KennyD - Archived Blog Posts

[KennyD]

Hmmmm What to do ? The one buddy is now in the area ... He called and wants to meet tomorrow . BUT; the guy up in PA wants me to wait until next Monday to make a decesion BUT I am afraid that I'll be needing to make one this week .... So; who will actually be living with me ... I'd rather not be in this position 'cause someone will be hurt ...
Nick is acting like an ass .. so I'm giving him a taste of his own medicine .... and so now he is pissed ... to fuckin' bad . If he doesn't like it ... he can just move his ass OUT !! I'm tired of taking bull shit from everyone ...

Ok ; time for bed .. I guess ..

 

[KennyD]

Ok; I am going to have a Liquidation Sale during the Open House on Sunday ... I placed the ad in the paper ... for 40% to 50% off on all Jewelry, Watches, Chains, Charms, Rings, Knives, Novelty and Sports Belt Buckles, as well as a few other gift items ...
If this house does not sell this Sunday; I'm going to raise the bonus to the selling agent to $2,500 ....
Also; if a certain young main does not getting his act together ; I'll end up getting me a one bedrooom apartment and putting my $$$ in the bank .... and he can just fend for himself ...
Time to watch ECW .... back later ..

 

[KennyD]

Ok, I am so tired .. been getting ready for that Sale and Open House coming up on Sunday .... I'll probably get poor lil Adam (13 yrs Old) to assist me on Sunday. He helped me at the Flea Market , so he knows my merchandise very well and like working with it ..
Things seem to be getting a little better on the Home Front ... I'm still ALONE; but Nick and I are getting along a little better ... and; that means quite a lot ...
Well ... I'm getting off ..really tired as I've been bleeding most of the day ...

 

[KennyD]

Well, I was susposse to go to a friends's wedding today; but somehow I got lost and could not find it ... so I took a gift over to their house and left it on their porch bench .....
Dumb ass people don't even put out directional signs where to turn when they are having an f'n wedding way out in the country .... Darn Breeders ...
I "Might" be going up to Ohio alone ... It seems that all Nick and I do is fight and argue ... and; he always takes up for his friends although I am the one who loans him $$$$$ all the time , takes his ass out to eat etc ... so I have finally closed down my bank ... NO MORE loans, lunches, or dinners .... until I get a little bit of respect ... and he quits his lying to me ...
Tomorrow is a big day ... Another Open House ... and trying to sell some Jewelry-Knives etc also .... Hope it goes well ... Scott's g/f told me that she knows a couple of guys that might be interested in buying me out totally ... I told her that I'd give her some $$$$ if they do .... That would be GREAT as I wouldn't have to carry of this to Ohio.
I'm done for today ..

 

[KennyD]

Ok; I missed the wedding ; BUT his brother found me and moved in until he can get back on his feet and get his own place ... I can hardly wait !! He is such a f'n bum ... not like the person I thought he'd be ... He likes to give oral and ask nothing in return ; BUT I don't really enjoy it from him ...I guess since he's not really who I want ....
Oh well ... the realtors are doing an Open House on both Saturday and Sunday this week end ... Maybe I'll get lucky and this damm place will sell ... I'd hate to lose the place up in Ohio that I dearly want ... I've reduced the price and increased bonuses to buyers and the selling agent ...
Then too ... I'm going to try to have a Clearance Sale on my Jewelry and stuff as we have the Open House ... Maybe I can make a few xtra bucks that way ...
Ok; I can't sleep .. worried my ass off over personal and financial stuff .... feel like going for a drive; but I just can't see good enough to go out now ..so I am stuck here ..lol ..
Well ...maybe I'll try watching some tv until I fall asleep ...

