Joining the Army & My Loser Dad

[Zildjian]

As you guys know from my past posts, I've hit rock bottom financially, professionally, and socially [but I'm not complaining, but strategizing].

Something quite scary has been bothering me ALOT to the point of where I am almost not able to sit still: my Dad is a loser and I am in danger of following in his footsteps.

You see, my Dad is a person whose life is composed of mediocrity from the type of friends he has to the nonchalant manner he has about achieving something signficant. When I look at him [like now], I see a near 50 year old man sitting on the couch with his head resting in one hand, staring at television for hours at a time.

For me, I'm passionately focused on trying to achieve something great with my life, so it can be a testimony to others. I'm desire to have others envy my life and its success. However, it seems that circumstances are occuring where I'm back living with my dad with no prospects of any opportunity to achieve my goals as an successful entrepreneur.

About 30 minutes ago, I was browsing another forum I'm a member of [Mercedes-Benz World], and I' couldn't help but feel disappointed with my own life at this point when I read about 18-22 yr old guys purchasing expensive automobiles, and how that's what I should be experiencing right now. Not that buying an expensive car is the end-all, be-all of your self-worth.

I've done so much to make sure I don't turn out life my dad from how I speak, respond to others, dress, and generally expanding my mind with knowledge - higher education, the wisdom of other successul people, etc. I can say that examing my Dad and I will reveal that we are two completely different people with different tastes, minds, etc.

A little history: Just a year ago, I was living the high life in Uptown Dallas, Texas with a job for a good financial company. I had my own condo [rental, albeit a place I could call 'my own'], my own life, etc. Now it seems I'm being subjected to viewing EVERYDAY the manifestations of a man who lives such a lacking and mediocre life.

So...I thought that if things didn't pick up any the last two months of this year, I would seriously consider joining the armed forces to at least get my out of my environment.

Am I a flaming lunatic for wanting to do something great my with life? About two weeks ago, I went to see the movie, American Gangster [Denzel Washington/Russell Crowe]. The character that Denzel played made a most relevant statement in the movie saying that, "...in life you're either SOMEBODY or you're a NOBODY."

I'm 22 [to be 23 in January] and I feel like my life is wasting away. Either my life picks up or I want to die. I'd rather die than to live a mediocre life composed of lack.

I want to be a SOMEBODY.

 

[M4P]

Hey Buddy

I already believe you are SOMEBODY

Are you sure the armed forces is what you really want?

What is holding you back from regaining your formal lifestyle?

 

[sankia]

I know the feeling, you wanna break the routine? It hit me pretty hard recently. I thought to myself how boring my life was and that nothing interesting happened to me.

Then I thought to myself, "Stop fucking compaining, your life is boring because you're letting it be this way. There's a 1001 things you could do that could spice things up"

I realised that things were shit for me because it was easier to sit on my arse feeling self-pity than to go out and actually do something.

This isn't an atack on you, this is how I felt about myself recently, and maybe you might be able to relate to it if you feel so.

So...I thought that if things didn't pick up any the last two months of this year, I would seriously consider joining the armed forces to at least get my out of my environment.

Adventure isn't going to come looking for you, you have to find it.
Your life is as interesting as you make it. You need to get out there and do whatever you feel like doing.

 

[Zildjian]

Hey Buddy

I already believe you are SOMEBODY

I appreciate those kind words.

Are you sure the armed forces is what you really want?

It seems like the only way to get out of my current environment.

What is holding you back from regaining your formal lifestyle?

Job prospects, RUINED credit, most of all MONEY. I have NOTHING now.

 

[Zildjian]

Adventure isn't going to come looking for you, you have to find it.
Your life is as interesting as you make it. You need to get out there and do whatever you feel like doing.

I totally agree. However, I don't know that 'that' is.

 

[Zildjian]

Right now, I'm sitting here on my computer blogging and listening to "Tar Baby" by Sade (1985/Promise).

Tar Baby | Sade | Promise

 

[sankia]

I know, I feel the same, but you'll never know until you start trying things. No matter how foreign it seems to you, eventually you'll find something you love

 

[M4P]

Job prospects, RUINED credit, most of all MONEY. I have NOTHING now.[/quote]

You live in Dallas TX right? That's a big city where there must be decent jobs

It doesn't take money to find a decent job

Are you working now?

You need to create a plan to get out of your situation so that you're happy and fulfilled again

 

[Zildjian]

Job prospects, RUINED credit, most of all MONEY. I have NOTHING now.

You live in Dallas TX right? That's a big city where there must be decent jobs

It doesn't take money to find a decent job

Are you working now?

You need to create a plan to get out of your situation so that you're happy and fulfilled again[/QUOTE]

I have filled out [what feels like] hundreds of applications for employment. I've had employers contact me to apply for various jobs. The result? Nothing.

Right now, I'm doing freelance work to support myself, and at least contribute something to the household [consisting of my Dad and I].

 

[luismex911]

hey man the life is not easy, and you have to avercome the things that make hard to achieve your goals in life. Remember that the way to be a somebody is to work hard for the things you really like in life! and REMEMBER NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>"...in life you're either SOMEBODY or you're a NOBODY."

