Latino in Closet asking for advice(long post)

[Latino840]

Hello everybody. I was thinking about coming out of the closet to both my family (specifically my mother) and my friends in College. But I am having trouble trying to go about doing it. They are both different situations so I am going to talk about them seperately.

As the thread title and my username suggest I am of Latino decent. I am not sure how it is for people of other races but in the Latino community being gay is very difficult. I was raised only by my mother (which, when my aunts and uncles find out will probably say was a factor in my being gay... which would piss me off) and think that maybe its time I told her. I'm pretty sure she has had her suspicions. Thin is over the years I have heard her say some pretty homophobic things like when I was eleven she once commented to one of my aunts, after a cousin of mine got in trouble for stealing, that if her son ever stole or turned out to be a 'maricon' (spanish word for faggot) she would kick him out of the house. More recently however she seems to be more open minded even goign as far as saying that America should allow gay marriage. This may be a result of living in America, watching A LOT of talkshows that have discussed homosexuality and family, and maybe even her suspicions about me. So does anybody have any advice for me on coming out to my mother?

My second issue is coming out to my friends in College. Growing up I have never had many close friends but once I got to college I made several of them. I have only known them a year and do not think they are suspicious of me being gay. I am still not sure whether any of them are homophobic either. Any advice?

Who should I come out to first?

I'm sorry this was such a long post but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[LatinoSTAR]

Come out to your mother first, she is afterall the person who raised you, she would want to know before anyone else.

It was very easy for my family to accept me for my personal choices.

Its not as bad in the latino community as some would think.....all of my gay latino friends came out to their familys to open and supportive arms, except one....but their family has come to accept it. many people would be suprised at how supportive the Latino community can be when its someone of their own family....

 

[josher]

There is an adage in the gay community that "Mothers always know." I doubt that's always the case, but I think it is very often true. Of course knowing is one thing and wanting to hear it confirmed is another.

Generally speaking I'm all for people coming out as soon as they are comfortable with their sexual identity and with telling others about it.

However, when someone's in college (particularly if their parents are footing the bill and/or they're living at home), I sometimes think it may be better to wait until after graduation, so as to keep both family life and college life less stressful.

As to telling your college friends, I would say in this day and age, if they can't accept you for who you are, they really aren't friends at all. As long as they won't wind up "outing' you to your family members, before you're ready to tell them yourself, I think coming out to friends and acquaintances is good practice for coming out to your family.

 

[EvilForce]

I found it easier to come out to my friends first.

 

[KaraBulut]

Come out to your friends at college. Develop a support network of friends. Figure out who you are and what you want.

Then if you feel ready, come out to your mom. At that point, you'll have friends who know and can support you if things don't go well with your mom.

Since you're in college, if you are not able to financially support yourself then you should wait until you are financially independent before you tell your mom.

 

[muscleboy82000]

I think it depends on your mom and the relationship you have with her. I came out to my mom first. She was awesome about it and said she thought I was. He first question was had I found someone special yet and when I said no, she said why not and I need to get busy!!! LOL.

A few months after coming out to her, she asked if she was the first person I told. It was and I told her and she cried. I asked why and she because because she had created such a close relationship with me that I felt that I needed to tell her first .

 

[ShamWow]

I'm Latino and gay and everyone has accepted me with open arms. *Thank God!*

 

[megustamyn]

I am Latino man and have also been an activist and service provider in the gay community for many years. My sense is that most parents know, often before their children do. Not all parents are ready to talk about it and some prefer never to talk about it even when they accept it as part of their lives. You know your mom best and will have a better sense than anyone else as to what her feelings on the subject may be. From what you have told us, I think that she’s ready and that she will be supportive.

Depending on your situation, it may be helpful to have supportive friends if things don’t go well. Most colleges have gay/straight alliances, groups in which gay people and their supporters can talk about different things and work on various projects. You might want to find out if your school has such a group.

New York City has a wonderful gay community center, http://www.gaycenter.org/, located at 208 W 13th St in the Village. There are dozens of groups that meet there and they provide many services to the community. The Center was very important part of my coming out. You might be interested in getting information from PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), http://www.pflagnyc.org/. They meet at the center and have both English and Spanish language groups. PFLAG has great resources for gay youth and their families. You might want to read some of them online so you can be ready to answer your mom’s questions or provide her with resource material.

Like most Latino families, mine is an extended family. There are six generations from my 95-year-old great aunt to my brother’s great grandchildren. There are many out gay people in the family. I was the trailblazer but I never had any problems. My mom, who is still active in ministry at the age of 89, loves my partner.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.