Keep Having Sex with Women

[HommeFatale22]

I feel like a monster. I'm gay and I always have been but I've had a long string of relationships where the guy just didn't feel as strongly as I did and ended up hurting me really, really badly. I closed myself off for a few months, I still thought men were hot, I still idealized them, and I still jerked off to them but I couldn't bear giving myself to one, even in a one night stand sense (which I'm not usually uptight about). I started watching bi porn and the idea of a gay guy fucking a girl became hot to me. Seeing them mount a girl and sink their cocks in the pussy even though they were gay (who knows tho with pornstars) was hot to me. I guess it's because they're taking what they want out of the situation without being invested in the other person. In gay porn, there's always the illusion the men are attracted to one another but with bi, it always ends with gay sex in spite of the woman.

I think I'm pretty good-looking, I'm English too so women buy into that allure (men too). I knew of a few who were attracted to me too so I propositioned some and it went over well. I never and making out felt kinda meh without stubble, tits kinda cushion you nicely but I didn't even fuss over them. I literally just like slapping my cock against the lips then sticking in a hole and humping and humping till I came. I keep doing it and doing it and feeling nothing.

I just feel bad because I'm not even bi. I feel like a sociopath. Maybe the girls are "in on it" but it's still just douchey and wrong some level. But it's just so easy that I keep on doing it. What should I do?

 

[dralockhart]

I feel like a monster. I'm gay and I always have been but I've had a long string of relationships where the guy just didn't feel as strongly as I did and ended up hurting me really, really badly. I closed myself off for a few months, I still thought men were hot, I still idealized them, and I still jerked off to them but I couldn't bear giving myself to one, even in a one night stand sense (which I'm not usually uptight about). I started watching bi porn and the idea of a gay guy fucking a girl became hot to me. Seeing them mount a girl and sink their cocks in the pussy even though they were gay (who knows tho with pornstars) was hot to me. I guess it's because they're taking what they want out of the situation without being invested in the other person. In gay porn, there's always the illusion the men are attracted to one another but with bi, it always ends with gay sex in spite of the woman.

I think I'm pretty good-looking, I'm English too so women buy into that allure (men too). I knew of a few who were attracted to me too so I propositioned some and it went over well. I never and making out felt kinda meh without stubble, tits kinda cushion you nicely but I didn't even fuss over them. I literally just like slapping my cock against the lips then sticking in a hole and humping and humping till I came. I keep doing it and doing it and feeling nothing.

I just feel bad because I'm not even bi. I feel like a sociopath. Maybe the girls are "in on it" but it's still just douchey and wrong some level. But it's just so easy that I keep on doing it. What should I do?

...stop?

You've closed yourself off from men because you've been hurt and are afraid of getting hurt again. I don't see how exploiting women or hurting them in the way you've been exploited/hurt is going to solve your problems with men. It's just going to make you guilty of the same thing.

I suggest counseling. That's not a put-down. I'm an advocate of counseling for almost everybody. I really think a therapist could help you work through whatever issues are wrapped up in this. It's likely not just one thing.

 

[Seasoned]

Perhaps you're sexually addicted.

http://www.sca-recovery.org

 

[Str8Cocksucker]

It does work both ways. There are gay women that go find dick now and then, just as there are gay men that will find pussy now and then, also.

I identify as "straight" in a lot of ways, and have NO romantic or relationship desires with men. I don't look at a guy and think "He's hot", though I am picky in what men I meet and keep it to guys that I know are better looking. I just happen to love sucking cock and fucking their ass.

Don't worry so much about it and just enjoy yourself.

 

[njcollegekid]

if the women know you have no emotional investment in them, and that its a sex thing only - youre not doing anything wrong.
but if YOU are upset by it, and i think you are, then stop.
guys hurt you? or did you get hurt? breakups suck, people loosing interest in you sucks, loosing interest in someone else also sucks, dating is hard. but too bad... its kinda the only thing to do if you want to do more than just have NSA sex. if you dont thats fine, but you dont sound like youre cut out for endless NSA encounters.

 

[palemale]

Sex is God's joke on human beings.

-- Bette Davis

 

[HommeFatale22]

OP UPDATE

My therapist helped me to realize that sex can be a form of self-harm that gay men in particular are susceptible to. The notion of being masculine and being sexually desirable is (sadly) highly contingent upon being perceived as "straight" in our society. Often times, men who haven't come out yet will be promiscuous with women as a method of detachment from gay thoughts/feelings. Some men or women who are out of the closet may partake in these activities to "concentrate" their inner turmoil to a sexual act that provides momentary relief. It's like a person with trichotillomania who feels compulsory satisfaction in the tension of pulling on their own hair and feeling a false sense of relief when it's uprooted. I guess it was my mind's way of "problem-solving" my own emotional detachment from men by recreating the pain and numbness again and again with women. I kept doing that to get a better understanding of myself but never arrived at a more actualized version of myself.

Whatever ego boost it gave me to sleep with women wasn't worth it and, while I maintain a liberal attitude towards sex, I would like a degree of attachment in it that women cannot provide. I'm just going to cool it for a while and then get back to being myself, only, a healthier version.