secondmonkey
JUB Addict
Maybe he's not gay? Or bi? Some gay guys get girlfriends just so people don't think they're gay.
And yes, I'm in a vaguely similar situation, but there's not much I can tell you. It sucks...but you already know that.
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Left for boot camp
- Thread starter secondmonkey
- Start date
Maybe he's not gay? Or bi? Some gay guys get girlfriends just so people don't think they're gay.
And yes, I'm in a vaguely similar situation, but there's not much I can tell you. It sucks...but you already know that.
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Guys do things with guys which can be unexplicable. But that doesn't mean they're gay. Sometimes part of life is finding out where one fits, and sex is sometimes like that. Even though you've not done anything together sexually, the contact/time you've spent together is social learning.
Perhaps you're desiring more from your 'relationship' from him than can be realistically be expected. Depression sets in when you know you can't have what you desire. Start to move on and seek out something else worthwhile rather than something unattainable.
Perhaps you're desiring more from your 'relationship' from him than can be realistically be expected. Depression sets in when you know you can't have what you desire. Start to move on and seek out something else worthwhile rather than something unattainable.
He is off on his adventure, it is time for you to be off on your new life adventure too.
He has gone his way, you go yours.
He has gone his way, you go yours.
edalseven look at this way.
All your past experiences about whether you can "move on" have been based off your past experiences. In your past experiences you and your best friend were on the "same path of life," the same adventure, or at least a similar path that shared a lot of rest stops.
Well now this is going to change, your friend is going to boot camp, you are not. You are now going to take a different path, a different adventure than he is. This doesn't mean you still can't be friends, and that you still won't care about him. It does mean though your relationship is going to fundamentally change.
If your relationship is going to fundamentally change, basing your observations on the past won't be a good predictator of the future.
Edalseven you are going to move on if you like it or not. If you don't move on you will face disastrous consequences, depression, attempted suicide, or you trying with all your might to pretend the world never changed when it did thus a life of denial. You are going to move on edalseven, there is a theroetical possibility that you don't have to, but the real possibility is "moving on is inevitable."
Moving on doesn't have to be a bad thing. You learn to treasure what was, what is, and what will be. Your best friend is still a close friend is he not? This doesn't have to change unless you don't want to
All your past experiences about whether you can "move on" have been based off your past experiences. In your past experiences you and your best friend were on the "same path of life," the same adventure, or at least a similar path that shared a lot of rest stops.
Well now this is going to change, your friend is going to boot camp, you are not. You are now going to take a different path, a different adventure than he is. This doesn't mean you still can't be friends, and that you still won't care about him. It does mean though your relationship is going to fundamentally change.
If your relationship is going to fundamentally change, basing your observations on the past won't be a good predictator of the future.
Edalseven you are going to move on if you like it or not. If you don't move on you will face disastrous consequences, depression, attempted suicide, or you trying with all your might to pretend the world never changed when it did thus a life of denial. You are going to move on edalseven, there is a theroetical possibility that you don't have to, but the real possibility is "moving on is inevitable."
Moving on doesn't have to be a bad thing. You learn to treasure what was, what is, and what will be. Your best friend is still a close friend is he not? This doesn't have to change unless you don't want to
spreadeagle
JUB Addict
You say you think about him every day as if the power of thought was something over which you have no control. This is the opportunity to start learning a lesson that, if you can master it, will allow you to steer your life in any direction you want.
Thoughts always precede emotions and actions. Most people can understand the 'action' part: you have to have the idea of doing something before you can put it into practise. Unless you're crazy you don't suddenly find yourself driving down the road or shopping in the mall without having thought about doing it first.
That thought precedes emotion is a more difficult concept to grasp. When you're angry with someone the anger doesn't arise without there being a background thought: 'he hates me I'll show him', 'I want to hurt him so much', 'I AM good enough', 'I feel rejected' etc. Similarly, feelings of love and desire arise from thoughts like ' he makes me feel complete','he's so hot', 'I'd be perfect for him', 'I'm so lonely' etc.
You think about him all the time because it's your habit to think about him. When you catch yourself thinking about him try and isolate the underlying thought process: 'I'm lonely and bored', 'I feel rejected', 'my life has no meaning', 'I don't fit in' and so on. Those are the issues you need to address, they are not something that the presence or absence of another person can resolve. You need to programme yourself with the thoughts you want to think, not just run the same mindless tape over and over in your head.
A religious homophobe can never be an appropriate sexual partner for a gay man.
Thoughts always precede emotions and actions. Most people can understand the 'action' part: you have to have the idea of doing something before you can put it into practise. Unless you're crazy you don't suddenly find yourself driving down the road or shopping in the mall without having thought about doing it first.
That thought precedes emotion is a more difficult concept to grasp. When you're angry with someone the anger doesn't arise without there being a background thought: 'he hates me I'll show him', 'I want to hurt him so much', 'I AM good enough', 'I feel rejected' etc. Similarly, feelings of love and desire arise from thoughts like ' he makes me feel complete','he's so hot', 'I'd be perfect for him', 'I'm so lonely' etc.
You think about him all the time because it's your habit to think about him. When you catch yourself thinking about him try and isolate the underlying thought process: 'I'm lonely and bored', 'I feel rejected', 'my life has no meaning', 'I don't fit in' and so on. Those are the issues you need to address, they are not something that the presence or absence of another person can resolve. You need to programme yourself with the thoughts you want to think, not just run the same mindless tape over and over in your head.
A religious homophobe can never be an appropriate sexual partner for a gay man.
mexamor
Sex God
Well, there isn't much to add here other than the advise is good, follow it and be happy. Find your own life, walk forward. It feels like you are alone, but you are not. Feel free to go out and make some mistakes and a few successes on the way.
