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Leading With My Dick

F

Fiorino

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Don't beat yourself up too much, you were 15 at the time and had no def. proof the boy was yours, Just go ahead with your DNA testing and then take it from there. I think you have to be careful, make no commitments to the boy, just get the test done and if it proves he is your son, meet with him and have a good conversation without making any promises, feel him out and see what he is looking for, also if the test proves he is your son you may want to consult an attorney. You never mentioned the boys age, maybe he may be of legal age and is just looking for some stability. Take it slow, and easy. Sounds like you have good support with Mike, make sure you keep him fully informed of what happens between you and the boy. Good luck and welcome to SanDiego, I have lived here over 12 years and love it.
 
FRZBGLFR:

A while back, I several threads of your posts. I've known a lot people over the years who have had complicated lives and certainly yours has been on up there on the "complicated" scale.

There is not much that anyone can do to fix the past. This is a mixed bag. On the down side, it's unfortunate because it means that you cannot go back, undo things that you did nor can you "unhurt" people that you have hurt in the past. On the good side, it forces you to move forward in life and not live in the past.

In the end, you can only change what you do today and what you will do in the future.

You have an opportunity here to get to know a young man who could be your child. It is an opportunity for him to get to know you. This is an opportunity to answer a lot of questions that this young man probably has.

Does he need to know about your troubled past? Probably not.

Does your troubled past matter? Only the parts that help him understand why you have not been part of his life until now.

The only person that this young man can get to know is the person you are today. And there's nothing wrong with being a work in progress.
 
I'm glad you're having DNA tests done to confirm, or refute, his assertion. Did he say why he was contacting you? His being 16 could leave you liable for child support (read: college) in most states. Should a DNA test confirm that you are the father, I would consult with an attorney as soon as possible to determine your rights and responsibilities in this case.

Wow, what a phone call! Hope you're doing alright. It must be unnerving, yet exhilarating, at the same time.

Let us know what happens. Good luck!
 
How strange. I was just thinking about you and your family this past weekend, wondering how the move went and how all of you were doing.

That call must have been quite a shock. I was glad to hear you'll do the testing, and yes you need to see a lawyer to find out about your liability.

I'm not sure that you have any legal responsibilities after he turns 18, but as I've said to you before I'm not a lawyer.

The big issue to me is: has anyone told him you've come out and have a male partner? If not, and if he's looking for a father figure, that might be quites a shock for him, particularly, if he's been raised in a conservative or homphobic environment.

Best wishes to you, Mike and your children.
 
I'm sure the call was a shock. But take it from someone who grew up without a father....it can leave a LOT of issues that might be resolved with his getting to know you and UNDERSTAND what happened and why. In the end, he might need what we all need--love.
 
Awwww I think its really amazing.. I mean, really complicated, and I don't think anyone would've wished for this to happen.. But it could turn into a beautiful thing no? Complicated.. But not anyones fault I think. People make mistakes! How was anyone supposed to know?

He is around your age when you got his mother pregnant - I think he would understand. I really hope this situation turns out well for you, Mike, and him. Maybe you three might hit it off really well?

Mike sounds wonderful by the way. I give him kudos.

I don't want to say hang in there, because that sounds a little negative, so I'm just going to say keep up the good work! Whatever happens happens! You know? :)
 
He knows I was married, he knows he has a brother and sister, thats all he needs to know right now.

There's not much value in children knowing the gory details about their parents' past. If they ask, be honest but you're not under any obligation to provide the gory details about your past.

You do have some decisions to make about how much of your current situation you wish to reveal.



Your correct in that this is an amazing opportunity for me to get to know my son. I 100% believe he is mine, without the DNA and Mike agrees because the pictures he sent me are like looking at myself when I was 16.

Well, you'll know soon enough with the paternity tests.




Mike and I have talked alot about it and I am working through those feelings. As for child support, if he turns out to be mine, then I have no problem with that.

In all likelihood, there will not be any financial obligations under law whether you prove to be the biological father or not. Of course, it is up to you to decide whether you want to do the right thing by this young man in the event you are his biological father. The law will probably be a secondary concern in that case.
 
I say stay far away from that as far as possible unless you are ready for a whole new life of responsibility. Dont even say lets get a test just stay away from it!!
 