Bullshit.

Who determines the somebody/nobody status? Some commitee? Society as a whole? The person themselves? You might think the third choice, but guess again. I went to a school with a guy, and he had it all. Quarterback of the football team, cheerleader girlfriend, AND class valedictorian. He helped start a business, moved to Hawaii, and probably makes in the upper six figures. Ask anybody what they think of this guy, and they'll tell you he IS somebody.

He's miserable.

He thinks he's a loser, a failure, a nobody. He finds his life empty, is still single, and has no idea what to do now.

If you ask him, he'll say he's a nobody.

I studied math all through college, determined to be a college professor. But music bit me in the ass my junior year, and, to the quiet dismay of my parents (who still said "If that's what you want to do..."), I chased the dream. It meant trying to survive on as little as $600 a month, working horrible hours, in a tiny town. I haven't risen all that far, and it seems clear that I won't get much higher than the spot I'm already at. If you ask anybody what they think of me, they'll tell you I'm a nobody.

I've never been happier.

I love my life, I get up almost every day with a smile on my face, I love going to work, I'm in a fantastic relationship, and things couldn't get better.

If you ask me, I AM somebody.

You're not a raving lunatic for wanting to make something of your life.

You're not a raving lunatic for wanting to avoid what you see as the pitfalls your father fell into.

You are a raving lunatic, however, for wanting to join the armed forces.

Let's say your theory is correct, though. That there are "somebodies" and "nobodies". What separates the two? If you ask me, it's how they respond when things go badly. Everybody - even the nobodies - can live a decent life when thing are going great. They stay at their job, they probably get a couple raises or even a promotion. But when things go bad, when the ax falls, they tuck their tail between their legs and give up. They view these things as proof of their failure.

Fuck that shit.

You lost your job, and presumably your home. Bummer. Happens to a lot of us. You want a show of hands from people who lost their jobs, or got fired, or had to move back home? You'll be surprised how many hands you'll see.

So you're at ground zero right now. Here's your silver lining - EVERYTHING is open to you right now. So ask yourself - what do you want to do? Not the "I want to make something of myself" sort, but WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? All day, every day? Did you like financial work? You want to do more of that? You want to try another field? Then what do you need to do in order to get into that field?

Because it's up to you. You don't need the military to make you somebody. You can do that on your own. By picking a path and following it. Your success rate won't be 100% - I don't know anybody's who is. But it's up to you. You gotta get out there and DO it, damnit.

(/pep talk)

Lex

 

[Zildjian]

^Awesome post, G. Thank you for posting that!

 

[spreadeagle]

I don't know why you're bitching about your father - he's providing a roof over your head isn't he? And presumably he made a significant contribution towards giving you the ambition and hiogh expectations you have today. Imagine how much worse it would be if he was nagging at you to get out and make something of your life. Sometimes an important part of parenting is just to sit back without interfering and watch while your child falteringly takes the reins.

Oscar Wilde said that anything worth learning cannot be taught - that is you have to make your own mistakes and learn from them yourself. It sounds like you're blaming your father.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

#1
Strategizing is good. Armed forces involved in overseas wars??? I'd give it a thought or two, before signing my name on the dotted line, if you are catching my drift.

#2
You tried. Hundreds of applications and they all failed to bring you gainful employment? Refocus. This may be the situation to discover, who is needed, as opposed to what you can and want to do. See, I was a happy SOMEBODY, who was born in a family with 2 chauffs and an array of fancy cars to choose from. I bought my first expensive and 'big' home out of my own money at the age of 23, (fully paid - no mortgage, no nothing. C.O.D.). And, just because I was determined not to touch my strategic money reserves, I got myself a summer job as a gardener with 2 B.As. 1 M.A. and a Ph.D. within an easy reach, at the age of 28, when sudddenly almost everything that could go wrong, actually, did go wrong.

(For the sake of truth, if I ever loved any work - and that work has yet to be invented - it was that summer of gardening.)


#3
You have a background in financial sector and you have managed to ruin your own credit??? I do not see too many genuinely interested employers coming your way in view of that credit history. How about quickly re-inventing yourself and starting a career on a slightly different path? Away from the bad credit report, if possible. And with every intention of fixing that problem ASAP?

#4
Now, if you live in Dallas, TX, you, (just like everyone else) may come to the wrong conclusion that there is no life outside Dallas, TX. Actually, there is a huge, big world out there with untold chances and many Mercedes dealers, if that is what makes your clock tick?

#5
So, how about taking all and every gainful employment that you can? JUB and the Mercedes Benz board people will miss you for a while, but we are all ready to sacrifice, are we not? How about exercising some iron will and saving up a small amount so that you can pay your way, if you need to relocate?

And how about widening the scope of your search not only professionwise but also geographically?

#6
Last but certainly not least. Get Help. Get in touch with the people you know and see, what is it that you can do for them and what is it that they may be willing to do for you in return. One small opening and everything will change overnight. You must never underestimate the power of networking.

Take some good luck with you, if you can.

