Jory - Archived Blog Posts

[Jory]

I guess you might guess that New Years is my least favortie holiday. The reason that New years is my least favorite holiday is not the idea of looking at your life and saying I have done nothing with my life. I don't worry about that any more. Things will come in there own good time. The thing I hate about it is the pressure of having to do something for New Year's eve. Now believe it or not I do like to go out from time to time but for some reason if you are not out on New Year's Eve. then most people think their is something wrong with you, and for the last couple of years my New Years have be so boring I almost want to go straight just for something different. But It looks like so far that I am stuck with the samething this year to,but who know maybe my luck will change this year and something exciting will happen after all it is only Tueday and three day until New Year's Eve. But personally I would not really hold by breath. But if worse come to worse I guess I could just go to the Happiest Place on Earth, or I could just hide under the covers until it is all over.

 

[Jory]

Well since this is the start of a new year, I thought it might be time if I tell a little bit about myself, and practice on my grammer at the same time. Sorry to all you English majors out there. Well I guess I could start this little blog at the beginning.

I was born on April 11, 1963 in Harbor City California; to George Aubrey and Darla Jean. I was named after my father who was a retail clerk for Food Giant at that time. Now the reason that I was named after my father is on the account that my mom had lost a bet with my dad. If I were to have been a girl she would get to name me, and in that case my name would have been Nancy. However I was boy and guess who was the one to name me.

Now the reason for the name Jory. Yes that is a name and it is what all my friends and family call me, and if you are wondering it is pronounced Jor-E. My father was the youngest of 6 boys and all of them had son's named after them. The thing was they were refer to as big and little as in Big John, little John you get the picture. Well my mother and my maternal grandmother did not like the that idea one bit. So they came up with the name Jory and that is what I have been called ever since.

Anyway I don't remember too much of my early life the first two years we lived in a little house on Harris Street in Compton. Yes I lived in Compton. I guess from what I heard it was build it the 1920s and only had one outlet in each room.

My mom's parents knew that we need a bigger house so suggest that on one Sunday that the family take a drive to a city called La Mirada. where this rental house was up for sale. What I have been told the house was a mess there was trash and gun shot in the walls, but what impressed my father was the number of outlets in each room.

So the made an offer and got the house a two bedroom two bath for $13,000.00 ( of if it were so easy today) and moved in this as in July of 1966. Well this is where I am going to end this here if you want more please state in the reply if not I will end it here and now. Thank you for your time.

 

[Jory]

Well the house that the three of us moved into was a good size house. not too big but at the sametime not too small. In front. It was Green with a neat little gardens in front a big long porch, and a big window where the living room was. When one entered the house this little music thing would play a little ditty "Bless this House" the Living room was a fair size the main focus was the fireplace and on each side the fire place was two love seat rockers. Located in front of the big window, was the sofa. There was also a a sort of a rocking chair this was the first thing you would see when you first entered.

Next there was of course the hall, if on turned left you would have my parent's room. which would latter become my brother's room but if you turned right the first thing you would come upon was the pink bathroom. (Oh and of course the hall closet) Now the reason it was called the pink bathroom is when the house was built back in the 1950s they had put in a pink toilet and bathtub. then going on you would come to my room. However if you turned right you would enter into the family room and then on to the kitchen, in which to the left was the back door and the the other bathroom and to the right was the diningroom.
Well that the house. Thing were going on great with just the three of us I would play with my tonka and sleep with them. Strange isn't I did have a doll named Andy that I was attached to also. Sleeps with dolls and truck I wonder what that means. Then one day around the round the fourth of July early in the morning I am awaken and taken to my grandparent's house in Compton on McMillan street. My Mother has gone into labor and so on July 4, 1967 My Brother Gary Albert is born. ( um he totally straight).

