Kind of interested in thi guy but dont know what to do.

[JaydenLuke]

Ok so over the last few weeks ive been kind of interested in this guy. It all started while i was christmas shoppind and he ended up being my cashier..well while i was standing in line i was hoping that he would be because he looked kind of cute but i couldnt see him very well and he looked kind of familiar so whn i got up to him he was cute and i did know him...we went to the same school and graduated together. But i never knew him im school. Well i ended up going back to the store a few times and saw him again. Im pretty sure...like almost 100% sure that he is gay and i have never really been interested in a gay guy before. Only straight guys. So ive been thinking about adding him on facebook but im not sure about it yet because i think he is out and im not. I was looking thru his likes and stuff an it seems like we may not be into a lot of the same things. And i think he might find it kind of weird that i want to be his friend since i never knew him, and im also scared that he may not find me attractive because he is skinny and im over weight. And im also afraid that if i do start talking to him and nothing comes of it, what if he outs me to someone? So what do you guys think i should do? Try to send him a friend request and talk to him or just let it go?

And then if i do request him and he accepts what do i do after that? Try talking to him? What do i say? Ive never done anything like this...ever! please help.

 

[KaraBulut]

So ive been thinking about adding him on facebook... im also scared that he may not find me attractive because he is skinny and im over weight. And im also afraid that if i do start talking to him and nothing comes of it, what if he outs me to someone? So what do you guys think i should do? Try to send him a friend request and talk to him or just let it go?

And then if i do request him and he accepts what do i do after that? Try talking to him? What do i say? Ive never done anything like this...ever! please help.

We're talking about a friend request, not picking out a wedding gown. Send the friend request. Mention that you saw him in the store, that you went to school together and that you want to catch up.

You can figure out the rest as you go. But if you're not willing to reveal information about yourself and take some risks, don't expect him to take risks, either.

 

[Montebig1]

Ok so over the last few weeks ive been kind of interested in this guy. It all started while i was christmas shoppind and he ended up being my cashier..well while i was standing in line i was hoping that he would be because he looked kind of cute but i couldnt see him very well and he looked kind of familiar so whn i got up to him he was cute and i did know him...we went to the same school and graduated together. But i never knew him im school. Well i ended up going back to the store a few times and saw him again. Im pretty sure...like almost 100% sure that he is gay and i have never really been interested in a gay guy before. Only straight guys. So ive been thinking about adding him on facebook but im not sure about it yet because i think he is out and im not. I was looking thru his likes and stuff an it seems like we may not be into a lot of the same things. And i think he might find it kind of weird that i want to be his friend since i never knew him, and im also scared that he may not find me attractive because he is skinny and im over weight. And im also afraid that if i do start talking to him and nothing comes of it, what if he outs me to someone? So what do you guys think i should do? Try to send him a friend request and talk to him or just let it go?

And then if i do request him and he accepts what do i do after that? Try talking to him? What do i say? Ive never done anything like this...ever! please help.

I am completely closeted also bro! I know the struggle. The difference is I am talking to a guy that's also closeted and he lives in a completely different town than I do. We also have no common facebook friends. Ive sent him somewhat provocative pics. But i got to know him and i know he will never do anything like that to me. Does he seem like the type of person that would actually out you? If so then I would stay away from him. What I advise you to do is actually take the chance and talk to the guy. Try to get to know him and what not and your instincts will tell you whether he is trustworthy. Don't skip out on what could potentially make you happy by the irrational fear that someone will out you. I don't think there are many people that are that low... If he does try to out you then you could always deny it as long as there is no provocative pics with your face involved lol! XD
Good luck bud!

 

[Rolyo85]

Because you're afraid of being discovered, you imagine that every little thing you do could be a big tell, but it's really not. I add people on Facebook after having randomly met them at parties, and a lot of others do the same. Having been in the same school and met at the store is more than legitimate reason enough. Facebook is for networking, not private friend circles.

That said, if he's out and has some experience, the friend request will probably be enough for HIM to figure it out. But if that's a risk you're willing to take (I mean, I don't expect he'll start asking you directly, but he'll suspect), I don't see the problem.

Only thing I'm gonna say is that you should be aware of the closet-crush syndrome - the fact that you're not out and can't really meet potential romantic interests can make you super focused in people who don't really match you well, just because they are - or appear to be - available. But that said, there's nothing wrong in getting to know some guy you went to school with, even if it doesn't go anywhere.

 

[Seasoned]

The questions that I have are whether or not he also recognized you from high school and if the two of you spoke those times you were at the store. If not, a Facebook request before talking or messaging him could be construed as odd.

I see two things that are causing you problems, your self-esteem and being in the closet and they very likely are related.

Don't leave the closet until you are ready, but what makes you think you aren't? There's a difference between not being ready and being afraid and needing to push one's self. There's a lot wrong with the closet. A main problem is the unrealistic fantasy life that can arise. Something inside a closeted person is screaming to come out and if not allowed to do so fantasy becomes the outlet. That's what you've been experiencing with your straight guy crushes. This new crush has you closer to reality, but the secret is still creating an inner rather that an outer life.

What's the worst that would happen if you were to come out to a family member?

Do you have friends?

Does being overweight do further damage to your self esteem? If so, what has prevented you from doing something about it? It's easier to have weight loss success while young and it also allows you to develop heathy habits which will carry you through life.

Unhappiness or fear can lead to over eating which leads to something else about which to be unhappy or fearful. Soon you are in a vicious cycle.

You came with what may have seemed a simple question and it may seem that I've turned it into something complex. I hope I haven't confused or frightened you. The closet probably serves a purpose because it can help sort things out while we come out to ourselves, but once that happens it becomes detrimental to a healthy, fulfilling life.

If you haven't already done so say hi to the guy and let him know you remember him. Taking risks is what's going to help with both self-esteem and coming out. Living in fear is neither mentally nor physically healthy.

I wish you all the best. Good luck.

 

[JaydenLuke]

Here is an update:
most people told me to send him a friend request and I did! well after a day or two he didn't accept it so I was started to get upset thinking that he would and then I kept waiting for it that week and it never happened so I just kind of let it go and forgot about it and then out of no where on Wednesday I woke up and checked my phone and I had a fb notification that said "(name) accepted your friend request, write on his timeline" and now I just don't really know what to do. idk if I should try to talk to him anymore or not. idk if I want to. im confused about it. what do u guys think?

 

[KaraBulut]

... idk if I should try to talk to him anymore or not. idk if I want to. im confused about it. what do u guys think?

Just send him a PM, say that you saw him working at the store, you realized later than you went to school together and ask what he's been up to since school.

Then check out his FB page and see if there's any evidence that he's gay.