Just over a relationship, looking again

[nobodyknows9455]

It's been a while since I posted on here, but I would like some input on an issue I'm having. since coming out over the summer, I had one great Boyfriend, in general, he was great for me, and vice-versa. He lived about an hour away, and with both of our busy schedules, it didn't go fast enough for him, and I woke up to a text one morning asking if we could just be friends. I've talked to him since, and conversations die quickly...


Anyway, I'm over him now, I was mostly confused and hurt, since it was out of the blue. But now it has been about three weeks almost, and I would like to start looking for another boyfriend, but since I'm pretty new to this, I don't know how to go about this...I see myself as lacking social skills. Part of that may be the cause of the small amount of (great) friends I have, and it may be why I'm having trouble finding someone, I obviously don't get out much. I've been saying if it's meant to be, it will happen, but I think some effort is required on my part. He won't just ring my doorbell...lol So, any tips on how to gain a social life, how to meet people? I shy away from online dating sites, too many creeps for me, plus, although he was good, the last one started that way and I'm not looking for something that lasts a few months then dies for no reason.
Help is appreciated!

 

[Seasoned]

Having patience and developing a social life will both go a long way to give you an appealing confidence. Take an inventory of your intestest and then check out organizations, clubs etc. that match what you enjoy. Meeting all sorts of people is what makes you more interesting because it broadens your experience. Depending on where you live there may be various gay groups which is the perfect place to find gay friends. Good luck.

 

[nobodyknows9455]

I'm in the suburbs of Chicago, you would think I would have no trouble, but I'm shy, really shy, until you get me talking . I have a pretty good gauge of my interests, so that's a start anyway... I just don't know what to do.

 

[IllgetyouHackman]

You'd think living in the suburbs or chicago would have an edge, but I hate to break it to you it doesn't (I too live in the burbs of chitown). I'm sure you know just as well as I do. But that shouldn't stop you. Depending on where you live the city itself could be completely feasible, I mean if you were willing to do an hour relationship before whats a trip to the city right? Tons of organizations and clubs are out there just have to look and ask around, volunteering can do wonders.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Nobodyknows9455,

Your profile indicates that you are 19, and I would like to underline the advise given by Seasoned.

So take your time to aquire skills that you feel less shy, and get as much as possible gay friends / aquaintances.

You don't provide us with much details about your current social environment (student / work / hobbies etc). You don't need to provide us with these kind of details, but telling us more about is might enable us to give you a more precise advice.

Your profile indicates: "Are you out?: Only my friends know." I would like to give you the advice that anyone around you (so including school / work / hobbies / family / local surrounding) must be aware that you are gay (and single!).

I mean, for sure there are nice gays around you who would like to know more about you, but they must be able to find you / identify you as a 'gay who is single and available'.

This does not mean you need to walk around with a pink tee shirt (or with a cap with 'I am gay'), but other gays (including their social circle!) must be aware that you are 'gay, single and looking around'. [all on a very modest and decent way]. So be also aware that alot of your straight aquaintances / friends will have 1 or more aquaintances / friends / brothers / cousins etc who are gay as well.

Best wishes, and feel free to ask for more advice.

 

[nobodyknows9455]

Yes, I am 19. I am a student full-time and I am in retail sales part-time. I put only my friends know, because that is mostly who knows so far. I have told a couple family members, and a lot of people I interact with know, co-workers, etc. I am working on telling more people when the timing is right, especially my parents. I'm taking the process slowly being that I just started coming out this summer. I appreciate all the help and I will take this all into consideration. I am by no means in a rush to find somebody, I'd rather wait for someone good than have a failed relationship, so I understand about what you're saying. Any more comments are appreciated!

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Nobodyknows9455,

Thanks for your friendly and quick reply with some additional information.

Ah, so already alot of people around you are aware that you are gay. Likely, they will also tell others, so you are in no way a sort of "Nobodyknows". I mean, your co-workers, several of your family members, and likely alot of your fellow students are -more or less- aware that you are gay. So its no way a deep hidden secret anymore.

Seasoned advised you to join gay groups Likely your uni/college will also have some sort of queer group?

How many of your fellow-students (straight males of 19) have a girlfriend, and how many are still single? I tend to think (but excuse me if I am wrong), that there are also loads of these straight guys without a girlfriend (but with a similar wish like you to have one). So you are not the only one who is 'looking around'.

You tell us that you have a part-time job in retail sales, so I tend to think that you will have some social skills to make contact with people. I mean, you must use such social skills when selling items, and when you have contacts with customers.

Yeah, its good to built up your life as an open gay bit by bit, and I tend to think you are doing it on a good way. I hope your parents are accepting and that telling them will not be too problematic.

You are totally right. No need to be in a rush to find a boyfriend, and take your time to find a nice one. I am sure there are enough gays in your surroundings who whould like to become your boyfriend.

Take care and good luck, and keep asking questions on any subject.