JUB Women - need input

[AverageJoe]

I need some advice from the female JUBers on here, but feel free to chime in if you want. Sorry in advance if this is kind of long.

When I was in my teens, I always assumed I was gay because I liked looking at shirtless guys and some gay porn. I didn't actually know any gay guys, so I never really tried dating, etc. (I was from a very conservative area)

I didn't really mess around with women either because I figured I was gay. I found some attractive, but I was always afraid I wouldn't be able to "get it up."

Within the past two years, I've tried exploring my gay side. I've made out with guys I'm very attracted to, but the truth is, I just really haven't felt anything. I'm not disgusted or homophobic, I literally don't feel anything. (I may as well be making out with a couch pillow) I still like looking at guys, but that's about it.

I've still been afraid to mess around with girls. As stupid as this is, women intimidate me. I guess I've never had female friends or anything, and since I'm in my 20s and most of my friends are experienced, I'm a big chicken shit.

The only time I've messed around with women was while somewhat drunk. Usually about halfway through, that anxiety will creep back and "kill the mood." I think it's because I've never really been with a woman I trust or know well. (Just random hookups)

I kind of want to give dating a shot as I do have a crush on a few girls I work with, but at the same time, I don't think that's fair to them if they don't know that I have some attraction to guys as well. Besides, I'm afraid that if it goes screwy, word will get around work.

Then again, I'm wondering if it'd be best to just find some girl who just wants to have fun and would be open to letting me experiment.

So, what do you girls (and guys) think?

I think I've got some deep seated trust issues... Any serious thoughts would be appreciated.

 

[Seasoned]

One piece of advice (from a guy) stay away from people at work. Have you thought about seeing a therapist about sexual orientation issues. Play safe. No baby making!

 

[Reality101]

Well from what I have seen there are like 3 girls on JUB, but hopefully one or all of them will mosey in here lol But seriously I'm a guy and my suggestion is to put yourself in a series of uncomfortable situations and force yourself to come out of your shell. Really... what other option do you have besides counseling? The same advice goes for any shy or fearful person. Just get out there and start owning your life. If you feel that you really can't then get some counseling or read books on opening up.

Edit: Do not fear rejection. It's irrational. You will be rejected. One rejection from a woman or even several does not mean that you aren't attractive, interesting, etc. It just means that that person doesn't want you. Not the world.

 

[funnshtuph]

im a straight guy who enjoys gay porn (because they dont always act totally abusive or like total sluts) my first action was expirimentation with a guy
anyway, do what i did. get a nice, long-term relationship with a girl and start off really slowly and casually over the days (or years ow whatever) passion will just build on its own and you'll realize you are definitly straight

 

[AverageJoe]

put yourself in a series of uncomfortable situations and force yourself to come out of your shell.

It's sort of strange because I'm ultra outgoing in everything else I do. Not sure why women intimidate me more than anything else. Everything else seems so much more straightforward though. I mean, take skydiving for example. You jump, then you either land on your feet or as a puddle of goo. Women, on the other hand, can wreck your name, embarrass you, and haunt you for a decade or so if you fuck something up.

 

[Reality101]

It's sort of strange because I'm ultra outgoing in everything else I do. Not sure why women intimidate me more than anything else. Everything else seems so much more straightforward though. I mean, take skydiving for example. You jump, then you either land on your feet or as a puddle of goo. Women, on the other hand, can wreck your name, embarrass you, and haunt you for a decade or so if you fuck something up.

That gives women a hell of a lot of power. How did you come to that conclusion? Not every woman is like that. Do you have female friends?

 

[snakkie]

your story has some good similiar things to mine, like:
i also find women atractive (not as much as men), but i'm not sure if i could get it up.
but i am actually exploring my gay side and can say that i really enjoy it now (the first several times i didn't like it much (just the climax part, nothing more), but now it's getting better and better)

but at the moment i am becoming kind in love with a girl, and i hopefully want to things go right, and then maybe i can clear my doubts.



two great tips in this thread:


funnshtuph
anyway, do what i did. get a nice, long-term relationship with a girl and start off really slowly and casually over the days (or years ow whatever) passion will just build on its own and you'll realize you are definitly straight

Reality101
Do not fear rejection. It's irrational. You will be rejected. One rejection from a woman or even several does not mean that you aren't attractive, interesting, etc. It just means that that person doesn't want you. Not the world.

 

[AverageJoe]

Not every woman is like that. Do you have female friends?

No. I don't really have any. Maybe I should just start by getting a female friend, eh?

 

[Reality101]

No. I don't really have any. Maybe I should just start by getting a female friend, eh?

I'd start there

Women can be intimidating but try to just befriend them and get to know them. And be choosy about the women you sleep with. No woman with character or class would shame you if something didn't work out between the two of you. Good luck