The next year would bring even bigger changes for me. School In beginning school I made one of the biggest mistakes in my life. One of the thing was what name did I want to be enrolled in Jory which everyone had called me or George my really name which no one used. I guess wanting to please my dad I stated with as much pride as I could muster George. Even though she tried to talk me out of it I would not be moved so in September of 1969 I begin my school career.
Also during this time I would have to share my room with my brother and like any boys we had bunk beds now this were not your standard bunkbed one on top of another but more of an L shaped setup done in a seagoing theme, if you can picture that.

Now the reason that my mother tried to talk me out of using George was because of the old nursery rhythm. Well the little dears did and I did to. I mean I tried to kiss the girls. Hey I was 5 at the time I did not know anything about homosexuality or sexuality of any kind.

Well School consisted of playtime learning our ABC and 123s then came the Vacation Christmas first with it two weeks off ( I know it called Winter break now but then it was called Christmas and Easter vacation) During Chrismas break on Christmas eve we would go to my father's side of my family the party was at my Uncle Bill's house and the Chrismas day was with my mother's side of the family. This unlike my father side would change from year to year from my Grandparents, Then my Uncle Charles & Aunt Arlene to Us then Uncle Richard and Aunt Carol.

My Uncle Dick and Aunt Carol were married around when I was 3 or 4 years old and what I have been told I was doing a play by play of all those who where coming up towards the alter. " Here Comes Uncle Dick, Here comes.. well you get it)

After kindergarten came the first grade where most of the work would begin there in truth was nothing exciting about that so I won't say much about it.
Second grade and I meet Matt while in the second grade I meet this blond haired kid like me at the time name Matt this would be a friendship that has gone for over 20 years The first time we talked to one another was during an airraid drill. Now for those of you who do not know what an air raid drill was during certain times of the month an air raid siren would sound off and you were suppose to go under your desk and go into the turtle postion this of course would protect you from that nasty nuclear missile the Soviets had just launched at you.

Well anyway Elementry school was one grade after another would go to school the field trips volunteer to tutor the special needs children and then It would all change. Jr. High and the big changes.

 

[Jory]

When I was a wee young lad, I had one of the most outgoing personality there ever was. In fact I could make friends with almost anyone around. However this would all change the moment I started school.

Part of it was my fault in going with my real name instead of that which I had been called since I can remember. The other problem is that I never learned to stand up for myself in that I had no older brother or sister on fact that I was the oldest and that my father worked in the retail business, and mostly at nights.

So the question is how do I think my peers affected my personality. Well as most of you know; as one of my proffessors would l state children can me one of the meanest humans on earth, and no truer statement could be said. As some might know in school there is alway one who is picked on. We don't know why but now I think it is so the other can feel more superior about him/herself by distracting others in showing how much worse the other person is from him/her. Well as you should know by now I was that lucky person. So to cope with this I begin to distrust people altogether. So that instead of looking for the good and people I was only seeing the bad.

With that a wall begin to grow around me until it covered even the light and I was in total darkness. To escape that world I turned to two things reading and televising. In those two media I found the the tempera escape from what I thought was the ugly world around me.

I was so bad that I hated school and don't get me started on P.E. being the worse player made me uninterested in sports, and I think this also had to do with the change in my personality.

What happens next I don't know I know people can be good and bad and I have to force myself to look for the good. But it is still hard for me to start any conversation it not because I am stuck up or anything it is just the simple fear of being hurt. Thank you for your time.

 

[Jory]

When I or ginally took on this little task, I was going to write it neatly as event happen in my life. However,as I was writing I would begin to remember events, and then say to myself; "Oh I have to put this in the blog, but where?" So instead of doing it that way I am going to write about things in my so called life and how they affected me good and bad.

As some of you might guess by the title of this blog is about Disneyland. Now I know some you here are rolling your eyes at the mer mention of the word. However this place has alway had special meaning to me. As a family near the end of October usually around Halloween. My father's Union,(he was a retail clerk) would rent out the park and have a big party there. This of course was during the time when you could rent out the park. One of the things that made it special for me when I was younger was that is was one of the two time in the year that I was able to stay up until midnight, the other night being Christmas eve.

