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Just found out bf is on prozac

R

redips

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Argh! Things just got a lot more complicated for me...

I've been with my bf for about 15 months, and he moved in with me a few months ago. In general, things are going very well. (I have a recent thread about things on my mind lately, but I thought they were really nothing serious.)

But just now, I found out that my boyfriend has been actively taking Prozac. (I was looking for some antihistamines, and ran into a pill bottle of his--it's a generic, but the bottle says right on there that it's a replacement for Prozac.) He has a few bottles, and a new one of refills, so I know he's actively taking them.

He never told me about this. Never told me about any depression or other mental issues.

I know depression is common, and I wouldn't have a problem with it. But I'm freaking out a bit because he never told me about this, and I don't know what to do. Also, I don't know anyone who takes Prozac. Is it common? Is it not a big deal? Should I ask him about it? And if so, how should I bring it up? Please help...

Many thanks...
 
It doesn't even make sense... he doesn't seem depressed, and is usually much more optimistic than me. He loves to hang out with friends, he has a great social life, and I don't see in him any signs of depression.

Now I'm really freaking out because I don't know what's going on and I won't see him for at least 3 days. I almost feel like I need to take one of his prozacs...
 
I'm not trying to be snippy but he seems, and probably is happy because he's taking the Prozac.
 
Could be he hasn't told you because he doesn't see it as a big deal, but it could also be other reasons.

I'll let others chime in.
 
Thanks 88. Maybe it's not a big deal. I mean, I guess he didn't (really) try to hide it from me--it was with all the other bottles.

The thing is, we frequently talk about his other friends who go to therapy, have depression and are on antidepressants. It's an educational talk because he has a medical background (and I don't) so he teaches me about the chemistry of depression, etc. So he would have LOTS of opportunity to tell me about it in the past 15 months.

I always thought that one of the best things about our relationship (until now) is that he's been very open to me--I've never had any reason to doubt or question him, until now. So I'm feeling like a tornado is sweeping through my world. And I won't see him until Saturday. So I'm really jittery right now.

Also I should add that I would have no problem with whatever issue(s) he might be dealing with, or have tried to deal with in the past. Everyone has issues and we'll deal with them together. But I don't get why he didn't tell me about it.

So should I ask him about this?
 
Wow, fifteen months? I wouldn't tell until about two, or two and half years into. But maybe that's too long a wait?
 
88Jockstraps said:
Wow, fifteen months? I wouldn't tell until about two, or two and half years into. But maybe that's too long a wait?
Click to expand...

May I ask why would you wait so long? Is it fear that the other person might freak out or leave? Or some other reason?
 
redips said:
May I ask why would you wait so long? Is it fear that the other person might freak out or leave? Or some other reason?
Click to expand...

It depends from person to person. I'm sure some people tell within a month or whatever. I think I'm just too patient, or that I don't think it's a big deal. The reasons are so many.
 
Prozac isn't prescribed much anymore. There are newer drugs with fewer side effects, so it's possible he's been taking it for some time (assuming that it's a recent prescription).

The statistics say that about 10-15% of Americans are on long-term anti-depressant therapy, so it's not particularly unusual. Your boyfriend isn't under any obligation to discuss his medications or medical history with you if he doesn't want to.
Percentage-of-people-age-12-and-over-who-take-antidepressants-FIXED-6-26-12.jpg
 
I think it's odd that two people who love each other and live together wouldn't talk about their medical histories or any medications they take. Should there be some kind of medical emergency, medications are often one of the first things a health care provider or emergency team would want to know.
His not telling you shows the poor communication you two have. This was pointed out to you in your other thread, too.
You guys need to learn to talk with one another.

Would you feel the same way if you discovered he was taking blood pressure medicine? Is his depression something that causes you to see him differently?
 
Would you feel the same way if you discovered he was taking blood pressure medicine? Is his depression something that causes you to see him differently?
Click to expand...

