The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

JUB came out for me

Hate to bring up a semi stale topic, but I wanted to update you guys on the whole ordeal. Not much has happened though.

My parents and I haven't talked since this whole thing went down. They sent me one email saying that I made them feel old. It wasn't directed to anyone else but me.

At this point, I'm kinda feeling like my parents won't come around, but I know I haven't given them enough time. I mean it's been only a week. Anyway, any thoughts or suggestions?
 
I accidently told my mum on a drunken night drive home, she still thinks im confused, this was like 2 years ago i think, I dont confront her with it though. However I occasionaly feel like she makes little bits of acceptance here and there, very very little bits.
 
agentblack06 said:
Hate to bring up a semi stale topic, but I wanted to update you guys on the whole ordeal. Not much has happened though.

My parents and I haven't talked since this whole thing went down. They sent me one email saying that I made them feel old. It wasn't directed to anyone else but me.

At this point, I'm kinda feeling like my parents won't come around, but I know I haven't given them enough time. I mean it's been only a week. Anyway, any thoughts or suggestions?
Click to expand...

updates are never stale! So please keep us updated! ..|

Suggestions....ummm maintain course. Stand your ground and play the waiting game. The ball is in their court.
 
^ Like screwnutty above I say keep up the updates, and, stand your ground.
 
So your mother had a hidden agenda in the way she raised you. Tell her that you had always understood that it was a parent's role to love their offspring unconditionally, but if she was following a program then she must have fucked up somewhere and it's her own fault if she hasn't got the results she intended.
 
Nothing major. I talked to my stepfather, who seems to act as if nothing has happened. No word back from my mother.
 
I called my mother today. Should've taken your advice. She instantly threw me under the bus and asked me who I was seeing and if everyone that I go to school with knows. I didn't even want to talk about my sexuality. I told her that school was going okay, and that I had gotten my car fixed (needed two new tires). After berating me some more, she up and hangs up on me. No bye, no I love you. Yeah, I feel like shit.
 
Jay. Oh man. I feel so sorry for you. I don't know what to say. I guess she really can't see pass your sexuality. What a horrible thing to do. Your her child for godsakes. Well. I say at least you talked to her. The ball is in her court to talk back to you. I wish I lived down there with you. I guess you should start preparing yourself for the fact that she may never speak to you again.

*HUGS* Like you need this right now (what your mom is doing to you that is)
 
tell her "ok mom, i guess you are right. i for one surely did not CHOOSE to be gay. and if you do tell me that this can't happen on it's own, and that i can't be born gay .. maybe it really was you. i guess you did raise me to be gay". and then hang up on her.

i know it's cruel but even mothers sometimes need (figurative) a slap in their face to see clear again.

but think twice - if you believe you can still like .. get this fixed in a "normal" way, you should not do the above. but this would be my "escape plan" to show her how wrong her thinking is.
 
dude i hope the best for you.

trust me. family could be a pain at times..

i have a story or 2 for that...
just keep you head up man, thats all you can do. you cant beat it into anyones head to accept it, its them who have to come to the realization, youre part of their life regardless. they cant change that, and neither can you.

time will take its toll.

and thats the hardest part. keep strong man.
 
She sent me an email. I'll let you guys decide.


You are my son I love you and I will always love you. I will NEVER approve of your lifestyle so don't expect me to. There will be a day when you wake up and realize that you regret what you have missed in life because of this CHOICE you made and yes it is a choice, you were not born desiring men. You did not go through life thinking I want that guy. I have seen you with your girlfriend and I know how much you lusted for her. I saw how affectionate you were with her. I can quote Bible scriptures to you, but that is the first thing that gays do is talk about Bible thumpers. You never spoke about Bible thumpers in your life until you started this lifestyle. You chose to be baptized because you believe in God so I have turned you over to God. He will take care of you and be there for you. I could beg you to turn your life around now before it goes any farther, but you would only tell me it's your life. Anything I would say to you at this point would be wasting my breath. So why do it.

You gave me lots of hints while you were here, but didn't have the balls to say it to my face. Even acted offended when I talked about butt buddies. That was my biggest clue until I saw the site you left for me. That was the real clincher. When you hugged me goodbye it was like you were hugging me for the last time. Maybe it was. We never know what the future has in store for us.

