KennyD - Archived Blog Posts

[KennyD]

.... we are starting to make progress on the house painting ... they got the front and both sides finished ... now just have to get the back which will be kinda difficult as we have six foot shrubs with thorns in them that are only about two feet from the house .... anyway; it has to be done .... so THEY will have to get it completed ...
"HE" says that there is NO girlfriend ... that he loves me ... do I believe him ? I don't know ... I know that he lies quite a bit ; so how do I know weather to believe him now ? But; I want and feel like I need to ... I want so much to have someone to love and love me back ... Yes, I know it sound pathetic ... I just can't help it ....

Ok; I'm done for tonight ..

 

[KennyD]

Ok; I know this probably is not going to interest anyone else ; BUT I found my dream house !!! I was searching for a home up in Centeral Ohio and found one just two blocks from my very best friend and jerk off buddy .... The house has four bedrooms, family room, game room, formal dining and two car garage on one full acre of nice, big 'n full shady trees ... I am so f'n excited !! Now; if only I can get this house here sold before the other one sells and I miss getting it ....
I wish the rain would stop here ... so the house can get finished painted .. so it will be all nice 'n clean for the Open Houses ... and then SELL !!!
It looks like we will have Open Houses TWICE a week until the house sells .... YEAH !!

 

[KennyD]

I am going CRAZY !! He tells me that he loves me ; BUT never shows it ... NO we are NOT a couple yet and may never be ...
It is just the remarks and way that he acts ...talking about MY money and says "Our" money ..MY house .."OUR" House ... if anyone calls for me , he has to ask them who it is and what they want ..then gives the phone to me ...IF I leave the house and he is not going ; then I have to tell him where I am going and how long I will be ...
At least I get to hug him and kiss him now and then ..BUT I'd like so much more ...Maybe someday ...
The realtor is having another Open House on Saturday .... I'm keeping my fingers crossed that there is a SALE !!!

 

[KennyD]

Oh yes ... I've got my fingers, feet, hands, arms, eyes, and balls crossed as the Open House is tomorrow and could possibly SELL !!
It looks like Nick and my other roomie will finish the house painting tomorrow morning before the Open House which is at 1: P.M. 'till 3 P.M. .... they've only got the back of the house to finish and a little touch up on some of the trim ...
He keeps telling me again and again that he loves me and wants to go to Ohio with me and be with me forever .... BUT; we do not sleep togethr, have any kind of sex together etc .... so I am f'n totally confused .... He comes up and hugs me , kisses me .... etc BUT that is about as far as it goes ... So; I am in a love limbo for now ...
MY house ...NO, my HOME up in Ohio is still available ... I just keep hopeing and praying that it will be ours or at least MINE in the near future ..
I am so f'n horney ... will probably watch a porn and take care of business tonight ...lol ..

 

[KennyD]

Well, we have just one man from todays Open House who may be interested in the house .... the Realtor is going to get in touch with the guy Wednesday ... BUT; we are planning another one for this coming Sunday ..
I sat on the edge of my bed ... Six syringes full of insulin and four sleeping pills plus a glass of scotch ....
NO; I just did not have the balls to take my own life at this time although I really wanted to ..... I'm hurting very deep .. feeling alone and lonely with NO ONE to turn to . No reason to live or go on in this place , we call the world ...
I found out he's been lieing to me ... He DOES have a girlfriend ! This girl called tonight for him and I ask her if she was his girlfriend and she said " YES " .... I have not been right the rest of the evening or night ... Pressure in the chest ... Pain in lower abdomen and stomach ...
NO; I should NOT let it get to me like this; BUT I cannot help it ... guess we can't help feeling the way we do ..
Maybe; if I go to sleep , I can deal with this better tomorrow ....


GoodNight ...

 

[KennyD]

I sometimes tend to over react and get somewhat dramatic when I am extremely upset ....
I definately know better having been a counselor for many years ... so I apologize for my actions and remarks of yesterday ...
I did talk with him about what she had said and he very forceably denied it all saying that he does not have, need or want a girlfriend and especially not that "Bitch" (his words ...)
Yes; I do feel a little better about it .... but I have a big trust issue going on for past lies and seceptions ... I am working on these because of how much I do love him ...
I'd like to thank Windsor for his thoughtfulness .. I really do appreciate it .....
I've got another roomie moving in so I'd better get to bed ... I'll explain about this new guy tomorrow ...

 

[KennyD]

NO ! I don't want to go to the damm doctor ; BUT if I want most of the cost of my Insulin paid for ... I'll have to comply ... Yuck !!
It looks like Justin is also moving in ... either completely tonight or tomorrow ... he will actually be better company than Nick een though I know Justin has a girfriend ... NO: we're not getting involved, just hang out and watch movies and have a beer or two together ... that is more than Nick has done lately ...
Nick started feeling his oats , so to speak and getting mouthy ..telling me that he was just going to move out .... I stood my ground and ask if he needed any help packing ... that was the last he's mentioned moving. In fact, he's been just so nice the rest of the day ...
Ok ; got to get ready to watch RAW tonight ... later ..