 

[KennyD]

Ok; Ive decided to go on "Faith" alone ... and ..to begin Packing up all the stuff in this house that we can do without ... as I am certain this place HAS to sell and SOON ! I lowered the price by another $5,000 and my price is in the lower end of the spectrum for houses in this particular area ..
WELL ... I don't believe that it happen ... Nick was ill the other day and I got him Pepto and Nyquil etc ..kept checking on him ... then I sat down and was scratching and rubbing his back for him .. he turned over and ask me to do his stomach also , so I did his chest, stomach and abdomen .... and as sick as he was, he grew a boner !! Anyway; later in the evening he looked over at me and said that he wanted me to sleep in there with him that night .. so when I was ready to go to bed, I went into his room and was just going to lay down beside him when he said ..something like "No, take off the clothes and get in under the covers too" .. I about soiled myself in disbelief .. Anyway; I did as he requestd .. and all night he'd cuddle up real close , put his arm(s) around me and tell me how much he loves me etc ... and if I'd move away a little , he'd scoot over until our bodies were touching again ... I could feel his erection several time against my backside and then my stomach when I turned around a couple of times .. However; I am a gentleman , so I did not take advantage of his sickness ..... BUT; this is/was a milestone for Nick, who is the most shy guy in the world and very sexyally inhibited and repressed ..
He still says he wants to move with me to Ohio when I go .. just as soon as this house sells ....
DAMM !! That was one GREAT night ... hope it happens again ... and SOON !!.

 

[KennyD]

Well, I am kinda confused right now over something that happen the other night .... I believe I told about my sleeping in the same bed with Nick when he was sick ... Well; it didn't really end there . He'd ask me to rub his back and I did .. een down and did his hips , no problem . Then ; HE turned over on his own and ask me to litely rub his stomach 'n chest .. then take my fingernails and very, very litely rub them up and down his chest, stomach, and abdomen . Ok; fine ..BUT when I got to his abdomen there was his raging boner climbing his abdomen and stomach 'n hard as any Dick I've ever came across . I started to quit; BUt he ask me to work around it .. so I took it and would move it so my hand could rub his abdomen all over several times ... then he cuddled all up close to me and told me how much he "Loved" me ... The next day he says that he does not remember "Anything" that happen that night ... Am, I being played like a violin ?
Ok; I began getting boxes today and will start packing up tomorrow ... I've just got this feeeling that the house will sell and I'll be on my way sooner than later ..
Russell will be moving out in a couple of weeks ..can't wait ... he's more of a nuisance than anything else ... just in the way ... looks like the truest version of Redneck ...
Ok; I'm gonna check out my MySpace and take a break ..

 

[KennyD]

Maybe I am the most unstable guy in JUB ... LOL ...
I am so insecure and untrusting of just about everyone I know ... and the ONE person I love more than anyone or anything else in this world ... constantly lies to me .... and that just makes me worse ...
NO; I don't want to move away by myself and leave him here ; BUT if he continues acting this way ..I just might have to for my own sanity ...

 

[KennyD]

Well , first thanks to DPNICE for his thoughtful comments the other day .. I appreciate them .
I do need to begin making some more intellictual decesions instead of thinking with my heart so damm much ... however; it is difficult .
The next few weeks will be the deciding ones for me as I prepare to move back up North ... I will know if I am taking him with me or not ; which is my biggest decesion at this time ...
Things are strange with us ... like yesterday morning he did not go to work ... I got back from taking Russell to work and he ask me to come into his room . When I did , he further ask if I'd lay down with him and then he cuddled up really close and put his arms around me ..telling me how much he loved me etc ... and we lay there like that for almost half an hour.
So; I've got to get myself and my thinking on track and make some serious decesions ... before it is too late .
My best friend in the world is coming down on the 20th ... He'll be here for a week or so and I'm as excited as all get out !!! Have not seen him in over a year ...
Ok; I'm done for now ... want to run to the store and get some sherbet , Orange, of course ....

 

[KennyD]

This would almost be "SAD" if I wasn't such a psych case ... lol
The other morning he did not go to work ; so after I took Russ to work ..I come home and he ask me to come in and lay down in bed with him ... I did and he cuddled all up, put his arms around me and told me he loved me ... BUT; does he mean it ? I just don't know ...
I'm getting out of here now ..feeling a litle sick in my stomach all day ...
Later ..

 

[KennyD]

Yep; the rents are due and payable today ... so IF all three pay me my money, I should be able to get my car and homeowners insurance without much problem ... as I was running a little short ...
I believe that Scott and Russell will pay ok ... I just worry about how much , if any, that Nick is going to pay .... God; I hope he lives up to his promises and pays up ....
Word is that Nick has now told a few folks that he's not going to Ohio with me .... that is HIS decesion; and I cannot force him .... just wonder what he'll do when he needs someone to support him, be proud of him , or help him financially .... and I'm not there .... BUT; until he actually does not go ... then I will have to believe that this is all rumor and that he IS going ...