I have told 3 people, because I needed to talk to someone. My next decision is who to tell next should I tell Jacey you talked about how she screwed her life up, Sandra Goen, Tess, maybe your teachers, I was thinking about Mrs. Cannon. If there is anyone in particular you want me to make sure and tell let me know. It made Bruce and Mary Parks cry so I can only imagine how some of these others will feel. Bruce just kept saying he was such a fine young man as the tears rolled down his face and Mary just sobbed and sobbed uncontrollably. We all got in a circle and put our arms around each other and prayed for you. I leave the impossible to God. I will not argue with you on this. You are in God's hands and He is still in the miracle performing business. I have been very sick and He gets me through each day. I know He is there for me I can feel His presence.

When you told me you said you had to get off the phone because you had to get to work. You immediately made a phone call in fact you made 8 phone calls within the hour. What about getting to work. Was your own mother not important enough to talk to yet these gay guys were. You had just broke your mothers heart and stomped it in the ground and you have to call and brag about what you just did. You did it you did it hooray for Jarrett he just told the person that had always been the closest to him in life. The one that gave him birth. My heart bleeds for you. Someone planted a seed in your mind and mentioned have you ever felt different maybe like you didn't fit in. That seed was like poison in your mind and it was watered with all they were saying to you and it grew until finally- maybe I am gay. So now that is the path you chose because you listened to the wrong group of people. I feel for you because you are not able to stand up against this group and be Jarrett, a man to be proud of.

Go back and read the first sentence.

MOM


I don't know what to say.
 
Good lord, that's some emotional blackmail.

I'm sure your mom isn't a bad person and that she wants the best for you. The problem is that in her moral framework (and that of the people around her), 'desiring men' is a morally repugnant, a bad thing. And if you're doing a morally repugnant thing, someone (you, or other people who were a bad influence on you) must be responsible.

Otherwise - if you didn't choose to do this, and no-one else made you - effectively it would mean that God has made you a bad person, and if that was true your mother's world would no longer make sense to her.

So I suspect she's going to offer some mighty resistance to the idea that you being gay isn't a choice - as irrational as that may seem.

It's important that you stand your ground on this and live the life that you think is good. Whether and how your mother reorders her moral universe to accomodate that is her choice and a process she has to go through.

I think what we sometimes forget is that most people, at some point in their lives, are compelled to do things which are right for them, but which their parents don't really understand or accept. It's one of those painful facts of life.
 
It is baffling, "Society" feeds on the negativity and looks up to God, in its own hypocritical manner. (pro atheism talking now) Its just nature I guess, but the only thing you can do is be a son. And she said she will always love you and thats what truly matters.

It will be hard and challenging and probably about 90% of JUB population understand the trials of a bad experience coming out of the closet. And most of the replys will be about time and patience, and they are true.

I really don't know what to actually say for some sort of advice because you are put in a climatic situation. I think, though, that your mother should respect your views because I am sure you respect hers (even if you don't necessarily believe them).

We are all here for you..
 
wow .. i guess i am not used to this religious bs (sorry to any religious people, but using religion in a way like this just leaves no other words for it) but i honestly don't know what to say here.
i recently saw stephen kings "the mist" and was amused about that preaching lady and how this would never work out in reality - until a girl who lived a couple of years in the US told me that this not too far away from the reality.
i have no clue how to deal with that stuff - if i would get a letter like that i probably would go on full confrontation. but i guess that wouldn't help either, since she probably would start to gather more of her prayer friends. and why the fuck is she like telling everybody? it should be YOUR decision whom to tell or not. how did she know that you phoned 8 times? i really feel sorry to you .. but the best seems to wait. maybe you can find some stuff to show her .. like from pflag or similar.
 
Ouch! I feel for you - went through a bit of a similar arc with my religious mother but it got better with time & communication. The initial hostility was great, and it took a couple of years ... but we got through the anger & name calling and rejection to reach a point of acceptance. I'm sure mom would prefer it if I had a wife, but she has accepted my spouse just liek the rest of her kids' spouses.

I could offer snippets of my own experience, and try for some advice, but the reality check here is that YOU know your mother & your relationship better than anyone else here and are best equipped to decide what (if anything) to do next.

... that said, if I were in the same circumstance, some things to consider ...

> lying to get off the phone is understandable. reaching out to friends for support when you need it is understandable. its ALSO something you can acknowledge and apologize for: you dont have to be "right" about everything. ( 'you're right mom, i made up an excuse to get off the phone because i needed that difficult conversation to end. i shouldn't have lied to you about it' )

> dunno why your mother feels the need to tell people anything about you, but if there's anything to say about it maybe its that she needn't feel obliged to tell the world ... but she should feel free to seek any support or counsel she needs.