But Disneyland was also the park that started my love for roller coaster. I can hear some saying there are no roller coaster at Disneyland. Granted, they are not traditional roller coaster there, but The Bobsled ride or as some call it The Matterhorn is a roller coaster type ride, and still quite popular. To me being there with family and friends is one of the top ten best things to do.

In fact my first job was at Disneyland I work there for two years until I got another job more close to home. The only regret about my job at Disneyland was at that time I was so far in the closet that I myself did not know that I was gay, So that when the asked me if I wanted to work during a gay party I said no. *Sigh* so much for missed opportunities.

Before I close this rambling I going to tell you about a little family incident that happen at the park. In the mid 1980s the whole family was together both from Northen and Southern California, and so we all went to Disneyland. While going thought Frontierland we all come across the ride Big Thunder Mountain. (Now for those of you who do not know at Disneyland any ride that has the word Mountian in is usually considered a roller coaster type ride. Now this ride has little trains on the front for the theme of a run away train. When my late grandmother saw it she thought it was a little train ride something like Casey Jr. and she insisted on going on it with my cousin Marci who at the time was round 12 years old. She went on even though everyone there was trying to tell her what the ride was really about. Well the look on both of their faces is one that I will never forget. I do miss her thought it been almost five years since she was taken for us, and as for my cousin her daughter is celebrating her first birthday next month.

 

[Jory]

As you might guess this blog is about my education. As most of us here my early education was the standard fare. For the first eight years I went to the local public school. However this would all change near the end of the 7th grade.

For most of the time I was a hyper child so much so to calm me down I was taking Ritalin once a day. However I never like school that the professional just thought it would be easier to place me with the special children. My parents however, had another idea, so instead they had me transfer to a private religious school.

The name of the School is not important, but because of that I was back on the mainstream. The main thing I didn't like about the school was the headmistress who was a total bitch. In fact so much she told my parents latter on my brother who had transfered when he was in the third grade. That when he was in the 8th grade himself that he would amount to nothing but a ditch digger. But the main thing I disliked about her was she was always saying. "One day you'll thank me for this" So far I have thanked her for nothing.

Well any why on to high school again instead of going to public school I went to private school. I was an average student with some friends but I had hard time with my school work. When I graduated from high school. I thought my education was over and I would have to look for a dead end job, and live a rotton life. But a friend of mind kept pushing me to sigh up and go to community college. I did it but at the time I really was not intrested in going to school. Mainly because I felt that I was not good enough for it. I would go off and one get frustrated and then dropped out.

But something happen when I turned 36 years old, I came to the realization that I could now run for President of the United State. Now there's a scary thought. Well anyway I went back to school and this time I mean to finished so much that in December of 2000 I finally received my Associated in Art from Cypress and then transfered to California State University of Fullerton.

Right now because of debts and working full time. I can only take one or two classed per semester. Well that my on going road to a B.A. degree I only hope it was worth the effort.

 

[Jory]

Okay, here the blog that most of you might find intereting or not. Well who care this is for me anyways.

Unlike some here I didn't come to the realization that I was even gay until much latter in my life. Oh it was there, but I did not recognize the signs. Such as being attracted to hot men with outshirts, or see some guy's hot ass in movie. I just convinced that I was simply comparing myself to them. Now I know that is not true.

I really begin to come to be aware of this part of my personality in my 20s when we got our first VCR. As soon as I could I rented my first porn it was a straight one, because at the time I was convinced that I was totally straight. However the funny thing was I was more into the guy then the females. Could that have been a sign?

But there was more then that there use to be a book store called Crown books a semi major chain out here that sold books at a discount and some of them had magazines like honcho and Mandate,and sometime in the Aile's you might find one of those magazines and, being nosy I would thumb thought them and not understand why I am getting a hard on. After all I am not gay, andthis should not be happening, but at the same time. there was something I just could not understand.

I was now watching more and more gay porn trying to convince myself that it was a phase and I would find the right girl, and get married have kids and all that. But that of course did not happen instead I begin to realize that I did not like girls in that way. But I still was not ready to come out to myself. But at the same time I was begin to wonder what gay sex was like, but figuring I would never have it.

