Just found out my bf cheated on me

[payit4ward]

First of all thank you guys for the support. Now, to answer some things:





I spied on him like twice in the relationship...I wasn't obsessed at all. Here's what happened: Last week we had an argument so I asked for his fb password...after a while he gave it to me (I'm pretty sure he took a moment to erase anything incriminatory). I got in then out, he changed the password. Turns out it was the same password for all of his accounts and he forgot to change it in the work email. I went there last night just randomly...at first I didn't see anything suspicious; I even felt bad because I was doing that to such a nice guy. Then, after a lot of searching I found the email.

Sorry but there are times when you feel something wrong and you need to find out or you'll go crazy, that spying is needed. I don't regret it at all...His mask has been broken.

PS: The ring wasn't worth a dime. I kept the cellphone though.

Don't even worry about the spying he gave you good reason and if he was honest and forthcoming in your relationship you wouldn't need to be suspicious or investigate what is he is sneaking around and doing behind your back. he is the bad guy in the situation not you!

 

[Miz1983]

Thanks. I don't want to be all emo, but my heart hurts...I feel anxious....

You do not have to apologize, my friend. I can barely imagine what that would do to me. While I cannot do much to help you (but I assure you I wish I could), you have all my wholehearted support.

PM me if you wish, I'll be glad to help.

 

[StakeMe]

I can feel your pain...I have recently been in a similar situation.
BF was getting sketchy texts and making up excuses so i looked into it and he had cheated on me multiple times while i was away on vacation with my family with an old fuck buddy. It is definitely more complicated than that but that is what happened in a nutshell.
It is the most devastating thing to go through, it's been 2 months and I still think about it and him all the time.
I am confident that the day will come when i can forget all about him, i guess we'll have to patient!

There are real men out there right? haha ones who value honesty and trust? I hope so!

 

[innocentbychoice]

Thank you guys for all your kind words. I kinda feel the same as StakeMe, just wondering if there are real good guys out there...and hoping this pain in my chest will go away. I was fine all day because I was with my friends but now I'm pretty much alone at home.

 

[spencer]

There are non-cheaters out there, we do exist

Run far far away from this creep. Don't even give him the privilege for friendship or even a conversation via phone, text or internet.

 

[innocentbychoice]

So in a twist of events, last week the guy who slept with by bf added me to his facebook. I denied the request without knowing what had happened.

Then on sunday when I found out, I sent a private message to the gay saying: "Man, how shameless of you adding me to your facebook when you fucked chris".

he answered me last night saying: "Who are you? Why do you say that?"

I answered: "Will you slept with chris, that's all I have to say".

I don't if I should keep answering in case he answers back. I realized he's in my msn list...i want to talk to him to know if anything else happened.

 

[KaraBulut]

I don't if I should keep answering in case he answers back. I realized he's in my msn list...i want to talk to him to know if anything else happened.

This always reminds me of that uncomfortable scene in "Closer" where one character forces his girlfriend to give him all the details about her affair with another character.

I recently had a friend who went through this same scenario- on MSN even.

He got the answer. And 6 months later he's still angry and upset about it.

Before you go ask that question, you need to give some throught to whether it will make a difference in your actions. I suspect you're going to break up with him. And is getting the answer going to just create more anger and ill-will between you and Chris?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I kinda feel the same as StakeMe, just wondering if there are real good guys out there...

Getting a rotten apple might put you off apples for awhile, but sure you know that just because you got a crappy one doesn't mean they all are like that. Give yourself time.

Lex

 

[innocentbychoice]

Will answered me again. He asked who Chris was. So I replied "go to your email".

I wrote an email basically telling him that I knew he had been going out with my bf and that on one occasion they slept together and that I had the pics to refresh his memory. I told him I knew he wasnt the one to blame, and that I sent that email in a peaceful way. I told him i wanted to talk through msn or fb. And I attached the pics. Let's see what happens next.

Right now I'm waiting for chris to pick me up...we're gonna talk and I want some answers.

 

[KaraBulut]

In the meantime, I think Lex and I are going to get coffee.

Lex: remind me, how do you take your coffee?

 

[volumee]

Man I know how you feel.
I found out just after Christmas that my step dad has been cheating on my mom for like... 2 damn years. With 2 women i'm sure of. Possibly a 3rd. He flew them to Beijing, and Hawaii and all that shit. Sent money to their banks ALL the time, and bought them expensive clothing. I traced an email back in early 2008, with the women's bank account attatched. Of course i'm not going to do anything, but what a fucking idiot. My step dad even ended up cheating on the women she used to cheat on my mom, wait does that even make sense? Christ, these things aren't soppose to happen! I knew it all along.. coming home all the time at 11pm, saying he has a business meeting. No fucking lawyer has a meeting at 11pm, consecutively. Found viagra and all that shit in his suitcase! My step dad even tried to have a baby with one of those women (the lady kept harassing us with spam through fax, even showed up at our doorstep to give me a sealed envelope. I wasn't home at that time, and she didn't want to give it to whoever opened the door. We called the cops after and she never came back. I think theres more too it, but whatever he's a dirty bitch) Shows you it can be a lot worse

Dump that bitch! My mom is only staying with him so she can leech off his money. Sounds bad, but serves him right.. Any cheaters!

