My husband and I have been together for 6 years, living together for 4 years of that. We just got married in August of this year, and things have been pretty good lately, at least I thought. We met in high school and we're both each other's first serious relationship, and I'm his first one period. A few years ago, I was feeling unappreciated and was flirting with some guys online, met one in person (but didn't do anything), and watching porn and he found out and got really mad about it. We considered breaking up but we decided we wanted to work it out, and we've moved past it.
About a month ago, he started acting really weird and depressed. So I'd ask him what was wrong and he'd say nothing and I'd just leave it, because he doesn't like when I push. So that kept on until I got him to admit that I wasn't being affectionate enough, which is a problem we've had before. It just doesn't come natural to me with anyone to be super affectionate all the time. He said he was feeling really unhappy in general lately, and had cut himself, which is a problem both of us struggled with in the past. So I started trying hard for about a week and I was doing really great, he even admitted it. But he said he wasn't feeling enough passion behind the affection, and that he wasn't feeling much of anything for me anymore. So I tried being more passionate, and then 2 days later asked him how I was doing. He said I was doing great, but he was still unhappy. I asked if there was something I didn't know, and he said yes, and I asked him if he was seeing someone else and he said kind of. He said he went online and tried to meet people who were in the same situation he was in, that weren't feeling passion from/for their partner. He said he's been meeting this guy for the past 2 weeks, while telling me he was staying late at work or going out with friends. He said they weren't dating, just talking and enjoying each other's company. So I got upset and told him all I really wanted was for him to be happy, and if it wasn't with me that was fine. I told him to tell the guy he met that he had feelings for him. He did, and the guy kind of laughed it off, and didn't reciprocate his feelings, but they're still taking as friends, I guess. I told him we could do an open relationship and see how that worked, and he immediately went off on me about how he always felt like I wanted someone else, and blah blah blah. So I said fine, you can date other people and I won't, and you let me know what you want to do. He said he just has to decide if he wants to be together at all or not. So I said I'll just pretend he wants to be with me until he decides. So I have been doing that, with increased affection and passion, and he's still been sad. It's been better, but not by a lot. I don't know what to do, it's been increasingly difficult to pretend everything's normal, and I just want to have things back to normal. At the same time, I know that this will take time to fix and I have to be patient. I guess I'd just kind of like some other people's thoughts on the situation.
Thanks for listening to my huge rant.
About a month ago, he started acting really weird and depressed. So I'd ask him what was wrong and he'd say nothing and I'd just leave it, because he doesn't like when I push. So that kept on until I got him to admit that I wasn't being affectionate enough, which is a problem we've had before. It just doesn't come natural to me with anyone to be super affectionate all the time. He said he was feeling really unhappy in general lately, and had cut himself, which is a problem both of us struggled with in the past. So I started trying hard for about a week and I was doing really great, he even admitted it. But he said he wasn't feeling enough passion behind the affection, and that he wasn't feeling much of anything for me anymore. So I tried being more passionate, and then 2 days later asked him how I was doing. He said I was doing great, but he was still unhappy. I asked if there was something I didn't know, and he said yes, and I asked him if he was seeing someone else and he said kind of. He said he went online and tried to meet people who were in the same situation he was in, that weren't feeling passion from/for their partner. He said he's been meeting this guy for the past 2 weeks, while telling me he was staying late at work or going out with friends. He said they weren't dating, just talking and enjoying each other's company. So I got upset and told him all I really wanted was for him to be happy, and if it wasn't with me that was fine. I told him to tell the guy he met that he had feelings for him. He did, and the guy kind of laughed it off, and didn't reciprocate his feelings, but they're still taking as friends, I guess. I told him we could do an open relationship and see how that worked, and he immediately went off on me about how he always felt like I wanted someone else, and blah blah blah. So I said fine, you can date other people and I won't, and you let me know what you want to do. He said he just has to decide if he wants to be together at all or not. So I said I'll just pretend he wants to be with me until he decides. So I have been doing that, with increased affection and passion, and he's still been sad. It's been better, but not by a lot. I don't know what to do, it's been increasingly difficult to pretend everything's normal, and I just want to have things back to normal. At the same time, I know that this will take time to fix and I have to be patient. I guess I'd just kind of like some other people's thoughts on the situation.
Thanks for listening to my huge rant.
