Just Need Some Advice, Please

[tobymerwin]

I’m so confused, my head’s about to explode!

I’m bi, but I’ve always tended to be a “lady’s man.” I used to come home from the clubs with a different woman every weekend. They were usually slutty types, and I never thought much of them.

Now, there’s a very lovely woman interested in me. She’s very charming, funny and outgoing. She’s a lot of fun to be with. I find her attractive, but I catch myself carefully moving away when she steps toward me or reaches out to touch my arm.

I’m kind of leaning more toward guys right now, but I don’t want to out myself as bi. At the same time, I don’t want to ruin the great friendship I have established with this beautiful woman.

Advice, please.

 

[Cormac135]

Just tell her, let her go into this (if she wants to) with her eyes open.

Just respect her enough to be honest.

 

[tobymerwin]

Just tell her, let her go into this (if she wants to) with her eyes open.

Just respect her enough to be honest.

Thanks, Cormac. I wish it was that easy.

 

[mindfulness]

I outed myself to my girlfriend of 2-3 years and married her 5-6 years later. What you might not expect is that telling her for the first time is just the beginning of the experience of "coming out."

I would encourage you to be as honest and open about your sexuality as you can be with her, because if your relationship keeps going in a positive direction, you'll want to be even more honest down-stream.

 

[KaraBulut]

Just tell her, let her go into this (if she wants to) with her eyes open.

Just respect her enough to be honest.

Thanks, Cormac. I wish it was that easy.

Honesty is the best policy.

By telling her that you're bi, you may lose her. But from all appearances, that is going to happen in your current situation, too.

There's little future in a situation where you're pulling away- both physically and emotionally- from someone. Eventually you're going to kill the relationship either from your unavailability... or because you get caught getting off to men.

 

[luckynumbah7]

Thanks, Cormac. I wish it was that easy.

It is that easy. You're responsible for your own emotions and that includes making your intentions clear. The phrasing might be a little awkward as you're not used to it, but it shouldn't take more than a handful of seconds. You've made your intentions clear to yourself, give her the same courtesy.

 

[tobymerwin]

Thanks, Lucky (and everyone else). Great advice. Never thought about it that way.

It is that easy. You're responsible for your own emotions and that includes making your intentions clear. The phrasing might be a little awkward as you're not used to it, but it shouldn't take more than a handful of seconds. You've made your intentions clear to yourself, give her the same courtesy.

 

[BiMeGuy]

Relationships work best when the people involved are honest with each other.

 

[eastofeden]

Honesty is always the best policy for everyone involved..especially you. If you are apprehensive or afraid..take a deep breath and let it out and let the chips fall where they may....

The thing is..when you are lying...you have a house of cards anyway....and no self respect.

You might be surprised at how many women would not only appreciate but be turned on by the REAL you....you will never know until you give someone the chance though. Some women's hottest fantasy is seeing two men "do it"......you need to find one of those women!

 

[Seasoned]

It's difficult being honest when fear takes over. Once you're able to be honest with those you're closest to, the fear will subside. Unless there are legal ramifactions due to restrictive cultures, or some other reason, like safety, there is no reason a person ought to harm themselves by remaining in the closet.