 

[spencer]

wow, dude consider yourself no longer innocent by choice, you're a man on fire now. And it sounds like you're gonna take down everyone with you.

granted you're in the right here, you've been lied to, cheated on, this that and the other. One thing you have to ask yourself if this is how you want things to go down? is this the guy you want to be. do you want to give the guy a reason to tell his friends that cheating on you was the right thing to do cause you were unstable and psycho? it toally sucks, but sometimes it's best to cut your losses and walk away, even write a letter. but you gotta be the better man in the end.

 

[G-Lexington]

I actually just get a steamed milk with a vanilla shot. And maybe some sort of baked good to go with. Lemon bars are great, if they have them.

Lex

 

[innocentbychoice]

Fuck. I had written a really long message and accidentally erased it.

To sum it up:

-I met with him last night and this morning. We talked, I believed him. We aren't back together but I feel so weird. This is so complicated. I'm hurt by what he did to me, and I don't want to be back with him but at the same time I miss him when he's not around and I want to talk to him. And I feel bad cuz I know he's suffering too. Like WTF! I shouldn't be feeling bad but I can't help it, I care about him and he hasn't slept, eaten, he's been crying non stop and feels like shit.

These 3 days have been a real rollercoaster for me. The day I found out I told everyone, I needed to get it out. I even told his friends via a facebook private message (I know I shouldn't have, but I needed to get it out of my chest and let them know he wasn't a saint), now I've brought too many people into this and stained his image.

-On top of that we slept together today. I'm sorry, I know it was a mistake but I couldn't help it. Last night I had to masturbate twice before meeting him so I wouldn't do anything stupid. I don't know why we human beings are like that, he hurt me but at the same time I couldn't help wanting to have sex with him. Masturbating was hard cuz I was too sad but I did it and nothing happened last night. Today I tried masturbating again before meeting him but I couldn't cum...so when I was with him after 2 hours of talking I finally gave in, my heart was racing, and I told him i wanted to have sex with him. He was scared, he didn't want to use me, he said no, but we ended up doing it anyways.

Now...We've talked on the phone...but I just want this to be over...I don't how it will...I just want it to.

 

[G-Lexington]

I brought some board games, too. Good thing.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

In the meantime, I think Lex and I are going to get coffee.

Lex: remind me, how do you take your coffee?

I actually just get a steamed milk with a vanilla shot. And maybe some sort of baked good to go with. Lemon bars are great, if they have them.

I brought some board games, too. Good thing.

-I met with him last night and this morning. We talked, I believed him....

I even told his friends via a facebook private message (I know I shouldn't have, but I needed to get it out of my chest and let them know he wasn't a saint), now I've brought too many people into this and stained his image...

On top of that we slept together today....

On second thought, I'm changing my order to Irish Coffee... hold the coffee.

 

[G-Lexington]

I'm SO gonna kick your ass at Balderdash.

Lex

 

[Miz1983]

Fuck. I had written a really long message and accidentally erased it.

To sum it up:

-I met with him last night and this morning. We talked, I believed him. We aren't back together but I feel so weird. This is so complicated. I'm hurt by what he did to me, and I don't want to be back with him but at the same time I miss him when he's not around and I want to talk to him. And I feel bad cuz I know he's suffering too. Like WTF! I shouldn't be feeling bad but I can't help it, I care about him and he hasn't slept, eaten, he's been crying non stop and feels like shit.

These 3 days have been a real rollercoaster for me. The day I found out I told everyone, I needed to get it out. I even told his friends via a facebook private message (I know I shouldn't have, but I needed to get it out of my chest and let them know he wasn't a saint), now I've brought too many people into this and stained his image.

-On top of that we slept together today. I'm sorry, I know it was a mistake but I couldn't help it. Last night I had to masturbate twice before meeting him so I wouldn't do anything stupid. I don't know why we human beings are like that, he hurt me but at the same time I couldn't help wanting to have sex with him. Masturbating was hard cuz I was too sad but I did it and nothing happened last night. Today I tried masturbating again before meeting him but I couldn't cum...so when I was with him after 2 hours of talking I finally gave in, my heart was racing, and I told him i wanted to have sex with him. He was scared, he didn't want to use me, he said no, but we ended up doing it anyways.

Now...We've talked on the phone...but I just want this to be over...I don't how it will...I just want it to.

Please... I don't want to be rude with you but are you trying to hurt yourself ? I understand what you're going through. And........ as much as it pains me to acknowledge it, the things you are doing sound like things I know I "could" do if all of this were happening to me. But that doesn't mean it's good.

Honestly, my friend. Try to step back and think for a second. You say you want it over, but do you really mean it ? Certainly, somewhere in ur heart you think the situation can be mended and all........ But project yourself in the near future : you will spend your time wondering if he cheated on you or not. If he talked to other guys online or not. I'm not so sure this is sustainable.

Once again, I don't want to sound patronizing, and if that's the case then I'm sorry. But I feel empathy for you : maybe because that's the kind of emotional roller-coasters I already found myself in (but in a TOTALLY different context)


Honestly, dear. Step back, give yourself some time. It's impossible for you to think rationnally for the time being, so let it go for a few days. Get out, see some friends, clear your head. But whatever you do, think of your own well-being. That's all.

 

[KaraBulut]

I'm SO gonna kick your ass at Balderdash.

Pack a lunch. You're gonna be there a while.

 

[spencer]

If I were the other guy, I would be pretty happy that I could cheat on my BF and still have him coming to me for more. Now that he knows I cheat, there are no expectations of fidelity, especially if he's ok with it. He could take someone new home every weekend and have you during the week.

Unless you're willing to be that guy, this will tear you up dude. I would probably do the same, but world of hurt (more than finding out he cheated) you are in for indeed.