Just want to talk to someone

[ALittleLost]

i'm feeling really down, and i don't know where to go to. There is so much on my mind, and i don't really know how to talk about them. I don't know what I want out of this thread, I guess i just want to talk with someone.

I wake up everyday without anything to do. I don't have a job, can't find one no matter how hard i try. my "friends" are still in school, and even when they are home they barely want to do anything. i try to go out by myself, but i still feel so alone. i hate facebook, i shouldn't go on it anymore. everytime i do, i find myself comparing myself to others. the worst is with my close friends. i just found out my best friend booked a trip with his school buddies for break, and that he got a 100k paying job. i am happy for him, and i would be more. Just, when everyday I find myself stuck in my house, or just simply by myself, it sucks.

Any advice, or simply want to ttalk? sorry for sounding like an idiot.

 

[Jayden]

1st stop beating yourself up. As for the job, think outside the box. Try a field you may not have thought of. Keep going out and chating people up. Your sure to make new friends that way.
Also try gay groups etc for meeting new people. Remember that in a years time none of this will matter.

 

[ALittleLost]

Thanks. i know i need to keep trying. it hasn't been easy for me to make friends. i really do not know why. i go out, i go up to people and start conversation, but i just can't seem to click with them. needless to say, college sucked.

 

[Swellegant]

Have you thought of volunteering? It will give you something to do besides loll around the house, it will give you some interest, and it will give you some experience for your resume.

Have you considered taking some classes? Creative writing or voice or something not specifically job-related that can enrich your days? See if your community college is offering anything interesting for the upcoming semester, see if you can afford the tuition and any books.

And welcome to JUB! You just signed on with several hundred people you can talk to. And none of us already know you, or know people who know you, which is what always makes FaceBook so inhibiting.

Anyway, I experienced a lag much like you're feeling when my grandfather died several (oh, shit, just did the math, twenty-two!) years ago. The thing that gave my life structure, caring for him, was finally gone and I didn't have another structure to replace it. I fell into a deep depression, and seeing my friends going to college and getting jobs and getting married really fucked me up in that state of mind. I ended up taking some classes at community college, and it really helped pull me together.

 

[Scott-Countryman]

Helping others (ie volunteer work) is the best way to feel good about yourself and meet new people.

Simply opening the door for a stranger can do a lot to improve your mood!

High school friends RARELY if ever (other than movies) are life-long friends. Those types of friendships are developed through life experiences.....like your about to embark on!!

Just take one step. And the next step will get you there.

 

[PabloZed]

First, what you are feeling is completely natural and are feelings shared by probably millions. Comparing yourself to others right now is a losing proposition since you are unemployed. Don't do it. Instead, think or do things to improve yourself, many of which you can do for free going through the internet. Do something to improve your job prospects.

As for friends its not surprising at all that people either lose friends are have trouble making friends when they are in a slump because what are we going to likely talk about - being in a slumpl, being unemployed. Even our friends don't want to keep hearing about that. So don't open that can of worms with new people.

I wish you luck but what it really takes is effort.

 

[Scott-Countryman]

PabloZed (above) said something I thought should be underlined: "......what it really takes is effort".

He's right!

Make an effort to make the change you seek. It's hard to see beyond your current situation. But if you make an effort to bring some sort of change about then others will react and help out.

 

[star-warrior]

I've moved this to Health and Wellbeing. Please note this is a no-flame zone and keep on topic.

 

[ALittleLost]

this has been great. i actually really like the volunteering idea, or taking a class. i need to find a way to do some community service. here's another problem though: one of the reasons why i'm stuck at my house so much is that i don't have a car and i live out in the suburbs, meaning i can't really walk to anywhere without a car. what are your advice for this?

and with my friends, they are all i got so far. i really wish i could breakaway from them, because the more i'm with them, the more depressed i get (seeing what they have). but if i leave them, i will truly be alone.

thanks again, this really helped.

 

[okstatecowboy]

Volunteering and taking classes are great ideas. Not sure where you are, but is there public transportation available? If you contact someplace about volunteering, so if there's others in your area that volunteer and ask about carpooling...

As others have mentioned, try not to compare yourself to your friends. You are your own unique individual with your own strengths. The walk idea is another great one.

mikey

 

[ALittleLost]

yeah, i'm in the suburbs that don't have any buses. i really just have to figure out what to do. but this was good, i needed to talk to people about my feelings. it's just so hard right now seeing what's good in my life. i know i have a lot to be grateful for - a house, a family, education - and i feel bad complaining when i know there are people who are in horrible situations. still, i can't shake off my feelings. again, i just wanted a place where i can talk about what has been bothering me.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

ugh.

