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Job loss and depression

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Locutus7

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Hello: I have not been on the boards for a while, but need some help and advice; I hope this is the right subforum for this... if not, let me know and I can have it moved.

I recently lost my job in a sort of spectacular way; a lot of it was my responsibility and I feel bad. I was in over my head and tried to do the best I could; but wasn't given a lot of support from the agency or the contractor (it was a short term contract with a government agency). Another person lost their job because the contract was cancelled; I feel badly about that also...

Things happened quickly and I am now looking for work in my field. I plan to avoid the government and contracting because of how badly this situation went. I know I'm not giving a lot of detail at this stage, but wanted to ask if anyone has been in this kind of situation. I also plan to apply for unemployment insurance (altho it's a lot of hoops to jump through)... I have some resources for a while and a friend will send part time work my way; it won't be a lot of money, but will be something.

I have been beating myself up a lot which I know isn't good, but it's what I do in high stress situations. I am reaching out to friends and family and will be seeing a therapist next week.

Thanks in advance for any help.


Locutus7
 
I actually have a link for you that I think you might benefit from. It's pretty damned early where I'm at, though, so I'm not as precise as I could be in my thought process - the drizzly hours before the ass-crack of dawn are not my forte, you see, and my apologies for that - it took a bit to find the thing in my history folder. But I would appreciate it if you checked it out with two thoughts centered firmly in the forefront of your mind; the first is that humanity is forever fallible. The second is that you are not your job.

https://www.healthline.com/health/w...-icebreaker-heres-why-we-should-stop-asking#1
 
Good link, Lucky!

A better way for people to bring up work is: "What field do you enjoy working in? Are you working in that field now, or taking a break because of all the corporate mergings?" It shows interest, understanding and compassion all at once and the person doesn't feel (as) embarrassed if they've got a degree in psychoacoustic engineering, but can only find work in an office.
Besides, anyone with a modicum of empathy (like me) would utter: "Gee, do you miss working in that field? It sounds like you loved it a lot." It wouldn't make me tense, but, and here i go again, a 70 year old Black man has had his share of losing jobs over untruthful charges, dicey bosses and racist managers. I was GOOD at what I did. So, I'd empathize. I'm gonna guess most of the people (here we go) were White, middle class, and were not exactly full of the milk of human kindness, because most Black people born in the 40s knew that kind of story at least 5 times in their own life!
So, make some Black friends. Truism that it is, you'll find that, as a culture, we're WAY more sympathetic than the mainstream, who lacks enough of this experience for the wrong reasons, even if they've been fired.

(And, for the record,I got signed out AGAIN. I've done three posts in 20 minutes and I've been signed out each time. WTF is wrong here??? Am I flagged for some reason??? Fortunately, I copy everything I type before I hit "post." So, just in case, Just Us Boys is being Just Us Assholes, I know how to protect my posts. Some I even throw into text edit first, just to save them and THEN hit "post." But this should NOT be happening (not even during a Mercury Retrograde).
 
Now that I'm more awake I'd like to add that the link given was for processing that you're really not your job and that the guilt that comes from such failure to succeed is, generally speaking, considerably disproportionate to the actual events of failure. That includes for government work.
 
Hi. Thanks very much for the information and support. I appreciate it. Unfortunately, I got overwhelmed and ended up in the hospital from Monday until this afternoon. I know I needed to be there. It was not fun of course, but I think it was helpful. I am more stable and am getting support from my network. Just wanted to give an update. I still have the issues and problems I had before I went to the hospital, but now have a renewed sense of purpose and have an action plan to get a job and get my personal stuff in order. Yes, we are not our jobs, but they do provide a sense of stability...
 
For the record when I counselled for alcoholism my counselor told me the last event that can shake up an alky is the loss of his job.
He can lose everything else, wife, family, everything but losing his job is rock bottom so it's no wonder you're depressed.
Who wouldn't be?
What you have going FOR you is you realize where the blame lies instead of blaming everyone but yourself.
That's nothing to be depressed about.......that's a learning experience.
Good luck!
 
And recognize that depression is an extremely normal response to any of Life's major losses (death, job, relationship). Having worked at Suicide Prevention for a long time, I've heard most of the reasons for depression and rationalizations for NOT being depressed. The point is: it's harder when you try to convince yourself you aren't depressed, than when you allow yourself to feel the depression until it runs its course. Please don't do that to yourself: you only make it worse.

People want to "think" themselves out of feel down, and that's dangerous, because when you don't succeed in doing that, you feel like you've failed AGAIN. So you compound the initial depression with this false "if-I-was-strong-enough-I'd-be-able-to-get-past-this" thinking. NO. That is NOT how it works. And you induce shame because you couldn't talk yourself out it. FEEL the feelings - no matter how unpleasant they are - and seek more counseling if you need it. But Life hands us defeats at times, and the wisest thing is simply to see it as a part of Life. I'm NOT saying you'll be able to see that right now; I'm saying it is something to allow yourself to accept over time. No matter what part you played, you're beating yourself up for being human and making a mistake. I don't know ONE person on Earth who hasn't made the wrong move at least 5 or 6 times in their life (and that's an UNDERestimate).
It's going to be rough for you, given how you describe how you handle what you see as "failure," but YOU ARE NOT YOUR JOB. And to conflate that with being the only reason for LIVING is what causes depression. How about "Damn. I wish I'd done some things differently, but I can't. It's happened and it's done. I only know I won't make THAT mistake again."