SC

 

[rareboy]

As Spreadeagle notes...........

Well, I don't think you ended up where you are because of everyone else's bad decisions or your father being a loser.

It seems to me that you're always pissing all over him while you're the one who had to come back and live in his house for free. You think he's mediocre. Why? Because he's not a millionaire? Because he can't just make everything easy for you?

I suspect that you had your priorities totally backwards and thought you could live the high life without having to pay for it or work hard for it. You probably think that a good idea will do all the work on its own.

If I were in Dad's position, I'd kick my kid's ass to the door and tell him to get a job, any job and stop moaning. I'd point out that no kid should be living at home after the age of 21 unless they're on the family farm, in University or have diminished capacity. I'd point out that having my mediocre friends is better than having friends who probably haven't been there for you since you failed in your first business venture. I'd point out how having a needy, ungrateful child pretty much sucked all the hopes and dreams out of me for about two decades and now that I see the final third of my life in front of me, I've decided that I am content with the life I have. i would tell my child that I am just glued to the television as a way of ignoring the ugliness in my own home.

I agree that you should join the army. Immediately. It might make something out of you.

 

[rareboy]

Just a few more thoughts after the 20 minute limit expired.

I would tell my son that in the virtual world, it will be easy and inexpensive for him to find sympathy and support from avatars. In the real world, he'll be expected, through hard work and talent, to prove himself every day.

And that the proof of his worth won't be measured by material things, but by the good he does.

 

[yankee]

I'm a Electronics Tech 3rd Class in the Coast Guard, and from all the stories ive heard from my friends and co-workers is that if you want to join the Armed Services, go Airforce or Coast Guard. You go up the ladder faster.
I'm stationed in Virgina as tech support for the USCG Cutters all over the world. I get to travel usually all over the USA but sometimes Japan if they need immediate help. Homes 6 hours away not to far, but enough to keep my mom from making suprise visits. (love her to death but i cant keep my house clean 24/7 for her)

Anyways, do it, and your only obligated 4 years + 4 years reserve, the GI Bill is up to like $36k that you can use after you get out for college and all the schooling you get sent to on top of that. Its not for every one but do some research. Ask some more guys on JUB that are in the militray what they think about it in general and the diffrent branches.


* Feel free to im me with any questions ill be more than happy to awsner as best as i can

 

[Zildjian]

#1
Strategizing is good. Armed forces involved in overseas wars??? I'd give it a thought or two, before signing my name on the dotted line, if you are catching my drift.

#2
You tried. Hundreds of applications and they all failed to bring you gainful employment? Refocus. This may be the situation to discover, who is needed, as opposed to what you can and want to do.

#3
You have a background in financial sector and you have managed to ruin your own credit??? I do not see too many genuinely interested employers coming your way in view of that credit history. How about quickly re-inventing yourself and starting a career on a slightly different path? Away from the bad credit report, if possible. And with every intention of fixing that problem ASAP?

#4
Now, if you live in Dallas, TX, you, (just like everyone else) may come to the wrong conclusion that there is no life outside Dallas, TX. Actually, there is a huge, big world out there with untold chances and many Mercedes dealers, if that is what makes your clock tick?

#5
So, how about taking all and every gainful employment that you can? JUB and the Mercedes Benz board people will miss you for a while, but we are all ready to sacrifice, are we not? How about exercising some iron will and saving up a small amount so that you can pay your way, if you need to relocate?

And how about widening the scope of your search not only professionwise but also geographically?

#6
Last but certainly not least. Get Help. Get in touch with the people you know and see, what is it that you can do for them and what is it that they may be willing to do for you in return. One small opening and everything will change overnight. You must never underestimate the power of networking.

Take some good luck with you, if you can.

SC

^Thanks SC. Lot of good advice there. I'll put it into execution ASAP.

 

[Zildjian]

Well, I don't think you ended up where you are because of everyone else's bad decisions or your father being a loser.

I never said that.

I suspect that you had your priorities totally backwards and thought you could live the high life without having to pay for it or work hard for it. You probably think that a good idea will do all the work on its own.

I did work hard. In fact, working WAS my life - I was at the office working when others didn't want to. I was there at early morning hours. I was there after hours.

I'd point out how having a needy, ungrateful child pretty much sucked all the hopes and dreams out of me for about two decades and now that I see the final third of my life in front of me, I've decided that I am content with the life I have. i would tell my child that I am just glued to the television as a way of ignoring the ugliness in my own home.

Sir, my Dad has ALWAYS been like this. In fact, that's a part of the reason my mom divorced him. She was tired of a underachiever and how he didn't care for achieving more for his family's sake. A loser.

In fact, when my mother wanted to go and finish her degree, he wouldn't let her do it. Why? Because he didn't want to take care of the kids [the two that he helped 'make'] while she went to night school. That would have meant better job and more money to contribute to her household. The joke is on him now because she's living LARGE with her new husband, with perfect credit.

I agree that you should join the army. Immediately. It might make something out of you.

I agree. At least it will get me out of this house and from having to look at him.

 

[najfus]

the military will not solve your problems.