> on the religious stuff - hard to know where to start, as any movement towards understanding and acceptance will depend on your mother's willingness to re-consider her beliefs with an open mind. whenever she gets to that point there are plenty of resources that may help. the book "what the bible really says about homosexuality" is eye opening. there's a newer documentary out (i have not seen) called "for the bible tells me so". you might want to check http://www.soulforce.org/article/685 and http://www.familyacceptance.com/ then decide when & if any of that might be worth sharing with your mom.

it sounds like your mom believes that god has a plan for each of us. people of faith try to accept whatever it is god wills for them in their lives. if its possible that being gay is what god wills for some of us ... where does anyone get the stones to call that a mistake/sin?

give it time, and put all the love into it that you have. god luck!
 
Hey, agent. Well, I don't know for sure what you could say to your mom to try to make her a little more accepting, if there even is something you could say.

This letter is pretty selfish, she's pretty much trying to guilt you into being straight. Maybe you could write her a letter too, since it is much easier to say what you want in an organized manner and you're not actually interacting with her when she reads it. It's easy to get too emotional in these situations, you could start arguing and you'll forget what you wanted to say in the first place, so I think a letter is a good idea.

Try to address everything she mentions in the letter, the most important part being how being gay is a choice. How could she know being gay was a choice? She's not gay. People can't choose who they are attracted to, and if they could, then why would they 'choose' to be attracted to the same sex if they knew it could make their family and friends turn their backs on them?

That part about not having the balls to tell her is stupid. How could you tell her if you knew this is how she would react? I wonder if she'd have the balls to tell you something that could potentially make you treat her like this. And the whole part about everyone crying when she told them, that's outrageous too. That's meant to make you feel guilty, as if you were doing something to them. This isn't about them, it's about you.
I guess you could try explaining to her what starting to realize you like boys is like, the fear one feels and how one tries so hard to change before we can finally accept it. But I don't know if that'd do any good, it sounds like she simply refuses to believe that it wasn't your choice. Like hanshansen said, she probably can't accept it cause it would make her world stop having sense.

Sorry, reading something like this pisses me off, I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. I think writing her a letter and trying to talk it all in a calm manner is a good way to try to get through to her. Try to make her understand that this isn't something you 'chose' to do to hurt her. Being gay is a part of who you are, you're still the same person and hopefully she'll be able to see that someday. I hope you get through this, good luck. (*8*)
 
Make all the alterations you see fit.

Mom

You are my mother. I love you and I will always love you.

I don't seek your approval of my homosexuality. I don't need your approval, any more than I need your approval of my height or hair color. It just is.

You seem 100% certain that this is some choice I made. Why do you think that? Do you think this is something I'd choose? Do you honestly believe that I'm attracted to women, but have "chosen to be gay" just for fun? Just to cause you grief, and to make so many of my old friends and acquaintances hate me? This isn't some random whim. It's something I've thought about, prayed about, agonized over for YEARS. Knowing it was something that would cause you (and others) grief.

I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to be gay. I tried to convince myself that all I needed was a good girlfriend to help me back on the right path. I played that game for awhile, but it didn't help. The feelings were still there.

Yes, I know some gay people. They didn't "plant the seed" in me. They didn't even seek me out - instead, I sought THEM out. Because they understand. They understand what it's like to have this weight on their shoulders. To be attracted to men, but be surrounded by people who feel that it's wrong. To have to live a lie, to put up a front in order to fit in. These gay friends aren't attempting to pull me away from you. If anything, they're urging me to build bridges, and stay in touch with you.

Whenever you'd make some comment about gay people, it hurt. Because I knew I was like that. It made me feel like less of a person, and like a failure as a son. But these people I'm talking to have made me see that I don't have to choose one or the other. I can be Jarrett, a man to be proud of who happens to be gay.

I also will continue to pray. But I'll no longer pray for God to change me, as this is apparently how I am. Instead, I'll pray for acceptance. From myself and from you.

I love you and I will always love you.

J

Lex
 
I particularly like the part where she says you chose to be baptized because you believed in God. In my experience people are baptized when they're babies, before they can even walk or talk, let alone comprehend what it is that's being done to them.

Being the smart ass that I am I'd probably write a letter back that says something like:

Mom,
I don't blame you for your feelings toward me. It is obvious that someone has perverted the word of the Lord and indoctrinated you with lies. The God that I know loves all his children, even those who have been mislead by hate and lies. My friends and I pray for you, that God will lead you away from those who have taught you to hate. Remember that while I may not agree with your choice God, and I, love you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top