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Last hope

L

Lukaom

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My life is all fucked up, I feel so lonely that I don't want stay in this world anymore, I'm getting old and it seems like nobody wants to be with me. I am just waiting for the right moment to say goodbye to this miserable life of mine, I'm tired, I can't do it anymore. I'm writing to you guys because I have nobody to talk to, my wife stopped talking to me the same day she found out that I was gay, my children are teenagers, they don't know nothing about me. Is to late for me to find the man of my life.
Thank you for your time, bye
 
Everyone has a chance at finding their guy, it's just the effort you put into it.

I was walking around just expecting a boyfriend to fall in my lap, and realized I have to take some initiative too.

It's good you've taken the right step and told your wife. IMO, it's useless to kill yourself now, you actually have a chance at a better life than you would've staying in an ultimately fake marriage.
 
I don't know what to say. I know this is very difficult. But I would never say it's too late. You have to put some effort, maybe something will happen!

I feel that my life is useless too sometimes, but I have no choice but to live it... at least to bring joy to someone else...
 
When you are young, you have the whole future to start all over again, but when you are getting old everything is done and there no time to start again. I can bring happines to anybody because there nobody out there waiting for me, and I can't give something that i don't have
 
no... never say that. Before you do anything, I think you should discuss it with your children, even if that thing was taking your own life. You owe it to them.
 
umm...this is getting very uncomfortable. if ur thinking something terrible i BEG of you thats not the way, please. Just please theres help you can get man. WE care about you man.
 
Don't ever give up. Life is what you make it.

I hope you wake up one day and tell yourself

"This is the first day of the rest of my life"

Start anew. It's all up to you :)

I quote a passage from Miranda July's book :

"Do you have doubts about life? Are you unsure if it's worth the trouble? Look at the sky: that is for you. Look at each person's face as you pass on the street: those faces are for you. And the street itself, and the ground under the street, and the ball of fire underneath the ground: all these things are for you. They are as much for you as they are for other people. Remember this when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing. Stand up and face the east. Now praise the sky and praise the light within each person under the sky. It's okay to be unsure. But praise, praise, praise."

You only live once. Life is so dynamic it's beautiful. Don't waste it.

I hope you see the world in a different light. Smile and Feel life.

All the best. Hugs
 
do NOT do anything to yourself, you are a HUMAN BEING and way too valuable for you to think you're worthless and end it all...

I'm praying for you whether you want 2 hear that or not...God Bless and keep me posted! :)
 
Lukaom i hope you are not looking for a permeant solution to a temporary problem. Your wife is in shock...this is a normal reaction. It seems to me that one of the hardest parts is over, your wife knows. Now you can slowly move your life in the direction you have fantasized about. Your kids will come around, just give them the time, space, and consideration they deserve. You are never to old to continue living your life. I bet you wouldn't trade the day your kids were born. Just take a deep breath and just do one day at a time. Focus on the mundane things like get the car washed or something. Try not to focus on the what ifs. Just wake up in the morning hold your head up keep a good attitude and others will come around. If it gets to be to much talk with a counselor.
cheers i wish you all the best
 
Lukaom said:
My life is all fucked up, I feel so lonely that I don't want stay in this world anymore, I'm getting old and it seems like nobody wants to be with me. I am just waiting for the right moment to say goodbye to this miserable life of mine, I'm tired, I can't do it anymore. I'm writing to you guys because I have nobody to talk to, my wife stopped talking to me the same day she found out that I was gay, my children are teenagers, they don't know nothing about me. Is to late for me to find the man of my life.
Thank you for your time, bye
Click to expand...

Let's make this simple:
  • You are depressed and unhappy.
  • It's taken a while for you to get into this situation, it's going to take some time to work your way out of it. But you will- as many others before you have.
  • You need to get into counseling and start dealing with your issues.


Lukaom said:
I love my children, they will be better without me.
Click to expand...

This is the selfishness of suicidal thoughts. It's bullshit. Your children will need you for the rest of their lives. The most painful things in a person's life is to lose a spouse, a parent, a child. If you harm yourself, you are setting your children up for a lifetime of hurt.

If you love your children, get yourself together and get some help.
 
Lu, there are many guys here on JUB who did as you did. Got married, had kids, and realized that they were gay, or realized that taking that route was not going to "solve" their sexuality for them. And many of them finally made the step of getting a divorce and beginning their life anew.

And guess what? Many of them found happiness and love. At age forty, fifty and beyond. And they still have good relationships with their children, and some even with their ex-wives. It IS possible.

But it won't happen if you stay married to a woman whom you don't love, and who doesn't love you. It won't happen unless you take the steps.

I think you posted here as a cry for help. You feel hopeless, helpless. But there IS hope. And there IS help.

That's what we're here for.

Let us know what you need.

If you just need someone to lend an ear, we can give that.
If you need advice, we can give that.
If you need encouragement, we can give that.

Don't think of your life as over. Let's think of your life as at a turning point. Let's work on making it better. :)

Lex
 
Lukaom said:
When you are young, you have the whole future to start all over again, but when you are getting old everything is done and there no time to start again. I can bring happines to anybody because there nobody out there waiting for me, and I can't give something that i don't have
Click to expand...


"One mans trash is another mans gold."