 

[KennyD]

Well, I went to the VA doctor yesterday and he says I've gained 16 F'n pounds in three weeks and I just cannot figure out HOW ... so I am totally Pissed .
Nick has told me just awhile ago that he is NOT interested in girls and that all he wants to do is to hang with the boys in the game room that I've set up for him ... and in his room with the X-Box 360 that i got for him .. Now; I have to wait and see IF I really believe him ... I hope that I can !!
We need to get the rest of this house finished ..just need to do the trip where white got on the brown in a few places and it will be all done ...
Ok; We are having another Open House this Sunday ... sure do hope that it sells this time ...


I'm going to bed ... alone , as usual ...

 

[KennyD]

Well, I went to the VA doctor yesterday and he says I've gained 16 F'n pounds in three weeks and I just cannot figure out HOW ... so I am totally Pissed .
Nick has told me just awhile ago that he is NOT interested in girls and that all he wants to do is to hang with the boys in the game room that I've set up for him ... and in his room with the X-Box 360 that i got for him .. Now; I have to wait and see IF I really believe him ... I hope that I can !!
We need to get the rest of this house finished ..just need to do the trip where white got on the brown in a few places and it will be all done ...
Ok; We are having another Open House this Sunday ... sure do hope that it sells this time ...


I'm going to bed ... alone , as usual ...

 

[KennyD]

Well, Nick wanted a digital camera, so we went out today and found a 5.1 megahertz one for him made by H/P.....
He is just so happy ......
We've got another Open House on Sunday ...I am bound and determined to Sell this place for MY Price !!


Later ..

 

[KennyD]

Thanks to Windsor for his words .. I really do appreciate them ... even though I don't listen or follow advice most of the time ... LOL ..
Ok; One cannot help feeling how they feel about someone ... It is like I LOVE him so damm much ; that I am compelled to do whatever it takes to get him and keep him ... almost going into obsession , so I'm trying to be careful .
A couple of weeks ago, he told me that IF "Anyone" would buy him a "muscle Car" that he'd "Go Gay" ... .. lol
Get this: Today; he told me that IF I was to buy him this car that he likes ... NO, "LOVES" ... that he's totally give up anything to do with girls. He said that he'd do "Anything" that I want him to do including staying with me ... no matter where it would be until I die ... and that he would not ever date or get married , at least not until I was gone .
And; he says that he will put all of this in writting and we can get it notarized ... also that I can keep my name on the title of the car as a "lien Holder" so he can't go back on his word or I could reposses the car ...
BUT; before I do anything as rash as that ... I intend to make him draw up a List of EXACTLY what he is willing to do and Not do IF I was to buy him such a car ... the car he wants cost $15,000 out the door ... BUT; I will not get it unless I'm getting a few things back that I want ... Like someone to share a bed with .. maybe some oral or H/Js now and then ..... etc ... so we will see .
Well; we are having another Open House here Sunday ..I'm still keeping everything I have crossed that this is the week end that this place sells .. !!
Back Tomorrow I hope ...

 

[KennyD]

The Open House this week was a real bust ... only one person even came . We believe it was due to all the storm 'n Tornado damage etc and hardly anyone was out 'n about .... Next weekwe will have TWO Open Houses on Saturday and on Sunday ... with lots of advertising ...

I'm so f'n horney .... Guess I need to throw in a porn and .... ?

Back later ...[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

 

[KennyD]

Ok ; He told me today that he still loves me and that he's Excited about going to Ohio with me ....
Now; he says that Wednesday night will be "Our Night" ..unplug the phones, have a quiet spagetti dinner (he's cooking) .. and him and I have a few beers and sit around and "Chill" 'n talk ..maybe watch a dvd or two ...
I've got most of the bills paid for the month ... so we are ok as far as that is concerned ... I was kinda worried for a few since Nick is not back to work yet ... He has a friend who might get him on doing tile work .. hope it is SOON ...
----- OH ..he told me that he's not going to lock the bedroom door tonight ... I'm not for sure how to take that .... was that an offer ? I just don't know ....
I'm done ...

 

[KennyD]

Well, No One said I was the smartest guy in the world .... I spent just under $400 to get his fines paid to keep him out of jail when he goes to court on the 8th ..... Was I right ? Was I wrong ? God only knows ..
I went out and got Grudge 2, Eddie Murphy's Delierious, and Get Rich or Die Trying , and Girls with Big Guns (a gang movie about girls who take vengance) .... My hobby grows and grows ... I just wish I understood the first Grudge ...lol ...
Nicks computer went down and he is moaning and groaning about it ... BUT; I've told him that he MUST get a job and get it fixed himself ... that is a start ...
Well; I'm still tired from whatever ... got to lay down ..

 

[KennyD]

Well tonight , Nick was going to fix dinner for the both of us ... I thought that was kinda nice ....
He does fix a nice spagetti dinner with gasrlic toast etc .. fixes himself a plate and goes into his room with a buddy of his and closes the doort .... I fix my plate and eat it alone .....
He goes to court tomorrow .... could get up to 180 days for all the tickets etc that he had out ..... and fines not paid ... Might do him some good .
I have not felt well lately ; so I'm off to lay down and catch some tv ...

