just came out

[triple7]

Hey man,

I want to congratulate you on the coming out to the parents bit. Always takes a lot of courage.

As for the 'weight of your shoulders' bit, I can't say. Perhaps you need to re-examine why that weight is on your shoulders in the first place? It might go beyond just coming out; maybe you need to reach out to someone? Your parents? A friend? Yourself?

As for the depression, I can only suggest seeking counselling. Through your school would be a good start.

Hope things work out for the best for you!
19 is a pretty good age to make mistakes, lots of years ahead to benefit from the learning experience

j

 

[tallguy297]

Hey bizzle,

Welcome to JUB ...its good to have you around!

Mate...the weight that people talk of is the weight of expectation, of responsibility and of not wanting to hurt the people that we care about.

You have faced up to one of the hardest decisions you'll ever have to...coming out. You did it at an age where it would be easy to find excuses not to for another few years. You did it with openness, honesty...and a real sense of conviction. Thats an awesome achievement and something to be extremely proud of.

But my guess is that you approach most things in life pretty much head on. You want new challenges and you need things to be interesting. The fact that you say you are bored with guys now shows me that you live your life pretty much flat out.

And while your mum was a little upset, both of your parents have said that they support you..and obviously love you. Your coming out was an experience that just maybe didnt have the melodrama attached that you had built it up to be...and for most gratefully thats the case. Its nearly always a huge burden to us to carry and yet for the loved ones around us its just another piece in the puzzle. Most like your parents just what us happy no matter....

I just dont think this is just about coming out for you. Its about the challenges and excitement of any given situation. Before you came out there was risk in going to the clubs...you were daring someone to catch you. You were risking being exposed...now that thrill has gone. Who really cares now right...your parents know...so wheres the risk?

I dont think that you got the euphoric rush of a weight being lifted because you had a feeling that was what was going to happen. You sort of knew that it wasnt going to be the end of the world. So the result was probably what you thought it would be....but you really didnt know how you would react.

Either way bizzle, the openness and honesty you posses are traits that will stand you in good stead. They are things that will guide you to living the live you deserve. Be grateful that your family does love and accept you....and that now you are free to really focus on that thing in your life that challenges you and excites you.

Youre about to write a new chapter in your life. Go out and seek the all the thrills and spills you can. Look for new and exciting experiences that keep your senses open and popping...this challenge has been met head on and beaten. A new one awaits....

 

[moonybig]

hi welcome to jub

 

[hyperion]

Hi there. It's been a while since I did my coming out, but sometimes it feels like it was yesterday. I do remember, after I had told my parents (and after telling any close friend as well) feeling like there was no 'going back'. Now they know, I could not simply tell them that it was a joke. And that feeling weighed down on me for a while. for me, it was part of the process. Maybe it's the same for you...

 

[spreadeagle]

Very possibly you had high expectations that some miraculous change would occur when you came out to your parents, but the reality is that you are still the same person that you always were, and so are they.

Going to gay clubs is bound to be more exciting when there's an element of forbidden danger to it. Now that you're out, it's just one of the other things that gay guys do. If you've been on the club scene for a year then you're already known there and 'Mr Right' is not going to suddenly pop out of the woodwork just because your parents know you're gay.

Any activity, if repeated often enough so that it becomes routine or habitual, rather than something you feel inspired to do, will eventually bore you. Screaming at strangers over a pumping beat in a darkened room while blind drunk and exhausted is bound to pall after a while.

Life has no obligation to entertain or excite you. The dullness or vitality of your life is entirely an expression of the effort you put into keeping it lively. You have to make deposits before you can draw anything out.

 

[Riverrick]

Perhaps you have other reasons for your depression. I can see how you might have hoped that coming out would be the grand solution to your problems and that happiness would come flooding into your life. And now that it hasn't you are confused.

There are a lot of things in life that can pull us down and if you don't find you start feeling better it may be a good idea to explore your feelings more via counselling. I had the same thing happen after I came out. It didn't solve very much for me so I had to go looking further. Good luck!

 

[slobone]

Depression is very treatable! If you think that's what you're suffering from, don't hesitate to contact a counselor. It could have nothing to do with your coming out.

 

[Soilwork]

Any reason why this might be happening?

Because of the anti-climax?

It's never the big huge earth shattering thing to them as it is to us.

It's kinda like Post-partum depression. You hold it in for so long and then when it's not a big deal when it comes out, it's kidna jarring.

And maybe the clubs you go to are boring?

 

[Soilwork]

maybe your bi
or just need time

OK, I'm sorry but I just have to ask. Maybe I'm slow.

What the #$%! does that have to do with his problem?

 

[Jory]

Jasun if you are going to say Fuck say fuck this is a family web site.

 

[Soilwork]

why the fuck not?

 

[VICTORIADON]

Why do so many people say go to counselling, go to a therapist etc, do some people think every gay person has to go to a shrink?
You are could be upset that good ole mom didn't make a big scene and put her head in the electric oven and dad didn't freak and try to take you to a prostitute to "change your ways"
You are "out" the the world did not explode as you have been led to believe in your mind forver.
The "big" event wasn't that much of a "big" event. You will be fine.