Why on earth would you choose to give up on yourself or your children? The simple fact that your alive is enough to be grateful for. Take a step outside of yourself and try to put yourself in a third world country. Or in a place that is at war either with its self of with another. Try to count the blessings of being able to speak, or use your hands, or walk, or see etc and then look at those who don't have these blessings.

The fact that you have children is something to be proud of.

Life of course is not how we ever envision it. Which is basically why its life. We all have mountains to climb, rivers to cross and valleys to walk through, in doing so, with each step we over come that which is keeping us down and morph into that which we will become.

Did you come out to your wife? If so then pat yourself on the back for being able to be completely honest with her for the first time in your relationship. To do that is a great accomplishment. Many ppl have gone through their entire lives never letting the world know that part of them, which is just that, a part of something greater.

As one said earlier, you can't go looking for something and hope to find it, when you don't even know who or where you yourself are. I tried to do the same in the beginning but only found emptiness. It's only when I decided to worry about more important things such as work and education etc, that the thing I wanted before, actually knocked at my door.

Before you can find that which you are looking for, you need to figure out and find who you are. And most of all you need to be comfortable with yourself and love yourself as you are, and with being alone, before you can ever make another happy with who you are. It's not another individual that completes us, or makes us feel as though we are whole, being with another person, and recieving their love and happiness is only one of the great kick backs outta life.

In my opinion, at this time in your life, I believe that you may actually do more harm than good if you find another. Mostly because you don't even know who you are or what your capable of, how can you possibly let someone else know something you do not. Take this time as being your second chance. Take this time to do all those things you never had a chance to do.


Good luck in your quest.
 
Lukaom, WHERE ARE YOU???
Come and take this good advice...take it from someone's who contemplated suicide more than 20 times each year since middle school, and I'm just 19...

when you get to the end of the road and it seemsthe world is better off without you, think about this...

what if your kids always wanted 2 get 2 know you...but bcuz u were scared, u robbed them of a dad?

not 2 make u feel guilty, but u can't think about yourself onl, we here ALL love you and if you'd open up(not tell people all your problems-2 many people like 2 gossip) but just don't be afraid 2 ask for help...

reach out 2 your kids...but first reach out 2 yourself and realize ou are needed on this planet...it seems bleak, but you MUST believe that it's gonna get better, take it from a pessimist who wakes up every morning shocked 2 still be alive....

it WILL get better, if we didn't have hope, we'd all have taken our lives already...and DON'T think you're the only one going thru this...there are others who have experienced it and the advice here seems like a great start....so...how r u?
 
Suicide is no answer. If those are even fleeting through your mind at this time, then get on the phone with a counselor now.

I'm a true believer in the idea that where god closes a door he opens a window. I'm not a religious person, but I believe that that sentiment is 100% true. You never know what the future holds, and the one for you might be right around the corner.

You're not too old. We live long lives now. You can date in your 40s and 50s. That's totally okay!

You've gotten a lot of good advice in this thread - hope you'll listen to some of it and put it into action.

I'm sorry, I hate to be blunt, but I think that suicide is a coward's way out.
 
Having worked with kids whose parents killed themselves, I will tell you that they never really recover from that. They feel hurt, angry and deserted for the rest of their lives. It leads many of them to worry about their own mental health, and it predisposes many of them to consider suicide as a viable way out if they experience their own depressive states. If you cannot love yourself enough right now to stay alive, you must consider how much you will damage them FOR LIFE.

If you care for your wife, you must also consider her feelings. She is hurt and most likely feels betrayed, but if you take your own life, you will have robbed her the chance to be able to recover and potentially forgive you some day. She is already in pain, and doing this would only deepen that pain for her.

Being gay is not a death sentence. Many of us did not embrace our sexuality until later in life, and as long as you are alive, accepting yourself is still an option. As one poster revealed above, the idea that you cannot find later in life is false. It can happen, but only if you are willing to let it.

I urge you to read what is found on this site, created for those who are contemplating suicide:

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

It's one of the best sites on the internet to start someone off on his or her journey to stay alive. I also urge you to find someone to talk to--a therapist or doctor to let a professional know how you are feeling.

It IS worth working through the pain to have a chance to be happy. It is important to leave your children a legacy of love with your continued presence in their lives, instead of a legacy of pain that will never heal. Please listen to the men on this board, many of whom have experienced similar feelings as you and have worked through them, or still are. Please choose to live.
 
Lukaom, one big mistake depressed people often make is thinking that the world would be better off without them, and thinking they'd be better off without the world. It's part of the really insidious aspects of depression.

I could tell you a lot of things that negate your assumptions, but they would ring hollow here. One is that you're "getting older." The fact of the matter is that many men get out of unhealthy relationships in their 40's, 50's, 60's, and even older and find themselves much happier for it. Secondly, I also know countless men who formed healthy and fulfilling gay relationships in those decades as well.

But, what you really need to do is visit with a therapist and untangle many decades of feelings and anger and disappointment. Through that process, you need to come to love yourself again and believe in your ability to survive whether you are alone or not. If it comes to be that you're alone, versus being in an unhappy and unfulfilling marriage, then perhaps that's best for you (eventually). But, you have to be happy with yourself first. Once you are, then it becomes secondary as to whether there's a partner. Interestingly, loving yourself in a healthy way makes you that much more attractive to other people, anyway.

Good luck to you. Know that you are not alone out there. Many share your situation. I hope that you're able to get with a good therapist soon to begin sorting all this out.

Keep in touch with us and let us know how you're doing.
 
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