 

[KennyD]

Ok; He did come to me and apologize for not eating dinner with me yesterday . He gave me big hug and a kiss on the cheek ..... Says that he and I will have "Our" day and time probably on Wednesday with NO inturruptions .... and No Phone Calls as they will all be unplugged .
However; he kinda acts pissed about "gay" stuff ... yet he makes very suggestive "gay" sounding remarks etc .... I think he could be just hiding his real feelings ..
He has a new friend who is 19 years old ... While he went away with another friend the new friend came in and was talking with me .. said that he knew of my "XXX" collection and just how many did I have ... I told him over 450 .. and he wanted to see . I showed John (the new guy) my cabinets and he was in awe ..he looked all thru and even pulled out some of the gay ones and looked at the covers ... He ask about watching one ; BUT Nick and the other guy were pulling up so he hastily went back to Nicks room ... BUT every time he'd see me this evening .. he grin and grab his crotch .
Well ..so much for my day ... I'm going to lay down or at least answere some JUB post ..

 

[KennyD]

I just did not realize that it has been three days since I last posted here ...
There really has not been too much going on with me ... since I lead this very boring existence ... not really a life to really speak of.
I replied to a thread about "I Wish I Were Dead" and found it was a lot easier than I thought to post in that thread ... almost scares me that I had no problem relating my feelings about death ... and how easy it would be for me to end this f'n thing I have called life ....
NO; Don't get me wrong ... I'm not feeling sorry for myself ... I'm just facing some reality about me, myself, and my existance ... and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel so to speak ...
Well ... I'd better get off of here ... want to look over one more time before I go to bed ... maybe even watch a porn and jack off .
I'll be back in a day or so .. I just don't have the grapefruits to do anything stupid ..."YET" ...

 

[KennyD]

First; I neeed to Thank Riverrick for his post here .. I makes one feel really good to know that someone does care ... even If you've never met that person before ...
I don't think that I'd really do anything stupid ... as a former counselor etc ... I have gave all the speeches and phrases etc ... even preached them from the pulpit ... and I'm kind of a chicken ; scared something would go wrong and then I'd be a vegtabe and someone have to change my underwear and wipe my butt etc ... perish the Thought !!!!
If anyone remembers; I had a friend come down in December BUT he had changed and was a full blown DRUNK .. and drank from sunup till sundown every day .... so , I sent him packing right back home ....
Since then; he has lost his girlfriend/wife ... lost his two kids ... and is basicially Homeless .... He is coming down to this area with family next week and wants to move back here in my house with me. The ONLY spare bed is the xtra one in my room ...
He claims that he does not do the drunk thing anymore . he says that he might drink two or threee beers in the evening and that is it . I spoke to a couple of his family members and they agree that he has quit getting drunk and beligetiant and act totall calm etc ...
Here is the catch ... He and I have a history . He is now early 20's , but when he was 18 - 19 we fooled around quite a bit . Even back in December , we had some fun together like he'd get the Erotic Massages that I give and want the "Happy Endings" and we'd watch porn and jack each other off ... since I do not consider Hand Jobs as sex ...
As we talked on the phone the other night he said that he believes he is "BI" at the least ... wants to enjoy "Playing" with another guy and he'd do "Anything" I want if he moves in here .... then he surprised me and said he'd top or bottom or BOTH IF I ask him ... surprised the Hell out of me !!!
This guy is the picture of str-8 ! He wears strait leg 'n tight Wranglers, cowboy boots, plaid western shirts, and a cowboy hat. He used to ride bulls for about three years ...
I'll see him at his brothers wedding next week end ... if I believe that he's done doing the drunk think ; I am seriously considering letting him come on back here to live ... Just hope I can give this the proper thought and make the right decesion with the right head ...

 

[KennyD]

Yes; this is a very sad day for me ... My Mother's Birthday was today and she would have been 82 if she had not been kidnapped by that bitch of a sister and mine and murdered three years ago ... I'll never foregive her !
Then; I get a notice today that my Homeowners Insurance is going up by just about 60% ... don't matter that my income does not go up some 60% ... But; who gives a damm ?
I sure as Hell hope we sell this place tomorow at the Open House ....
Hmmmm Russell gets here next Saturday .... Hmmmmm

I'm out of here for now !!!

 

[KennyD]

We had the Open House today ; BUt only two people came thru it ... and ... only one of them expressed an interest in the place, but I really doubt if she'll buy it . Her mother was a f'n snob and I don't thin my quarter of a million $$$$ house is good enough for her daughter who is an unwed mother ....
Scott and i went o dinner and I ate too damm much at the buffet ... got to tone it down as I've gained all the weight back that I got rid of ...
I just might end up going to Ohio alone if Nicks attitude does not change ... if he does not want us to be a f'n couple .. then he definately has to treat me a hell of a lot bettter than he has ....
Sure do wish I had someone to cuddle up with in bed tonight and just hold onto ...
Ok ..I'm going to watch some tv ..