My, haven't you just had fun in your past.

I don't know what you owe your kid, but you owe his mother about $200,000.00.

If he's a better kid at 15 than you obviously were, you also should thank her for this as well.
 
Quoting rareboy: I don't know what you owe your kid, but you owe his mother about $200,000.00.

Quoting paraman: He doesn't owe his mother anything. She didn't raise him. You would know that if you knew how to read and it looks like you don't.

I'm not sure how rareboy intended the statement but the way that I interpreted it was that he was saying that the kid sounds like he was "raised right"? However, it was mentioned earlier that the grandparents raised him- so they deserve the credit.


I will tell you this, she was a whore then and she is probably still one based on what her parents have told us about her.

Perhaps, but do you want to start a relationship with this young man on the concept that he's the child of a whore?
 
KaraBulut said:
Perhaps, but do you want to start a relationship with this young man on the concept that he's the child of a whore?
Click to expand...

Correction: He's the child of two young people who had consensual sex

I applaud FRZBGLFR for taking responsibility
 
Wow - this sounds complicated. I can imagine wanting to get to know the boy (after all, he is half yours) - but it is hard to not believe that someone won't be wanting a lot of money out of this. Hope this is not the case, but it does sound like it won't be a simple reunion.


Good luck.
 
I admire you for being such a stand-up guy. I hope that this goes well for you.
 
Well, he owes whoever did raise the kid about 200 grand.

So what is that he's looking for here? Advice? Forgiveness? A pat on the back?

Someone to say it was okay because he was a kid?

Because she was a whore?

I hope that the kid turns out fine. I hope he loves his dad. I hope he forgives his father and his mother.

I've just had a look at my own life by the way. Didn't find any stray sprog or leftover wives.
 
Quoting Paraman: I will tell you this, she was a whore then and she is probably still one based on what her parents have told us about her.

Quoting Kara: Perhaps, but do you want to start a relationship with this young man on the concept that he's the child of a whore?

Quoting FRZBGLFR : You know he has told me alot about his mom, and his grandmother has also. I make it a point not bad mouth her, after she is his mother and I don't want influence his feelings/view of her. I think Mike got a little on the defense. He is just being his protective self

Good- you understand that you don't want this young man to be in the middle of any mud that you and his mother might be tempted to fling at each other.

Paraman is understandably being protective of you. But this young man is not an adult who is prepared to deal with the complex past of either of his parents.

I'm not sure that referring to anyone's mother as a whore is healthy but certainly not wise if he could soon be a surrogate parent to your child.
 
FRZBGLFR said:
We got the DNA test back the other day and it said Inconclusive, they said that it meant I wasn't the father, but they wanted to do a 2nd test. The 2nd test came back and said Excluded, and I was a bit sad because I wasn't the dad, and a little upset for him that he would have to find out who his dad is. Well I got another call today and it said that the final test results were inclusive, which means. HE IS MY SON!
Click to expand...

damn I have been around these situations a long time includuing in a law office and I have never heard of a , and I am not familiar with a test that says "inclusive" other than there is a possibility, not a fact but then there are the two excluded tests

it just makes no sense to me, sorry
 
We got the DNA test back the other day and it said Inconclusive, they said that it meant I wasn't the father, but they wanted to do a 2nd test. The 2nd test came back and said Excluded, and I was a bit sad because I wasn't the dad, and a little upset for him that he would have to find out who his dad is. Well I got another call today and it said that the final test results were inclusive, which means. HE IS MY SON! Very happy. I talked with him earlier and he is happy. I did ask if I could come and visit him this weekend and his grandparents agreed.

From a medical standpoint, I am confused by this also. DNA testing in a single father candidate to son- even absent a maternal calculation specimen- it is pretty straight forward and accurate. I've never seen a case where there was an "exclude" followed by "include". What tests did they do?
 
I would do a 3rd test with a different lab. Make sure the lab is certified by the AABB certified.
 
Congrats! I hope and pray that this works well for you both. Give him love and receive it from him, he has a lot to give as you do. It is never too late to make up for lost time. I just found out I have a Brother and sister I never knew I had. I have launched a private detective investigation in an attempt to locate or both. you have my respect for stepping up to the plate.....
 
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