I wasted about 20 years of my life trying to compare myself to other people... thinking I was too short, too fat, too bald, not good looking enough, not successful enough, not driven enough, didn't have enough friends, didn't have enough expensive stuff, didn't have a point or direction in my life.

Then one day I popped my head out of my ass (which many people would disagree and say it's still up there) and realized that I was living in a prison of my own making.

Live life on your own terms, not anyone else's. If you don't like things about your life, feel free to get out and change them but stop thinking you have to have more friends or more money or a better job.

Just be happy and successful on your own terms, not anyone else's.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Any time I'm feeling low I watch a couple episodes of Jerry Springer. Compared to the people on that show, my life's NOT so bad after all !!! It's all in a matter of perspective.

 

[cosmicblue]

You know I relate to what your saying that is so like I was a long time ago, alwasy feeling down and not doing something with my life just lazing around and watching my friends getting on and doing great. I left school with no qualifications or nothing. and things in my head starting to tell me you have to chnage Davie or your gonna be nothing in life.. Then one day out of the blue Bang my life changed completely. firstly I started to believe in myself and I took the bull by the horn and set out to change my life, my friends and move on not easy to leave your ole mates behind but to me they were holding me back well no more. Now many years on I have a great job Team Leader with an international company who specilises In Health care. So i guess what I am saying is believe in yourself, and dont let others drag you down. Think positive, Set yourself some goals and go for them... Anything can be achieved if you put your mind to it. as for facebook I live there lol thats easy solved Stop doing the Quiz's lol
Good luck.

 

[fetaby]

Was reading a drama thread about this one and decided to come over and check it out.

My advice is to slow down even more. And make one fundamental change.

If you do not like/want something, stop obsessing over it.

Figure out what it is you do want, and then make a plan to get it. Most people are doing this all the time. They know what they want to change or do differently, and even go so far as to make the plans they think will get them there.


And then they fall off. The next step is to take action. You hear it all the time, a journey is started with one single step. Just take the step.

And once you've gotten where you want to go, celebrate. What's the point of doing all the work if you don't get to enjoy the results.

And remember, a good plan allows for it's failure. Just remember to modify the plan before it collapses, that way you avoid the feelings of failing.

And you want to chat? Pm me. I've got time for ya.

 

[tomersh]

this has been great. i actually really like the volunteering idea, or taking a class. i need to find a way to do some community service. here's another problem though: one of the reasons why i'm stuck at my house so much is that i don't have a car and i live out in the suburbs, meaning i can't really walk to anywhere without a car. what are your advice for this?

and with my friends, they are all i got so far. i really wish i could breakaway from them, because the more i'm with them, the more depressed i get (seeing what they have). but if i leave them, i will truly be alone.

thanks again, this really helped.

first of all being alone isn't that bad...u need to be able to be alone and connect with urself ,i know it sounds lame... it's something everyone should be able to do and enjoy…the time alone….and to be honest if u do as what ur talking about ,the volunteer work or the classes…u’ll meet new people, make new friends that are more like u and have more in common with u that ur current friends….i’m not telling u u should dump ur current friends..not at all…u see I was like u…i had those 4 best friends in high school...and when i graduated and went to college I kinda felt down and alone but then I focused on what I do have in my life and not what I’m missing at that moment…and now 5 years later, ya I don’t spend the same amount of time with those 4 best friends but they are still my friends and my family they’ll always be there for me and vice versa but I made new friends and I have a life of my own now…

what i’m saying is don’t keep obsessing on the fact that u might be alone coz u can never be 100% alone…u’ll make new friends at whatever ur planning on doing , here, anywhere…..u just need to think positive…u can always pm me I’ll talk to you

 

[rareboy]

Volunteer, Volunteer, Volunteer.

Stop wallowing.

If you can't do yourself some good then do it for someone else.

Choose the right cause; something that you believe in.

Don't be afraid to network while you are involved.

Your selflessness will be a huge bonus as a resume item.

Find your passion.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

You also might wanna try joining a gay baseball team, bowling league, political action group... you'll meet gay men who share your interests and THAT is where you can make some new friends and broaden your social circle.

 

[ALittleLost]

thanks again guys. today has been a little better. yesterday, i just feel really deep inside once i found out about my friends. It made me think about my own future. obviously, he making six figures when i have nothing sucks. but really, it was knowing he was having a good time with his new buddies. which is good, and again i'm glad he is. but when i don't have anyone, i feel he is leaving, and i'm jealous that he can make me feel like that.

but yeah, today has been better. i just got to keep thinking that tomorrow will change.

 

[Ranchman]

i hope you have been having better "tomorrows" since you last posted!! Keep in touch - we are a caring bunch here!!