just came out to first male, non-gay friend

[star-warrior]

Not egotistical. It's nice to get things off your chest every now and again.

 

[jft245]

Congrats. I wish that I could work up the nerve to tell a few friends but I have always worried that they wouldnt be supportive. I know if they were true friends they would accept me for me, but I don't want to take the chance of losing people I have been close to for almost 40 years.

 

[operafan]

Not egotistical at all. Congratulations and I hope your friend remains just that after he's had time for reflection. I was a very late bloomer myself so I understand that you didn't know at an early age.

I love Dan Savage too.

Congrats.

 

[Kyanimal]

Nurlan ...

I know exactly what you're going through! It was quite the same for me right up to my late twenties/early thirties! So, that age range seems to be a "pivot point" for some of us to finally open our closet doors and come out. Even to ourselves! And, yes, it is a big step!

And, like you, I found my friends, and immediate family, to be far more accepting/supportive than I expected. Why I was "afraid" I'm not sure, because I had already known them for years. In spite of all else that had transpired between us, for some reason I was "selling them short" on that particular aspect!

For me, I "landed" on the Gay Side of the Fence! At the ripe old age of almost 32, I met "My" Kev. We don't have an official anniversary date, because we didn't know what we were starting at the time. But we both agree that sometime this August will mark our 25th!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[lightkeeper483]

i told my brother in law last year and he said he already knew, so now both my sis's know and my 1 best friend as well, the rest will have to wait til i get ready ( the nerve) to tell them. My b/f knew but he died from diabetes three years ago next week. Have been single since.Oh well maybe one day I will have another.

 

[jetsonboy]

Congratulations! Keep going..

 

[luminum]

You should write Dan and tell him. I'm sure he'd be pleased

 

[stormofswords921]

nurlan congrats on on all your recent accomplishments!!! way to go! keep us updated! sometimes people hear what they want to hear so you are right ur friend probably didn't get the message, so you are going to have to be loud and clear! but you'll do fine i'm sure.

btw, your posts are not egotistical. a lot of guys go through the exact same thing and everyone comes to terms with their sexuality when they are ready whether at a young age or in their golden years. as long as you finally do it!

 

[Kyanimal]

Nurlan

You're absolutely Right about the "not giving a damn" part having an effect on the other aspects of Your Life!

What most Guys don't "get", until they've gone through it, is that it's not about being "Out", as much as it's about being "Free"!! Taking command/control of the "Freedom" to be YOU!!

AWESOME, Dude!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Nurlan2]

Hey, thanks Kyanimal. I just came out to two more friends in the last two days--one of whom is not so close, and one of whom is very close to me. I'll just tell you about the second (closer) friend. I said to him, "man, it means a lot to me that I've told you something that had been sort of a big deal to me until recently, and to you it's not a big deal at all." He replied that "it's a big deal to me because you're a really good friend and I want to support you in whatever you feel is right. Otherwise you're right--it's really not a big deal to me at all." If I were a weepy person, those words and the way he said it would have almost caused me to cry. We talked for about 2 hours, and I learnt some things about him, too.

So now, almost everybody who means a lot to me outside the family knows. Don't know when/how/whether to tell the family, though. I'm definitely not ready for that.

 

[Nurlan2]

Just continuing to think out loud here . . . Despite my friend's really supportive reaction, I can't help feeling a bit "dirty." My friend and I are like brothers, and one of the reasons why our friendship works so well is that we share a lot and expose our vulnerabilities to each other, so we're really close while knowing that we'll never cross a certain line and get involved with each other romantically or sexually. I made it very clear to him that the guys I think about in that way are OTHER guys, but I'm concerned that I've still disturbed the equilibrium in our friendship. He's straight as an arrow, but for us, the border between platonic love and something else has been a bit fuzzy for some time (we even had a discussion about this fuzziness, though in general terms and not with regard to our relationship in particular), but we have an unspoken understanding that we're friends and nothing more. Without being overly aggressive in my assurances that I'm not interested in him, I'm a little worried that he won't view my assurances as being completely credible.

I feel like I have to walk on eggshells for a while. For example, we flirt around, touch each other, threaten to "rape" each other, etc., all the time, but that sort of joking around probably has to go, now that I've made this revelation.

I understand that true friends stay true friends no matter what you tell them about your sexual orientation. But does being 100% truthful make it impossible to have a completely close, platonic buddy of the same sex, or will things never be the same for us? I know you guys can't answer this for me. I'm just venting a little.

 

[Seifer20]

There's a close buddy of mine that I'm trying to figure out to tell and we share a similar friendship. He's straight as an arrow too, but there's always been that fuzzy joking around. I guess one reason I haven't told him is that I'm worried about his reaction. We're really close, and I'm not attracted to him, but I'm not sure how he'll react and I don't want our friendship to change from what it is.

So, hey, if you can keep us updated on what happens between you and your friend that would be great!

 

[Kyanimal]

Hi, Guys!

Friends are Friends, no matter what! And the best way to become a closer, more complete Friend, is to let them know the True You ... ALL of You!

Yes, there may be a time of "adjustment" for them. And, no matter how supportive, and caring, they may be when you first "confess" to them, it's still going to take some time for them to "digest", fully, what you have just revealed. Give them the chance, and the space, to adapt.

The less of a deal you make of it, the less they will have to deal with it themselves. I know it's so easy to feel as though you may have to justify, or play down, what used to be your normal reactions in your relationship. But, try very hard not to do that.

Just continue to be Yourself! "Play" just like you always have. If they feel they might need some "reassurances" from you, they'll let you know!

Relax! Don't look for "problems" where there may be none. They are going to be looking to see if there are any "changes" from you. And, when enough time has gone by, and they sense all is as "before", they'll feel more comfortable, again, and your Friendship can proceed to even closer levels.

In other words, you need to accept yourself, without reservations, before they can feel that it's O.K., for them, to reciprocate in the same way! Kick aside the "eggshells" so they don't feel they might have to watch out for them, too!!

I sincerely hope I'm managing to make a little bit of sense, here! The restrictions of using merely Words!!

Best Wishes! And, Yeah! You're going to be O.K.!!

And ... seriously ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz