just found out my friend is gay/bi...now what?

[rareboy]

Look. Everyone always seems to want their friends to fess up and tell them everything while risking nothing themselves.

Tell him you're bi or gay or purple or whatever and that you connect with him on a very special level.

You have no right to be jealous of him.

 

[Lalada]

I would press for him to come out to you, or at least be more comfortable about guys.

He doesn't know you know, it's not wise to play these games thinking you have the advantage, as it may end up a lot more messy than expected.

Find out through asking him or hinting at who could be on the other end of the messages. Playfully find out the picture on his phone.

Just don't blackmail him emotionally about this, even if you think you're not, it may look like that if he were to find out.

Go through mutual friends too...


Or.... more sinister-like, go to that guy he's in correspondance with, and befriend him or drop hints or talk about your friend. Then mention that you ran into him to your friend.


If he's not ready to be straight-forward about liking guys with really anyone, then maybe it's not best to be straightforward so quickly with him.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

Rareboy, as usual, hit the nail on the head here. You want him to open up and reveal everything, all without revealing anything to him. Sorry - that doesn't happen. There are no magic words that mean "I'd like to be more than friends, but if you don't, that's cool, and this conversation never took place."

He's obviously at least bi. Which means he'll have absolutely no problem with YOU being gay. So come out to him already. Save the "...and I have a crush on you" for once he's processed that bit of info.

Lex

 

[boredman321]

Tell him you're bi or gay or purple or whatever and that you connect with him on a very special level.

.

i still havent stopped laughing about the purple part!!!

 

[racer2438]

Very Good, Inspector Gadget!!

Dude just invite him over for beer or something and ask.

It's like jr high kid's running around and telling everyone before the main ones say something.

Just Cowboy up and be straight with him

And dont go snoopping in his personal things >>>>>that is SOOOOOOO rude............Shame shame shame

 

[KaraBulut]

So I just found out recently that one of my good friends is gay or is at least bi. However he has no clue i know. We've been friends for a while now

I'm singing with the choir on this one because I just don't understand how you can be good friends with someone and not be able to have an honest conversation about the fact that you both like dick.

Time to put your cards on the table.

And get past that jealousy. Green looks good on gargoyles but not on good friends.

 

[mascbiguy]

youre gay/bi and so is he, both of you wont tell the other. it's time to speak up. it's one more thing for you two to have in common and you will be able to talk to him about issues you have.

 

[Lalada]

Sometimes it's not that simple.

 

[G-Lexington]

Sometimes we don't want it to be that simple, because it places the onus on us to get things moving. But if we want something to happen, we're gonna have to take the steps to ensure it does.

Lex

 

[Just_Believe18]

Rareboy and Lexington are 100% correct.

It is ridiculous to want him to be open with you when you are not even open to him! Maybe all this time he's liked you but he has no clue you feel the same way because you've always kept it a secret. So he's definitely found someone he can relate to.

BTW, the next time he says a homophobic comment, let him have it. Don't reveal you know, but make him feel like a jerk for saying it. Nothing bothers me more than a fool who bashes homosexuals and sucks cock on the side.

 

[peerless]

Commentary: Yes I realize im newer here, but may I say Lex is a genius--based on too many of his post I've read in which he made entirely too much sense--and yet he condescends to place it in a medium observable by the likes of me (we); who am I (are we)?

OK so im going to reach here and say that you had a crush on the friend that is the subject since you "had to know", and possibly looked into his online habits, perhaps even checking web history in hopes of confirming beyond the shadow of a doubt his gay-ocity, to as others explained, protect yourself. And now that you are convinced, you are hoping of sex with him based on: "Should i come out to him in hopes he returns the favor?" 'Should I come out to him' and 'in hopes he returns the favor' is a non-sequitir as I understand you to mean in that I think you are saying that 'if you come out to him you can enjoy dinner for two (if you know what I mean), or bluntly you can fulfill your fantasy of sex with him.' Perhaps I'm way off.

I would be remiss if I did not speculate further that if he is interested in the same sex, that 1)you are not one he is interested in or worse (sorry), or 2) are in the friend zone ; which I believe gays have, they are just too horny to admit it (dont lie fellas!). Either fate spells perennial torture for which I am sorry. But who am I.

 

[billybob109]

thanks for all the advice. i totally get what you mean by how should i expect him to be up front and open with me when im doing the same thing to him. i guess its just time for me to man up and come out to him. hopefully everything goes smoothly and we'll end up better/ closer friends. and not in a sexual way. although that would be nice too

What i dont get is how is he open to this other dude that you know and not you if you are such good friends? Is this other guy gay/bi or maybe they were comparing there abs to one another.. I would get with the other guy first feel him out and then have drinks with your crush and then tell him that you were hanging out with the shirtless guy and that you like hanging out with your crush so much better and that you have weird feelings if you do.