 

[KennyD]

I just don't know what to do anymore ... everyone paid their rent Friday; but Nick ..He had a "Short Check" from where he was off sick ... etc ...always an excuse ...
..and; don't say throw him out ... I LOVE Him ; yet I know and realize that I constantly bitch about him .... I could just lay down and cry for a week at my own weakness ...
Then; last night, he tells me that he "Might Not" go to Ohio with me because of his job that he likes ... yet; he signed an agreement to go with me IF I loaned him the $1,000 for the D/P on his car , which I did ..... Woe is Me !!
I know the housing market is in a real rut right now; BUT I want to MOVE and NOW ... so I'm going to lower my price again ... I'll loose $20,000 on the house ; BUT at least it will be SOLD !!! (Hopefully) ....
Ok; I've got dishes to do ...

 

[KennyD]

Well , First I need to thank dpnice for his comment and how true they are ... however , in the meantime ....
Nick came to me and insist that he's now decided that he don't want to live without me around and that he will definately go to Ohio with me when I do go .....
He was able to purchase himself a nice '03 Dodge Dakota Pick Up yesterday ... robbins egg blue or so it looks to me ... nice truck ... He got it for Only $11,900 as I talked the salesman down for him from $14,900 .... I only hope that he does not use it for a damm taxi ....
I got to get stuff to take paint off concrete , so I can clean my driveway ... also got to mow the yard tommorow and get a new camers thing for the digital so I can take additional pics ...
Guess I am out of here ..

 

[KennyD]

I fuckin' HATE Drama ... BUT; it seems like that is all I ever have to deal with around here .
I spent most of the day in a recliner laid back due to tightness and pains in my chest ... and HE is the main cause .
Yep, he came in Friday night saying he did NOT get paid; yet a pay stub for over $500 was left on his dresser .... and ..NO rent was paid , as usual ...
I do LOVE him so damm much ; BUT .. I can't go on like this much longer .... or .. I'll end up dead of a heart attack or something ... it is more than I can bear ...
He came in tonight after being gone all week end ..came over and kissed me .. and went to bed ; not even mentioning the rent money .... I feel used ; BUT I just can't get myself to toss him out on his ass ..... like I should .
I did manage to get Russell out of the house ! That was an acompolishment and a half and I think I mispelled a word ..BUT who cares ... ? Anyway; Russ is a good guy; but I will NOT live with a Drunk ....
Scott is in the hospital , seems he had a panic or anxiety attack .. he'll be out tomorrow ...
Oh God .... If Nick would only straighten up , Pay his rent and accounts like he should .. we'd be ok .
I don't know what I'm I'm going to do at this point ...

 

[KennyD]

Ok ... Russell , the guy who I got to move out because he was a fuckin' Drunk , came over last night . I was asleep having taken meds for my diabetes so i was not thinking too clearly at first.
Russ said that he wanted to buy one of my hand guns and that he'd pay me $500 ... so I went into the room and unlocked my guns and got out the .38 special ... as I went to get ammo for it, he started talking about only needing two shells and that he wouldn't be on this earth after that night ..etc .. so I promptly locked up the gun and ammo ... then as I got a little closer to him, I realized that he was DRUNK as a skunk again and was wanting to kill himself ...
I refused to sell him the gun and he began to boa up at me and began to become beligerant and obnoxious and somewhat threatening . About that time, Scott came home and ask what was going on , so Russ started talking to him about stuff ... I closed the door to the room and began talking to Russ as Scott motioned that he was going to call the cops .. and left the room ...
Scott called the Sheriff's Department and they came with lights and sirens blaring ... Well, Russell kept on talking about killing himself, so they "Baker Acted" his ass and took him into custody ...
Sure am glad that drama is over ..
Nick may not have too many more days left here ... I actually : Do his laundry, Hang his clothes up and/or put them away, pick his dirty clothes up off the floor, clean up his room, pick up and clean up his messes , and a lot more .... BUT; if we are NOT a "Couple" I do not feel that I should be doing this for him .... So; I do not know just what the hell I'm going to do ....
I AM sure that I will go to Ohio .... if Nick goes, fine (if he is still here ) or IF he decides to stay here ... fine . It will be hard for me; BUT ... I've got to get some peace of mind somehow ...
He just came in .. came over and wanted a kiss before he went to bed ... WTF is going on ????
No f'n wonder I'm going nutz !! I'll try to do MORE tomorrow night ... or maybe Saturday will be better ..

