Chapter 10: I‘ll Work On It.
He was still holding me. Lance still had his arms wrapped around me when I woke up the next morning. The whole night, Lance held me close to his body. It couldn’t of been comfortable for him. He was still propped up against the headboard with me laying on top of him. He sacrificed his own comfort for me to make me feel better about myself. At least I had Lance in my life.
Lance was still sleeping when I woke up. I looked at the clock and it was only five past seven. I didn’t want to wake him up since it was early, so I just laid there listening to his heartbeat. It never got old. I could listen to his heartbeat everyday of my life. There was something comforting I got from it. Like I could hear the source of Lance’s power that he has inside him. Listen to what keeps him alive everyday. It became my heroin.
There was a soft knock on the door that wasn’t loud enough to wake Lance up, but loud enough to let someone who was already awake know someone was at the door. The door opened slowly as Mr. Williams peaked his head around the door. I smiled at him when he locked his eyes on me and Lance. He made a hand motion for me to get out of bed and join him. I simply complied and got up trying not to wake Lance. When his arms were empty, he kicked his legs out to stretch them and rolled over. He had no intentions of getting up yet, and I was fine with it.
I joined Mr. Williams in the hallway. I really had no idea what he wanted. I didn’t know if he was going to yell at me for sleeping in the same bed with Lance, or if he was going to tell me to leave. I had no idea what he wanted with me.
“How are you doing, Jason?” His voice was soft and soothing. “Last night you seemed like something had shaken you up.”
“I’m doing better,” We started walking down the hallway towards the kitchen. “I’m not lying either. I honestly feel better.”
“I believe you, son,” He laughed softly. “I heard everything with your dad didn’t go according to plan last night.”
“Yeah. He didn’t react like I had hoped he would have.” I paused for a moment. “Why are you so accepting of Lance and me and everything that goes on, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? It’s not like I can be mad at Lance or you for being yourself. It’s the way you two were born. I can’t make you or Lance or any other gay individual be straight. That won’t happen and we all know it.”
“You believe that everyone’s born the way they turn out to be?”
“Yes, Jason. I do. From the start, you’re born to be attracted to one sex. Or in some peoples’ cases both sexes. It’s only time that brings it out for the person to truly see it.” We reached the kitchen by now. “I feel like the worst thing a person could do would be what your father did.”
“You mean not being accepting of me?”
“Exactly. By doing what he did, in my eyes, he’s only making the whole situation worse for you and him. By driving you away, what did he accomplish?”
I shrugged my shoulders.
“He accomplished nothing.” He smiled. “He only made your relationship with him worse and he drove you away from him, which is horrible. You’re at a point in your life where you are absolutely confused and need people to be by your side to help and support you. In my eyes, which may not be the same in your eyes, I feel like he failed you. Not you failing him. He isn’t being a father to you.”
“What do you mean?”
“A father’s supposed to be the one man in your life that you look up to. He should be your role model. A father’s supposed to always be there for his children and make sure nothing’s bothering them. A father needs to help his children through rough patches in their lives.”
“My dad used to be like that.” I looked down at granite countertops on the kitchen island.
“He still might be, Jason.” He was standing right next to me now. He got down on his heels and turned me around so I would be looking into his eyes. “This is all new to him. It probably took him by surprise and he didn’t know how to react. Sure he chose the worst possible way to react but he’s only human. Give him some time, I’m sure he’ll come around.”
I got off the stool and hugged him. I don’t know why I did it, but I just did. I needed someone to tell me what he just had and I was grateful to have him support me too. I was expecting him to just stand there and be creped out, but he wasn’t. He hugged me back. Not a weak hug either. But a powerful embracing one.
“Thank you, Mr. Williams, for everything.”
“If you’re going to be staying here, call me Vincent, or Vinny or Vinn or something along the lines of that. When someone calls me Mr. Williams it’s usually some businessman or one of my patients. I’d appreciate it more if we were on a more casual note.”
“So I guess that’s an invitation that I can stay here if I wanted to?”
“The more the merrier.” He smiled as he started making coffee.
“Do you mind making more coffee? I like to have a cup or two every morning.”
“How old are you?”
“Eighteen, why?”
“Lance is twenty-three and he doesn’t even like coffee yet. I think you’re going to make a nice addition to the household. That’s if you choose to stay with us.”
