Jerking off brings problems every now and then

[Doppelhase]

well i jacked off to pron before the pills and took also so long. so not cumming but jacking would be a advice? But whats the point of jacking if not cumming

 

[Enduster]

well i jacked off to pron before the pills and took also so long. so not cumming but jacking would be a advice? But whats the point of jacking if not cumming

What medication/s are you taking if I may ask?

 

[Doppelhase]

i think the ones causing it are paroxetin there for slight depressions

 

[Doppelhase]

another problem is that i am more offen horney then he is

 

[Enduster]

i think the ones causing it are paroxetin there for slight depressions

SSRIs like that are well known and well documented to cause various sexual dysfunctions. You should work with your doctor to find one that works without ruining your ability to orgasm and ejaculate.

 

[Doppelhase]

well but the long term jo i've had before the pills

 

[Doppelhase]

another problem is that i am just more often horny than he is.

 

[BiMike]

^ That may be the problem. He is probably jealous

 

[subsonic]

I can somehow relate to your problem, I have a tendency to take my time as well and actually its tiresome in the long run but I think it's hard to change old habits.
I think my advice would be to focus on yourself. Try and use a substitute for jerking off. Do something creative or different, keep yourself busy. When your jerking try and stop downloading the movies - you can stream porn many places on the internet and you wouldn't have to wait that long - it's really unnecessary.
And lastly try to explain to your boyfriend the problem in a way so he can understand it better. It's important to have some support but he should know that it is not about him. Perhaps when you get the urge jerk you could try and turn to your boyfriend, experiment and have fun together - spicy things up so it gets new for both of you.

 

[Doppelhase]

Hey subsonic do you have a bf?

 

[subsonic]

Hi Doppelhase.
Nope, I don't - unfortunately :-(
But I'm being positive and hope someone will come along one day

 

[Joe Anon]

I can jerk off for one, two, three, four hours in a row and when I mention that to my boyfriend, he thinks it's simply awesome. So there's nothing inherently offensive to partners about jerking off for a long time.

However, it seems that more is going on here than meets the eye, as others have pointed out. It seems your jerking off is making your boyfriend jealous for some reason. Although it's unreasonable for him to demand of you you stop jerking off altogether (it's just not something you can be expected to control, and I bet he does jerk off), he may actually have good reason to be jealous. I can actually relate.

Recently I went through a long period of sexual 'drought' with my boyfriend. For all sorts of reasons I won't go into right now, his libido just dried up. After several months of me making unsuccessful attempts to initiate sex and getting zero initiative from him, I got really insecure and even started to hate the thought of him jerking off alone. I had no problem with that before, but it started feeling like cheating to me, as weird as that may sound. It seemed unfair to me that he would jerk off (while under the shower with me waiting for him to come out for example). I started feeling he was egocentrically spending his sexual energy on himself while I was in desperate need of being touched. Well, his libido's back so I'm less worried about this, but you can see how external circumstances can influence how someone may perceive his partner's masturbating behaviour.

I'm not saying something identical is going on between you two, but he may feel he has reason to be jealous. Does he?

 

[Doppelhase]

not that i know of. maybe he thinks he is not enough for me. But that is simply not true. He keeps saying that he finds jo in a relationship pretty disgusting. he could ne jealous of the guys i look at in the videos. but they are just a fantasy. i love my bf and he knows it. we have an awesome relationship and he's helped me through some difficult times. he says he ain't happy in our relationship when I jo.

 

[Joe Anon]

not that i know of. maybe he thinks he is not enough for me. But that is simply not true. He keeps saying that he finds jo in a relationship pretty disgusting. he could ne jealous of the guys i look at in the videos. but they are just a fantasy. i love my bf and he knows it. we have an awesome relationship and he's helped me through some difficult times. he says he ain't happy in our relationship when I jo.

Well, it seems you need to make clear to him that you will not stop masturbating, since it is natural behaviour that has nothing to do with the two of you. And considering you can't think of a reason why he would have difficulty accepting you jerking off, you should simply ask him what his reasons are.

If he finds jerking off to be simply wrong, a-moral, or whatnot, then he needs to work on changing his view. It's none of those things. If he doesn't think those things of masturbation, but only has problems with you jerking off, then he needs to ask himself why he's singling you out.

He's setting himself up for some serious disappointment by demanding you to stop doing something you certainly will not and cannot stop doing. He's basically forcing you to do it behind his back (and maybe even lie about that). Talk to him, get to the heart of the matter.

 

[Halifaxboy8]

The issue isn't you jerking off, as you've implied The real issue seems to be addiction. Go to the Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA) website and see if you seem to fit.

http://www.sca-recovery.org/

Usually you give great advice, but this time you are off base.

The issue here isn't that he is jerking off, or the length of time he takes to do it. Three times a week is nothing, and not everyone can get off (or wants to) in 10 minutes. Hell, if duration meant that you were a sex addict then everyone who practices Tantric sex should be seeing a therapist.

The problem is his boyfriend who has control issues. No one has the right to control someone else's body, or manipulate them into feelings of guilt. That is exactly what is going on in this relationship.

To the OP:

Masturbation is normal and healthy. Everyone has different ways to do it and it takes varying times to achieve orgasm. There is nothing wrong with exploring your body and giving yourself pleasure.

Your bf is controlling you and manipulating you to make you feel that:

1. You have to ask him for permission to touch your own body
2. When you do masturbate he makes you stop again
3. He makes you feel like its a dirty act (he has made you believe its an addiction rather than being normal)

Can you see the trend?

I'm not going to get into a 3rd party diagnosis on your bf aside from recognizing that he has control issues. Where that stems from is anyone's guess, but whatever the source he's acting out his disorder on you and that's not ok.

Its your body and no one has the right to tell you what you should do with it. Additionally, his manipulation of you has left you feeling like YOU are the one with the problem. This is a very common feeling amongst people that are on the receiving end of a controller.

What I have done here is arm you with some very important information. You know yourself something is wrong with the relationship, otherwise you wouldn't have posted here asking for help. Look around and look hard at what is going on in this relationship.

You cannot change your boyfriend or how he thinks. That's not your job, and it will only be met with denial and anger from him. You need to change YOU, how you see what is going on and what this guy is doing to you.