But that would all change at Crown book again no I did not have sex there. It just that they had this little book called nude beaches and one was a beach in San Diego. So one Saturday I got up early and drove down there. once I got there and saw the family's I begin to walk toward down the beach, and as I got further down it begin to go from straight to gay. then when I came to a point where I could walk no longer there was this trail going up and guys coming and going on it and so being nosy, I went up there too. Thre I came a cross a someone giving head. Now this the first time I had ever seen this live. Most often it was on the VCR. So for what ever reason I was standing there next to him and my cock well you know .Suddenly he was pulling down my swim trunks and giving me head.

It was like nothing I had ever felt before. I was hooked. I begin cruising in place like there and at some parks, and then finally some bathhouses. But it was not until the internet and a certain site that I finally came to the realization that I was simply a gay male.

 

[Jory]

This will be the last blog on this subject, because I am laying it all on the line. When most people here hit the age of 18 society expects them to do one of the following A. Go away to a out standing college get a degree find a good paying job rent. Then rent an apartment save your money and buy your first home, or a condo get married and have kid (yes I know most of here are not going to do that part,so let just say find your partner in life) Option B is to go out and join the military in other words go out on your own that way. the last option is to get a great paying job. find some roommate and share the cost of rent on an apartment or even a house if one can pull it off.

Now for me at 18 I had no interest in the military I even felt uncomfortable in the Boy Scouts, and as for school I was not ready for on the account of that I had such lowself esteem so I went and landed my first job at Disneyland the job paid about minimum wage for a job as a bussboy in other words I cleaned up the mess you slobs made when youate at those certain fast food places. This job was only seasonally in that there were parts of the year that I did not work at all. This job lasted only 2 year of which time I was still living at home. Not enough money to go out and get a place.

then comes my next job at National Lumber this was before the big box wherehouse store the main building supplie store around here I started out as a stock clerk my job was helping the customere it was only part time at first but I soon worked my way up to full time and them most that I made there was 5.00 an hour, can't live on that so still have to live at home and by this time I am in my mid 20s I was in this job for about 4 years when I go an offer for a better job, where the hour were more stable as mail clerk for a company called Solid State Devices. This was a small defense contractor that made electrontic parts for the defense department, and it is also the time I started school.

However even though the pay was better then my old It still was not enough for me to get a place of my own and I was getting near 30s as for roomates all of my friends were married and I am somewhat uncomfortable with living with some one I do not know. like my last job this only lasted 4 year but the difference was instead of getting what I thought was going to be a great paying job I was let go on the account of cut back.

Which brings me into what I call my wilderness years I need a job and need fas, So I was looking at the want add calling placing applications and hoping for a response. Days past, months, and then years it was almost 3 yeas until I got a permint job and between that time I was making ends meet with temporary jobs that I could find the longest was with JC Penney's wherehouse and all the time still going to school.

Finally where I am now. The job I would finally get was that of a file clerk for a mid size insurance broker in Huntington Beach, the company would latter move to Cypress. I started out at 6.00 an hour latter when we went to image I took over as mailclerk and my pay is as to date 7.90 an hour at the same time I got my Associated in Arts in Liberal Art from Cypress College big deal. and so as It stand right now at 41 year of age still living at home in debt because I used money to make me feel good instead of drugs or drinks and to most of you now a total loser, but would you rather know it now instead of later? So this is way I know I shall live my life alone. Because this is how see the scene going.
Cut guy: Hi what your name.

Me: Um Jory

Cute: Jory? That is an interesting name

(General conversation in which he trys to get to know more about me, and where I try to fend an interst in him because once he here everything figure going to cut and run)

Cute: how old are you?

Me: um 41 and you

Cute guy I am 38, say can I give you my number,and where do you live.

Me: I live at home with my family do you still want my number

Cute : Um no it's okay (looks at his watch) oh shit I did not realize the time got to go turn and leave an mumbles under his breath "what a fucking loser."

