anyway.

If you do not stop this, you will continue to sink further in your sexual obsession with your best friend. Your friend will eventually notice your behavior and begin to distance himself from you. As a result, you will become more emotionally unstable, jealous, and miserable if he denies you social contact, only aggrevating the situation further. Ultimately, you destroy your friendship, become a social recluse, and unable to move on from the past and your ruined fantasies of "what could have been."

Talk to him less. Develop new friendships and get yourself a boyfriend. STOP jerking off to his pictures/porn. Stop jerking off to anything that belongs to him. Stop snooping. AND RESPECT his relationship with his girlfriend.


This is very serious. I know what it's like to have a crush on a straight friend but it is never suppose to come to this.

I concur... Well with all but the last part. My best male friend is gay... And oddly enough I have no attraction whatsoever for him (oh, the irony)...

 

[spreadeagle]

Get a grip mate - Maybe you feel you could talk to him about almost anything but it's obvious you can't talk to him about the thing that really matters for you - so the whole fabricated relationship is constructed under a cone of silence.

You say you don't want to see him as more than a friend but every action you take betrays that as a lie. There is no middle way here. Either you stop fuelling your obsession by jacking off to his picture and invading his privacy, or you'll be a slave to this futile fixation and seriously undermine any prospects of ever having a fulfilling relationship with anyone else.

 

[JackFTwist]

I always jacked off to my very straight best friend - until I met someone who really rocked my world and then I started jacking off to him and that is how I know I was in love with the new guy (and we were together 14 years)

 

[Candyapple]

its even worse when i do visit him (i only get to see him every couple months since we live far away) because i always stay at his place, and ill find myself sneaking around his room, looking for old boxers or briefs. i cant help but sniff them and jack off to them, realizing that its about as close to his cock as ill ever get hes kind of a light sleeper otherwise im sure i would have done something while he was asleep... even the sight of his bare feet are enough to make my cock hard. one time i jacked off in his room while he was sleeping just slightly petting and feeling his feet

So you're saying that if he wasn't a light sleeper, you would have sexually assaulted him by now? Because that's what it would be, however you might try to justify it to yourself. Does that not tell you how unhealthy this all is?

It worries me that you say 'I'll find myself sneaking round his room' and 'I can't help but...' as though you have no control over your actions. YOU DO. You're an adult!!! What's going to happen next? "Oh, I just found myself taking out his cock and playing with it one night when he was sleeping more deeply than usual"??

You've been given some excellent advice in this thread. I can only advise you to read Spreadeagle, Just_Believe, and BlueDragon's posts over and over and really take on board what they're telling you.

 

[Gemini_Valley]

i feel really stupid for posting this, but i figured someone would know what to do... like every other guy here (it seems) i feel like i'm in love (or lust) with my best friend. we dont live near each other (we met in college but we've graduated now) but we still talk nearly everyday, even if only online. he's funny, cute, sexy, and our personalities are so compatible we finish each other's sentences and complete each other's thoughts. but he's also totally straight and has a gf, which sucks.

i really dont want to see him as more than a friend cus i know nothing would ever happen (im not out and he has no clue about me), but i can't stop thinking about him.

I have nothing new to add, just wanted to state that I'm on the same page as you here.

Ciara's "C.R.U.S.H." basically sums up my state of mind.

I have a full-blown crush on a guy who has become a really good friend and, of course, is straight. He's very good-looking, articulates his thoughts well, mature for his age, a great sense of humor, and has a deep masculine voice. In other words, if I had to build the "perfect man" he would be it, no question. I don't want a romantic relationship evolving from our friendship, 'cause I genuinely enjoy him as a person, and wouldn't want to jeopardize what we have over my feelings for him. However, this doesn't stop the sexual fantasies from entering my mind from time to time, or believing he's into me based on our very good rapport. I've tried to maximize his flaws (he's a little short at 5'9" to my 5'11" and has a very slight acne problem) or avoid seeing/talking to him as much, which hasn't curbed my feelings.

There's two ways to look at this, and they're pretty opposite. Both are legit--you just need to decide how you want to play it. One would be to cherish the warm sexy feelings and almost snicker with yourself about your little secret. It's harmless and fun and gives you warm and good feelings. Lastly, it's contained in that you're not becoming a stalker or weird or anything, nor are you willing to push it so far, or become so bold, as to ruin your friendship. The only downside is that ultimately it's frustrating that you can't share it and will never have him.

I like this bit of advice. I have absolutely no need to tell him I how I feel, nor invade his personal space in anyway. Which makes me feel comfortable about secretly lusting over/slightly flirting with him, as well the rush I get when I'm around or talking to him.

 

[Leccocx]

you gotta shift the attraction from him to someone else. sure it may not sound possible, but it is. it's a matter of intentionally moving away from unconscious obsession. just cause you shift the obsession doesn't mean you'll loose him.

I've been in similar situation and I can tell that this is the best option. It worked for me, and and it can for anyone, no matter if they're straight or gay. Believe me, when you find someone else, you might still feel something for your friend, but you'll be so much attracted to this new person that you won't feel sad or angry or desperate.

Although it might take some time. Just don't tell anything to your friend, because your friendship might be in danger. But I'm sure you can make it. Good luck!

 

[amigo32]

Be careful, I you're getting a little extreme....(ie, looking through his room, jo while he's sleeping, going through his trash)

You say you don't want to lose his friendship, but if he finds out you're doing these things it's probably going to cause problems.

Don't cut things off with him, but try to lessen the obsesiveness a little bit....