I didn’t know how to answer, so I just smiled. Vincent had the coffee pot going in no time and sat on the other side of the island with the newspaper. Even though he was young, he still acted like a normal father. I guess he matured at a young age. I told him I wanted to go brush my teeth and at least look presentable and that I would be right back. He simply nodded without removing his eyes from the newspaper.
I passed Cody’s room along the way to Lance’s and his door was still closed. I liked Cody from the start when I first met him. He reminded me of Lance because of the way he looks and the way he acts. Cody’s not as outgoing as Lance, but once he gets warmed up to you, he won’t leave you alone. He’s not an annoying kid, but he’s just a little immature still. Granted he didn’t go through puberty yet, so there is still hope.
Cody was mostly like Lance except for the gay part. Yeah he’s curious about “guy stuff” but not “gay stuff”. Lance told me that when he first came out to his family Cody didn’t understand what it meant to be gay. Once he understood what it meant to be gay though, Lance said that Cody found it gross.
Cody’s going to make all the girls weak at the knees though when he enters high school. He’s a cute kid right now and he’s only 12. Once he’s done with puberty he’s going to be a stud. He might even be better looking than Lance. I won’t tell him that though.
When I opened the bedroom door to Lance’s room, his bed was empty. He had to be in the bathroom because I didn’t pass him on the way up here. I grabbed my bag and walked over to the bathroom and opened the door without knocking. Lance was standing in front of the toilet taking a piss. I got better at the privacy thing. I didn’t flinch or cover my eyes or look away anymore when Lance didn’t have pants or underwear on. It sort of became natural to me.
“You sill get morning wood when you wake up?” I joked at I pointed to Lance’s dick. “Aren’t you in your twenties?”
“Shut up, you like it.” He finished peeing, flushed the toilet, and tucked himself back into his pajama pants and washed his hands. “How’d you sleep last night?”
“Like a rock.” I told him. “Did you hold me all night in the position we fell asleep in?”
“Yes. Why do you ask? I thought you liked when I hold you.”
“I love when you hold me Lance. But, wasn’t it uncomfortable for you though? You were sleeping sitting up.”
“Yeah, but it made you feel better so it didn’t bother me as much.”
“I love you.” I said as I walked over and kissed him.
“I love you too, Jason.” He held onto me tighter as he kissed me more passionately.
We weren’t making out like a couple would before they had sex, but it wasn’t a simple kiss either. It was more of a loving kiss. The way he held me and the way he used his lips, it was like he was caressing me. He really knows how to make someone feel loved.
“As much as I’m enjoying this right now, your dad’s waiting for me to go back downstairs and have a cup of coffee with him.” I pulled away from him and moved towards the sink to brush my teeth.
“How do you drink that stuff? I hate it so much. I’ve tried several times, but it just never clicked.”
“Because I like the way it taste?” I spit the toothpaste from my mouth. “Come on, I’m hungry.”
* * *
Lance’s dad was still sitting at the counter with his newspaper. He had a cup of coffee in front of him though that was still steaming. He liked his coffee black, something I couldn’t do. As much as I liked coffee, drinking it black never tasted good to me. I need to have milk and sugar in it.
As I was making my coffee, Cody showed up in the kitchen and took a seat at the kitchen island. He still looked like he was sleeping. He had his head in his arms which were folded together resting on the counter. I got my cup of coffee and sat across from Cody on the opposite side of the kitchen island.
“When’d you get here?” Cody asked.
“Last night.”
“Why?”
“Jason and his dad had a little argument last night, Cody. He’s going to be spending a few days here with us until everything calms down.” Vincent butted in.
That was the end of that conversation. Cody didn’t ask why we had a fight or what it was about. He just said “oh”.
Lance decided to make pancakes real quick for everyone. Cody had to leave within an hour to meet his baseball team at the batting cage. He was trying to get out of it, but Lance finally convinced him that if he weren’t to go, he would never get a homerun over the fence.
Lance didn’t seem like the cooking type, but once you ate the food he made, you’d stand corrected. I know pancakes may not seem like a big deal because you just follow the recipe on the box, but Lance added something extra to the batter. I want to say it was vanilla because as I was eating them, I tasted something really sweet inside of them. Anyway, they were some of the best pancakes I’ve ever had.