Your job NOW is to survive the loss of THAT job. I wish you well in that endeavor.
 
^ In addition the excellent synopsis given above also KNOW there is something more going on that you cannot control ON YOUR OWN.
Whether it's your thought processes, a chemical imbalance or both you can beat it WITH THE RIGHT HELP.
SEEK it.....please....... :kiss:
 
Thank you all for your help and advice. I am still struggling and am concerned about my situation. I drew up a budget and came up with a stark reality: I have incoming bills (lots of medical bills, mostly) and no monthly income... very scary. I do have some limited resources. I am looking for work, but since I just got out of the hospital last week; it's a slow process; as well as finding the energy to do it; I've had some technology challenges. McBrion: thank you for your wise words; it's definitely a challenge; the greatest I've faced.

As I am doing research for UI (unemployment insurance) benefits for Washington, DC, I found some information in the continued claims form that makes me concerned. It says the following:

"Were you PHYSICALLY and/or MENTALLY ABLE to work during the week claimed?

Answer Yes if: You had no physical, medical and/or mental condition that would have prevented you from working or accepting and starting a new job if called by an employer during the week you are certifying for unemployment benefits.

Answer No if: You would have been unable to work during the week you are certifying for unemployment benefits due to a medical condition, mental illness, sickness and/or have a physical injury. OR You had to delay starting a new job because of a medical or mental illness and/or a physical injury"

Can I or should I even apply for UI benefits due to this question (which I imagine will appear on the new claims form also) and secondly, is there a disability claim that would allow me to get benefits because of my situation? I can't find it on the DC site; I will likely call them about disability; but am not sure how much detail I should go into over the phone. Eventually I will have to give true accurate information about my situation. I don't know the person I would get to talk to and how they would react to my concerns; hopefully they would be at least nice and sympathetic. Never in my wildest nightmares did I think I would be in this position. :(

Another concern is about the actual work search information. I have to provide the name of the contact person for the job to which I apply. In my field (libraries and archives), the way that the application process is set up doesn't usually provide easy access to an actual contact person. The applicant applies online and it goes into a system usually; it goes through a machine rating process and then passed onto a person. On rare occasions, there is a search committee with a person's name attached. So usually, I will start the cover letter with "Dear Hiring Manager" which is not the name of a person... Should I ask the unemployment office about this?
 
You apply for any and all benefits.

In most states, you don't get back pay on unemployment benefits. It starts the week that you apply (and some states pay 1 week in arrears, so you don't get your first check until the week after you apply). You will be answering that question starting AFTER you apply, not based upon today or last week.

You're not required to apply for jobs within your field. You can apply for a job as a dog-catcher and it will be considered an application.
 
Thank you, KaraBulut. I found out I may be ineligible because I was terminated from my last job... but I may apply anyway and see what happens. As far as I understand, I would apply in the state/location where I last worked (in this case, Washington, DC); not where I live... (Maryland). This is not a fun situation... wish me luck; I need it...
 
Locutus7 said:
Thank you, KaraBulut. I found out I may be ineligible because I was terminated from my last job... but I may apply anyway and see what happens. As far as I understand, I would apply in the state/location where I last worked (in this case, Washington, DC); not where I live... (Maryland). This is not a fun situation... wish me luck; I need it...
Click to expand...

That is correct- you should always apply for benefits even if the employer determines you are ineligible because you were terminated for cause. You can also appeal if the employer tries to deny the payments. With some of the legislation in front of Congress at the moment, it's also worth getting your claim on file in case there may be future benefits that are available to you.

One thing to be aware of: in some cases, you may be paid pending the employer's response as to whether you are eligible for unemployment payments. If the employer denies the claim, you would be expected to repay any money that the state paid to you.
 
again, thank you. Your message reminds me of my concern about whether it would be worth applying and going through all the hoops only to find that I would not get the benefits or have to repay. It seems like a lot of energy and time expenditure to do... but I have nothing coming in right now... so it may be worth it ultimately...

what do you think?

L7
 
quick followup: I called my credit card company to find out about changing my minimum payment (for as long as 24 months). To do that, I have to apply for unemployment...

so it looks like a lot of work ahead between that and the job search... *hrmpfh*
 
Locutus7 said:
...what do you think?
Click to expand...

A good rule for life is, "Give people a chance to say 'yes' or 'no'".

If you apply for the benefits, you might get a 'yes'. If you never apply for the benefits, you'll never get a 'yes".

That's also something you should keep in mind while job-hunting- always apply even if you're not sure that you are qualified. Give potential employers the chance to say "yes" or "no".
 
Locutus7 said:
again, thank you. Your message reminds me of my concern about whether it would be worth applying and going through all the hoops only to find that I would not get the benefits or have to repay. It seems like a lot of energy and time expenditure to do... but I have nothing coming in right now... so it may be worth it ultimately...

what do you think?

L7
Click to expand...

I think if I was a prospective employer and read the above I wouldn't hire you.
I'm not being mean........I'm being pragmatic.
On it's face it makes you appear lazy which is a poor trait to project.
If you think it's a lot of "work" to get free money.......well....... :confused:
 
You should take it as a sign that you were meant to being doing something better, more fulfilling and with better pay. Use this time in which the world is quarantined to reflect and apply to other places.
 
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