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Just a little confused...Relationship Trouble

J

Just_Believe18

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First question: Are you having sex with this guy? You haven't explicitly stated it here.

Regardless, this has developed into an emotional affair. I agree that your present relationship does not sound very satisfying. You aren't the first person to say, "My partner is dissatisfying in bed, hates my interests, but I love him no matter what." The reality of these proclamations of undying love is that the relationship is heading towards a breaking rift.

This is the turning point..

From here, you can discuss breaking up with your respective boyfriends and jump into a new relationship. It will end badly, however, because the emotional angst and depression both of you will go through afterwards will soil any connection you have with this new guy. Right now it's working because you're having your cake and eating it too. You have your fun with the new guy then come home to the man and household you've shared for the last 8 years. When you take away your stability and structure, it's going to screw you up big time.

What I am trying to say is do you want this unsatisfying old relationship to end now or later on after more years have passed? I would recommend now to move on with your life. You can try to keep the new boyfriend with you, but I doubt it will last through both breakups. Ultimately, you will need to be single and start over. Next time, find a wonderful partner you love very much who is more satisfying in bed. Most long term relationships break up eventually because the partner was only tolerable in bed. It needs to be compatible and satisfying.
 
I agree that re-bound relationships are a set up for trouble. You both need to grieve the end of your LTRs before committing to a new one. Also some couples do get back together. Try very hard not to use another person to get out of an existing relationship.

Relationships are work. It sounds like you and your partner have not tried to make things better. Before running off you need to confront your boyfriend. Couples counseling works if both parties are willing to compromise.

I'd suggest you do something to find gay friends.

I wish all four of you the very best
 
reread your two posts a couple times and you should have your answer on what to do. It can be a hard thing to face but when the connection is gone AND you find it with someone else then.....

Good luck
 
The issue here is not the new relationship. It's the old one.

While the new relationship might be the catalyst for action, the real problem is that you are in a relationship that died a while back and in which you are not happy.

Either commit to fixing your current relationship or end it. Understand that it will probably be painful for you and your partner. It will probably end your friendship with him.

And if your new boyfriend is in the same situation, then he needs to do the same.
 
I was in the same situation, I was a 4 year relationship that was sexually tolerable at best and didn't provide me with the love and intimacy I deserve; and though I didn't start any new relationships during said relationship, I did have to end my long-term relationship because I knew it was what would be best for myself.

Yes, it will be hard for both of you, and no you probably won't be friends afterward, but you aren't gonna be happy until you either work out your problems or get some closure. Its better to deal with it now then have to do it in a few years, the longer you wait the harder its gonna be.

After you have time to get over your old relationship then you can worry about this new relationship.

I hope everything works out for you, though.
 
While the new relationship might be the catalyst for action, the real problem is that you are in a relationship that died a while back and in which you are not happy.

Either commit to fixing your current relationship or end it. Understand that it will probably be painful for you and your partner. It will probably end your friendship with him.

And if your new boyfriend is in the same situation, then he needs to do the same.
Click to expand...

Yup..........
 
It's sad that after only a half an hour of meeting this new guy, you very easily cheated on your boyfriend. This states a lot about your current relationship.

You need to be honest with yourself and especially your boyfriend. Wouldn't you be upset if you found out he was cheating on you after such a dry spell of intimacy with him? Cheating is cheating, and it's going to hurt somebody.

You absolutely need to tell your boyfriend the truth and break up with him. Even if your new boyfriend doesn't want to leave his old one, you must do this for yourself. Show some integrity, honesty, and accept the consequences of your actions before they become so twisted and tangled up that you'll be in a far darker place than this.
 
Count me in as someone who finds it incredulous that you have any kind of deep, meaningful relationship with your current "partner" if you don't even live together.

Are you sure he will even be upset by this? Maybe he just wants to be friends?

Bad sex, no intimacy (kissing), and not living together does not sound like a strong LTR to me.
 
I tend to be someone who never wants to hurt or offend anybody else, but in living my life that way I have learned the hard way that doing the honourable thing is the fastest way to misery. If you are stuck in an unfullfiling relationship, there is only so long that you can 'do the right thing' before you start resenting your partner, that will inevitably result in an incredibly acrimonious split that will take you longer to recover from.
 
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