To be honest, yes I would feel differently, but not that I would care either way. The thing is, he tells me about his other medical conditions, except this. So if it were blood pressure medication, I'm sure he would have just told me. Him not telling about this just makes me more worried and freaked out. Knowledge of something unknown is always scary to me. If he just told me, whether it's depression or ocd that he's trying to cope with, I'll be totally cool with it. I love him and we'll battle it together. But instead, now I'm left wondering why this and why that and what if this and what if that.

He's definitely under no obligation to tell me but I just wish he would.

And I know if he chose not to tell me by now, it's probably a sensitive topic for him. But at the same time, I don't want to live with this fog in the air, so I really want to talk to him about it. Otherwise my mind will just wander off and imagine the worst. So should I sit down with him about this? What would you guys do?
 
Sit down, stand up, lie down, whichever. Just talk to him in a non-judgmental, non-confrontational way. He should be the first person you talk to about anything...not your friends or family or us.

I suspect you freak out easily. Is that true?

Good luck, you can do this if you really want to.
 
redips said:
To be honest, yes I would feel differently, but not that I would care either way....He's definitely under no obligation to tell me but I just wish he would.

And I know if he chose not to tell me by now, it's probably a sensitive topic for him....So should I sit down with him about this? What would you guys do?
Click to expand...
Depression is something that a lot of people are embarrassed to talk about. And given your general reaction to finding the Prozac, it's not much of a surprise that he hasn't volunteered the information.

Underlying all of this is a general communication issue- something that is a common issue in any relationship. The problem here is that you found a medication (which no matter how you frame it is snooping- you took the time to read the label after all) and now you're wanting him to tell you something that he apparently didn't want to tell you.

Honestly, unless there's a reason why you should be asking about his medications, you're better off focusing on the other issues in the relationship. If you fix those, a lot of this anxiety and uncertainty would probably be resolved, too.
 
Thanks, sixthson.

I do freak out easily. In this case, I know this is probably about nothing. But I'm just worried that this would damage my trust in him. I know everyone has their own little secrets and I try, as much as possible, not to deliberately dig up these things. That's why I desperately want to know that he has a good reason for not letting me know.
 
If you want him to share openly with you...you need to take the lead in making a safe environment for him to talk to you about anything without your judgment. You need to show compassion and understanding. Your "freaking out" reaction is a sign of judgment on him. A non-judgmental reaction would be something like this...calmly, "Oh, I didn't know you take Prozac? Is it helping?" This will break the ice and will open that safe channel of communication for him to open up to you.

Next time when you "freak out" internally, breathe calmly for a minute. Adjust your reaction to "Hmmm...I want to be supportive. I want to understand from his point of view why he is doing this."

We are creatures of habits. Perhaps, taking Prozac has been soooo common to him that he does not think it's a big deal at all.

Would you prefer him not taking Prozac and be depressed all the time?
 
When you see his mugshot on America's Most Wanted...then freak out. :lol:
 
I don't know why you wouldn't ask him. Be matter of fact.
 
because who cares...
i didnt know people give each other list of their meds when they date, i only do that with my doctors office. especially if its mild depression, prozac/zoloft/celexa etc. are being swallowed like candy left and right. i get being shocked if he omitted a major illness, which could potentially impact things later on, but this is not it.
 
I've taken Prozac in the past to combat my OCD (I'm on a different medication now, and my doctor actually tried to make me start the Prozac again, but I had a bad reaction this time so I've stopped it again).

It's an antidepressant, but can be used to treat anxiety disorders as well. Also, I used to be a pharmacy technician at Walgreens and then CVS. Prozac (and antidepressants in general) were VERY commonly prescribed. If he hasn't shown signs of depression/anxiety/OCD, etc then it probably means the Prozac is helping him and a lot of people are on it long-term.

It's not as serious of a drug as you think...there is a stigma attached to taking psychiatric drugs, which is why he was probably hesitant to tell you. Most people assume that because someone is taking a med for a mental illness, they must be "crazy".
 
I talked with my bf about this, and everything went well. He told me he was depressed for a while many years ago, and just never came off it. We had a long chat about many other things, and it all went really well. I'm really glad we opened up to talk about it, and I feel like we're closer than ever.

Thank you all for all the support!
 
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