 

[KennyD]

Sometimes I just feel like jumping off of a bridge .... I'm so confused and mixed up ; it is almost absurd .
Nick left me a note this evening saying that he and I should have a private night sometime this week end ... to talk and hang out together ..just the two of us ... (I'm about to have a coronary )
Then to top it off ... he wrote : that no matter how I feel or what I think ..."I Love You " ....
Maybe I just need to lay down and think about all this ...
Good Night !!

 

[KennyD]

Well ... it had to happen eventually ... Nick is moving out and I am a nervous wreck .... can't sleep or eat ...
He finally confessed to pawning the new 19" Flat Screen computer monitors, My digital camera, seven of my X-Box 360 Games , and an X-Box 360 controller .....
I told him that with all the lies and bullshit that he's been spreading ... that I just cannot live with a lier . PERIOD.
He told me that he was going to go live with his boss for a couple of days to clear his head ... and that my items will be returned on Friday .. and would I PLEASE not call the sheriff . So I have agreed.
I find out later tonight that Nick is NOT staying over at his bosses house .... so God only knows where he's living right now ... and even though he's fucked me over and more than once ..I am worried sick about him ... Is this normal; whatever normal is ????/
Right now, I could just lay down and die ...

 

[KennyD]

I am very tired ... not getting ANY sleep ... will post more about this ongoing drama in my home sometime Tuesday ..... Have a great one ... I need to try to sleep .

 

[KennyD]

I am quite beside myself and very , very confused ... NO; I wont od on Insulin and I won't get my service revolver out and use it .... I've just got to get my head back on ... properly ... Here is the updates ..
Saturday I came home to find several of my x-box 360 games and a controller MISSING .... so I promptly informed Nick and Scott that IF these items were NOT returned by Noon on Sunday ; Someone would be in Jail ....
So on Sunday, just as I was sitting down at friends for Easter Dinner, a call came in for me and it was Nick wanting me to come immediately "to Talk" .... so I left my Hony baked Ham and mashed potatoes to go talk ...
As soon as I walked to his room, he began sobbing and tears running down his cheeks ... He confessed to stealing the games and controller ...and pawning them ... and ; my new 19" flat screen computer moniter that cost $328.00 ... that i had put in HIS room . he got a lousy $40.00 for it !! And; my new digital camera, he had pawned for $10.00.
He was sobbing that he did not want to go to jail ..He'd do anything ... I calmly loked at him and said ; "Would Ya' suck my Dick every night and swallow ? He sobbed out "Yes, if you want "... so I further said ... "How about if I fuck you up your ass about threee times a week also"? ..... and again he said , "If you want to" .... BUT; as much as I love him and want him ... I would NEVER do anything like that with him thru that means ... (Blackmail) ..... Just ain't the way I roll ...
So; he has agreed to have everything back on payday this Friday .... then he can move back home .. Here ..NO More lies 'n Stealing or we are totally finished in everyway possible .... and that is definately the way it has to be ...
Anyway; Scott don't want to live around Nick , so he is moving out Friday and I'll lose my $200 a week income from him ... BUT; I've already got an ad in the pennysaver for a new roommate ... that will hopefully be answered SOON !!!
That is about the way it is for now .... Anyone teach me how to make a hangman's noose ??? LOL ....
Back in a day or so ...

 

[KennyD]

Well, I am a little rested ; but still tired of all the Drama and Bull Shit that has been going on ... it is surely taking its toll on me .
Nick says that he is looking foreward to coming back home on Friday ... with the things that he took ... AND starting over with NO MORE Lies or BS ... This is his LAST CHANCE with me ... I'm not going to end up dying over the nonsense ...
I think I might have the room rented that Scott is moving out of . Friend of mine , Justin says he will need a place to live , so here's to hopeing he takes it ... Justin stayed here a few days awhile back and was very helpful with yard work and around the house . It would be nice to have him here . He "might" even go to Ohio when I do ...
Ya' know ... this all might work out very well indeed .....