So there you have that is why I am fucking loser because I don't think I will ever be abel to get out of the house and on my own and for those of you who say just get a better paying job with what skill I do have a degree, but the is only a unless piece of paper so in closing I all I can say if I am welcome here still good, but if I am not well I will just slowly disappear from view.

 

[Jory]

During the time that I was out of work was not fun or very positive for me, however there were certain good days. One such day is when a group from the church I was going to since high school. decided to go to Universal Studios and then to see the Tonight Show. Now before I go on anyone who wants tickets to see shows such as the Tonight show or Late Night should get their tickets in advance. Because when we got there all the tickets were gone, but we could get a standby ticket and if there was a no show we would get a seat although we would not be together and there was around I think 12 to 15 of us well we got our tickets and hoped for the best as we headed out for Universal Studios.

We did the tourist thing at Universal the backlot tour the show, stuff like that and then around four or five we headed toward the NBC studio to stand in line to hopefully get a seat in the studio the tickets at that time were numbered so you had to stand in line where your number was and I was the last number in my group and there was 20 people a head of us. So I was a bit worried that we would not get but slowly people were let in then my group was slowly let in, but something happend when the person in front of me walked in an arm was put an front of me and I heard: "Please wait." Well now I was in panic mode if there were no more seats what was I going to do, I mean I had no way home because my car was at the church It would mean waiting for an hour pacing back an forth I kept thinking maybe they will let me wait in a lobby or something if I explained the situation, but with in 5 minute I was in my seat with the rest of the audience One guest was the late Madelene Kahn and I can't remember the name of the other all I now he was that strange Priest Character on SNL you know the that always was wearing the rose colored glasses. It seem so surreal to see the famous curtain for real, and Johnny too. The other thing I learned was when taping the show since it live back east when the show goes into chimerical it totally shuts down in that the set and dim the light while Johnny and the guest talks about who knows what. See the Tonight Show was not what I expected but at the same time It is an experience I will alway treasure.

 

[Jory]

I as sit here late at night or early in the morning writing this little blog I wonder as the realization that with in a month I am going to turn a year older. Now personally I really don't mind the thought of growing older. After we all have to it is part of living. The thing that I don't want to do is to grow up. Now that does not mean that I don't want to shirk of my responsibilities, only that I don't want to be the one sitting on the bench complaining about what hurts me. Don't worry this is something I alway think about around this time of year. I just thought maybe writing it out would help. As for my birthday don't worry I will think of something to do even if it is dinner at place that is beyond my budget. You only have one birthday a year right. As for those who said I should link up with Soil as you might know he is sort of booked up in April which is fine with me. If we do get together in May I hope he knows while he might be the most out going Ass.( those are your description not mine) I in turn I am the most introverted Jack Ass here As I said I am up for anything ...well almost I mean I should save something for next time right.

 

[Jory]

While taking a shower tonight I Begin to think what is the reason why I might not be so outgoing as once I use to be. Then a thought came to me could it because I was in the closet so long that I put a shell around me to hid the fact that I was gay and I wanted no one to fine out?

If so then why is it still here now I since people know this should not bother me any more who knows what I do...well I would go into all the details in polite company.

Anyways as I stated before I going to be not hope to be but going to be more out going. Anyway someone here stated that to do so I should think about joining a group or club I said some negative things about that remark. I was in a bad mood and I do ask if he is reading this his forgiveness and I did explore some groups. that sound interesting, and might look even more once the semester is over.

Also what does he mean I might not be interested in motorcycles. There is more in heaven and Earth. Other thing I do to help me break down my shell not destroy it after all we should have some protection in life is the mini-gay day at Disneyland and the get together I suggested on this thread. With this I hope once again to be come the person I once was who could go up to any one and make a friend.