Once Cody was done with breakfast, he left the kitchen to get ready to leave. Vincent said that he was going to stay at the batting cage and chat with the coach and such. Before we knew it, they were running out of the house to the car. We were now alone.
I wasn’t really in the mood to do anything with Lance in our free time so I was hoping he wouldn’t ask or come on to me. If he did ask, I would just go along with it because he wanted to. I knew I had to take one for the team every so often and it didn’t bother me that much though. Lance clearly sacrificed a numerous amount of things for me over the past few months and it wouldn’t be fair for him.
Lance really isn’t a big complainer though. If he can do something to benefit someone else, he would go forward with it without second guessing himself. He always wanted to do the right thing, even if it took more time and effort. It annoys me that that he isn’t open with me. He rather keep something that’s bothering him inside, instead of venting to me. He knows he can come to me for anything but he still doesn’t. I need to teach him that it’s okay to ask for help when he needs it. That was my new goal for our relationship.
Anyway, back to us. Lance finished putting the dishing and silverware into the dishwasher. I tried to help him, but he wouldn’t let me. He told me to just sit down and that I didn’t have to worry about anything. We were now sitting across from each other at the kitchen island. Lance held his left hand out with the palm facing up. I gently laid mine on top of his on the counter and he closed his hand around mine. He rubbed his thumb against my hand while we were sitting there.
“Lance, can we talk?”
“Yep. What on your mind?” He stared into my eyes.
“Actually, you’re on my mind.”
“And is that a bad thing?”
“Most of the time no. I like when I think about you. But what I’m hung up about isn’t really a big deal, but it bothers me.”
“Did I do something to you, Jason? If I did, I want you to tell me so I don’t do it again.”
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong.” I took his other hand that was sitting on the countertop and flipped it so it was palm up. I traced the lines in his palms while he continued to rub my other hand. “It’s just that you never tell me what’s bothering you or what’s on your mind. We’re in a relationship together, Lance, we should be able to tell each other anything, anytime. I feel insulted when something’s clearly bothering you and you’ll deny it to my face.”
“I don’t do that.”
“Yes, you do, Lance, I’m not stupid.” He turned away from me. “Lance, look at me. Look at me!” I raised my voice to him for the first time. “You’re doing it right now as we speak. You’re trying to avoid eye contact with me and trying to avoid this whole conversation. I’m tired of you always helping me and making me feel better. I want to do the same for you, so please, tell me what’s bothering you right now.”
“You love me right?”
“Of course I do babe. You shouldn’t have to ask that. It‘s a known fact”
“Do you love me enough to move in with me over the summer?”
“Lance, I’m living with you right now.”
“No.” He paused. “I mean in the city, in an apartment, just you and me.”
“Yes, Lance, I love you enough that I would live with you in an apartment in the city. Why do you ask?”
“Because I’ve been thinking of moving to the city over the summer. I didn’t want to mention it to you just yet because I didn’t want you to worry about it.”
“Why do you want to move to the city anyway?”
“Well, I’m going to be done with college come May and I want to start my own life. I know if I stay out here, it be harder to live an openly gay life with you. But if we were to move to the city, there would be so many more opportunities. They have bars and clubs and restaurants that are just for gay people, Jason. The stress of worrying about what others think of us when we’re together would vanish into thin air.”
“Yes.” I cut him off.
“Yes, what?”
“If you’re asking me to move in with you, Lance, the answer is yes. It will always be yes. I don’t think I could stand living an hour away from you if you were to move by yourself.”
“And what are you going to do about school?”
“I’m sure I can get into a college in the city. I heard NYU has very intensive medical program.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“I didn’t even know what college I wanted to go to before you brought this up. I was probably going to look into NYU one day anyway, so why not make it my top choice?”
“You’re the best.” Lance leaned over the counter and stuck out his lips awaiting a kiss.
“I know.” I leaned forward as well so he wouldn’t be left standing there.
“And I’ll try to be more open with you. I feel like my job is to take care of you and to make sure you’re always okay and comfortable. I don’t want to bother you with my own problems. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”
“But if you’re not happy to start with, Lance, I won’t be happy.”
“I’ll work on it.”
Just know your story helped me to be more open with my friends about my sexuality! Thank you so much! God it's so hard being Bisexual because i can't decide how i'm gonna spend the rest of my life! With a man or woman i'll be lucky to have an open relationship but that's hard to come by. 
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