 

[Jory]

how lucky you all are? Last night while I was in bed alone as I alway am I begin to think what would it be like to have someone else in the bed with me softly breathing as his chest goes up Staring at his face thing how "Lucky I am to have this man in my life" But while you are all doing that. I sleep alone in my bed some time staring at the ceiling wondering what I am going to be missing in my life? Will there ever be a time when there will be some one or will I have to go through life with only the pleasure of my own company.
So tonight to all those who are lucky enough to have that special someone think of all of us out there in the living in the dark and tell him how he made you one of the luckiest persons on earth.

 

[Jory]

For some reason I decided after 9000 post I was going to take a break from here. And do other things. For example I went to this gay men's discussion group in Long Beach this is the first time I had ever done anything like that Most often I would chicken out and go home or usually to a local book store but I actually went in and talked and here is the big kicker I am going to go back this Thursday. At bar also I am getting more comfortable even playing around with a few people nothing ever comes of it but that good because I don't think I am ready for that yet. Maybe one day but not yet. Sunday this poor guy at Faultline he was kind of a looker but ever time I turn around and look at him he was pulling his shorts down because everyone around him was pulling it down. What I remember most of him was his blue eyes. Personally I had never seen those colors. I was too shy around him so lost chances.
Now about the letter to my Physicist he told me that was a break through an urged that I see a therapist to help me through this new outlook on life. well that is was happen to me.

 

[Jory]

I might not have a boyfriend but twice in my life in past month I sort of knew what if felt like. The fist time happen mid week in July the whole family had gone on a family vacation, and I had bowed out stating I could not get off of work... a lie because during their 2nd week off I took a week off of my job.

Anyway I had decided on Wednesday I would go to Palm Springs only for the day I was not expecting anything of it take my book sit by the pool and read. No more then that. In fact I had plan to go home around midnight or so.

But something happen while in pool a conversation was sticked up between me and this other guy. We talked about the usual bullshit of life. then he began to make is move. By asking why had I not talk to him earlier? I told him that he sort foe had that I really don't want to be bothered look. he laugh and told me about his car breaking down. He asked if I had a room I told him no and then asked if he had a room he told me that he lives in Palm Springs and has a monthly pass.


We shrugged or solder and the he suggested that we could find some quite spot to mess around. After about 5 minute he said I wish we had a room then out of my own mouth came "Well there are some empty rooms maybe ..." the next thing I knew we were at our lockers getting our wallets out and going to the front desk. We got our room along with some condoms and lube and for the fist time I would not only have sex but actually spend the whole night too. If this never hopes again I at least have the memory of it .


The second time was this last weekend on Friday after the gym and stuff I went to a bar for a bit and then got bored and decided to go to a gay sex club called Slammers I was cruising around when I saw this great ass he was giving someone head and Begin to feel him up. I know how rude of me. Anyway he felt my cock and told me he wanted up his ass. Who I am I to refuse hims such pleasure so I begin fucking him and kissing. Then he kept saying he wanted to take me home with him usually I don't do it but then I said you only live once this is most likely the only time this will happen for you. So I I pulled up my pants put on my shirt we kissed I know I am wasting time and got in our cars and way we went when I got there I called a friend and left message telling him what was going on and to call me around one in the after noon.

We first went to the Jacuzzi he live in condom damn it I though he had house but I digress, After a sock and making out we were in his bed room have the time of my life H asked if I wanted to spend the night I told him no and we exchange numbers He asked me what I was doing the next day I told him I think I have plans but its up in the air. Anyway to make along story short the plans fell through and I was over there again. We went to the patio and talked for a bit then we went inside where he said hello properly and were up stair again I know what can I say after that secession that could gone on forever what do I care right we went downs stairs to get something to eat and drink Sex is good cardio right? Any way he told me he had to return a video so off in his car we sped to return this vid I asked him if he wanted to do anything else he told me not that he would rather stay so we sat on the sofa as if we we're a couple after the show we went up showered and then another session on bed before said our goodbyes.
I know that these are one night stands but they are special to me because I at least for a short while got feel what is like to have someone special ones life. If it never happens again I have that to cling to in my life.